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Shyness vs Social Anxiety: Understanding the Difference

Published: January 21, 2022 Updated: June 22, 2022
Published: 01/21/2022 Updated: 06/22/2022
Headshot of Nicole Arzt, LMFT
Written by:

Nicole Arzt

LMFT
Headshot of Meera Patel, DO
Reviewed by:

Meera Patel

DO
  • What Social Anxiety Looks & Feels LikeSocial Anxiety
  • What Shyness Looks & Feels LikeShyness
  • What Are the Main Differences Between Being Shy vs Social Anxiety?Key Differences
  • Examples of the Difference Between Shyness and Social AnxietyExamples
  • Can Shyness Turn Into Social Anxiety?Development
  • Potential Causes of Social AnxietyCauses
  • When Can Therapy Help?Therapy
  • Final Thoughts on Social Anxiety & ShynessConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Shyness vs Social Anxiety InfographicsInfographics
Headshot of Nicole Arzt, LMFT
Written by:

Nicole Arzt

LMFT
Headshot of Meera Patel, DO
Reviewed by:

Meera Patel

DO

Shyness and social anxiety are different, though many people use the terms interchangeably. Shyness is common, and it refers to feeling uncomfortable in social situations. Often, if someone feels shy, they can still motivate themselves to perform when needed. Social anxiety, however, is an anxiety disorder that can affect someone’s quality of life.

BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

What Social Anxiety Looks & Feels Like

People with social anxiety experience feelings of uncertainty and self-consciousness in social interactions. They fear rejection and negative judgment from others. Subsequently, they might avoid certain events or undergo intense anxiety when attending them.

Social anxiety refers to a cluster of physical and emotional symptoms that range from mildly distressing to downright debilitating. Some people experience this anxiety in all social situations. Others may face it in only one or two social settings, such as meeting new people, speaking in public, or going on a date.1

Characteristics of Social Anxiety

Common characteristics of social anxiety include:

  • Persistent fear about embarrassing yourself in front of others
  • Avoiding situations where you worry about being judged
  • Fearing that others will notice your anxiety
  • Avoiding situations where you may be the center of attention
  • Expecting to fail or be humiliated in social interactions
  • Excessively analyzing your performance after a social interaction

Symptoms of Social Anxiety

Symptoms of social anxiety typically emerge during social settings, and could include:2

  • Blushing
  • Racing heartbeat
  • Sweating
  • Nausea
  • Migraines or headaches
  • Chest tightness
  • Panic attacks
  • Dizziness
  • Feeling of numbness

What Shyness Looks & Feels Like

Characteristics of shyness, which include passiveness and limited eye contact, can be mistaken for insecurity, anxiety, or depression; but shyness isn’t necessarily a negative. While some people have a stronger inclination toward shyness, it’s fairly typical to feel uncertain in new situations. The trait often emerges in childhood; some grow out of it and others find their shyness dissipates as they get more comfortable in certain social situations.

Characteristics of Shyness

Common characteristics of shyness include:3

  • Being quiet and passive around others
  • Avoiding or limiting eye contact
  • Avoiding uncomfortable social situations
  • Displaying nervous behaviors, such as touching your face or twirling your hair
  • Feeling like you don’t belong or fit in with others
  • Feeling insecure or annoyed with yourself for being shy
  • Having a desire to be perfect in your social interactions
  • Excessively rehearsing how you want to behave/what you want to say to others
  • Being hesitant to try something new

Symptoms of Shyness

Physical symptoms of shyness include:

  • Blushing
  • Racing heartbeat
  • Sweating
  • Nausea
  • Dizziness

What Are the Main Differences Between Being Shy vs Social Anxiety?

There is quite a bit of overlap between social anxiety and shyness, but shyness is a personality trait that doesn’t require treatment. Social anxiety is a mental health condition that can worsen over time. Someone with social anxiety may feel extremely nervous in social situations, but present as extroverted and confident. Other people might not even be able to detect their anxiety.

Shyness tends to be more apparent, although it often presents as situational. In other words, shyness tends to flare at certain times. A person is more likely to feel shy when they are in novel situations, but as they become accustomed to the event or the people, they feel more at ease. Social anxiety can also be situational, but the anxiety often persists before, during, and after the event.

Examples of the Difference Between Shyness and Social Anxiety

Symptoms of social anxiety and shyness may look different depending on the person’s age and mental health status, but recognizing how they present themselves can help you understand you or a loved one’s well-being.

Examples of Social Anxiety

  1. Doubt and uncertainty: Someone might seek constant validation and reassurance from others or beat themselves up after a performance, even if you thought they did a great job.
  2. Social awkwardness: For example, a person might talk too quickly or slowly. They may interrupt others or only provide very basic, one-word responses because they feel so nervous.
  3. Manifestation of physical symptoms: You might spot someone having a panic attack or turning bright red when talking.

Examples of Shyness

  1. Blending into the background: For instance, a child in school may avoid raising their hand or socializing with others on the playground. They might spend most of their time engaging in solitary activities (like reading) or associating with only one friend.
  2. Avoidance in adults: A shy adult may keep to themselves at work. They may limit social interactions and avoid situations where they need to perform. Usually, they will prefer to spend their time with close friends or family.
  3. Situational: It’s not uncommon for parents to feel confused as to why their bubbly, energetic child is so reserved at school. Similarly, a shy person might be loud and talkative at a party, but only if they know the other people in the room.

Can Shyness Turn Into Social Anxiety?

Shyness can turn into social anxiety if it causes someone to routinely avoid, worry, or analyze social interactions. If someone feels anxious about their shyness, they may develop negative thought patterns about inferiority or incompetence. Over time, these thought patterns can trigger anxiety symptoms.

Social anxiety is common; the research shows that it impacts nearly 7% of the population at a given time.4 This chronic condition can emerge at any point in someone’s life, and may accompany other conditions like depression, anxiety disorders, or substance use disorders.

Potential Causes of Social Anxiety

There isn’t a single cause for social anxiety; instead, researchers have identified several probable risk factors like having family with social anxiety or a history of trauma.5 Shyness alone isn’t an inherent risk, although severe shyness can be an underlying factor. Still, many shy people learn how to adapt to their environments intuitively.

Here are several risk factors for social anxiety:

  • Having a first-degree relative with social anxiety
  • Negative parenting experiences (abuse, overprotection, insensitivity, anxious parenting)
  • Poor attachment to others
  • Having another anxiety disorder
  • History of trauma
  • Poor peer relationships
  • Low self-esteem

When Can Therapy Help?

If you feel insecure or frustrated with how you respond in social situations, it might be time to seek treatment for social anxiety. Over time, you can learn to feel more comfortable around others. For instance, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) focuses on changing negative thought patterns and improving behavioral responses. By learning to do so, you can feel more empowered to handle challenging situations.

If you believe your social anxiety or shyness is connected to a trauma, you may benefit from a structured, trauma-focused treatment like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR). EMDR therapists help clients become less sensitized to distressing material. Over time, traumatic memories may seem less invasive.6

No matter your circumstances, it’s important to choose a therapist who understands your personal experience. You can start by browsing through an online therapist directory and setting up consults with potential candidates.

Remember that it’s normal to feel anxious about starting therapy! This is especially true if you struggle with shyness or social anxiety. Try to accept the fear, but be encouraged that therapy can be very effective. After the first few sessions, the right therapist should be able to support you in feeling safe and comfortable.

Final Thoughts on Social Anxiety & Shyness

Living with social anxiety or shyness may seem frustrating and discouraging. Rest assured that you are not alone in how you feel. Getting support and seeking the right treatment can help boost your confidence. Moreover, talking to a trusted loved one or licensed professional can make a meaningful difference in how you perceive yourself and social situations.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for referrals by the companies mentioned below.

BetterHelp (Online Therapy) – BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Online-Therapy.com – Receive help for anxiety. The Online-Therapy.com standard plan includes a weekly 45 minute video session, unlimited text messaging between sessions, and self-guided activities like journaling. Recently, they added Yoga videos. Get Started

Brightside Health (Online Psychiatry) – If you’re struggling with anxiety, finding the right medication can make a difference. Brightside Health treatment plans start at $95 per month. Following a free online evaluation and receiving a prescription, you can get FDA approved medications delivered to your door. Free Assessment

Headspace (Meditation App) – Headspace is the leading mindfulness and meditation app with over 70 million members. Headspace offers guidance and exercises for all skill levels, including beginners. Free Trial

Choosing Therapy’s Directory – Find an experienced therapist specialising in anxiety. You can search for a therapist by specialty, availability, insurance, and affordability. Therapist profiles and introductory videos provide insight into the therapist’s personality so you find the right fit. Find a therapist today.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp, Online-Therapy.com, Brightside, and Headspace

For Further Reading

  • Best Books on Confidence
  • Loneliness in Young Adults
  • Mental Health America
  • National Alliance on Mental Health
  • MentalHealth.gov

Shyness vs Social Anxiety Infographics

Social Anxiety vs. Shyness: Understanding the Difference Difference Between Social Anxiety and Shyness Symptoms and Characteristics of Social Anxiety

Symptoms and Characteristics of Shyness What's the Difference Between Social Anxiety and Shyness Shyness Can Turn Into Social Anxiety

Potential Causes of Social Anxiety Seeking Therapy for Social Anxiety

6 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Social Anxiety Disorder: More Than Just Shyness. (2021). National Institute of Mental Health. Retrieved from: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/social-anxiety-disorder-more-than-just-shyness/.

  • Social anxiety disorder (social phobia). (2017, August). Mayo Clinic. Retrieved from: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/social-anxiety-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353561.

  • Shyness. (2016, October). TeensHealth. Retrieved from: https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/shyness.html.

  • What is Social Anxiety Disorder? Symptoms, Treatment, Prevalence, Medications, Insight, Prognosis. (2019). Social Anxiety Association. Retrieved from: https://socialphobia.org/social-anxiety-disorder-definition-symptoms-treatment-therapy-medications-insight-prognosis.

  • Social anxiety disorder: A review of environmental factors. (2008, February). Us National Library of Medicine. Retrieved from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2515922/.

  • About EMDR Therapy. (2021). EMDR International Association. Retrieved from: https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/.

update history

We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.

  • Originally Published: June 23, 2021
    Original Author: Nicole Arzt, LMFT
    Original Reviewer: Meera Patel, DO

  • Updated: January 21, 2022
    Author: No Change
    Reviewer: No Change
    Primary Changes: Updated for readability and clarity. Reviewed and added relevant resources.

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Headshot of Nicole Arzt, LMFT
Written by:

Nicole Arzt

LMFT
Headshot of Meera Patel, DO
Reviewed by:

Meera Patel

DO
  • What Social Anxiety Looks & Feels LikeSocial Anxiety
  • What Shyness Looks & Feels LikeShyness
  • What Are the Main Differences Between Being Shy vs Social Anxiety?Key Differences
  • Examples of the Difference Between Shyness and Social AnxietyExamples
  • Can Shyness Turn Into Social Anxiety?Development
  • Potential Causes of Social AnxietyCauses
  • When Can Therapy Help?Therapy
  • Final Thoughts on Social Anxiety & ShynessConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Shyness vs Social Anxiety InfographicsInfographics
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