Attachment trauma is a disruption in the bond between a child and their caregiver or parent, often resulting from experiences like neglect, abandonment, or abuse. People with attachment trauma may struggle with developing healthy relationships, emotional regulation, and independence in adulthood. Fortunately, individuals can heal from attachment trauma with the help of self-care and therapy.
Childhood trauma Is difficult to overcome.
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What Is Attachment?
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and later expanded on by Mary Ainsworth, refers to the connection between an infant and their caregiver.1,2 Children can develop secure attachment when caregivers meet their needs, consistently provide warmth and support, and soothe them when distressed.3 Attachment theory states that infant-caregiver attachment impacts how a child connects with others throughout their lives. This initial relationship with a caregiver lays the foundation for future interactions.
Types of Attachment
People develop attachment styles based on their relationships with early caregivers.3 A securely attached child feels their caregiver is sensitive to their needs, loving, and comforting in times of distress. A secure attachment style is associated with the best outcomes in childhood and adulthood.
Children raised with caregivers who do not consistently provide care and support may develop an insecure attachment. As a result, they adopt coping mechanisms to deal with the distress of unmet needs, such as avoidance or extreme clinginess.
The four types of attachment styles are:
- Avoidant: Insecure or avoidant attachment style develops when a child cannot count on a parent to meet their needs. As a result, they become detached and avoid closeness with others to cope.
- Anxious: An anxious attachment style occurs with inconsistent caregivers. The child cannot trust their caregivers to provide for them, thus creating anxiety. People with an anxious attachment often struggle with separation.
- Disorganized: A child may have a disorganized attachment style if raised in an unpredictable environment with inconsistent caregivers. These children may grow up in families where abuse and substance use are present.
- Secure: A healthy or secure attachment develops when a parent consistently responds to a child with love and warmth and soothes them when distressed. The child feels safe and can count on the parent to meet their needs.
What Is Attachment Trauma?
Attachment trauma occurs when a caregiver does not meet their child’s needs for safety, closeness, and support.4 A caregiver may be absent due to death, divorce, or abandonment. In other cases, a present parent does not support their child or provide warmth, thus leaving a child without a supportive, stable space to regulate distress. In turn, the child feels alone and learns to distrust others. Those who experience attachment trauma may struggle with emotional dysregulation, relationships, or anxiety disorders.
Do Infants Remember Early Attachment Trauma?
Infants can remember trauma that occurs before they can communicate, and research shows they can experience pain associated with these events.5 These events can later affect their learning and behavior.6 Attachment trauma also affects the stress response and functioning in the right hemisphere of the brain, thus putting children at risk for future mental health problems.
Signs of Attachment Trauma in Adults
Childhood attachment trauma can manifest in various ways, particularly insecure attachment in adulthood.7 People who experience attachment trauma may suffer from relationship anxiety as they fear their partner may leave or abandon them. Others may stay distant and avoid intimacy altogether.
Signs of attachment trauma in adults may include:7
- Hyper-independence
- Control issues
- Difficulty feeling closeness with others
- Strong need for closeness with others to the point of driving them away
- Being on alert for signs that another person is unhappy in a relationship
- Questioning self-worth
- Viewing a romantic partner in black-or-white terms (i.e., good or all bad)
- Enmeshment
- Tendency toward guilt
Help For Recovering From Childhood Trauma
Talk Therapy
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What Causes Attachment Trauma?
What causes an attachment disorder or trauma can vary depending on the situation and child-parent relationship. Every parent has moments when they become frustrated, angry, or impatient with their children. However, attachment trauma refers to events that disrupt the parent/child relationship, such as a parent abandoning, abusing, or neglecting a child.4
Potential causes of attachment trauma include:4
- Physical, emotional, or sexual trauma
- Neglect
- Abandonment
- Divorce
- Parental mental illness
- Death of a parent
- Domestic violence
- Parental chronic illness
- Intergenerational trauma
- Poor parental boundaries
Consequences of Poor or Incomplete Attachment
Experiencing attachment trauma as an infant or child can lead to complications in adulthood. A poor parent-child bond can affect the sense of self, relationships, and emotional regulation. Additionally, adults with histories of attachment trauma may struggle with mental health conditions that impact their ability to function in daily life.
Possible complications of attachment trauma include:
Difficulty in Interpersonal Relationships
Attachment trauma in relationships can impair the ability to establish healthy and supportive connections. Individuals may find themselves constantly worried and anxious that partners or friends will leave them, sometimes resulting in clinginess. Others may take a different approach and remain detached, causing others to view them as cold or distant.
Unstable or Negative Sense of Self
Attachment trauma can also affect self-esteem and self-worth. People may struggle with low self-esteem, a fragile sense of self, or a tendency to be self-reliant. Self-reliance may seem positive, but hyper-independence can be harmful and lead to burnout.
Mental Health Conditions
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is commonly associated with attachment trauma. Individuals may experience symptoms of PTSD, such as intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and flashbacks that can interfere with functioning. Dissociative disorders, such as dissociative identity disorder, can also develop as a way for individuals to disconnect from pain and distress.
Emotional Dysregulation
Attachment trauma can impact the ability to regulate emotions. People may experience heightened anger, fear, and sadness due to their trauma, all of which can affect relationships and daily life if left unmanaged.
Dependency
Dependency can be a common consequence of attachment trauma. Individuals may become overly reliant on others for emotional support, often seeking reassurance and validation to fill the emotional void created by the trauma. This dependence on others can hinder their ability to develop resilience and self-empowerment.
Impulsivity
Impulsivity can also be a response to attachment trauma. People may engage in impulsive behaviors to cope with overwhelming emotions or seek distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, substance abuse, self-harm, or dangerous activities can further exacerbate the negative consequences of attachment trauma.
How to Heal From Attachment Trauma
While attachment trauma can be painful, healing from trauma is possible. By caring for yourself and seeking support, you can work through your past experiences and toward self-improvement.
Here are five ways to begin healing from attachment trauma:
1. Understand the Impact of Your Past
Acknowledging the impact of your past is an essential early step in healing from childhood trauma. Thinking about your early childhood experiences can be painful. However, doing so allows you to shift focus to the present by reflecting on how these events impact you as an adult. Understanding your patterns is one of the first steps toward change.
2. Develop Connections That Encourage Strength & Resilience
You can approach connections differently once you recognize your relationship patterns and how your past has shaped them. Seek mutually beneficial relationships. End unhealthy connections or set boundaries if you are being taken advantage of, put down, or abused by others.
A good therapist can help if you struggle in these areas. You can also consider support groups, group therapy, or recreational activities where you can meet like-minded people. Remember, building relationships is a process that takes time.
3. Get Comfortable With Honest Communication
Communication is an important life skill, and we often follow the examples our family and peers set. Assertiveness involves expressing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs clearly and respectfully. This approach differs from passive communication, where you give in to others, and aggressive communication, where you aggressively demand from others. Consider learning more about the topic, practicing, or seeking therapy if you struggle with developing healthy social skills.
4. Connect With Your Body
Attachment trauma can impact how you feel about yourself, and reconnecting with your body can help you heal. Establishing limits and boundaries for your body can help you feel more in control, whether through meditation, mindfulness, or progressive muscle relaxation. Additionally, research on trauma-informed yoga shows promising results.8 If possible, find a teacher specializing in trauma healing.
5. Consider Trauma-Focused Therapy
Therapy can help you explore severe attachment issues and understand their impact on you today. Developing a therapeutic relationship with a trustworthy provider also allows you to experience a secure attachment and cultivate other safe connections.
A trauma-focused therapist can also teach you healthy ways to communicate, set boundaries, and cope with negative feelings. Several types of therapy can address attachment trauma, including eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR) and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).9 You can find a professional by asking a friend or healthcare provider for a referral or by searching an online therapist directory.
Signs That You’re Healing From Attachment Trauma
Healing from attachment trauma is a complex process that involves working through past experiences, understanding their impacts, and developing new beliefs and behaviors in relationships. Depending on the person, the process can take months or even years. Don’t panic if cannot see immediate results, as healing takes time.
Some signs that you’re healing from attachment trauma include:
- You have close and meaningful relationships
- You’re able to communicate your feelings to others
- You’re able to set healthy boundaries in your relationships
- You have a healthy view of others and understand that people are imperfect
- You accept your past
- You have self-confidence
In My Experience
Additional Resources
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Treatment For Trauma & OCD
Half of people diagnosed with OCD have experienced a traumatic life event. The chronic exposure to stressful situations, such as ongoing bullying, or an abusive relationship can lead to the development of OCD symptoms. NOCD therapists specialize in treating both trauma and OCD and are in-network with many insurance plans. Visit NOCD
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Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric condition marked by the presence of obsessive thoughts, images, doubts, or urges, followed by compulsive behaviors or acts aimed at easing the distress caused by the obsession. While the content of the obsessions can take many forms, they are always repetitive, persistent, involuntary, and intrusive, and they often result in a great deal of anxiety for the person experiencing them.
9 Types of Therapy for Trauma
Experiencing trauma can result in distressing and debilitating symptoms, but remind yourself that there is hope for healing. If you or a loved one is suffering from the aftereffects of trauma, consider seeking therapy. Trauma therapy can help you reclaim your life and a positive sense of self.