Attachment Trauma: Signs, Causes, & How to Heal

What Is Attachment Trauma?

According to attachment theory, the type of attachment an infant develops with their caregiver impacts how the person will connect with others throughout their lives.^{1, 2} Children develop a healthy and secure attachment when caregivers consistently provide warmth and support and soothe them when distressed.³ Attachment trauma occurs when a caregiver does not meet their child’s needs for safety, closeness, and support.⁴

A caregiver may be absent due to illness, death, or divorce. In other cases, a present parent may emotionally, physically, or sexually abuse them, thus leaving a child without a stable space to regulate distress. No matter the reason, when a child does not receive the security they need from the caregiver, attachment trauma can occur.

Types of Attachment Trauma in Adults

Not all individuals respond the same to attachment trauma. Some people who experience attachment trauma may suffer from relationship anxiety as they fear their partner may leave or abandon them. Others may stay distant and avoid intimacy altogether. More specifically, attachment trauma can cause people to develop three different types of insecure attachments in adulthood: avoidant, anxious, or disorganized.⁵

The three types of attachment trauma are:

• Avoidant attachment trauma: An avoidant attachment style develops when a child cannot count on a parent to meet their needs. As a result, they become detached and avoid closeness with others to cope.
• Anxious attachment trauma: An anxious attachment style occurs with inconsistent caregivers. The child cannot trust their caregivers to provide for them, thus creating anxiety. People with an anxious attachment often struggle with separation anxiety as adults.
• Disorganized attachment trauma: A person may develop a disorganized attachment style if raised in an unpredictable environment with inconsistent caregivers. These children may grow up in families where abuse and substance use are present.

What Causes Attachment Trauma?

What causes an attachment disorder or trauma can vary depending on the situation and child-parent relationship. Every parent has moments when they become frustrated, angry, or impatient with their children. However, attachment trauma refers to events that disrupt the parent/child relationship, such as a parent abandoning, abusing, or neglecting a child.⁴

Potential causes of attachment trauma include:⁴

• Physical, emotional, or sexual trauma
• Childhood emotional neglect
• Abandonment
• Divorce
• Parental mental illness
• Death of a parent
• Domestic violence
• Parental chronic illness
• Intergenerational trauma
• Poor parental boundaries

Signs of Attachment Trauma in Adults

Experiencing attachment trauma as an infant or child can lead to an attachment disorder in adulthood. A poor parent-child bond can affect the sense of self, relationships, and emotional regulation. Additionally, adults with histories of attachment trauma may struggle with mental health conditions that impact their ability to function in daily life.

Here are the signs of attachment trauma in adults:⁵

Difficulty in Interpersonal Relationships

Attachment trauma in relationships can impair the ability to establish healthy and supportive connections. Individuals with an anxious attachment style may find themselves constantly worried that partners or friends will leave them, sometimes resulting in clinginess. In contrast, individuals with an avoidant attachment style may take a different approach and remain detached, causing others to view them as cold or distant.

Unstable or Negative Sense of Self

Attachment trauma can also affect self-esteem and self-worth. Individuals who develop an anxious attachment style may struggle with low self-esteem and a fragile sense of self. Individuals with an avoidant attachment style will have a tendency to be self-reliant. Self-reliance may seem positive, but hyper-independence because of trauma can be harmful and lead to burnout.

Mental Health Issues

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is commonly associated with attachment trauma. Individuals may experience symptoms of PTSD, such as intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and flashbacks that can interfere with functioning. Dissociative disorders, such as dissociative identity disorder, can also develop as a way for individuals to disconnect from pain and distress.

Emotional Dysregulation

Attachment trauma can lead to emotional dysregulation. People may experience heightened anger, fear, and sadness due to their trauma, all of which can affect relationships and daily life if left unmanaged.

Emotional Dependency

Dependency can be a common consequence of attachment trauma. Individuals with an anxious attachment style may become overly reliant on others for emotional support, often seeking reassurance in the relationship and validation to fill the emotional void created by the trauma. This dependence on others can hinder their ability to develop resilience and self-empowerment.

Impulsivity & Self-Sabotage

Impulsivity can also be a response to attachment trauma. People may engage in impulsive behaviors to cope with overwhelming emotions or seek distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, substance abuse, self-harm, or other dangerous activities can further exacerbate the negative consequences of attachment trauma.

Trauma-Blocking Behaviors

Our minds often use techniques that act as “distractions” from our internal distress. Trauma-blocking responses like dissociation, emotional numbing, avoidance coping, and overworking provide some short-term relief from the psychological discomfort that exists from attachment trauma. Behaviors like these are often used in childhood to cope with attachment trauma as it happens and can persist into adulthood in all attachment styles.

Unexplained Chronic Pain

Chronic pain that has no medical explanation is often attributed to psychological distress and is technically called somatization. Trauma can become stored in the body when a person’s mind translates emotional pain into physical pain in an attempt to release some of the energy held from this internal distress. People with an avoidant attachment style can develop unexplained chronic pain due to their natural tendency to avoid processing emotional discomfort.

Control Issues

People with an anxious attachment are prone to developing issues with control in many areas of their lives. Attempting to control others, our environment or things about ourselves can make us feel like the future won’t bring any surprises or negative outcomes. These control issues often look like intense organization and planning, rigidity in changing plans, and difficulty accepting unmet expectations.

Hyperarousal

Hyperarousal is a collection of symptoms that look like an overall increase in energy, such as fidgeting or jitteriness, anxiety, panic attacks, racing thoughts, and increased heart rate. Signs of hyperarousal can be frequent and chronic or can only appear when the person’s attachment trauma is triggered. This is a commonly seen symptom cluster across most attachment styles and typically develops from a lack of consistency in early childhood relationships.

How to Heal From Attachment Trauma

While attachment trauma can be painful, healing from childhood trauma is possible. By caring for yourself and seeking support, you can work through your past experiences and toward self-improvement.

Here are seven tips and some worksheets to help you heal from attachment trauma:

1. Understand the Impact of Your Past

Acknowledging the impact of your past is an essential early step in processing your trauma. Thinking about your early childhood experiences can be painful. However, doing so allows you to shift focus to the present by reflecting on how these events impact you as an adult. Understanding your patterns is one of the first steps toward change.

There are many different ways to make sense of what happened. Going to therapy can help them understand what shaped them. There are also many different YouTube channels, podcasts, and books on trauma and PTSD that can give you clarity.

Free Workbook for Trauma Healing

This collection of trauma worksheets provides practical tools and strategies for managing trauma symptoms.

 

 

Download

2. Develop Connections That Encourage Strength & Resilience

You can approach connections differently once you recognize your relationship patterns and how your past has shaped them. Leaving toxic relationships behind and learning to set boundaries with your loved ones is a crucial step to healing from attachment trauma. Focus your energy on the relationships that make you feel happy, confident, and content.

If you are struggling to develop healthy connections, a good therapist can help you create new relationship patterns. You can also consider support groups, group therapy, or recreational activities where you can meet like-minded people. Remember, building relationships is a process that takes time.

3. Get Comfortable With Honest Communication

Communication is an important life skill, and we often follow the examples set by our family and peers. Assertiveness involves expressing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs clearly and respectfully. This approach differs from passive communication, where you give in to others, and aggressive communication, where you aggressively demand from others. If you struggle with developing healthy social skills, consider learning more about the topic, practicing, or seeking therapy.

4. Learn to Regulate Your Own Emotions

Attachment trauma can often lead us to feel incapable of regulating our own emotions without the help of others or outside influences. This can look like dissociation, avoidance, and codependency, which is a continuation of the patterns learned during the traumatic events. Learning to regulate your own emotions will lead to greater distress tolerance and a sense of independence that will help the healing process.

5. Challenge Your Inner-Critic

A core component of trauma-related disorders is an internalized sense of shame, which typically leads to a chronic pattern of negative self-talk. The process of healing from traumatic experiences requires us to address our feelings of guilt and shame and confront our inner critic. By implementing thought-focused activities (e.g. cognitive behavioral therapies), we can learn to challenge intrusive and self-defeating inner talk. Through this process, we will improve our self-esteem, self-confidence, and our ability to regulate our emotions.

6. Connect With Your Body

Many people cope with attachment trauma through trauma-blocking behaviors, such as dissociation and distraction. These behaviors can cause trauma to become stored in the body. Therefore, reconnecting with your body can help trauma to be released from the body and enable healing.

Mindfulness and meditation for PTSD are the building blocks for reconnecting with your body.  Additionally, there is a lot of recent research on the power of trauma-informed yoga for healing.⁶ If possible, find a teacher specializing in trauma healing.

7. Consider Trauma-Focused Therapy

Therapy can help you explore severe attachment issues and understand their impact on you today. A trauma-focused therapist can also teach you healthy ways to communicate, set boundaries, and cope with negative feelings. Additionally, developing a relationship with a therapist or counselor that you trust and respect allows you to experience a secure attachment. You can then apply this experience to your life outside of therapy.

When to Seek Professional Support

If you find it difficult to connect with your loved ones or to develop new meaningful relationships, it may be time to seek professional support. There are many different types of trauma therapy that can address attachment issues.⁷

Grow Therapy is an online therapist directory that can help you find a therapist who specializes in trauma. It offers many detailed filters, so you can find a specialist in your area who takes your insurance. Alternatively, Octave Health is an online therapy service that can provide therapists who specialize in interpersonal relationship trauma.

Signs That You’re Healing From Attachment Trauma

Healing from attachment trauma is a complex process that involves working through past experiences, understanding their impacts, and developing new beliefs and behaviors in relationships. Depending on the person, this process can take months or even years. Don’t panic if you cannot see immediate results, as healing takes time.

Some signs that you’re healing from attachment trauma include:

• You have close and meaningful relationships
• You’re able to communicate your feelings to others
• You’re able to set healthy boundaries in your relationships
• You have a healthy view of others and understand that people are imperfect
• You accept your past
• You have self-confidence