When to End a Friendship: 7 Signs to Look For

What Does a Healthy Friendship Look Like?

A healthy friendship is one that is mutually beneficial and makes you feel content with who you are as a person. Having positive friends increases the happiness in a person’s life, their ability to develop emotional intimacy, and opportunities to receive support. Friends are often the first people you call when something is wrong, as they can help you through the situation and provide much-needed guidance when you need it. Likewise, they know they can rely on you emotionally, too.

7 Signs You Should End a Friendship

As much as a good friendship can uplift you, a bad one can impact you just as greatly. Not only can they let you down in tough situations, but a negative or toxic friend can also emotionally drain you and leave you feeling empty. However, it is best to cut ties in these instances to save yourself from further harm and grief.

The following are seven signs it may be time to end a friendship:

1. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

It is important to have healthy boundaries in any type of relationship, and if your friend constantly disrespects yours, it may be time to break things off. This is a clear sign that they do not value your needs or wants. If addressing and discussing this issue with your friend does not improve the situation, it is evident that they do not respect you as much as you may have thought.

2. They Gossip Too Much

Almost everyone engages in some light gossip from time to time. However, finding out that your friend is constantly talking about you behind your back is never okay. Gossip not only affects the friendship but also your reputation and other relationships.

Additionally, if they are coming to you consistently with all the latest and juicy “tea” on others, this may indicate they are doing the same about you. Trying to start drama with others is never good, and can be exhausting and overwhelming if you are brought into it.

3. They Don’t Keep Communication Open

We all have experience with that one friend who only calls when they need something, yet are entirely unavailable or disinterested when asked for the same from them. Over time, this behavior can become disheartening and it can start to feel like you’re in a fake friendship.

Now, if this goes as far as randomly ghosting you without explanation, only to reappear weeks or even months later, this is unfair to you. Unless they have a good explanation for their absence, it might be worth figuring out what this friendship means to you. Remember, you do not have to put up with being tossed aside.ews,” this can get old quickly.

4. They Don’t Accept You as You Are

Friendships should make you feel good about yourself, not bad. If you have a friend who is constantly criticizing you, this is verbal abuse and a definite sign that it is time to end the relationship. They may ridicule you about your gender, sexuality, faith, or anything else that they do not accept. Our friends should accept who we are and provide a safe space for us to be ourselves. If you do not feel whole-heartedly accepted, this friendship is likely not genuine or safe.

5. They Guilt Trip You

A manipulative friend will use guilt trips to meet their needs. If this behavior happens occasionally, it may be worth addressing it with the person to see if they are even aware of it. Sometimes, a friend may unknowingly do this, so offer them the chance to change their behavior. However, if it continues, it can become difficult to maintain the friendship. Furthermore, if they attempt to guilt trip or pressure you into using substances, starting a diet, or engaging in certain activities you are not comfortable with, this is not acceptable.

6. They Are Emotionally Draining

Do you have one of those friends who make you feel absolutely emotionally and physically drained? If this sounds familiar, your friend may be an energy vampire. While a person is rarely an energy vampire on purpose, being depleted after interacting with a friend is probably a sign that the relationship is on the rocks.

7. They Are Constantly Competing Against You

Sometimes, it is normal to have some healthy competition in a friendship, as it can make things interesting and fun. However, not everything should be like a game of basketball. If you feel like your friend is constantly trying to one-up you with their achievements, problems, or “good news,” this can get old quickly.

What to Expect at the End of a Friendship

Ending a friendship is never easy, especially if your friend reacts poorly to the decision to distance yourself. During this time, it is important to focus on your reasons for ending the relationship and remind yourself of these. Maintaining your own well-being should be your first priority.

From Your Friend

A friend who is being “broken up” with may have one of many reactions to the news, ranging from anger to apathy. While for the most part, people are entitled to their emotions and allowed to express them, it is important to be prepared if your friend becomes hostile or aggressive.

A friend may react to the end of a friendship by:

• Acting like they don’t care
• Playing the victim
• Trying to manipulate you back into friendship.
• Expressing hurt or pain
• Becoming upset or defensive

From Yourself

Even if the decision needed to happen for your own mental health or peace of mind, ending a friendship can still bring with it a variety of emotions. You might feel sad, guilty, angry, lonely, or even relieved. However, avoid focusing on seeking revenge or ruminating on the relationship, and instead focus on moving forward in a healthy way.

How to End a Friendship Politely

When ending a friendship, it is important to do so in a safe and respectful way. Even if you are upset, being mean or nasty to a friend will only worsen the situation. However, if you feel threatened, know that it is okay to cut contact immediately without alerting them beforehand.

Below are some ways to end a friendship in healthy ways:

• Talk to them: Having a conversation with your friend might be the best way to work through and handle the situation. Sometimes, both people can come to the decision to distance themselves in an amicable way.
• Go no contact: You may decide to go “no contact” if your friend is dangerous or abusive, and you feel you are unable to end the friendship safely without retaliation.
• Let it fade out: In some cases, distancing yourself from the friend is the easiest way to dissolve a friendship, as it lets the relationship naturally fade without placing blame on either side.
• Be direct: Sometimes being direct and forthcoming helps prevent avoidance or passive-aggressive behaviors, and is often the fairest to the other person.
• Say you’re “focusing on yourself”: If you feel your friend will not be receptive to how their behavior has affected you, it may be okay to end things by saying something like, “I just need to focus on my own mental health for a while.”

When Therapy Can Help

Sometimes therapy can be beneficial when grieving and healing after the end of a friendship. Therapists can help you recognize and develop boundaries, improve communication skills, develop coping skills, and increase self-awareness moving forward in your future relationships. There are many different methods available, so finding the right therapist can help you determine what kind of therapy you need. For those who need it, online therapy options are available as well.

In My Experience

In my experience working with relationship and trauma survivors, ending any kind of relationship has its difficulties. Throughout our lives, many of us will come across friends who behave in unhealthy ways. And while not all of us will be guilty of this, it is common to occasionally exhibit these behaviors ourselves as we grow and mature. For this reason, it is important to take feedback from others if we behave in a way that hurts them and to also be considerate when ending a friendship with someone who is the one hurting you. You never know–your kindness could be the reason why this person seeks support and becomes a more self-aware friend.