Conscious Parenting: Definition, Examples, & Benefits

What Is Conscious Parenting?

Conscious parenting encourages parents to become more mindful of their own internal reactions, internalized messages, and self-beliefs. Dr. Shefali Tsabary first introduced this parenting concept in her book, The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children. 

Dr. Tsabary claims that our childhoods shape how we view the world, ourselves, and our understanding of acceptable and unacceptable childhood behaviors. Therefore, tuning into childhood triggers and traumas helps a parent thoughtfully and intentionally respond to their child’s behaviors. Parents remain curious about their own inner experiences, question their beliefs and ideas, and learn to understand what is healthy for their children, both in current and future situations.

Foundations of Conscious Parenting

Conscious parenting is more of an approach to parenting than a method with specific steps to follow. However, parents should understand the elements of this parenting philosophy. Conscious parents focus on building a healthy parent-child relationship by remaining self-aware, collaborative, and understanding.  

Below are the elements of conscious parenting:

• View parenting as a relationship with a separate individual: A conscious parent sees their child as an independent person rather than a “mini-me,” and each child has their own interests and desires.
• Be aware of your own emotional state with a child: Conflict in a family is inevitable. However, a conscious parent strives to respond to a child’s behaviors instead of reacting. This way, they can model healthy and mature responses to anger and frustration.
• Recognize the feelings behind behaviors: Many parents teach their children to address and correct behaviors rather than understand any feelings behind these behaviors. Without this understanding, children can grow up believing they are “bad” or “not enough.”
• See parenting as a relationship, not a transaction: Every interaction contributes to an overall relationship with your child. A child will not remember every interaction with you, but this does not mean these exchanges will not contribute to their understanding of your relational dynamic.
• Be curious about your own triggers: Children can heighten a parent’s emotions. Notice what makes it hard to keep calm so you can address these triggers. Remaining mindful helps you avoid being blindsided by similar triggers in the future.

Benefits of Conscious Parenting

One of the most significant benefits of conscious parenting is that it allows you to give your child a different experience than you had during childhood. Remaining mindful of how you contribute to your child’s understanding of themselves and the world ensures they receive the strong foundation they need.

Possible benefits of conscious parenting include:

• A strong parent-child bond: Approaching child-rearing from a conscious approach provides your child with a safe base for exploring and learning about the world. Conscious parenting communicates that your child can count on you for support in the good and messy times.
• A more emotionally resilient child: Because you have helped your child understand and regulate their emotions in real-time, your child will enter adulthood feeling confident to self-regulate and survive emotional storms.¹
• Healthy communication: Checking in with your own emotional regulation provides space to talk through and problem-solve your child’s emotions together. Your children will see you as someone they can trust. This open communication makes all aspects of parenting easier.
• Reduced stress: You no longer carry the stress of reacting negatively and feeling guilty afterward if you approach your child with compassion. When we get to the root of our anxiety, label it, and regulate it effectively, stressors feel less intense in the future. 
• Mindfulness: When attuned to the present moment, you do not become frustrated about your child’s past behavior. Moreover, you’re not thinking about the implications of this behavior continuing in the future. Addressing behavior in the current moment will reduce the likelihood of it becoming a pattern.
• Your child has a model for healthy emotional regulation: Children learn how to act by watching their parents. Providing your children an example of noticing and regulating your own emotions sets the stage for how they will do so themselves.
• Decrease in misbehaviors: Because conscious parenting creates a strong parent-child bond, children are less likely to act out to receive attention or meet other needs.²

Drawbacks of Conscious Parenting

Conscious parenting may sound like a dream, but practicing this approach comes with difficulties. Parenting is inherently hard–it’s one of the hardest things anyone will ever do. No parenting style is perfect, and conscious parenting is no different. 

Possible drawbacks of conscious parenting include:

• Requires a high level of self-awareness: Conscious parenting means highlighting and challenging how our own parents failed to meet our needs in childhood. It also takes a lot of work to shift our beliefs to accommodate this philosophy.
• Challenging with younger children: Young children–particularly toddlers–are not always the most reasonable people to deal with. It can feel frustrating as an adult to be patient with a toddler who hasn’t developed rational thought processing yet..
• Being okay with seeing your children fail: Conscious parenting means supporting a child without feeling tied to specific expectations. Doing so can be difficult for many parents. 
• It’s difficult to relinquish control: It’s easy for parents to see the hierarchy in authority and believe parents are 100% in control. While setting parameters for safety is crucial, allowing your child to have a little more command demonstrates they can have emotions and make decisions. These are foundationally critical in conscious parenting.
• There is no black-and-white: Since this is more of an approach to parenting, there is no straightforward and manualized way to consciously parent. That can feel freeing for some and scary for others. 

Conscious Parenting Vs. Other Parenting Styles

Conscious parenting overlaps with other parenting styles in various ways. However, the key factors encompassing this parenting method set it apart, such as mindfulness, openness to emotions, honest communication, and flexibility. 

Authoritative Parenting

Authoritative parenting is nurturing, supportive, and responsive while providing strict limitations for children. However, high expectations, supervision, and parent-determined rigid rules can make it challenging for a child to identify their own needs, desires, and personality.

Conscious parenting creates a collaborative parent-child relationship where both parties contribute thoughts and ideas. Conscious parents may override some ideas for safety and practicality but explain these rules without dismissing or invalidating their child.

Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parents set strict rules and rigidly enforce them. They generally tend to be cold and distant and offer little emotional connection. Like conscious parents, these parents are very involved in their children’s lives, but in a more controlling manner. Additionally, conscious parenting focuses on emotional attunement between the parent and child.

Permissive Parenting

Permissive parenting describes indulgent parents who avoid telling their children “no,” setting limitations and rules for their children, or disciplining their children. Studies show that a lack of boundaries stunts emotional intelligence and personal growth.³ In contrast, conscious parenting encourages a parent to be more mindful of their own internal experience and respond thoughtfully to their children. In doing so, there will be times when a parent has to set limitations for safety and structure. Conscious parenting is not about saying “yes” to a child all the time–it’s about helping them learn to tolerate the distress they might feel when they encounter setbacks in the real world.

Uninvolved Parenting

Neglectful or uninvolved parenting refers to parents who do not involve themselves in their children’s lives. They don’t set any expectations for their child. Without structure or rules for their children, this kind of parent will not help their child understand and move through different emotional states. This parenting philosophy is the direct opposite of conscious parenting in almost every way.

Tips for Practicing Conscious Parenting

Practicing conscious parenting requires an overall lifestyle switch, and making this change can benefit you and your child. However, remember that any implementation–no matter how small–is helpful, and you won’t get everything right immediately.

Below are five tips for practicing conscious parenting:

1. Get comfortable with your emotions: Approaching your own emotions and experience with curiosity rather than from a place of judgment.
2. Set boundaries: Being attuned and having a dialogue with your child does not mean there cannot be structure and limitations. Be kind but firm when setting healthy boundaries, and help your child understand the reasoning behind these rules when you can.
3. Practice acceptance: By offering space for emotional expression, we leave room for all emotions—especially the messy and uncomfortable ones. Accept that both you and your child will experience these.
4. Revisit your own childhood: You can figure out your own emotional triggers by identifying how your parents supported you as a child. Then, you are less likely to react to your triggers in the future.
5. Remember your child is a separate individual: Your child is not a direct extension of you–they will have their own interests, strengths, beliefs, and desires that may or may not align with your own. Embrace their individuality, cherish what you have in common, and support the different experiences they introduce to your life.

Final Thoughts

Conscious parenting can help build your child’s emotional resilience, self-esteem, and relationships. Along the way, you will also grow as an individual. There is no one-size fits all approach to parenting, so it’s important to consider the specific needs of your children and family before committing to any parenting approach.