If you or your partner struggle with intimacy or find it difficult to communicate your desires, you may want to seek the advice of a qualified sex therapist. It can be a tricky and delicate subject, so if you’re not ready to share your intimate moments with a relative stranger, these sex therapy books may be a good starting point.
General Sex Therapy Books
Sex is an important part of an intimate relationship, so if you and your partner are looking to improve your sex life, it’s worth putting in some time to learn all you can. These books let couples tackle sexual complications together and can accompany sex therapy or other therapeutic processes.
1. Contemporary Sex Therapy: Skills in Managing Sexual Problems
A comprehensive, modern guide to sex therapy, including gender identity, contemporary relationships, and the unique struggles they face. This book is good for those looking to address modern issues like porn-related sexual dependency, sexual trauma, and more.
Contemporary Sex Therapy not only outlines common problems but how they arise, focusing on each partner’s experience and allowing space for the wide variety of experiences available.
2. Expanding the Practice of Sex Therapy: An Integrative Model for Exploring Desire and Intimacy
This book from Dr. Gina Ogden won the 2014 AASECT Professional Book Award, the same organization we recommend ensuring your sex therapist is certified with. While written for therapists, you and your partner may still benefit from Dr. Ogden’s rounded-out approach, which moves beyond performance goals and behavioral treatments and considers the full range of the sexual experience.
3. Boxes and How We Fill Them: A Basic Guide to Sexual Awareness
While not a replacement for therapy, AASECT certified sex therapist Kristen Lilla still offers a solid groundwork for opening up communication about your sex life: How much you’re having, what kind you’re having, and what you need. She addresses everything from desire discrepancy to erectile dysfunction with exercises and techniques to help couples overcome them.
4. Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect
Trauma specialist Ruth Cohn dives into how trauma, neglect, and other adverse childhood experiences can shape sexuality as adults. It’s not uncommon for adults in these situations to suffer problems in their relationships and sexual experiences. Cohn offers insight, advice, and practical help for couples where one or both partners were impacted by childhood trauma.
5. Couples by Intention: Creating and Cultivating Relationships that Matter
You’d be surprised how often sex isn’t the problem, or the solution, when it comes to marriage issues. Fostering intimacy goes beyond lighting candles and putting on soft music; successful couples create lasting relationships with intention. Actively listening and sparking curiosity in the everyday moments often inspire desire in the private ones.
This book follows several couples as they engage in group counseling and offers an intimate view of what it takes to communicate in the hard times and keep your love alive over the years.
6. Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her): A Guide For Your Journey Through The Transformational Fires Of Love & Intimacy
Choose Her Every Day (or Leave Her) by Bryan Withrow Reeves is about one man’s journey toward learning how to thrive in love, sex, and intimacy. Reeves shares lessons learned through personal experience and his job as a relationship coach, including segments and highlights from his viral blog that reaches millions every day. Consider this an anthology of insight, practices, tools, and best-kept secrets for navigating the highs and lows of love and intimacy.
7. His Needs, Her Needs: Making Romantic Love Last
Author Willard F. Harley Jr. uses his book, His Needs, Her Needs, as a space to identify and explore the ten most vital romantic needs of men and women, and how anyone can make their marriage “sizzle” by satisfying those needs. It is possible to make romantic love last, according to Harley, by becoming irresistible to your partner, loving them creatively, and eliminating the common issues that lead to conflict. This popular book will help you do just that!
8. Sex Without Stress: A Couple’s Guide to Overcoming Disappointment, Avoidance & Pressure
Jessa Zimmerman says she wrote Sex Without Stress to “bring hope and transformation to all of the couples who are in good relationships but are suffering in their sex lives.” Her straightforward, highly practical book guides readers to better understand the cycle that develops when sex becomes disappointing or difficult. Using a nine-phase experiential process, Zimmerman will change the way you think about intimacy and what it means to grow as a couple.
Sex Therapy Books for Women
Between societal expectations and the “damned if you do, damned if you don’t,” mentality some have toward women’s sexuality, it can be difficult for women to communicate their needs or get them met. These books are directed specifically at women wanting to improve their sex lives.
9. Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—And How to Get It
The orgasm gap is real—according to one study, 64% of women said they had an orgasm at their last sexual encounter, versus 91% of men. Nearly half of women aged 18-35 have trouble reaching orgasm with a partner.
The trick, Dr. Laurie Mintz says, is to better understand how women orgasm versus how men do, and how to create opportunities for equal, more satisfying sex.
10. From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms and Everything In-Between
This book focuses more on the therapist in question but you might still appreciate her honest and heartfelt collection of stories as a sexologist in Singapore.
Dr. Lee shares her personal and professional journey with vulnerability and courage while also offering advice and resources for those looking to do the same. If you’re intimidated by the idea of talking to a sex therapist, perhaps this self-help memoir will open you up to the idea.
Sex Therapy for LGBTQIA+ Individuals
Understanding desires in a society aimed mostly towards heterosexual couples can leave many LGBTQIA+ people left out. While many general sex therapy books can be applicable to any couple, sometimes it’s helpful to have something a bit more catered to your specific situation and needs.
11. Cracking the Erotic Code: Helping Gay Men Understand Their Sexual Fantasies
Clinical sexologist Joe Kort, Ph.D., LMSW, offers a sex help book specifically for gay men in a plethora of heterosexual couple-focused books on the same topic.
Understanding your sexual fantasies as a gay man, Kort says, not only opens you up for a more fulfilling sex life but helps you better understand yourself and how your fantasies came to be.
12. Queer Sex: A Trans and Non-Binary Guide to Intimacy, Pleasure, and Relationships
Written by transgender activist Juno Roche, this book is less about sexual therapy than it is about exploring intimacy and sexual relations for trans and non-binary folks who struggle to find something that echoes their sexual experiences. It also works as a primer for those that have no idea where to start as they continue to explore their gender identity.
Queer Sex may work well as companion reading for trans and non-binary individuals going through therapy while still looking for other community voices to share their stories.
Sex Therapy Books for Men
Men are no strangers to difficulties with their sexuality, from erectile dysfunction to understanding toxic masculinity’s impact on their sex life. These books offer advice and information for men and the specific challenges they face.
13. Coping with Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence and Enjoy Great Sex
Erectile dysfunction is much more than just not being able to sustain arousal. While Viagra and other medications have become popular, renowned sex therapists Barry W. McCarthy and Michael E. Metz argue that the issue is much deeper than that.
McCarthy and Metz encourage couples to partner together to tackle ED, including understanding the relationship, creating game plans for ED moments, and fostering a healthy space for lovemaking.
14. Contemporary Male Sexuality: Confronting Myths and Promoting Change
Sex expert and couples counselor Barry McCarthy and speech communicator Emily McCarthy tackle masculinity and sexuality head-on in this modern guide. It addresses toxic masculinity, the harmful early messages men learn as children, and the damaging effects of societal expectations placed on men and their sexuality.
The McCarthys provide information, resources, and exercises to help couples focus on mutual consent and pleasure that celebrates male sexuality in all its forms.
Sex Therapy Books for Older Adults
15. Couple Sexuality After 60
Barry and Emily McCarthy tackle another common problem plaguing couples’ sex lives; their age. Their book confronts common assumptions that older couples are “too old” to have sex regularly or that sexual expression must be inherently kinky. Instead, they encourage couples to prioritize pleasure with the “Good Enough Sex” practice that takes away the pressure of performing, rather than enjoying sex at the moment.
16. Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage
If you have ever felt like sex wasn’t worth it or that you never wanted to have sex again, you are not alone – and this may be the book for you! Wanting Sex Again says that forty million American women are unhappy with their lack of sexual desire or passion. Fortunately, author Laurie Watson has twenty years of clinical experience and uses this book as a vehicle to share proven psychological methods to restore the thrill of sex. From marriage to motherhood to menopause, Watson covers all the sexual problems that can develop and how to address them.
17. Uncompromising Intimacy: Turn Your Unfulfilling Marriage Into a Deeply Satisfying, Passionate Partnership
Are you in a sexless marriage? Wanting more passion and intimacy and afraid that without it you’ll end up divorced? Do you yearn to fall in love again, be adored, cherished, and enjoy the feeling that comes with knowing your partner is deeply devoted to you? A wife of 24 years and a mother of 4, Alexandra Stockwell MD, started her career as a medical doctor and went on to become a Relationship and Intimacy Expert. She has coached hundreds of men and women to transform their relationships and in this book she will help you too.
You’ll learn how to:
- Escape the trap of being roommates with your spouse
- Make love as if you’re on your honeymoon
- Fall deeply in love again, no matter how distant you are today
- Move from sexless and affection-starved to cherished and adored
- Learn to communicate so you and your partner are working towards the same goals
- Create and maintain a sensual, intimate, dynamic relationship
- Be a role model for your kids so they know what a great relationship looks like
Evoking Brené Brown, Esther Perel, and a voice that is uniquely her own, Alexandra Stockwell’s writing is part inspiration, part practical application, and part invitation to a new world view—one where you get to bring all of who you are into your relationship and be loved because of it.
