Co-parenting counseling helps families that are going through a separation or divorce. The goals are to improve communication and conflict resolution skills and develop a co-parenting plan for the future that is in the best interest of the child or children. Families may be mandated by a family court judge to attend this kind of counseling or they can go on their own accord.
What Is Co-parenting Counseling?
Co-parenting is when divorced and separated parents come together to raise their children. While some parents transition easily, others find themselves struggling with conflict, miscommunication, or a total lack of communication. Co-parenting provides them with tools and skills to help improve communication, reduce conflict, and create a plan for the future, especially if other partners and children enter the picture.1
Core Concepts of Co-parenting Counseling
Co-parenting counseling focuses on providing separated or divorced parents with education and skills to help raise their children together.2 It’s different from couples or family therapy in that the focus is on the child(ren).3 Co-parenting counseling also focuses on the future vs. the past. It seeks to help parents learn how to work together to talk to their children about divorce, raise them as a united front, and prevent future problems.
Parents may make the decision to attend co-parenting counseling together. In other cases, a judge may order that they attend. This may happen if it becomes evident that a couple is unable to work well together on their own, like if the wife or husband is being overly controlling. Unlike other types of ongoing therapy, co-parenting counseling is typically brief. Parents may stop when the judge and/or therapist feel that they’ve improved and reached their goals.
What’s the Goal of Co-parenting Counseling?
The goals of co-parenting counseling are to reduce conflict among the parents and help kids cope with stress related to the divorce.4 This is typically accomplished by increasing parents’ awareness of their children’s experiences, improving communication and conflict resolution skills, and prioritizing the children’s needs.
Families who participate in co-parenting counseling tend to experience less conflict, more positive feelings toward the ex-partner, and are more likely to resolve issues on their own instead of involving the court system.4
Specific goals will vary depending on each family’s unique situation and needs. Couples entering co-parenting counseling on their own without a requirement from a judge can determine their own goals with the input of the counselor. Couples who are mandated by a judge may have predetermined goals and be required to attend a specific number of sessions.
Who Chooses the Co-Parenting Counselor?
If co-parenting counseling is mandated by a judge, then the judge will likely encourage the parents to find a counselor together. If the parents are unable to agree, then the judge may decide on one for them. Parents who are seeking co-parenting counseling on their own accord should also agree on a counselor together. It’s important for both parties to feel comfortable, since counseling requires sharing personal experiences.
What Can Co-parenting Counseling Help With?
Co-parenting counseling can help with any issues involving the parents’ children. A counselor can teach parents healthy communication and conflict resolution skills, such as how to express disagreement respectfully and work toward compromise. They can also highlight unhealthy communication patterns and identify ways to improve them.
Parents presenting to co-parenting counseling can also benefit from developing a schedule and agreeing on specific responsibilities. They may have different ideas about what co-parenting should look like, so a counselor will explore each person’s expectations and work toward agreement. They may also anticipate problems that could arise in the future and brainstorm ways to handle them before they become a problem.
Co-parenting counselors also teach parenting skills, like how to support a child through a divorce and manage behavioral problems. Parents going through a separation or divorce can benefit from education on how their children may be feeling and ways to help them cope.
Common Types of Co-Parenting Counseling
A co-parenting counselor’s approach usually involves a combination of teaching important skills and helping parents create and execute a plan for their changing family.5 They may choose to focus on communication skills, conflict resolution, or creating a co-parenting plan. If the counselor feels that the parents or child would benefit from additional support, they may also provide a referral for more therapy.
Focus On Communication
Co-parenting counselors evaluate how parents communicate, identify positive and negative aspects, and teach skills to improve. For example, parents may learn how to manage their frustrations, keep the focus on the children, and use “I” statements rather than make accusations.6 They may also learn how to speak respectfully with one another through commonly used mediums like text message and email.
Focus On Conflict Resolution
Co-parenting counseling will help parents anticipate possible conflicts, such as custody arrangements on holidays and birthdays, and learn skills for resolving them. If a difference of opinion does occur, parents will be prepared to express how they feel respectfully and work toward a common resolution that is in the best interest of the child(ren).
Focus On Creating a Co-parenting Plan
Counseling provides a supportive environment to develop a plan and anticipate potential obstacles. For example, parents will want to talk about how to navigate custody, medical appointments and decisions, and school functions.6 A counselor might help them create a calendar for the upcoming year and discuss how holidays, birthdays, and other events will be handled.
Co-parenting Counseling Examples
Here are three case examples of how co-parenting counseling could play out:
Parenting Disagreements
A family has been mandated by a judge to attend co-parenting counseling. They have two children together, ages 4 and 2. The parents have not been able to agree on how to raise their children and find themselves constantly arguing.
A co-parenting counselor working with this family might start by identifying areas of disagreement. They may teach the parents healthy communication skills like active listening and how to use “I” statements to express. Sessions could involve role-playing so the parents can practice to use the skills outside of sessions.
Supporting a Child Through a Separation
A same-sex couple comes in on their own accord to discuss how to help support their child, age 10, through their separation. The couple is not legally married and would like to avoid involving the family court system. They want to figure out how to co-parent with their child’s best interests in mind.
A co-parenting counselor working with this couple may start by identifying each partner’s expectations for what the family structure will look like following separation. They may help them come to a mutual understanding and compromise on areas of disagreement, establish a co-parenting plan, and brainstorm possible challenges and how to handle them.
Spouse Worried About What’s Being Said to the Children
A couple is referred to co-parenting counseling by a judge while in the middle of a contentious divorce. The mother is concerned that her soon-to-be ex-husband is talking negatively about her to her children.
A co-parenting counselor may encourage each parent to share their concerns and assess whether disparaging comments are being made. They would look for signs of parental alienation (i.e., when one parent attempts to turn their child against the other) and communicate those findings to the judge.7
The counselor would also teach the couple communication and conflict resolution skills and establish guidelines around talking about the other parent in front of the child. The couple would be educated on how making negative comments about a parent causes harm to the child.
Cost of Co-parenting Counseling
If co-parenting counseling is ordered by a judge, then it cannot be covered by health insurance. When counseling is mandated, a court order will typically state who pays for treatment. For example, it may stipulate that both mother and father are responsible for 50%, or it may require one parent to cover most or all of the costs.
The cost of co-parenting counseling may range from $100 to $250 or more per session. The cost may depend upon the counselor’s qualifications, experience, and geographical location. Providers who hold a master’s degree (MA or MS) may charge around $100 to $150 per session, while those with a doctorate degree (PhD or PsyD) may charge $150 to $250 per session.
People seeking co-parenting counseling on their own without a court referral may be able to use health insurance to pay. This will depend on whether the counselor is able to diagnose one of the parents with a mental health condition, since this is required for insurance reimbursement purposes. If you’re able to use insurance to cover co-parenting counseling, then you may be responsible for a copay, deductible, or coinsurance fee.
How to Find a Co-parenting Counselor
For couples who are required to attend co-parenting by the court, a judge may provide a referral for a co-parenting counselor or advise the couple to find a counselor on their own. To find a co-parenting counselor, you can conduct a search for counselors and therapists who are licensed in your state and specialize in working with divorce and parenting issues.
Start your search online, through your health insurance company, or through an online therapist directory, which allows you to customize your search to find therapists that work with specific issues.
Who Is Able to Offer Co-parenting Counseling?
Co-parenting counselors are licensed professionals with an educational background in therapy, counseling, social work, or psychology. This includes social workers, marriage and family therapists, professional counselors, and psychologists. They are required to complete a master’s or doctorate degree and have a certain number of supervised hours of experience.
While there’s no co-parenting counselor certification, most co-parenting counselors have specialized training in divorce mediation, parenting education, and/or family therapy.
6 Questions to Ask a Potential Family Therapist
You may be wondering what to expect and how to prepare for co-parenting counseling. Don’t hesitate to write your questions down beforehand and ask the counselor either prior to or during your first appointment.
Six questions to ask before beginning co-parenting counseling are:
- How can I prepare for my first session/subsequent sessions?
- How often will we meet for counseling?
- How long will co-parenting counseling last for?
- What are the goals for counseling?
- Will there be homework assignments between sessions?
- Are my sessions confidential or will my information be shared with a judge?
What to Expect at Your First Session
The first session is typically an evaluation where a counselor will ask each parent questions pertaining to the divorce, their children, and their hopes and expectations for the future. They may ask about the couple’s relationship, reasons for divorcing, and typical approaches to parenting. This helps give the counselor an idea of the family dynamics and what would be most helpful to focus on.
The counselor will also discuss confidentiality and its limits. If you are mandated to attend by a judge, they will explain what information will be shared and what will be kept private. Certain information, like disclosing child abuse, may also require the counselor to break confidentiality. They will also provide an opportunity for you to ask any questions and discuss the length, frequency, and goals of counseling.
Is Co-parenting Counseling Effective?
Co-parenting counseling is a helpful tool for parents who are going through a separation or divorce and are having a hard time agreeing on anything when it comes to their children. Parents who participate in co-parenting counseling have reported that it has positively impacted the divorce process.8
Here are four benefits of co-parenting counseling:
- Enhanced parental well-being2
- Improved relationship between co-parents2
- Better cooperation among co-parents8
- Less need for legal involvement during divorce4
How Is Co-parenting Counseling Different Than Other Counseling Options?
Co-parenting counseling differs from other types of therapy and counseling in its focus on the child(ren) first. Other types of therapy and counseling may be more helpful for couples who are considering a divorce or struggling in their relationship. These other approaches may even be used in conjunction with co-parenting counseling.
Co-parenting Counseling vs. Divorce Counseling
Divorce counseling helps couples who are considering divorce or going through it. The focus of this type of counseling is to aid couples transition through divorce as smoothly as possible. The goal is to help couples work through issues related to their divorce so that each partner can cope effectively.
Co-parenting Counseling vs. Family Therapy
Family therapy or couples therapy helps families understand and work through issues in their relationships. The goals of these types of therapy are to improve communication and conflict resolution, establish healthy co-parenting boundaries, and foster empathy and understanding between family members. These types of therapy are typically sought before a couple decides to divorce.
