Why Is Everyone So Mean to Me? 12 Reasons From a Therapist

Why Is Everyone So Mean to Me?

When someone is mean to you, it’s often more about their internal struggles than anything you’ve done.¹ There are many reasons why people are mean.  People may act mean to project their insecurities, cope with personal chaos, or respond to external pressures. Recognizing this can help you avoid internalizing their behavior and build empathy without excusing harmful actions.

12 Reasons Why People Are Mean

Here are twelve reasons why people are so mean to you:

1. They Feel Threatened

When someone feels threatened by your skills, success, or presence, they may respond defensively, which can come across as being mean. They might believe that your strengths make them look inferior or that you’re competing for the same space. To protect their sense of worth, they may resort to hostile or dismissive behavior as a way to stand their ground.

2. They Are Experiencing Chaos at Home

A person experiencing chaos at home might have difficulty being kind to anyone, and you might just be the person present at the wrong place. When someone is experiencing chaos at home, they might have difficulty regulating their emotions, and if they feel slightly irritated or triggered, they may explode at whoever is surrounding them.

3. They Have Been Bullied in the Past

A person who has been bullied in the past might be mean to you as a defense mechanism. Someone who has been bullied often will be mean as a sense of power to feel that they have gained control back in their lives by being mean to others. It’s a protection response for them and an attack response on you.

4. They Struggle to Regulate Their Emotions

A person who struggles with emotional regulation may become mean to you if they do not know how to navigate the intense emotions they feel, even if the emotions are not brought on by their relationship with you. The difficulty with regulating emotions can lead to impulsive remarks. This person might lack healthy coping skills which often results in mean behavior.

5. They Are Struggling With Their Mental Health

A person struggling with their mental health may display mean behavior, often due to difficulty managing their emotions. Anxiety can leave someone on edge and easily triggered by minor interactions. Mood disorders, like borderline personality disorder, can lead to emotional instability and difficulty maintaining healthy relationships. Depression may cause someone to become so withdrawn or overwhelmed that they are unaware of how their actions affect others.

6. They Are Prejudiced

Prejudices influence how people interact with one another and could explain why people are engaging negatively with you. If an individual has racist, religious, or LGBTQIA prejudices, they may act on these beliefs and be harmfully mean when interacting with you. If this occurs, it is important to vocalize that this is happening to those around you and seek support from loved ones, allies, and individuals in your work or school environment.

7. They Are Projecting Insecurities

A person will project their insecurities through being mean to others when they may feel threatened by you. They might feel inadequate to you in a particular setting or activity and are quick to anger within that space. When they project, they defend themselves and their feelings, and you inevitably and unfairly become their target.

8. They Lack Self-Awareness

When someone is being mean to you, it could be just because they don’t know how mean they are! When a person lacks self-awareness, it could be that they don’t realize what they say is damaging to others around them. While it does not excuse the behavior altogether, it does give a reason that their meanness is about them and not you.

9. There Is a Misunderstanding

Difficulties in communication between people can often cause others to be mean to you and, in turn, make you feel hurt and disregarded. It could be that the comments said by other people were not made with harm or ill will, but you are feeling that they are and feel that negativity is aimed your way. If you are a highly sensitive person, then you are at an increased risk of being sensitive when a misunderstanding occurs.

10. They Feel Pressured by Social Dynamics

People may act mean due to social pressure to fit in or maintain status within a group. They might believe that being mean will help them gain approval, power, or influence among peers. Unfortunately, societal expectations can reinforce this behavior, making them feel obligated to act harshly to meet these perceived standards.²

11. Your Habits Hurt Them

If you are hurting someone, they might be mean to you as a defense. Individuals can retaliate against the pain you have caused in an attempt to make you feel the pain you have caused them. It is important to break this cycle of hurt by reflecting on your actions, acknowledging that you have hurt this person, and changing your behavior in the future.

12. They are Jealous

Jealousy can cause someone to be mean when they envy your accomplishments, possessions, or qualities. They may view themselves as inferior for not having what you do and react by lashing out or trying to undermine your confidence. Their meanness is often an attempt to cope with their own insecurities and make you feel as bad as they do.

How to Cope with Everyone Being So Mean

When dealing with constant meanness, it’s important to protect your mental health and avoid internalizing others’ behavior. You might begin to develop depression and anxiety or develop a low self-esteem.³

Here are practical strategies to cope with people being mean:

Identify Why They Are Being Mean to You

Reflect on common behavior patterns to understand whether their meanness is tied to personal struggles or specific triggers. This can help you detach from taking it personally.

Develop a Self-Care Routine

Create a self-care routine with activities like journaling, meditation, or exercise to help you refocus and reduce the emotional toll of others’ behavior.

Learn to Love Yourself

Build confidence by reflecting on your strengths and accomplishments. Journaling daily about positive traits can help you stay grounded and avoid internalizing negativity. Learning to love yourself is a continuous journey that can help you in many aspects of your life.⁴

Set Boundaries and Prepare Responses

Set boundaries to define what you will and won’t tolerate from others. When someone is mean, respond thoughtfully rather than reacting emotionally. Practice calm responses to avoid escalation.

Talk It Out in Therapy

Working with a therapist can help you process emotions, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and prevent you from internalizing mean behavior. You can work with a therapist through a variety of online therapy platforms virtually or seek in-person therapists.

Engage in Positive Relationships

Focus on spending time with people who uplift you. Recognizing and nurturing these relationships can counterbalance negative interactions. When you focus on your strengths, you can recognize your positive impact on relationships.⁵

Practice Empathy

Understand that others may be acting out due to personal struggles. While this doesn’t excuse their behavior, it can help you approach situations with compassion and avoid reacting defensively.

Meditate on Letting Go

Use mindfulness exercises to let go of negative thoughts and reset emotionally. Practicing acceptance can reduce stress caused by others’ words or actions.

Develop a Support System

Surround yourself with trusted friends, family, or mental health professionals who can provide reassurance and guidance when needed.

How Mental Health Struggles Can Make You Think People Are Mean

Feeling like everyone is being mean to you can sometimes be a sign of underlying mental health struggles. Depression, for example, can create a distorted view of the world, making it seem crueler or more negative than it truly is. This warped perception can cause you to misinterpret others’ actions as intentionally hurtful. If these feelings persist, it’s important to seek support to prevent your mental health from affecting your relationships and overall well-being.

When to Seek Professional Support

If you feel overwhelmed by others’ meanness and it starts affecting your well-being, you should seek professional help.

Here are key signs that it’s time to reach out for support:

• Persistent negative thoughts: You constantly think about why people are mean to you, and these thoughts dominate your daily life.
• Impact on daily activities: You find it difficult to focus on work, school, or personal tasks due to emotional distress.
• Increased anxiety or depression: You experience heightened feelings of sadness, low self-worth, or excessive worry.
• Isolation from others: You withdraw from social interactions to avoid further meanness, leading to loneliness.
• Difficulty coping on your own: Self-help methods no longer feel effective in managing the emotional toll of others’ behavior.

Therapy Options

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you challenge negative thinking and develop healthier responses. If depression or anxiety is contributing to these thoughts, seek a therapist specializing in those areas. Online therapy directories and online therapy platforms like online-therapy.com make finding the right support more accessible.