When You Don’t Want to Live Anymore, But You Don’t Want to Die

If You Need Immediate Help

If you are having active thoughts of suicide, please contact the Lifeline by dialing 988. Trained crisis workers are available to talk or text 24/7. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has services dedicated to helping non-English speakers, veterans, and LGBTQI+ youth feel heard and understood. Crisis workers will help those experiencing thoughts of suicide to develop a safety plan. If you are experiencing a life-threatening situation, call 911.

Why Do I Not Want to Live Anymore, But Not Want to Die?

For many, feeling like you don’t want to live anymore doesn’t necessarily mean you want to die. Instead, it can come from a sense of being trapped in a life that feels unchangeable. Maybe your job has lost its meaning, you’re struggling to move on from a breakup, or you just can’t put your finger on what’s wrong—life just doesn’t feel fulfilling or enjoyable anymore. It’s not that you don’t want to live; it’s that you don’t want to live like this.

Reasons You May Feel Like You Don’t Want to Live Anymore

Understanding why these thoughts arise can be complex, but research shows they are often linked to conditions like depression, anxiety, or substance use disorders, which can make life feel overwhelming. Many mental health conditions also occur together, which can amplify these feelings. For example, people experiencing both depression and anxiety may feel even more stuck, as each condition can intensify the other.

Life events also play a big role in shaping how we feel. Experiences like childhood trauma, financial stress, or abuse within a relationship, can increase the likelihood of having thoughts like these. These situations can make life feel incredibly difficult, but understanding where these feelings come from is a key step toward finding relief and rediscovering a way to live that feels more fulfilling.⁷

Here are some reasons you may feel like you don’t want to live anymore:

Overwhelming Stress

Sometimes life piles on so much that it feels impossible to keep going. Stressors like financial difficulties, relationship problems, work pressures, or caregiving responsibilities can feel like they’re constantly pulling at you, leaving no space to breathe or recharge. When there’s no time to process or recover, it’s easy to feel stuck in a cycle of exhaustion and hopelessness. These feelings don’t mean you actually want to die; they’re often a signal that you need relief and support.

Loneliness

Loneliness can be incredibly heavy, even if you’re surrounded by people. Feeling disconnected from others, or like no one truly sees or understands you, can leave you questioning your worth or purpose. Humans are wired for connection, and when that need isn’t met, it can feel like life is missing something essential. The isolation can feel unbearable. These feelings are a reminder of how much connection and belonging matter.

Past Trauma

Living with past trauma can feel like you’re carrying a weight that no one else sees. Traumatic experiences can leave deep scars, impacting your ability to trust, feel safe, or enjoy the present moment. Sometimes, those wounds resurface as overwhelming emotions or a sense of emptiness, making it feel like life is a constant battle. It’s not unusual for unresolved trauma to whisper lies about your worth or future, but these feelings often reflect the pain needing acknowledgment and healing.

Mental Health Struggles

Mental health challenges like depression or anxiety can distort your thoughts and make everything feel heavier. Depression, for instance, can sap your energy, dull your emotions, and make even small tasks feel monumental. Anxiety can leave you constantly on edge, as though there’s no escape from the worry. These struggles can make it hard to see hope or believe things can get better, even though they can. These feelings aren’t who you are. They’re symptoms of something you’re navigating.

Low Self-Worth or Guilt

When you’re stuck in a cycle of low self-worth or guilt, it’s easy to feel like you’re not enough or like you’re constantly falling short. Those negative thoughts can be relentless, convincing you that your mistakes define you or that others would be better off without you. This can feel crushing and isolating. These feelings often stem from deeper pain or unrealistic expectations, not from your actual worth. Which, even if you can’t see it now, is still there.

Lack of Purpose

Life can feel unbearably empty when you’re struggling to find purpose. Whether it’s feeling disconnected from your work, relationships, or passions, a lack of purpose can leave you wondering, “Why bother?” This feeling can grow even stronger if you’re comparing yourself to others who seem to “have it all figured out.” But purpose doesn’t have to be grand. It’s often found in small, meaningful moments. Feelings of emptiness can be a call to reconnect with what truly matters to you.

Recent Losses or Life Changes

Significant losses or changes like the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a major life transition can leave you feeling uncertain. Even positive changes, like a new job or move, can carry unexpected grief or stress. These shifts often force you to re-examine your identity and can bring up intense feelings of sadness, fear, or loneliness. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed by these emotions, but it’s also a sign that you’re processing.

Physical Health Issues

Chronic pain or serious health conditions can take a huge toll on you mentally and emotionally. Feeling limited by your body or facing uncertainty about your health can create a sense of hopelessness, especially when it feels like others don’t fully understand your struggle. The constant fight to manage symptoms or adapt to new limitations can leave you physically and emotionally drained. These feelings often reflect the very real challenge of balancing hope with the realities of health struggles.

How to Cope With Feeling Like You Don’t Want to Live Anymore

When life feels this overwhelming, finding ways to cope can feel like an uphill battle. However, there are steps you can take to help manage these difficult feelings and reconnect with moments of relief and hope. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone — support is available, and taking even the smallest step can make a meaningful difference.

Here are eleven strategies for coping with feeling like you don’t want to live anymore:

1. Open Up to People Who You Trust

It can be difficult to tell others when you are struggling with thoughts about not wanting to live anymore. You might worry about being judged or feel like no one will understand. But sometimes, opening up to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor can be the first step toward feeling a little less alone. Sharing your thoughts, even if it feels uncomfortable, can bring unexpected comfort and support.

How to Let People Know You Are Struggling to Find Reasons to Live

• Start with a trusted person: Having thoughts about not wanting to live anymore is a vulnerable topic. It is important to share these feelings with a person you can trust to take them seriously.
• Be as honest and direct as possible: While honesty about thoughts of suicide can be difficult, others are best able to help you when you are as honest and specific as possible.  Try beginning with a statement as simple as “I don’t want to kill myself, but I also don’t live anymore” or “I’m struggling to see a future for myself.”
• Write it down: It is easy to feel sidetracked, distracted, or lose track of what you’re trying to say when having an important conversation for the first time. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you convey them accurately and directly to others.
• Choose between in-person, phone call, or text: While there is no right or wrong way to start a conversation about your mental health, examine your own needs in choosing how to share with others. Would it be easier for you to share face-to-face, be able to hear a friend’s tone of voice, or have time to think about your response to a text?
• Plan it out: Ask in advance when a good time to talk about your mental health might be. Planning the conversation can help hold you accountable to share with others.
• Use references: Find a song, video, or movie that accurately depicts the way you’re feeling. Share this with others to help start the conversation about your own mental health.
• Ask a professional: Enlist the help of a therapist. Ask your therapist to help facilitate a conversation between you and a loved one about ways they may be able to support you on your mental health journey.

2. Speak With a Therapist

Talking to a therapist might not change your situation right away, but it can help you see things from a different perspective and find new ways to cope. Therapists are trained to listen without judgment and provide compassionate support. They can help you explore alternative ways of thinking about what you’re going through, offering tools and techniques based on proven treatments for depression. Having a professional in your corner can make a real difference in navigating tough times, helping you feel more equipped to handle what’s in front of you.

How to Talk to a Therapist About Not Wanting to Live

• Be honest: Tell the therapist about the frequency and intensity of your thoughts, any plan or intent you may have to end your life, triggers you experience, and steps you have taken to try to cope with these feelings. If you aren’t sure how to start this conversation, that’s ok! Start by telling the therapist that you’ve been having thoughts of suicide, and they will be able to guide the conversation from there.
• Write it down: If you struggle to remember what to bring up during your appointment, try making a list beforehand of what you’d like to discuss, or bring a journal to reference if needed.
• Ask for a safety plan: Ask your therapist to help you create a safety plan for the days when the thoughts of “I don’t want to live anymore” feel extra loud.
• Share your goals: Sharing your goals with your therapist for how you want to feel can help them figure out how to get you there. For instance, if your goal is to experience happiness again, what would that look like for you?
• Share your fears: If you’re feeling nervous while talking to your therapist about thoughts of not wanting to live anymore, try sharing that with them. You may be surprised by where the conversation can go from there.

When looking for a therapist, it’s essential to find someone who makes you feel heard, respected, and comfortable. An online therapist directory allows you to search for therapists based on specialties, approaches, and personal preferences such as gender, age, or cultural background. Alternatively, there are many online therapy options for depression that can connect you with licensed therapists virtually, offering flexibility in location and scheduling.

Therapy Options for Depression

• Psychodynamic therapy: Psychodynamic therapy can be helpful if you’re interested in exploring how experiences from your past might be influencing your current feelings and even those dark thoughts. Working with a therapist to better understand these connections can offer some relief by bringing these feelings to light.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): If your thoughts often feel heavy or overwhelming, CBT can help you break the cycle by exploring how your thoughts, feelings, and actions are connected. A therapist will work with you to reframe negative thoughts and create new patterns, which can gradually change how you feel and interact with the world around you.
• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): Originally designed for borderline personality disorder, DBT has also been adapted to treat depression. DBT helps you build emotional resilience, cope with intense emotions, and learn practical skills to manage relationships and stress.
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): If you have past experiences or traumas that weigh heavily on you, EMDR can be a way to work through those in a structured, safe way. For people dealing with both trauma and depression, EMDR can be a powerful tool for reducing those intense, stuck feelings.

3. Develop a Safety Plan

When you’re dealing with thoughts of not wanting to live, having a safety plan is like having a backup just in case things feel too overwhelming. Think of it like keeping a spare tire in your car—you hope you don’t need it, but it’s there to help if you do.

The goal of a safety plan is to guide you through those intense moments when things feel unmanageable. During a crisis, it can be hard to remember what might help or who to turn to, so having a plan ready can make a big difference. With it, you don’t have to think through what to do when things feel overwhelming; you can focus right away on tools and steps that help you feel safer and more in control. A good safety plan can include calming activities or coping skills for depression, supportive people to reach out to, reminders of reasons to keep going, and ways to make your environment safe.

4. Focus on What’s Within Your Control

When everything feels overwhelming, it can help shift your attention to what’s within your control, even if it’s something small. You might not be able to change a situation overnight, but you can take small, manageable steps like making your bed, eating a meal, or reaching out to a friend. These small actions remind you that you have agency, even when life feels out of control. Focusing on what you can do right now can ground you and bring some relief.

5. Check Off the Self-Care Basics

When you’re struggling, focusing on basic self-care can be incredibly helpful, even if it feels small. Prioritizing things like physical activity, quality sleep, and other simple routines can make a big difference in how you feel. Exercise is a powerful tool for lifting your mood, as it boosts serotonin and endorphins, which can improve focus and overall well-being. Getting enough sleep is also crucial; it helps stabilize mood, reduces irritability, and gives you the mental clarity to manage daily challenges. Other forms of self-care, like spending time outdoors or engaging in hobbies you enjoy, can also help you feel grounded and give you moments of relief.

6. Create a List of Reasons to Keep Going

Start a list of reasons to keep going, adding one new reason each day. Some days, this might come easily, while on other days, it may feel challenging—but that’s okay. Begin with small, simple things you enjoy, like the warmth of cuddling with a pet, the taste of your favorite meal, or the peace of a quiet morning. Focusing on these small moments can gradually make it easier to find more reasons and shift your perspective. Over time, this practice can help you reconnect with the parts of life that bring comfort, joy, and meaning, even if they feel small right now.

7. Plan Something to Look Forward To

When you regularly plan things to look forward to, you’re creating moments in the future that can serve as little “anchors.” These anchors act as reminders that life has ups and downs, and although things are difficult now, there are meaningful, enjoyable experiences ahead. It doesn’t have to be a big event — a coffee date with a friend, trying out a new recipe, watching a favorite show, or even just enjoying time in nature can serve as a lifeline when everything feels heavy.

8. Remind Yourself That Feelings Can Change

When you’re in the thick of heavy emotions, it’s easy to feel like they’ll last forever. But feelings, even the most intense ones, are temporary. They ebb and flow like waves. Remind yourself that just because today feels hard doesn’t mean tomorrow will feel the same. Sometimes, even sitting with those emotions and saying, “This won’t last forever,” can help create a little bit of space for hope to sneak back in. Change is possible, even if it feels distant.

9. Practice Mindfulness Daily

When life feels overwhelming, thoughts can easily spiral into “what ifs.” Questions like “What if I never find love?” or “What if I never figure out my purpose?” can intensify feelings of despair. These kinds of thoughts are often unanswerable in the present moment, creating a sense of hopelessness. Mindfulness techniques are known to reduce negative thoughts and emotions tied to depressive episodes. By focusing on the present, you create a space to breathe and manage your thoughts in a calmer way.

Practicing mindfulness can be as simple as a deep breathing exercise, reflecting on things you’re grateful for, or finding a peaceful moment in the day to meditate. Apps like Headspace and Calm are great resources to guide you through mindfulness practices.

10. Limit Exposure to Stressful News or Social Media

When you’re already feeling low, constant exposure to stressful news or the endless scroll of social media can add to the overwhelm. Whether it’s bad headlines or the pressure of comparing yourself to others, these sources can amplify negative emotions. Setting boundaries, like limiting screen time or muting accounts that drain you, can help create space for your mental health to recover. Protecting your energy isn’t selfish. It’s an essential part of taking care of yourself when things feel tough.

11. Consider Medication

Medication can be an important tool in managing the biological and chemical imbalances that contribute to feelings of hopelessness and thoughts of suicide. Antidepressants, such as SSRIs or SNRIs, are designed to help address the underlying conditions that may lead to persistent feelings of despair or thoughts of not wanting to live. While medication can help alleviate symptoms of depression, it’s typically most effective when combined with therapy, which provides tools for coping, insight, and emotional support.

There are many online psychiatry services that make meeting with a psychiatrist more accessible, allowing for easy access to medication management from the comfort of home. When choosing a provider, the most important factor is finding someone with whom you feel safe, respected, and heard.

How to Find Professional Support

Finding a therapist who genuinely listens, respects your experiences, and makes you feel at ease is key to effective support. You can use an online therapist directory to explore options tailored to your needs, including areas of expertise, therapeutic approaches, and personal preferences like gender, age, or cultural background. Alternatively, many online therapy platforms specialize in depression support, connecting you with licensed therapists for virtual sessions that fit your schedule and location.