Parental Alienation Syndrome: What It Is, Signs, & Prevention

What Is Parental Alienation Syndrome?

Parental alienation syndrome (PAS) refers to a situation where one parent influences their child to alienate themselves from their other parent. PAS often occurs during or after a divorce or separation and can severely damage the child’s relationship with the targeted parent.  PAS has been explored both clinically (as a specific set of symptoms) and legally (as a means of determining custody decisions) and can have ramifications for custody agreements.¹

PAS is a form of brainwashing because the child might start to believe and even make up stories about the harm the parent caused based on suggestions from the alienating parent. The widespread damage caused by this behavior can last for decades, and some experts consider PAS psychological child abuse.

History of Parental Alienation Syndrome

Parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a term coined by child psychiatrist and child custody dispute evaluator Dr. Richard Gardner.² In 1985, Gardner recognized a new pattern in his cases where children were being harmed by a parent who manipulated the child into alienating themselves from the other parent. He noticed the children developed similar symptoms of abuse from this manipulation and developed the theory of parental alienation syndrome.

Research on Parental Alienation Syndrome

PAS may occur at three levels: mild, moderate, and severe. In mild cases, the alienating parent may not be aware of what they are doing–they may be acting out of fear of losing their child’s affection, just as they may have lost their partner. In separations that are high conflict or in cases where one parent suffers from a personality disorder, there are greater chances that PAS might occur.

In general, the custodial parent has a greater opportunity to alienate another parent, and mothers have traditionally been more likely to be awarded custody. However, the gender split between alienating parents has evened out, as fathers and mothers are equally likely to engage in alienating behaviors.³

Signs of Parental Alienation Syndrome

Some common signs of parental alienation syndrome include the child having consistent and unjustified negativity or hostility towards the targeted parent. They may make derogatory remarks about the parent, refuse or resist spending time with them, or become defiant when it is time for visitation or custody is attempted.

Signs that a parent is causing parental alienation syndrome include:

• One parent programs the child to believe the other (alienated) parent is unfit to care for them
• One parent insists that the child’s belongings stay at their house, which gives them a sense of control and power over the other (alienated) parent
• One parent plans activities the child would prefer over time spent with the other (alienated) parent, such as special outings, parties, and other “just this once” opportunities
• One parent treats the child poorly if they speak positively about the other (alienated) parent.
• The child may be kept from chatting with the other (alienated) parent on the phone without the parent present or have their emails and text messages reviewed
• One parent tells the child lies about the other (alienated) parent to keep control
• One parent asks the child to act as a “spy” when the child spends time with the other (alienated) parent
• One parent keeps the child from providing necessary information to the other (alienated) parent, including dates for important events, identities of friends or romantic interests, or other information
• The child may be more and more afraid of the other (alienated) parent due to lies and stories the parent spreads

Symptoms of Parental Alienation Syndrome in the Child

A child who develops parental alienation syndrome will experience and express an intense disliking towards the alienated parent without an understandable reason. The children themselves may not be able to understand why they feel this way. Additionally, the child will oftentimes have a fear of upsetting the parent causing alienation, and believe that liking the alienated parent will cause harm to the parent they have sided with.

Symptoms of parental alienation syndrome in the child include:

• Sudden change of heart: A child who once showed affection and warmth toward the alienated parent now acts hostile, often through disrespectful and hurtful comments
• A lack of explanation for the hatred: The child cannot find any reason for their change of heart or new feelings about the alienated parent
• Refusal to change their mind: The child is committed to disliking the alienated parent and refuses to back down
• Denies anyone influencing them: The child takes total ownership of their hostile feelings and consistently denies that the other parent influenced their sudden change of heart
• Lack of guilt: The child has no sense of guilt about the hostility or disrespect they show the alienated parent, and no amount of “atonement” by the alienated parent shifts their feelings. Efforts to win back their affections are ignored or even laughed at by the child.
• Unwavering support for the alienating parent: The child is absolutely loyal to and supports the alienating parent. The child refuses to entertain the possibility that the alienated parent could be on the “right side” of any parental disagreement.
• Uses un-childlike language: The child parrots what the alienating parent tells them about the alienated parent. The child may use phrases and terms beyond their comprehension.
• Rejection of the alienated parent’s family: The child may extend hostility to all of the family on the side of the alienated parents. Grandparents, cousins, and other family members may encounter this disrespect as a component of their alienation.

Effects of Parental Alienation Syndrome on Children

Unfortunately, parental alienation syndrome can have long-lasting and devastating effects. Attempting to alienate a child from another parent damages their emotional well-being and leads to complications, including childhood depression and anxiety. Children may also experience trust issues that affect relationships in adulthood.

Negative effects of parental alienation syndrome may include:

• Increased anger: The child may experience anger as they internalize the conflict and develop resentment towards the alienated parent and the situation.
• Lack of empathy for others: The child may develop a lack of empathy for others because of the twisted perception of the alienated parent.
• Feelings of powerlessness: The child may feel powerlessness because they are caught in the middle of parental conflict and manipulation.
• Low self-esteem: The child may develop low self-esteem because they internalize the twisted messages the parent told them that the alienated parent was spreading.
• Increased anxiety: The child may develop an anxiety disorder because of the emotional turmoil and uncertainty stemming from the alienation.
• Feeling neglected by the alienated parent: The parent may convince the child that the alienated parent abandoned them, leaving them feeling emotionally neglected.
• Increased depression: The ongoing conflict and emotional manipulation can take a toll on their mental well-being, leading to feelings of hopelessness and depression.
• Risk of developing PTSD: The child may develop PTSD due to the emotional and psychological distress caused by the alienation and the breakdown of family relationships.

Treatment for Parental Alienation Syndrome

Professional treatment can help a child to work through any lingering issues related to parental alienation syndrome. By allowing the child a safe space to share their feelings, they can develop a more stable relationship with their alienated parent and others. While we can never undo adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), mental health support can minimize the potential for negative fallout from the event.

Therapy for parental alienation syndrome may include:

• Family therapy: Family therapy provides a space where all family members can actively participate and share their own perspectives and experiences.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT for children can help a child to change the negative thoughts they have developed about their alienated parent and people in general.
• Play therapy: Play therapy can benefit children who cannot verbalize the complicated feelings they developed from PAS.

How to Prevent Parental Alienation Syndrome

Preventing parental alienation syndrome (PAS) requires a proactive and cooperative approach from both parents. To reduce the risk of PAS, parents should focus on open and respectful communication with each other and talk about the divorce in a neutral manner. Remember, the child has the right to love and have a healthy relationship with both parents, regardless of the differences between the adults.

Below are ways to prevent parental alienation syndrome:

• Encourage open communication:  Encouraging open communication between both parents can create healthy co-parenting boundaries and, therefore, a respectful relationship, which can help reduce the risks of PAS.
• Avoid full custody: In selecting custodial arrangements, parents should consider the best interests of the child to ensure that they have regular access to both parents. Sole custody can increase the damaging effect of divorce on the child and increase the risk of PAS, especially if the non-custodial parent feels excluded from the child’s life.
• Involve extended family members: Involving extended family members, such as grandparents, uncles, or aunts, can help minimize the risk of PAS by promoting a sense of family unity and belonging.
• Stay engaged in your child’s life: Staying actively engaged in a child’s life, attending school events, and being present during important milestones can help strengthen the parent-child bond and minimize the impact of any attempts at alienation.
• Avoid belittling the other parent: Parents should avoid belittling or speaking negatively about the other parent in the child’s presence. This can damage the child’s perception of the other parent and increase the risk of PAS.
• Seek professional help: Seeking professional help, such as family counseling or co-parenting counseling, can help with communication and address any potential risk factors for PAS.