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Relationship Anxiety: Signs, Causes, & 8 Ways to Overcome

Published: January 14, 2022 Updated: May 15, 2022
Published: 01/14/2022 Updated: 05/15/2022
Headshot of Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW
Written by:

Alisha Powell

PhD, LCSW
Headshot of Rajy Abulhosn, MD
Reviewed by:

Rajy Abulhosn

MD
  • Is Relationship Anxiety Normal?Is It Normal?
  • Signs of Relationship Anxiety7 Signs
  • What Causes Relationship Anxiety?Causes
  • Ways to Deal With Anxiety in a Relationship8 Tips
  • Final ThoughtsConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Relationship Anxiety InfographicsInfographics
Headshot of Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW
Written by:

Alisha Powell

PhD, LCSW
Headshot of Rajy Abulhosn, MD
Reviewed by:

Rajy Abulhosn

MD

Relationship anxiety describes someone’s anxiety towards romantic partners, family members, or even platonic relationships (though it’s not a formal diagnosis). You may look for ways to keep the other person close by clinging to them, or you may push them away, unsure if they feel the same way you do. Therapy and stress management techniques can be effective in reducing the levels of anxiety people experience about their relationships.

Relationship anxiety is not something you have to deal with alone. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

Is Relationship Anxiety Normal?

It’s perfectly normal to have some level of anxiety about relationships. However, relationship anxiety becomes a problem when its severe enough or lasts long enough to impede growth in the relationship, or affect other areas of your life. Relationship insecurity can increase stress and impact how you interpret your feelings and emotions, and can sometimes lead to separation anxiety.1,2

7 Signs of Relationship Anxiety

Relationship anxiety can plague anyone, and experiencing it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re in a bad relationship. Oftentimes, fear and worry stem from not wanting to go through a breakup or being reluctant to be vulnerable due to previous hurts, like if you’ve been cheated on in the past.

Here are seven signs you may be experiencing relationship anxiety:

1. Fear of Commitment & Vulnerability

Commitment issues can occur due to a previous negative experience, or because you may not feel comfortable expressing your feelings. For some, relationships feel confining and putting a label on them increases their level of anxiety.

2. Ending Relationships Before They Become Serious

If you find yourself cutting people off before the relationship becomes more serious, keeping potential friends at arms-length, or engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors, you might have relationship anxiety.

3. Not Expressing Your Needs & Desires Because You’re Fearful That They Will Leave

Healthy relationships need to be built on trust and honesty, and feeling reluctant to share your thoughts can indicate anxiety about the relationship.

4. Questioning Your Partner’s Motives

Many people with relationship anxiety will continuously worry their partner will “find someone better,” doubt whether their partner truly cares for them, or constantly be concerned that their partner will break up with them over insignificant or non-existent reasons.

5. Doubting You & Your Partner’s Compatibility

You may start to put more emphasis than necessary on the differences between you and your partner—like having different taste in music or movies—to the point where you’re spending more time worrying about those small differences than appreciating where you are compatible.

6. Overthinking Your Partner’s Words & Actions

Maybe your partner prefers to limit public displays of affection or makes a joke about a quirky part of your personality; this may lead you to spend a lot of time reading into their actions and assuming that they don’t actually like you, when they probably just have slightly different preferences than you or are just trying to engage or flirt with you.

7. Spending More Time Worrying Than Enjoying the Relationship

It’s perfectly normal to have times of worry or doubt, but if you look back and see that you’re spending more time feeling insecure than happy or fulfilled, this is a clear sign of relationship anxiety.

Relationship anxiety is not something you have to deal with alone. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

What Causes Relationship Anxiety?

There can be many underlying causes behind doubts and insecurity in relationships, including:

  • Emotional neglect or abuse, causing low self-esteem or low self-worth due to past trauma
  • Attachment difficulties stemming from  relationships with your parents or caregivers at a young age
  • Having parents who were significantly intrusive or disengaged
  • General anxiety that manifests as worry about relationships

8 Ways to Deal With Anxiety in a Relationship

Effectively coping with your relationship anxiety often begins with understanding any underlying anxiety you may have by working with a licensed therapist as a guide. It’s also important to be open and honest with your partner, who may be able to help calm your anxiety and make you feel more secure.

Here are eight tips for dealing with relationship anxiety in a healthy way:

1. Identify What Is Driving Your Anxiety

Is it fear? Low self-esteem? Lack of confidence? Shame? Assessing the root of your anxiety and drawing connections to previous experiences or how you were raised can increase your awareness. Sometimes, we feel insecure because we lack confidence in the ability to choose healthy relationships for ourselves.3

2. Be Honest About What You’re Feeling

While you may not want to express your feelings at the height of anxiety, expressing yourself is important. It can deepen the relationship and keep lines of communication open. Let the supportive people in your life into your inner world.

3. Use Self-Soothing Techniques When Anxiety Levels Rise

Many times, anxiety can be accompanied by physical reactions, including rapid heart rate, chest tightness, or lightheadedness.4 Practice body scanning techniques to increase your self-awareness. Deep breathing, guided meditation, yoga, or doing an activity that focuses on one of your five senses are ways to self-soothe. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box when looking for anxiety remedies that work for you. There are new modalities like havening being developed to help people deal with the body’s stress response that happens during moments of anxiety.

4. Work on Building Trust With Supportive People

While it may be difficult, building trust in relationships is essential for maintaining healthy connections. Make time for the people in your life who love you. Trust isn’t built overnight, and it comes through time and experiences as well as consistent, practiced behaviors.5

5. Address Conflict or Differences of Opinion

Not addressing relationship conflict can lead to resentment and the breakdown of the relationship. While conflict is unavoidable, it’s important to manage and deal with it in a healthy way. It may be difficult to express yourself, but start by focusing on using “I” statements and taking responsibility for your part in the conflict.

6. Recognize That Your Feelings Are Valid, but Feelings Aren’t Always Facts

Emotions come and go without warning and it can be easy to jump to a negative conclusion.6 Practice giving your relationships the benefit of the doubt and reframing your negative thoughts in a more positive light. Instead of saying, “I always push people away and nobody loves me,” say “I attract love and people are drawn to my warmth and energy.”

7. Express Appreciation to the Supportive People in Your Life

Affirm the people who have shown that they genuinely care about you. Gratitude can improve positivity and increase your emotional connection. Write down the positive aspects of your relationships and what you’re grateful for, acknowledging the role that others have had in your story.

8. Go to Therapy to Process Your Thoughts & Feelings

Therapy for anxiety is a great way to dig deeper and uncover some of the negative thought patterns and experiences that could be contributing to your relationship anxiety.7 Whether you’re dealing with relationship anxiety or your partner has anxiety, therapy can be highly beneficial, as it give you a safe space to work through your anxious feelings and gain more clarity on how to identify and maintain a healthy relationship.

To find a therapist in your area, use an online therapist directory to connect with a therapist you feel comfortable talking to and can build a trusting relationship with. Remember, there is no shame in experiencing this kind of anxiety, and sometimes, the first step to healing is simply telling your truth and asking for help.

Final Thoughts

If you are struggling with the effects of anxiety in a relationship, remember, you are not alone. While your experiences are unique, there are people who understand or want to help. Start by educating yourself on the triggers, signs, and coping mechanisms of relationship anxiety, and then consider letting those people in.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for referrals by the companies mentioned below.

BetterHelp Online Therapy – BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Online Couples Counseling – Ready to work on your relationship? Get the support and guidance of a ReGain couples counselor. Complete a brief questionnaire and begin online couples counseling for as little as $60 per week. Learn More.

Talkspace Online Therapy – Online therapy is convenient with Talkspace. Get therapy for as little as $69 per week, or potentially much less if you have insurance from Cigna, Optum, or UHR. Try Talkspace

Choosing Therapy’s Directory – Find an experienced therapist who is committed to your wellbeing. You can search for a therapist by specialty, availability, insurance, and affordability. Therapist profiles and introductory videos provide insight into the therapist’s personality so you find the right fit. Find a therapist today.

Mindfulness & Meditation App – Headspace is an easy way to incorporate mindfulness and meditation into your routine. See for yourself how a few minutes each day can impact your stress levels, mood, and sleep. A monthly subscription for Headspace is only $12.99 per month and comes with a 7-day free trial. Try Headspace

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp, ReGain, Talkspace, and Headspace

For Further Reading

  • Find the best online therapy service for you
  • Mental Health America
  • NAMI support groups
  • MentalHealth.gov

Relationship Anxiety Infographics

Relationship Anxiety: Signs, Causes, & 8 Ways to Overcome What is Relationship Anxiety Signs of Relationship Anxiety

Possible Causes of Doubts and Anxiety in a Relationship Ways to Deal with Anxiety in a Relationship Finding a Therapist to Help with Relationship Anxiety

7 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Lukasik, K., Waris, O., Soveri, A., Lehtonin, M., & Laine, M. (2019). The Relationship of Anxiety and Stress with Working Memory Performance in a Large non-Depressed Sample. Frontiers in Psychology, 10(4).

  • The Cleveland Clinic. (2021). Anxiety Disorders. Retrieved from: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9536-anxiety-disorders

  • Gold, A. (2016, July 12). Why Self Esteem is Important for Mental Health. Retrieved from: https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/July-2016/Why-Self-Esteem-Is-Important-for-Mental-Health

  • National Institute of Health. (2021). Anxiety Disorders. Retrieved from: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/index.shtm

  • State. (2021). The Role and Importance of Building Trust. Retrieved from: https://aese.psu.edu/research/centers/cecd/engagement-toolbox/role-importance-of-building-trust

  • University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. (2021). Experiencing and Expressing Emotion. Retrieved from: https://counselingcenter.illinois.edu/brochures/experiencing-and-expressing-emotion

  • Bandelow, B., Michaelis, S., & Wedekind, D. (2017). Treatment of Anxiety Disorders. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 93-107.

update history

We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.

  • Originally Published: April 20, 2021
    Original Author: Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW
    Original Reviewer: Rajy Abulhosn, MD

  • Updated: January 14, 2022
    Author: No Change
    Reviewer: No Change
    Primary Changes: Updated for clarity and readability;

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Headshot of Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW
Written by:

Alisha Powell

PhD, LCSW
Headshot of Rajy Abulhosn, MD
Reviewed by:

Rajy Abulhosn

MD
  • Is Relationship Anxiety Normal?Is It Normal?
  • Signs of Relationship Anxiety7 Signs
  • What Causes Relationship Anxiety?Causes
  • Ways to Deal With Anxiety in a Relationship8 Tips
  • Final ThoughtsConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Relationship Anxiety InfographicsInfographics
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