I Don’t Want to Live Anymore: Reasons You Feel This & How to Cope

If You Need Immediate Help

If you are having active thoughts of suicide, please contact the Lifeline by dialing 988. Trained crisis workers are available to talk or text 24/7. If you are concerned that a loved one may feel they don’t want to live anymore, you can dial 988 to learn about suicide prevention resources in your area and how to best help those struggling with thoughts of suicide.

Many people struggling with thoughts of not wanting to be alive feel isolated and fear others won’t understand their experience. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has services dedicated to helping non-English speakers, veterans, and LGBTQI+ youth feel heard and understood. Crisis workers will help those experiencing thoughts of suicide to develop a safety plan. If you are experiencing a life-threatening situation, call 911.

Understanding the Feeling of I Don’t Want to Live Anymore

For many, thoughts of suicide come from feeling that change is out of reach. Maybe your job doesn’t feel fulfilling anymore, or you’re struggling to recover from the break-up. Maybe you can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong, but you know you aren’t enjoying life anymore. It’s not that you don’t want to live; rather, it’s that you don’t want to live like this.

Suicide can be heavily stigmatized, as demonstrated in a 2013 study in which more than 25% of participants agreed that people who had thoughts of suicide were “reckless” or “selfish”.² This is why it is vital to provide accurate information about what it means to have suicidal thoughts. It is not a reflection of your character, strength, or ability. Rather, it can indicate feelings of overwhelm, helplessness, or other significant life stressors.

Active Vs. Passive Suicidal Ideation

Suicidal ideation exists as a spectrum from passive to active and can fluctuate over time.

Passive suicidal ideation is defined by abstract thoughts about not wanting to live anymore. Individuals with passive ideation may have the desire to die but no plan, means, or intent to do so. Alternatively, active ideation involves having a specific plan, means, and intent. Both types are associated with high levels of depression and should be taken seriously.³

Many factors influence the development of both types of ideation, including mental illness, demographic factors, risk-taking behaviors, and more. According to the Interpersonal-Psychological Theory of Suicide (IPTS), passive ideation is more likely to become active in individuals who are exposed to painful events or fearful experiences.⁴

How Common Is It to Feel Like You Don’t Want to Live Anymore?

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US, meaning that many individuals of various demographics struggle with thoughts of suicide.⁵ A 2021 CDC report shared that as many as 12.1 million adults have thought seriously about suicide, making it a shared struggle among many.⁶

Some people groups have higher rates of suicide than others. If you identify as LGBTQIA+, American Indian/Alaskan Native, male, or have access to a firearm, you may be more likely to struggle with thoughts of not wanting to exist anymore. The likelihood of having thoughts of suicide additionally increases with age, putting those age 85+ at an elevated risk.⁶

Reasons You Feel Like You Don’t Want to Live Anymore

While the path to figuring out why you don’t want to live anymore isn’t black and white, research shows that most suicides are connected to diagnoses of depression, substance use disorders, and psychosis. Many mental health diagnoses have high rates of comorbidity, meaning they are diagnosed at the same time. For instance, it is common to see depression and anxiety existing comorbidly. This may further increase risk.

Additionally, there are life events that indicate higher rates of suicidal thoughts in adulthood. These life events include the experience of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) such as childhood abuse or neglect, immigrating to a new country, which involves challenges such as language barriers, separation from family, and lack of health care, and experiencing an increase in the severity of mental disorders.⁷

Here are some reasons you may feel like you don’t want to live anymore:

Biological Factors

Many mental disorders have genetic predispositions. You may be more likely to experience thoughts of suicide if other family members have also experienced these thoughts. Research on the neurobiology of suicide indicates that chemical imbalances such as decreased serotonin metabolites, abnormalities with phosphoinositide and adenylyl cyclase signaling mechanisms, and more could also lead to thoughts of not wanting to live anymore.⁸

Psychological Factors

If you have experienced past trauma or struggle with psychological conditions such as depression and anxiety, you are more likely to experience thoughts of suicide. You are also more likely to have thoughts of not wanting to live anymore if you have had these thoughts in the past or had a previous suicide attempt.

Social Factors

Relationship issues are correlated with an increase in thoughts of suicide. These issues include bullying, loss of a loved one to suicide, breakup grief, high conflict or abuse in relationships, or social isolation. Community factors such as lack of access to healthcare, stress of acculturation, community violence and suicide, generational trauma, and discrimination have also been shown to increase thoughts of not wanting to live anymore.⁹

Situational Stressors

Situational changes such as job or financial loss, access to lethal means, and media exposure of suicide can trigger situational depression and may make thoughts of dying more common. Experiences of financial strain may also be a trigger of stress, as well as a barrier to accessing physical and mental healthcare.¹⁰

Existential Factors

Many individuals experience feelings of emptiness or lack of purpose, often known as an existential crisis. Existential crises may increase thoughts of not wanting to live anymore if the individual is not able to assert their own freedom to create a sense of meaning/purpose worth living for.¹¹

Immediate Steps to Take If You Feel Like You Don’t Want to Live Anymore

Experiencing thoughts of “I don’t want to live anymore” can feel scary. If you’re experiencing thoughts of suicide, immediate steps you can take to help include telling a trusted friend or family member, seeking professional help, utilizing emergency or crisis services, and creating a safety plan. Suicide is preventable, and there are resources available for you.

Seeking Emergency Help

If your thoughts of suicide are becoming frequent and active, you should seek emergency help. You can do so by going to your nearest behavioral health emergency room, dialing 988 to connect with the Lifeline, or contacting a mobile crisis unit in your area to perform a risk assessment. If you are unsure of your local resources, you can dial 988 and a crisis worker will connect you.

Creating a Safety Plan

The creation of a safety plan could be compared to keeping a spare tire in your car; you hope that you don’t have to use it, but you’re thankful to have it just in case. Key elements of a good safety plan include having coping skills for depression you can utilize, supportive people you can call, a safe environment, and ways to remind yourself of reasons to stay alive.

The ultimate goal of a safety plan is to keep you safe until the urge to harm yourself passes. It is often incredibly difficult to think of what might help you feel better during a moment of crisis. Having a safety plan preemptively can allow you to immediately focus on feeling better instead of feeling overwhelmed by not knowing how to adequately help yourself.

How to Cope With Feeling Like You Don’t Want to Live Anymore

While safety planning is a vital part of coping with not wanting to live, safety planning often does not address the root of the issue. It is important to address the concern that is causing your suicidality, such as financial strain, family conflict, or mental illness. If you’re not what the concern is, asking a therapist to help you sort through current stressors is a great place to start.

Attending consistent therapy and medication management appointments are great practices for long-term treatment. Medication can often help individuals reach a place of stability at which therapy can be most effective. Attending therapy regularly can also offer protective factors against suicide, such as having a supportive and trusting therapeutic relationship, development of coping skills, formation of a safe environment, and ongoing accountability.

Here are five long-term strategies for coping with feeling like you don’t want to live anymore:

1. Therapy

While seeing a therapist cannot always change your current circumstances, it can change the way you view and interact with your current circumstances. Therapists are trained to offer non-judgemental, unbiased, and compassionate services to clients. Often, this looks like providing alternative ways of viewing your circumstances based on the type of treatment for depression they utilize.

Here are a few tips for how to talk to a therapist about not wanting to live:

• Be honest: Tell the therapist about the frequency and intensity of your thoughts, any plan or intent you may have to end your life, triggers you experience, and steps you have taken to try to cope with these feelings. If you aren’t sure how to start this conversation, that’s ok! Start by telling the therapist that you’ve been having thoughts of suicide, and they will be able to guide the conversation from there.
• Write it down: If you struggle to remember what to bring up during your appointment, try making a list beforehand of what you’d like to discuss, or bring a journal to reference if needed.
• Ask for a safety plan: Ask your therapist to help you create a safety plan for the days when the thoughts of “I don’t want to live anymore” feel extra loud.
• Share your goals: Sharing your goals with your therapist for how you want to feel can help them figure out how to get you there. For instance, if your goal is to experience happiness again, what would that look like for you?
• Share your fears: If you’re feeling nervous while talking to your therapist about thoughts of not wanting to live anymore, try sharing that with them. You may be surprised by where the conversation can go from there.

2. Medication

Medication can help address the biological and chemical components that play a role in thoughts of suicide. Medication for depression, such as SSRIs or SNRIs, can help in treating the underlying conditions which may contribute to thoughts of not wanting to be alive anymore. While medication can help reduce symptoms of depression, it is most effective when used in conjunction with therapy.

3. Building a Support System

Building a support system is a key part of coping with thoughts of suicide. Your support system could include friends, family, mental health professionals, support groups such as alcoholics anonymous, survivors of suicide, or group therapy for those with shared diagnoses, along with other community groups such as recreational sports leagues, faith communities, or groups with a shared interest, hobby, or cultural background.

4. Diet and Exercise

While diet and exercise may seem unrelated to mental health, they are important in maintaining holistic well-being. Many individuals prefer to try lifestyle changes, such as diet, before committing to taking medication to help with depressive symptoms. Some foods that help with depression include fish, nuts, whole grains, carbohydrates, beans, and more.

Exercise can also help with the relief of depressive symptoms. Exercise can help with depression by increasing serotonin and endorphins in the body, therefore increasing mood and focus. Many benefits of exercise also directly counteract symptoms of depression, such as low self-esteem, isolation, and trouble sleeping. These benefits include increased confidence, increased social interaction, and improvement in sleep.

5. Mindfulness & Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation have been shown to have many health benefits, ranging from strengthening the immune system to decreasing anxiety. Mindfulness techniques for depression have additionally been shown to be effective in managing negative thoughts and feelings related to depressive episodes. You can utilize mindfulness by practicing various deep breathing exercises, practicing gratitude, or practicing meditation by tuning into a guided meditation YouTube video.

Mindfulness prioritizes taking time to become aware of the present moment. If you aren’t sure how to start with practicing mindfulness, try beginning with the 54321 method. This involves checking in with your sensory experiences, such as sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste. By stopping to notice these elements of your lived experience, you can practice grounding and decrease the nervous system activation that is often present with instances of depression, anxiety, or stress.

How to Let People Know You Are Struggling to Find Reasons to Live

It can be difficult to tell others when you are struggling to live. However, having a support system can be an invaluable resource during these times. If you are struggling to communicate with loved ones, try being direct about what you’re experiencing. These could be statements as simple as “I don’t want to live anymore” or “I’m struggling to see a future for myself.”

Here are some ways to start a conversation about your mental health and needing support:

• Start with a trusted person: Not wanting to live anymore is a vulnerable topic. It is important to share these feelings with a person you can trust to take them seriously.
• Be as honest and specific as possible: While honesty about thoughts of suicide can be difficult, others are best able to help you when you are as honest and specific as possible. When you are talking with a safe person, there is no such thing as being “too honest” about thoughts of not wanting to live anymore.
• Write it down: It is easy to feel sidetracked, distracted, or lose track of what you’re trying to say when having an important conversation for the first time. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you convey them accurately and directly to others.
• Choose between in-person, phone call, or text: While there is no right or wrong way to start a conversation about your mental health, examine your own needs in choosing how to share with others. Would it be easier for you to share face-to-face, be able to hear a friend’s tone of voice, or have time to think about your response to a text?
• Plan it out: Ask in advance when a good time to talk about your mental health might be. Planning the conversation can help hold you accountable to share with others.
• Use references: Find a song, video, or movie that accurately depicts the way you’re feeling. Share this with others to help start the conversation about your own mental health.
• Help yourself feel more comfortable: If you have trouble talking face-to-face about your mental health, try writing a letter to give to a loved one.
• Ask a professional: Enlist the help of a therapist. Ask your therapist to help facilitate a conversation between you and a loved one about ways they may be able to support you on your mental health journey.

How to Find Reasons to Keep Going

When struggling to continue living, it can be easy to get caught up in the “what ifs”. What if I never find love? What if I’m not sure what my purpose is? These questions are big and often unanswerable in the current moment, leading to an increase in distress. This is where focusing on the present moment instead of future unknowns can be helpful.

Try starting a list and practice writing one new reason to keep going daily. Some days, this task may feel easy. On other days, it may feel incredibly difficult. It’s okay to start small by identifying the little things in life you enjoy, such as cuddling with a pet or eating your favorite food. As you begin to identify small things, the task will grow to become easier and feel more natural over time.

Here are some resources and tips for finding motivation and purpose in life:

• Explore different mental health apps: Mental health apps are resources you can have at your fingertips 24/7. Headspace and Calm are mental health apps focused on helping users improve their mental health by using mindfulness and meditation.
• Join a support group: Support groups are a great opportunity to connect with others who have experienced thoughts of not wanting to be alive anymore. There may be in-person support groups in your area, or you could utilize online support groups, such as Circles.
• Use journaling to visualize your future: If you struggle with racing thoughts, journaling for depression can help slow down your mind and express your thoughts with more clarity. Journal prompts can also help provide direction if you aren’t sure where to start.
• Participate in value exploration: Sometimes, we lack motivation and purpose in life because our lives do not reflect the qualities we value most. Take some time to explore what matters most to you and how you might better be able to incorporate it into your day-to-day life.
• Find something to look forward to: No matter how big or how small, it is important for all of us to have something that keeps us going. Try to plan ahead and have something on your calendar to look forward to as motivation.
• Advocate or volunteer for a good cause: The thought “I don’t want to be alive anymore” can sometimes creep in when it feels we aren’t making a difference in the world. Find a cause that matters to you and use your unique skill set to get involved.
• Utilize Eastern or alternative medicine techniques: Eastern medicinal practices, such as acupuncture or cupping, have been found to have positive impacts on mental health. Try exploring Eastern medicine practices to focus on caring for your mind, body, and spirit.¹³

How to Find Professional Support

Finding professional help to address symptoms of depression can be overwhelming. An online therapist directory may be helpful in allowing you to identify the types of therapists you “fit” with. For instance, you may find yourself gravitating more towards therapists with a certain gender identity or age range – this is normal! If finding therapists in your area is difficult, it may be helpful to utilize an online therapy platform.

Effective therapy options for depression include:

• Psychodynamic therapy: Influenced primarily by the work of Sigmund Freud, psychodynamic therapy is a treatment approach that emphasizes the conscious, preconscious, and unconscious mind. It places particular importance on childhood relationships and the therapeutic alliance.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT for depression has grown rapidly in popularity due to its effectiveness as a treatment approach. CBT aids clients in exploring the relationship between their thoughts, feelings, and actions. The CBT framework is based on the belief that by changing your thoughts, you can change your feelings and behaviors as a result.
• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): DBT for depression is an approach used to empower clients to practice “radical acceptance” of the circumstances they can’t change while empowering them to focus on the parts that are within their control. Key elements of DBT include interpersonal effectiveness, emotional regulation, mindfulness, and distress tolerance.
• Existential therapy: An existential approach to therapy, based on the work of Viktor Frankl, focuses on increasing client self-awareness and self-understanding instead of focusing on symptoms. The existential approach is based on the understanding that psychological problems stem from an inability to make authentic, meaningful, or self-directed choices about how to live.¹²
• Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT): ACT utilizes mindfulness and behavioral strategies to help clients act in ways that are meaningful to them. ACT is based on the belief that pain and suffering are inevitable, and by accepting these experiences, clients can develop the “psychological flexibility” that allows them to live a meaningful life.
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): Though most commonly utilized for the treatment of trauma, EMDR for depression has been used to target negative thoughts or beliefs that trigger depressive symptoms. EMDR can be especially effective for those who have comorbid PTSD and depression.

You may want to consider seeing a psychiatrist if you find it difficult to function due to mental health symptoms or find that your symptoms are interfering with the effectiveness of therapy. There are many online psychiatrist options, which make meeting with a psychiatrist for medication management easy and accessible. However, the most important factor when meeting with any professional is that you feel safe and feel that your concerns are taken seriously by the provider.