Someone’s boyfriend or partner may like other women’s pictures on Instagram for many reasons, not all of which are threatening to the relationship. Liking other women’s pictures may become inappropriate if it makes you feel uncomfortable, affects your self-esteem, the picture is risqué, or the woman is someone your boyfriend has been involved with or attracted to.
Are you constantly needing “reassurance” in relationships?
Most people like to hear words like “I love you”. However, if you are obsessively thinking about whether your partner cares about you and needing reassurance, you might have Relationship OCD. Find out if you have OCD.
Why Does My Boyfriend Like Women’s Pictures on Instagram?
Social media is part of everyday life and relationships, so liking people’s pictures on different platforms is not uncommon. Your boyfriend’s reasons for liking women’s pictures on Instagram and social media may range from innocent displays of friendship to instances of micro cheating and infidelity. When your partner likes people’s pictures on Instagram, you may feel jealous or develop insecurities that impact your self-esteem, especially if it crosses your personal boundaries. This behavior can even be categorized as an online affair, depending on previously defined relationship boundaries.
Some reasons your boyfriend might look at women’s pictures on Instagram include:
- They’re close friends with the person
- They are co-workers, family, or friends
- He used to like their pictures prior to your relationship
- He doesn’t think anything is wrong with it
- He’s attracted to the person
- He doesn’t think it bothers you
- He is not invested in your relationship anymore
- He may want to get caught
- He is comfortable in the relationship and doesn’t find it threatening
- He’s looking for attention
- He’s looking someone to develop an affair with
Liking other people’s pictures on Instagram is not inherently bad. Ultimately, whether this hurts you really depends on the couple’s boundaries, the type of pictures they like, and the people whose pictures they like. People are usually familiar with their boyfriend’s friends, and typically, they do not make their partner feel insecure. However, if their boyfriend crosses the line, inappropriate behaviors can lead to low self-esteem, lack of trust and resentment in marriage or relationships.
1. Liking an Ex’s Instagram Pictures
If you like an ex’s picture and know this behavior would be unacceptable to your partner, it becomes inappropriate and deceitful. Secretly liking your ex’s pictures on Instagram is even further evidence that you are doing something that you know is unethical or hurtful towards your partner. To be considered a normal act in a relationship, both partners would have expressed their acceptance in the beginning of the relationship and agreed on what is permissible. If you and your current partner are both friends with your ex, or if you have a mutual understanding of what is considered acceptable with your ex, then liking their pictures may be tolerated and even normal. When one partner breaks this agreement, they violate previously established boundaries and deceive their partner.
Some tips to help you deal with your boyfriend liking his ex’s Instagram pictures include:
- Prioritize self-care
- Use this opportunity to improve your communication in your relationship
- Allow yourself to feel your emotions fully, but try not to act on them
- Do not blame yourself
- Allow your partner to explain
- Practice healthy conflict resolution skills
2. Liking an Influencer’s or Celebrity’s Pictures
Most people follow and engage with their favorite influencers and celebrities on social media, so liking their Instagram pictures can be considered normal. Some people tend to mold online personas that help increase their visibility by gaining more followers and likes.1
If your boyfriend is seeking to increase his visibility on social media, liking a celebrity or influencer’s pictures may help their status. However, if you have communicated to your boyfriend that liking these pictures affects your mood, self-esteem, body image, and/or self-worth, it could be a sign of your boyfriend’s priorities.
If your boyfriend is doing something you’re not comfortable with, it’s important that you do not suppress your feelings and choose to process and communicate your emotions instead. If you give him a chance to understand what makes you feel uncomfortable, he may take this opportunity to apologize, fix his behavior, and/or be more honest moving forward.
Some practical tips to deal with your boyfriend liking an influencer’s Instagram pictures include:
- Find ways to rebuild trust in your relationship
- Learn how to stop being insecure
- Avoid getting defensive and stonewalling
- Share your feelings with your partner
- Establish social media boundaries
3. Liking Bikini Pictures
Your boyfriend liking other women’s bikini pictures on Instagram may be considered normal if your boyfriend is liking a family member’s or close friend’s photo, or if you have previously agreed that this is acceptable. However, if your boyfriend is seeking out women specifically in bikinis just to view and like, it is understandable to feel hurt and betrayed. Even if one of the women’s photos is a mutual friend, it can become uncomfortable for you and the other person when this crosses a relationship boundary.
Dealing with your boyfriend liking women’s bikini photos can make you feel insecure and worried that there is something more going on. Some practical steps to take in order to find closure or resolution include revisiting your social media boundaries, talking to your partner about why it bothers you, and asking your partner for their side of the story.
Recovering From Infidelity Or A Betrayal Of Trust
Individual Therapy – Whether you’re trying to move on or rebuild a relationship, a licensed therapist from BetterHelp can guide you. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. Visit BetterHelp
Couples & Marriage Counseling – Talkspace offers you and your partner the support and structure you need. It’s private, convenient, and affordable. Learn More
OurRelationship (Free Couples Course) – OurRelationship has been proven to help couples improve communication, intimacy, and trust. 94% would recommend it to a friend. Get Started
4. Liking Coworkers’ Instagram Pictures
Liking coworkers’ Instagram pictures can be a normal part of forming and maintaining friendships in the workplace. Your boyfriend may be someone who is friendly with his coworkers, regardless of gender, and finds that this helps him foster a more positive environment at work. However, if your boyfriend liking coworkers’ pictures on Instagram takes time away from you and your relationship, it could become an issue. If your boyfriend is distracted by constantly checking his coworkers’ social media and liking their photos, this could be a potential problem in your relationship. If your partner only likes female coworkers’ Instagram pictures, it could be a sign that he is attracted or may be looking for attention.
Dealing with your boyfriend liking his co-worker’s pictures can make you feel like you are competing for his attention. You will want to figure out specifically what you are mad at and why so that you can better express this to your boyfriend. To help you deal with his behaviors, find a way to rebuild trust and connection in your relationship, set dates and times where you both spend quality time together, prioritize your needs, and practice healthy communication.
5. Their Close Female Friends
If your boyfriend likes their close female friends’ pictures, it could raise some red flags for you. This may be considered inappropriate if they had a relationship or have been intimate in the past, if your partner had a previous attraction to that person, or if you have expressed discomfort with it. Having friends of the opposite sex becomes an issue when it poses a risk to the relationship’s health.
If you feel your boyfriend is getting too friendly with his close female friends and reaching out in a way that makes you uncomfortable, you may want to address this to understand their motivation. It is important that you do this in a non-judgmental way, as your partner may not realize that they are doing something wrong. You may find it inappropriate based on past relationship experiences; it may even elicit an infidelity PTSD response. Exploring what your boyfriend’s behaviors mean on a personal level can help you to clarify your feelings, make it easier to communicate with him, and understand any experiences from your past that may be skewing your perception.
Some practical tips for dealing with your boyfriend liking his close female friends’ pictures may include:
- Get to know their relationship with their friends better
- Express your concerns to him in a non-judgmental way (try to use “I” statements)
- Ask for clarification before assuming the worst
- Establish or review boundaries
- Reach out for support and reassurance from friends and family
6. Liking Your Female Friends’ Pictures
Your boyfriend may like your friends’ Instagram pictures to impress you by trying to engage and bond with your female friends on social media. However, if your boyfriend likes your female friends’ pictures, it may be a sign of disrespect towards you and your relationship. This behavior becomes inconsiderate, disrespectful, and inappropriate when it becomes more than just a friendly like, the pictures are risqué, or if he messages them as well. Does your boyfriend leave inappropriate comments on their photos, such as a heart or fire emoji? This would be an indication that something more may be going on, whether your friend is aware or not.
Dealing with your boyfriend liking your female friends’ pictures may leave you questioning the status of your relationship. You may worry he is using you to get closer to them. In order to get through this, you should confide in people you trust, talk to your boyfriend and set clear expectations, and avoid assuming or blaming until you are able to gain more insight and ask for an explanation.
7. If They Have a Secret Instagram Account
If your boyfriend has a secret Instagram account, it can be a huge red flag for secrecy, lying, and potential infidelity. He has created something to deliberately hide from you, which is deceitful, dishonest, and hurtful. Secret Instagram accounts are generally not okay, but if the account is meant to be a surprise or dedication to you, it may be acceptable for some level of secrecy to exist. This becomes inappropriate when your boyfriend is using a secret account to flirt, talk with people suggestively, or engage in sexual behaviors with others.
Finding out your boyfriend has a secret account can make you question his commitment to you, his honesty throughout the relationship, and the future of your partnership. You may also start to feel insecure and question whether he is speaking with or even meeting up with other women in secret. If you find confirmation that your boyfriend has a secret IG account, you may want to first ask him to provide more details about when and why he created it, have an open and honest conversation, and set up mutual terms and conditions for social media use.
Are you constantly needing “reassurance” in relationships?
Most people like to hear words like “I love you”. However, if you are obsessively thinking about whether your partner cares about you and needing reassurance, you might have Relationship OCD. Find out if you have OCD.
8. Liking Sexual Content
If your boyfriend likes content that is specifically focused on sex, such as not safe for work (NSFW) content, promoting inappropriate pictures, or showing sex apparel, it could be considered inappropriate and detrimental to your relationship. If you are not being asked to join or be involved, and/or if your partner is doing this in secret, it can be inappropriate due to the topic of interest. Social media can affect relationships by allowing access to content that may promote unhealthy behaviors, such as communicating with alternate partners, which may create relationship conflict, breakups, or divorce.2
The only time this may be considered normal or appropriate is if your boyfriend was interested in trying new things with you, but wanted to do further research first.
When someone finds out their boyfriend is liking sexual content on social media, it can cause them to feel like something is wrong with them and take away from how secure they feel. You may feel insecure of how your boyfriend feels about you and your appearance. In order to deal with this behavior, you should remember not to personalize his behaviors, as they are not a reflection of you. Reach out for support from family and friends, talk with your boyfriend, express your concerns, and work on any existing low self-esteem issues.
9. Liking Intimate Apparel or Lingerie pictures
If you see your boyfriend liking intimate apparel or lingerie pictures on Instagram, you may immediately be concerned. While he may be looking for lingerie ideas to get you, it is more often than not a red flag. Even if he were looking for lingerie for both of you to benefit from, it could make you uncomfortable that you are not included. Usually, if your boyfriend likes intimate apparel or lingerie pictures, he is taking time from your relationship to focus on other women in sexy clothing. This behavior is often inappropriate, as it shows disrespect, lack of consideration, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Some tips for talking to your boyfriend about liking inappropriate lingerie pictures on Instagram include:
- Explain to your partner why this makes you uncomfortable
- Look for a compromise between you and your partner
- Ask for clarification – why are they liking sexy lingerie pictures?
When To Consider Therapy
If you feel you can no longer trust your partner or their actions, therapy can help you navigate difficult conversations, complicated topics surrounding infidelity, and find a healthy path towards recovery. Therapists can help couples restore trust by encouraging each partner to make gradual changes that shows their commitment to the relationship. Marriage and couples therapy provides a space to establish healthy boundaries and expectations moving forward.
Joint and/or individual psychotherapy can help you navigate and cope with insecurities, relationship anxiety, body image concerns, low self-esteem, and relationship PTSD that may have been triggered by inappropriate social media engagement.4 For example, a therapist who uses cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help the individual learn effective coping skills that lead to improved functioning over time.5 An online therapist directory is a great place to find the right therapist, as it allows you to filter by insurance accepted, specialty areas, and more.
Final Thoughts
Your boyfriend’s Instagram “likes” can be genuine and innocent unless they cross your relationship boundaries or affect your dynamic. You and your significant other are the ones to make this judgment call, as it is up to you to define what you deem appropriate in your relationship. If you notice signs of inappropriate or concerning social media use and engagement, always try to talk to your boyfriend first and understand their actions before reacting. If you’re struggling with relationship conflict, a therapist can help you come to a mutual understanding of your boundaries, expectations, and future.
Additional Resources
To help our readers take the next step in their mental health journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy is compensated for marketing by the companies included below.
BetterHelp (Online Therapy) – Whether you’re feeling uneasy in your relationship, trying to rebuild trust, or working on forgiveness – a licensed therapist from BetterHelp can guide you. BetterHelp will ask you about the things you want to work on and what you’re looking for in a therapist. Visit BetterHelp
Talkspace (Counseling For Overcoming Adultery) – Talkspace offers you and your partner the support and structure you need. It’s private, convenient, and affordable. Get Started
OurRelationship (Free Couples Course) – OurRelationship has been proven to help couples improve communication, intimacy, and trust. 94% would recommend it to a friend. Get Started
Relationship Newsletter (Free From Choosing Therapy) – A newsletter for those interested in improving relationships. Get helpful tips and the latest information. Sign Up
Best Online Marriage & Couples Therapy Options
Marriage and couples therapy can be helpful and a worthwhile investment for couples who want to seek help with their relationship. Which online platform will work best for you will depend on what issues you want to work on, what your goals are for your relationship, the cost, and if it’s available in your state.
OurRelationship - Free Relationship Course
- Communication problems / too many arguments
- Emotional distance or lack of love
- Lack of trust or infidelity/cheating
Are Your Relationship Doubts a Symptom of Relationship OCD or a Wrong Relationship?
Have you ever wondered to yourself, “What if I’m not in love with my partner anymore? What if I’ve never been?” For some people, these thoughts are more than occasional. They can become constant and overwhelming, and even lead to compulsive actions like seeking reassurance to quiet them. When these thoughts and actions rise to the level of obsessive-compulsive order (OCD), they are known as relationship OCD, or ROCD.
Find a therapist for relationship issues
Get the help you need from a therapist near you
City or zip Search