How to Deal With Rejection: 10 Ways to Move On

The Psychological Effects of Rejection

When we encounter something unpleasant like rejection, our sensory receptors send a message to our brain where the feeling of pain is processed and experienced.¹ Like pain, rejection can also produce and send messages to the brain that trigger negative feelings and responses. The negative feelings associated with rejection come from wanting to belong and to be accepted but not being able to.

People can often experience rejection when relationships are unstable, short term, or if they are unhealthy.² We tend to thrive in relationships that are consistent, warm, and accepting. When these factors are not present in relationships, in addition to feeling rejection, someone can also experience other negative emotions such as depression and anxiety.

What About Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) refers to having a strong emotional reaction when a person feels rejected or like they have failed. This condition is associated with ADHD, and it’s believed that it occurs because of differences in the way some people’s brains are made up. These variations in brain structure can make it extremely difficult for neurodivergent individuals to manage rejection-related feelings and actions, thus causing them to feel a lot more intense reactions to being rejected.³

Feelings Associated With Rejection

Rejection can lead to emotional instability or even mental health concerns.⁴ When people do not feel their emotional needs are being met in relationships and experience rejection, it can have some adverse effects on how they see relationships and how they see themselves.

There are several feelings that accompany rejection which include feelings of jealousy, shame, loneliness, and feeling hurt:

Hurt Feelings

Hurt feelings can develop from unmet expectations or when an individual is intentionally or unintentionally hurt by those who they are in relationship with. When a person is hurt by someone they are close to, the “rejection emotion” is triggered because of the disappointment caused by someone they hold dear to them.⁵

Usually, the closer someone is to you, the more damage they can do to you emotionally. People who feel rejected when their feelings are hurt are usually more vulnerable in close relationships, because they put more into relationships and have higher expectations for these relationships. When these expectations are not met, that is when people are more likely to experience hurt and rejection.

Jealousy

Another response to rejection can be jealousy. An example of jealousy can be when someone has something that you desire, and you feel slighted because you don’t have it, or you are unable to obtain it. This “something” could be some material thing, wealth, talent, status, knowledge, beauty, or even a relationship.

One example of rejection-related jealousy is when a close friend develops a separate close friendship with someone else. The presence of the third person can make the jealous individual feel like their relationship is being threatened and that their relationship could be in danger of disappearing altogether.⁵

Loneliness

Another feeling that can be present when experiencing rejection is loneliness. Many times, when people feel rejected, they may feel that there is no one that may be there for them or who understands them. They may feel that the relationships they have don’t make them feel a part of a community nor do they feel they belong.

Shame

Rejection can also be accompanied by feelings of shame. Shame can be a feeling of embarrassment or disappointment in yourself for not living up to basic expectations you feel you should have been able to live up to.

Shame can also come from feeling that other people judge you in a way that will diminish and devalue who you are as a person.⁵ When people feel they are being judged, this can often lead to feeling rejected because people feel that they are being put on trial or put under a microscope, magnifying their flaws.

Types of Rejection

Some of the more typical examples of rejection are related to job/career advancement, rejection in dating, social rejection, and even self-rejection. Since careers, relationships, and self-acceptance are all vital to the human experience, any form of rejection can be incredibly painful.

Professional Rejection

For the most part, many people will agree that having a job or career supports their livelihood. In addition to providing needs and wants through income, careers can also offer opportunities for growth, advancement, and even financial increase. Jobs can also give people a sense of security and purpose, so not getting a position that one hoped for could feel like rejection.

Rejection in Dating & Relationships

There could be multiple reasons why people may feel rejected by others they want to pursue a relationship with. Maybe they need to get over a crush who doesn’t like them back; or maybe they’ve been dumped by someone they were deeply in love with. People seek out intimate relationships to satisfy emotional needs, so rejection in relationships can feel especially painful and personal.⁶

Social Rejection

When people feel that their social needs aren’t being met, this can lead to feelings of social rejection. When people are socially rejected, it can have a negative influence on their emotions, mental health and physical health.⁴ When people do not fit in socially, it can sometimes lead to isolation, anti-social behaviors or other problematic behaviors.⁴ Also, when people are cast out or ostracized, it can lead to aggressive or even violent behaviors towards others or even themselves.⁴

Self-Rejection

Someone may dislike how they look, dislike their interaction with others, or may tend to be over-critical of themselves. There can be times when rejecting one’s self can even lead to concerning or dangerous behaviors. People who reject themselves often suffer from mental health issues and it was found that there is a high correlation between self- hate and suicidal ideation.^{7, 8} However, that being said, not every individual who has issues with self-rejection struggles with suicidal symptoms. Nevertheless, if not effectively managed, rejection could very well lead to these symptoms.

How to Deal With Rejection: 10 Tips

Dealing with and moving on from rejection can be difficult, but having proper coping strategies and a healthy dose of self-confidence can help. It’s important to be honest about the situation, understand what could have gone better, then make a plan for what you’ll do next time.

Here are 10 tips for dealing with rejection:

1. Be Honest & Accept That the Rejection Happened

Sometimes the shock of a terrible event like rejection can make you go into denial. Although you might rather pretend like it didn’t happen and disregard your feelings, this will only make matters worse and eventually the hurt will intensify. So, instead, take a step back to digest the rejection-related incident—accept that it did occur and allow yourself to experience the associated emotions that come along with that, whether it’s anger, disappointment, or sadness, and tell yourself that it’s OK to feel these negative emotions.

2. Don’t Take It Personally

When people suffer from rejection, they may curl back up into a ball and fear trying something new again because of the disappointment of things not turning out the way they wanted. You can start to overcome rejection by not taking everything personally and by recognizing the context of the situation so you can put yourself back out there when you’re ready.

3. Spend Time Processing Your Emotions

In the immediate aftermath of rejection, you may not be in a mental state to want to deal with your feelings. Rejection is no stroll in the park—it hurts. But turning your back on your emotions isn’t conducive to healing. Give yourself the space to process and reflect on every emotion that you’re truly feeling and list each one as they pop up. Doing this can give you the space you need to regroup and ground yourself so when you’re ready you can cope with the rejection in a more constructive manner.

4. Ask for Feedback When Appropriate

While rejection can feel like a huge blow to your self-esteem, it doesn’t change the fact that it may be a great opportunity to obtain valuable information about ways to improve and grow as a person. When appropriate, go ahead and ask why you weren’t hired, or why your friend stopped talking to you, etc. You may come to learn things about yourself that perhaps you weren’t aware of before, and if you never get a response at least you can move on knowing that you tried your best to give that situation your all.

5. Focus on Your Physical Health

Enduring stressful situations like rejection can weaken your immune system and get you off balance. That’s why it is crucial that you focus on your health more than ever. Try maintaining or strengthening basic habits such as sleep, nutrition, and physical activity. Consider engaging in practices that nurture your mental and emotional health like meditation and relaxation exercises. Staying on top of your health can replenish your inner reserves, which in turn can enable you to deal with the impact of rejection moving forward.

6. Lean On Your Support System

Replenishing your sense of belonging through social connection during challenging situations can be extremely valuable. Don’t hesitate to reach out to trustworthy people like friends, family, or a professional to share about what you are going through and how you plan to cope. Placing yourself in a caring and reassuring environment can make it easier to move past the pain of being rejected, provide the emotional comfort you need, and offer valuable perspectives about your situation.

7. Watch Your Negative Self-Talk

Many people who suffer from rejection may feel like they are worthless or that what they have to offer doesn’t match up with what others can offer. In order to conquer rejection, focus on the characteristics and traits that make you special or valuable. When you only focus on the negative aspects or perspectives about yourself, that is all you can see. Shift your way of thinking from self-criticizing to self-acceptance.⁹ This can be accomplished by practicing having compassion for yourself and allowing room for mistakes to happen.⁹

8. Reframe the Rejection

Sometimes it can be helpful to shift the blame from yourself and identify a more rational way of looking at things. Think about the bigger picture—maybe things worked out the way they were supposed to. You don’t know what could have happened if things had been different, so remove any self-blame.

9. Utilize Problem-Focused Coping

Not dwelling on the rejection-related event can be challenging, but you can shift gears by looking at this as an opportunity for self-improvement. Identify what that is for you, brainstorm about ideas, pick a specific option, and then implement it. Remember, dealing with rejection is a skill that improves with practice. Eventually you’ll realize that working through this event through problem-focused coping mechanisms will make you more resilient and better equipped to handle similar situations or stressors in other facets of your life.

10. Picture Your Next Goal & Try Again

Rejection often paves the way for new opportunities and directions in life. Use this time to envision new goals and aspirations. As you make progress in this journey, review your plan and consider revising your objectives if necessary. The point is to continue moving forward with your life and directing your efforts and mental energy towards your personal growth rather than wallowing in the hurt the rejection has caused you.

Coping With Professional Rejections

Being rejected from a job can have people second-guessing their skills and competency. Rejection from professional advancement can impact someone’s confidence as well as their financial and social status. However, wallowing in your sorrow from not getting the position you wanted can actually hold you back from moving forward.

Here are some tips for moving forward after rejection from a job

• Don’t get in a slump—immediately get back into your job search
• Have a resume editor review your resume and help you create a knockout resume
• Use this time to sharpen your interview skills and to practice selling yourself
• Apply for positions in which your skills are a great match
• If possible, ask for feedback from your interviewer
• Most importantly don’t take it personally and give yourself a break!

Dealing With Rejection in Dating

No matter how much disappointment people face while dating, they still must push past their rejection and learn to utilize skills to increase their chances of meeting the right person.

Here are some tips on coping with disappointments and rejection while dating and pursuing relationships:

• Put yourself out there despite negative experiences you’ve had
• Think more highly of yourself and don’t base your confidence off of what others think
• Be willing to do self-reflection and work on yourself
• Go into dating with high but realistic expectations
• Have the mindset to be accepted and don’t expect to be automatically rejected
• Be open-minded, optimistic, and mentally prepared if things don’t go the way you want them to

Handling Rejection From Social Connections

Not being accepted in certain social settings or circles can impact someone’s self-concept and cause them to feel like an outcast. To cope, people must learn skills to connect better with others and also learn from the rejection that they have received in order to establish better relationships.

Here are some ways to cope with social rejection:

• Find social networking groups online to connect with people locally and/or remotely
• Find local meetup groups to get to meet new people by doing different activities and going to new events
• Identify your interests/hobbies and look for events in the community that reflect your interests
• Become part of social/local/national organizations to connect with others
• Find small groups to connect more intimately with others

Managing Self-Rejection

We have all heard the quote that “we can be our own worst critic.” However, there are some people who can only criticize themselves and always view themselves in a negative light. When love and acceptance of yourself begins, that is when the rejection of yourself can end. People sometimes must start seeing themselves in a better light before expecting others to do so.

Here are some ways for you to start turning your self-rejection into self-acceptance:

• Challenge your inner critic and replace self-loathing thoughts with more positive ones
• Engage in activities you enjoy or excel in to build up your self-worth and confidence
• Learn more about yourself and show yourself compassion
• Look for the positives about you and surround yourself with others who can appreciate your good attributes as well
• Find a therapist to help you work on challenging negative thought patterns about yourself.

Final Thoughts on How to Deal With Rejection

Rejection of any kind can be very painful and can negatively impact your self-esteem or the way you view the world. Rejection is a common part of life and is unavoidable. However, what makes the difference is how you cope or manage your rejection. It’s important to value yourself, be open to new things, and have high expectations, but you should always be prepared for disappointments and maintain expectations that are also realistic. Just remember that being rejected isn’t necessarily a reflection of you, it’s just a reality of life. You can always overcome rejection without letting it overcome you!