Wondering why everyone is so mean to you can be a terrible thought. Most times, others are mean because of what is occurring in their own life, and less often does it have to do with you. Common reasons people are mean include they have a need to gain power, they feel threatened, or they struggle to regulate their emotions.
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Why Is Everyone So Mean to Me?
Meanness someone displays is rarely about you and more about themselves.1 There are many reasons why people are mean. When someone is being mean to you, it can be helpful to reflect on what is going on for them that is causing them to take their anger out on you. This can help you not internalize the meanness, and you may even develop empathy for the other individual.
Here are twelve reasons why people are so mean to you:
They Feel Threatened
When a person feels threatened by you, their response may be to defend themselves, and this often comes across as being mean. A person might think that because you are naturally good at something, they cannot co-exist in the same space, especially if they are doing something similar. This can lead them to feel they need to be defensive and may resort to meanness to stand their ground.
They Are Experiencing Chaos at Home
A person experiencing chaos at home might have difficulty being kind to anyone, and you might just be the person present at the wrong place. When someone is experiencing chaos at home, they might have difficulty regulating their emotions, and if they feel slightly irritated or triggered, they may explode at whoever is surrounding them.
They Have Been Bullied in the Past
A person who has been bullied in the past might be mean to you as a defense mechanism. Someone who has been bullied often will be mean as a sense of power to feel that they have gained control back in their lives by being mean to others. It’s a protection response for them and an attack response on you.
They Struggle to Regulate Their Emotions
A person who struggles with emotional regulation may become mean to you if they do not know how to navigate the intense emotions they feel, even if the emotions are not brought on by their relationship with you. The difficulty with regulating emotions can lead to impulsive remarks. This person might lack healthy coping skills which often results in mean behavior.
They Are Struggling With Their Mental Health
A person struggling with their mental health may be mean if their disorder is out of control. Anxiety can make a person on edge at all times, and they may react to you if something you say and do unknowingly triggers them. Alternatively, mood disorders such as borderline personality disorder can cause a person to be emotionally unstable and difficult in relationships. Depression can be so overwhelming that someone has difficulty seeing how their actions hurt others. make a person a person
They Are Prejudiced
Prejudices influence how people interact with one another and could explain why people are engaging negatively with you. If an individual has racist, religious, or LGBTQIA prejudices, they may act on these beliefs and be harmfully mean when interacting with you. If this occurs, it is important to vocalize that this is happening to those around you and seek support from loved ones, allies, and individuals in your work or school environment.
They Are Projecting Insecurities
A person will project their insecurities through being mean to others when they may feel threatened by you. They might feel inadequate to you in a particular setting or activity and are quick to anger within that space. When they project, they defend themselves and their feelings, and you inevitably and unfairly become their target.
They Lack Self-Awareness
When someone is being mean to you, it could be just because they don’t know how mean they are! When a person lacks self-awareness, it could be that they don’t realize what they say is damaging to others around them. While it does not excuse the behavior altogether, it does give a reason that their meanness is about them and not you.
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There Is a Misunderstanding
Difficulties in communication between people can often cause others to be mean to you and, in turn, make you feel hurt and disregarded. It could be that the comments said by other people were not made with harm or ill will, but you are feeling that they are and feel that negativity is aimed your way. If you are a highly sensitive person, then you are at an increased risk of being sensitive when a misunderstanding occurs.
They Feel Pressured by Social Dynamics
A person who is mean to others might be doing so because of the pressure of keeping up with a group of other people. A person may feel that they need to be mean in order to hold status in a group of others or to feel in power or charge. Unfortunately, people often think that meanness is something that society and others might expect of them, and they feel that they need to live up to this pressure.2
Your Habits Hurt Them
If you are hurting someone, they might be mean to you as a defense. Individuals can retaliate against the pain you have caused in an attempt to make you feel the pain you have caused them. It is important to break this cycle of hurt by reflecting on your actions, acknowledging that you have hurt this person, and changing your behavior in the future.
They are Jealous
It can often be that a person is envious of who you are because of what you have accomplished or the items you have. This leads a person to be mean or resentful to you because they do not have what you have. A person might see themselves as inferior for not having what you have and react to these feelings of jealousy by trying to make you feel bad about yourself.
How to Cope with Everyone Being So Mean
When a consistent amount of people are being mean, it can feel overwhelming, and you may start to isolate yourself to avoid their mean behaviors. You might begin to develop depression and anxiety or develop a low self-esteem.3 When everyone is being mean, learning healthy coping skills to protect yourself is important.
Here are some ways to cope with everyone being so mean:
Identify Why They Are Being So Mean to You
Take note of when a person is being mean and attempt to figure out why they are being mean. Look at other people’s behavior patterns and find any commonalities in what might be the reason others are being mean. Once you have identified a reason, and the reason not being anything you can change, it helps you not to internalize the meanness.
Develop a Self-Care Routine
A good self-care routine can help when others are mean to you. This allows you to give more time to yourself and less energy towards trying to ruminate on the other person’s actions. A good self-care routine can include taking an extra long shower, eating nutritious meals, and journaling or brain-dumping your thoughts. All of these activities have the opportunity to be independent and allow you to connect with yourself.
Learn How to Love Yourself
Learning to love yourself can help you not to internalize the meanness of others because you have a solid foundation of confidence. Reflecting on your strengths and accomplishments will allow you to recognize that what others say is not necessarily the truth of you. Learning to love yourself is a continuous journey that can help you in many aspects of your life.4
You can learn to love yourself by journaling and writing down what you liked about yourself that day. Giving yourself the time to reflect on the qualities and characteristics of who you are will help you start loving all parts of yourself.
Talk It Out in Therapy
Therapy can benefit a person who struggles with everyone being mean to them. Taking the time to work with a therapist can help identify patterns of how others have been mean and how to avoid being severely impacted by this. Your therapist will help you to identify ways to encourage self-care and avoid internalizing the thoughts of others.
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Set Boundaries
Set boundaries to determine your actions when someone is mean to you. Setting boundaries helps you define the limits of what you will and will not accept from others. When you define your boundaries, you can make choices and changes that will help you know how much time to spend with other people who may have hurt you.
Focus on Your Strengths
Focusing on your strengths when others are being mean to you can be done by reflecting on what you bring to relationships. This will help you remember that not all people think ill of you or are actually mean or mad at you. When you focus on your strengths, you can recognize your positive impact on relationships.5
Practice Empathy
When you practice empathy, you put yourself in the shoes of others, including the person being mean to you. This will allow you not to be reactive to the situation and instead show compassion for why they might be acting the way they are. This does not excuse the behavior but leaves space for one another to understand each other.
Engage In Positive Relationships
Take time to look at the relationships you have with other people. Notice the positive relationships you have in your life and what joy those people might bring you. Focus on these relationships rather than filling your time and space with other people who are being mean to you so you do not fall into a pattern of feeling hurt.
Prepare a Response, Not a Reaction
Learn your communication style by preparing for a response, not a reaction. This means practicing active listening in other relationships to respond to other people rather than reacting to what a person is saying. By responding in this way, you are less likely to feel on the defensive and less likely to feel anxious.
Meditate on Letting Go
Internalizing negativity because others are mean to you will keep you in an emotionally negative space and impact other relationships. Take time to meditate and engage in mindfulness to be aware of the specific things you want to let go of. Set your mind and intentions of letting go of the negative thoughts that others have impacted you with so you recognize these are not true about yourself.
Develop a Support System
It is important to develop a support system composed of trusted friends, family, and mental health professionals that can support you in understanding what your own needs are during this time. Make a list of people you feel most safe around, and let them know you are struggling. Being vocal about your struggles allows others to support you.
How Mental Health Struggles Can Cause This Thought
Sometimes when a person feels like everyone is being mean to them, it may be a sign that they are struggling with their mental health. Somebody struggling with depression is more likely to look at life through a warped lens, in which the world is a crueler and darker place than it is. If depression is making you feel like everyone is mean important to get the support you need, not to let your mental health take over the relationships you have.
When to Seek Professional Support
Seek professional support when the thought that everyone is being so mean begins to impact your everyday living. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you not internalize other people’s meanness and develop strategies for handling other people’s cruelty. If depression drives these thoughts, it is important to find a therapist specializing in treating depression. An online therapist directory or online therapy platform is a great way to find a therapist who is a good fit for you.
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In My Experience
In my experience, when someone is mad at you, it is often because of something related to them rather than related to you. When someone is being mean, begin by telling them their actions are harming you. If they are not open to changing their behaviors, focus on self-care and surrounding yourself with people who love you.
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