10 Symptoms of Daughters of Narcissistic Fathers

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

Despite its stereotype of being mean and ruthless, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is an actual psychiatrist diagnosis that involves more than just being unkind. The symptoms occur on a spectrum, with most people exhibiting at least some of these symptoms at some point in their life. Common traits of a narcissistic father include having a lack of empathy, sense of entitlement, and arrogance – among others.

Common symptoms of NPD include:¹

• Lack of empathy
• Inflated sense-of-self
• Preoccupation with success and power
• Exploitative of others
• Excessive need for admiration
• Sense of entitlement and that they do not have to follow rules
• Frequent jealousy of others
• Illogical belief that others frequently envy them
• Arrogance

10 Symptoms of Daughters of Narcissistic Fathers

The experience of having a narcissistic father impacts a woman in many different ways. The impact of the experience of being raised by narcissists lasts throughout childhood into adulthood. “Parents play an important role in the mental development of a child.”²

Here are ten symptoms of daughters of narcissistic fathers:

1. Extremely Self-Critical

Being self-critical is a common personality trait of daughters of narcissistic fathers. Many experience self-loathing due to the extent of their negative self-talk.

While it is common for the experience of growing up with a narcissistic parent to result in low self worth, it also sometimes results in them developing traits of narcissism in themselves. This can also lead to being extremely self-critical. “Parental narcissism may facilitate the development of narcissistic traits in children. In fathers, this is partly due to narcissistic fathers being more likely to overvalue their children.”³

2. Eager to Please

Growing up with a parent with traits of NPD can often come with unrealistic expectations, and confusing patterns of behavior. This can leave daughters of narcissistic fathers constantly looking for approval that never comes. Not getting the approval needed as a child translates into adults who are always eager to please to experience the approval that they were lacking in childhood.

3. Poor Boundaries

Growing up in a narcissistic family system often leaves survivors with a poor understanding of boundaries- both of ourselves and others. Many have never had an opportunity to even think about what their boundaries are until they spend many years having them violated.

4. Early Sexual Behavior

Girls are more likely to engage in earlier sexual behavior than their peers who did not grow up in dysfunctional or abusive households. Researchers who focus on childhood maltreatment find that it is “significantly associated” with early sexual and risky sexual behavior.⁴

5. Poor Self Esteem

Growing up with someone who has unrealistic expectations often leaves you with the feeling that you disappointed your father. The experience leaves many feeling like they did not do anything right, which impacts self esteem and self worth.

6. Difficulty Advocating for Own Needs

Growing up in a narcissistic family structure makes you neglect your own needs in order to survive the chaos and dysfunction. Asking for your needs met was often met with punishment, or other toxic behaviors, and can leave survivors struggling with how to ask for what they need in adulthood.

7. Guilt When Asking for Help

Children in narcissistic environments have to deny the reality that they are living with because they do not yet have the insight to explain what is wrong. Instead they often blame themselves rather than recognize they need help. “This is why children may find it difficult to reveal problems to outsiders but try to hide their parent’s Illness.”⁵

8. More Likely to Have Unhealthy Relationships in Adulthood

Survivors of dysfunctional environments are more likely to repeat the dysfunctional behaviors in adult relationships. In order to survive the dysfunction, we often had to ignore or even intellectualize bad behaviors. In adulthood, this can lead to ignoring red flags, or even recognizing them but staying anyway in an attempt to “fix” the other person.

9.  Struggles With Addiction & Other Means of Self Soothing

Many survivors struggle with addiction of substances and food later in life. Substance use is often started as a way to self soothe from an environment that seemed unmanageable.

10. Constant Fear of Abandonment

Due to the inconsistent affection and often conditional terms of love and support, many daughters of narcissistic fathers live in constant fear of abandonment of others, which can manifest in romantic relationships, as well as friendships and even work environments.

How to Heal From a Narcissistic Father

Because survivors of narcissistic abuse have such unique experiences, it can be difficult for them to process their experiences with a therapist who does not have adequate understanding and/or training. It is important to find a therapist who specializes in these types of family dynamics, as they will understand narcissistic abuse. The therapeutic relationship is more important than a therapeutic modality, but here are some modalities that are used to help heal survivors.

Here are some ways a daughter of a narcissistic father can heal:

• Trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): TF-CBT is a therapeutic technique that focuses on addressing difficulties that stem from trauma.
• Attachment based therapy: This method of therapy specifically focuses on exploring feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that clients have learned to suppress due to childhood trauma. This treatment addresses and explores early attachment experiences.
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR is a form of therapy that was designed to alleviate the symptoms that come from memories of past traumas. This is great for clients who have post-traumatic stress disorder due to childhood trauma such as surviving in a toxic environment.
• Psychodynamic therapy: This method explores how unconscious motives and traumas contribute to present behaviors and actions.
• Group therapy: In group therapy, people who have a shared experience come together for a group and peer session. This is great for people who have a shared experience of having a parent with a personality disorder.

How to Handle a Narcissistic Father

Many people are unaware they are the victim of narcissistic abuse in childhood until they reach adulthood and are able to get support. This experience can be confusing and even isolating. However, it is important to know how to improve boundaries and communication to ensure that you don’t fall back into a narcissistic abuse cycle. Maintaining emotional distance, having strong and firm boundaries, and prioritizing your own needs are essential.

Ways to handle a narcissistic father include:

Set & Maintain Personal Boundaries

If you grew up in a narcissistic family structure, you most likely were not able to develop healthy boundaries. This can leave you struggling to know what your boundaries are in adulthood, and you may find it difficult to enforce them. Setting boundaries is essential when dealing with any family member with a personality disorder in order to prevent retraumatization and being triggered.

Don’t Feed Into Their Manipulation

It is important to know how to deal with a narcissist, and that includes knowing when they are trying to manipulate you. Perhaps your dad guilt trips you about not visiting for holidays, or makes you feel bad about who you are dating. Knowing when he is trying to manipulate you is key to preventing being sucked into the cycle.

Prioritize Self-Care

Taking time for yourself is important. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family dynamic, taking time for self care might not have been allowed, or you may have been guilt tripped about it. A toxic family relationship leaves an impact on both your emotional and mental health. Because of this, be sure to focus on fulfilling your own needs by practicing emotional self-care.

Know When to Distance Yourself

Knowing when to distance yourself from the relationship with your narcissistic father will help protect you from future disappointment and emotional pain. For some, this means limiting contact to other times and situations that work for them. For others, this means going no contact. Only you know what is right for you and for your only mental health.

Have Realistic Expectations

Ultimately, remember that this person is not likely to change who they are. Many people ask if a narcissist parent can change. If the individual is committed to change and growth, then change and healing could be possible. However, most times the person is not, and thus this expectation can set you up for disappointment.

Validate Your Truth

Ultimately, honor your experiences and your truth. One of the clear signs of dealing with a parent with a personality disorder is their lack of empathy and awareness of their own actions. It is very common for narcissistic fathers to deny your reality and even engage in narcissistic projection, thus blaming you for the dysfunction. Remember that you were a child and were powerless over any unhealthy family dynamics.

Practice Improving Communication

Being raised with unhealthy communication dynamics of triangulation, gaslighting, and other passive aggressive methods can leave you struggling to develop healthy communication with others in your life. Improving communication is a lifelong process, rather than a single achievement.

Know When to Get Help

Knowing when to seek additional support is crucial. Many people who survived childhood maltreatment and dysfunction struggle to recognize when they need help. Often there is guilt associated with asking for help, along with shame for not having been able to handle whatever is going on. There is no shame in asking for help.

When to Seek Professional Support

Many people ask if therapy can help improve narcissistic family structures. If the individual is committed to change and growth, then change and healing could be possible. However, most times the person is not, and thus family therapy is not recommended.

Professional support is usually focused on helping the survivor develop ways to move forward. The goals of treatment usually consist of developing insight into the unhealthy and abusive dynamics that they experienced, and learning how to break those patterns to develop healthier ones. Look for a therapist who specializes in family trauma and/or narcissistic family systems in an online therapist directory or online therapy platform.

In My Experience

As a therapist who works with survivors of family trauma, as well as a survivor myself, I have a lot of experience working with survivors of narcissistic parents. Because survivors of narcissistic abuse have such unique experiences, it can be difficult to find people who understand the dynamics of these family systems. It is important to take time to validate your own truth and work on the ways that you may engage in self gaslighting.