Life can be filled with both beautiful and yet tremendously tricky moments as we move through life. In those times of struggle, obstacles, and hardship, you might ask yourself, “why is my life so hard?” This question is incredibly complex, especially when several things pile up, making it feel like you are carrying an enormous weight spiraling out of control. Know that you are not alone and that there are various things you can do to address some of the sufferings you may be experiencing.
Why Is Life So Hard Sometimes?
When we ask, “why is life so hard for me?”, it is noteworthy to reflect on the obstacles present in our lives that may negatively impact us. Various circumstances in life can cause us distress and make us question why life is difficult at a particular moment or over time. We all live diverse and complex lives that present us with unique challenges which can easily make us feel like we are the only one’s dealing with our struggles.
You are not alone; many have come before you who have experienced similar hardships and found a way to make it through. Their wisdom can help you find your way through your biggest obstacles. Whatever the reasons you might be feeling, life is hard; there is support available to help you gain new perspectives on life. There are some things you can do to reduce your current sense of dissatisfaction.
The following are 17 reasons why life is hard and what you can do about it:
1. Stress & Emotional Regulation Skill Development
Stress is normal to experience as part of human biology. However, it can take a toll when experienced for prolonged periods and even develop into an acute stress disorder, depending on the severity. Stress is the physical and psychological response to stressors that can produce various adverse mental and physical health outcomes, which can take your strength to take on more.1
Emotional regulation and stress management skills can help manage your emotions concerning stressors. Therapy for stress can provide you with a safe space to work through and learn how to address the stressors impacting your life. Self-care practices such as regular exercise, socializing, and mindfulness meditation can be helpful as well.2
2. Relationship Conflict
Conflict within a relationship can lead to reduced satisfaction within a partnership. It can have severe implications for the relationship and the overall health of the parties involved.3 When your significant other becomes your whole life, and any negative shift occurs in your connection, your world can quickly come crashing down.
One way to address conflict in a relationship is to try and better understand the other person’s perspective. Research has demonstrated the benefit of feeling understood as it can help buffer against relationship dissatisfaction. Learning how to deal with relationship conflict can potentially reduce the distress you might be experiencing within your relationship. It is also essential to be aware of the cycle of abuse within a relationship and steps to take to ensure your safety and your partner’s.
3. Lack of Self-Care & Coping Strategies
We all can use more self-care to help proactively maintain our well-being and lessen the impact of stress after it has happened.4 This is paired with coping strategies to help us engage with present and ongoing stressors.5 Stress can quickly overrun our lives without consistent self-care or if we chronically decide to put work and other tasks ahead of our wellbeing. Suppose we don’t develop healthy coping strategies. In that case, every stressor can begin to pile up to feel stuck under a mountain of problems.
Examples of self-care for when all you can think is, “Why is life so hard?” include :5
- Healthy Eating
- Exercising
- Practicing Personal Hygiene
- Find Hobbies
- Going on Vacations
- Doing Yoga
Healthy coping mechanisms for when you wonder why life is so hard can include:6
- Prevention Planning
- Positive Reframing
- Humor
- Prayer or Meditation,
- Going to others for emotional support
- Consulting others for practical advice,
- Self-Distraction and Redirection
4. General Anxiety & Social Anxiety
Anxiety is often future-oriented and interacts with the emotional state a person experiences when they feel threatened.7 As the pressure from potential threats becomes prolonged, the overwhelming feeling that life is so hard can negatively affect a person’s quality of life in it.8
Uncertainty about their future and beliefs that they are unequipped to cope with life stressors can cause constant distress.9 A negative outlook on life can grow exponentially from anxiety disorders and generalized anxiety disorder when someone also develops social anxiety. Fear of humiliation or embarrassment in social situations can create an even deeper resentment towards their life. Or lead someone to become less willing to seek help from others when faced with further life challenges.7
There are several ways someone can cope with anxiety, with options including pharmacotherapy, cognitive restructuring, exposure techniques, relaxation, and avoidance coping.7 Reaching out to a therapist or primary care physician can be helpful so that you can start to lessen the impact anxiety has on your outlook that life is difficult.
5. Depression
Although there are various mood disorders, the one we most equate with depressive symptoms is major depressive disorder (MDD).7
MDD involves feeling down and depressed most days, experiencing potential changes to sleeping and eating patterns, and feeling worthlessness, among other symptoms. Depression can make it feel like life is hard. It impacts our motivation, increases our fatigue, and reduces the sense of pleasure we get from our favorite activities and experiences.
Common ways to cope with depression include cognitive behavior therapy, medication therapy, and phototherapy for seasonal affective disorder. It is highly recommended you connect with your family physician and seek a therapist who can help you with the current dissatisfaction you are experiencing in life.
6. Traumatic Experiences
A traumatic experience can significantly impact our daily functioning, creating difficulty moving forward in post-traumatic growth. A traumatic experience can sometimes lead to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder which can be unbearable for those without proper knowledge and treatment. One terrible misfortune alone can bring your spirits down, but traumatic experiences can usually bring about multiple co-occurring issues.
Some examples of mental health challenges of trauma that make life hard can include:10
- Depression or Existential Depression
- Substance Abuse
- Chronic Pain
- Nightmares
- Flashbacks
- Sense of Worthlessness
- Hopelessness
- Insomnia
- Dissociation
- Irritability
- Decrease in Concentration
- Panic Attacks
Trauma and mental health challenges can make life difficult, but the good news is there are things you can actively do about it. Engaging in trauma-informed therapy is an essential step in addressing the challenges you may be currently facing. Connecting with a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma is a great starting point.
7. Financial Stress
When people face financial downfall, they can experience a stress response related to shame and fear of not meeting basic needs. With inflation increasing at the fastest rate seen in the last 40 years 11, more and more people are experiencing a strain on their budgets. Not only are people unable to afford as much, but they are also at a higher risk of experiencing anxiety around what the future might bring and depression from overmounting hardships.12,13,14
Thankfully financial stress can be a common topic discussed in the therapy room, leading to specific coping skills to combat negative emotions around our relationship with money.
8. Social Media & Social Comparison
Depending on the amount of time you engage with social media, mental health concerns can develop into thoughts of why life is so hard. Although social media can connect us with family, friends, social support, and our favorite celebrities, it can still carry a dark side. Most people only post what they want people to see, with posts that are refined, revised, and even manufactured.
Examples of the related mental health issues related to social media include:15
- Social Media Addiction
- Low Self-Esteem from Cyberbullying and Fat Shaming
- Insomnia from Revenge Bedtime Procrastination
- Loneliness
- Eating Disorders
Monitor how much time you spend on social media and how you feel each time you engage. Did you use it to connect with others in socially supportive ways and feel good, or did you feel worse due to comparing yourself to what you saw online? If you wonder why life is hard after scrolling, try setting limits for how much time you spend on social media. These breaks can be a social media timeout for a week or removing the app from your phone altogether.
9. Low Self-Esteem
When someone has low self-esteem, this can negatively impact how a person views and/or values themselves against those around them.16,17 Having poor self-esteem can prevent you from setting and achieving goals when you do not believe in yourself, reinforcing a negative perception of yourself. Research has noted that individuals may try to avoid being in the spotlight due to the increased risk of being in situations where they have to face their fear of rejection.16
Low self-esteem is also linked with different mental health challenges such as:
- Negative Self Talk
- Self-Criticism
- Self-Doubt
- Toxic Shame
- Attention Seeking Behavior
- Approval Addiction
- Avoidance Behavior
- Inferiority Complex
- Self-Sabotaging
- Imposter Syndrome
- Alcoholism
You aren’t the only one struggling with self-esteem, and professionals have found good tips on how to help. You can redirect your thinking of “why is life so hard for me?” by finding better ways to overcome your inner critic, stop being insecure, and learn how to love yourself.
10. Fear of failure
When we fear failure, we feel incredibly anxious about not living up to perceived standards set by ourselves or others.18 Perfectionism or procrastination can also develop from a fear of failure, leading us to see new opportunities as threats, especially when our confidence is lacking.18,19,20
Mental health problems such as anxiety and depression usually play a role in our fear of failure. They can make people feel that life is more complicated than it should be. Thankfully some tools can help you build confidence and overcome perfectionism.
11. Fixed vs. Growth Mindset
A fixed mindset is when people fear failure.21 In contrast, a growth mindset changes perspective to where upcoming tasks ahead of you are seen as challenges versus threats. Success is defined by the effort you put in rather than the outcome. View failure as learning, growing and developing versus a negative personal attribute.
12. Unhelpful Thinking Styles
How we think can impact how we feel and our actions in response to our negative emotions. Identifying when unhelpful thinking styles are present can be a way to recognize when you may be thinking that life is negatively impacting you.
Some examples of unhelpful thinking styles include:22
- All-Or-Nothing Thinking (i.e., looking at things in black/white or either/or terms),
- Jumping to Conclusions (i.e., rushing judgment versus exploring evidence),
- Confirmation Bias (i.e., looking for evidence to support only your viewpoint),
- Mind-Reading (i.e., inferring someone else’s thoughts without evidence to support it),
- Labeling (i.e., giving broad negative labels to yourself, others, and the world), and
- Emotional Reasoning (i.e., viewing your feelings as facts).
You can use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy practices to challenge these lines of thinking and develop more alternative realistic ways of thinking. Feel free to reach out to a therapist who uses cognitive behavioral therapy and can help you start to challenge your thinking.
13. Negative Self-Talk
We all engage in self-talk but often do not notice its impact on our mood.23 If our self-talk becomes negative towards ourselves, it can lead to anxiety, depression, stress, and burnout, making it feel like life is hard. Awareness of our thought processes and practicing challenging negative self-talk when they arise can lead to a more neutral or positive view of life.
Five challenging questions to ask yourself when you think life is difficult include:
- What is the evidence for this?
- Is this always true?
- Has this been true in the past?
- What are the odds something wrong is really happening?
- Am I being entirely objective?”
14. Rumination
Rumination is a thinking pattern in which a person persistently and endlessly thinks about something distressing.24
The circular thought patterns can often impact their ability to process unresolved aspirations or concerns and prevent them from focusing on other significant life challenges.25 People might ruminate on things like a problem they are experiencing, an upsetting situation they encountered, or something they do not like about themselves.24 Rumination is common and normal, but generally brief. If it continues for some time, it can be associated with depression and other mental health challenges.24,25
15. The “Story That I’m Making Up.”
The “story that I’m making up” is a phrase from Dr. Brene Brown used as a tool to help reality-check the stories we tell ourselves about our lives and relationships.26 Often, when we miss information from our experiences, we make up stories to fill in the missing parts. Say you see someone you know across the street and wave hello, and the person continues walking without acknowledging you. The story that you tell yourself can then impact your feelings and behaviors. If you said, “they ignored me on purpose; they must not like me,” that would negatively impact you, feeling sad and isolated. But if the story you told yourself was “They must not have seen me,” the story has less of an impact on you, and you can quickly go about your day.
Working to understand our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors helps us better understand who we are and how we can positively impact our lives. It is especially true when confronted with frustration, hurt, anger, and when engaging in self-protection. Reflecting on the story we tell ourselves, and being more aware of its impact, can potentially help with the thought that life is hard we might create in our minds.
Some things to write about to see what impact the “story you are telling yourself” is having on you include:
How does this story affect…
- My Emotion
- My Body
- My Thinking
- My Beliefs
- My Actions
16. Discrimination
Discrimination occurs when a person or group of people are treated unequally because of an actual or perceived difference.27 This experienced bias can lead to increased stress hormone levels and poorer mental and physical health.27,28
Some examples of discrimination affecting people’s experiences of mental health include:
- Mental Health Discrimination in the Workplace
- How Does Racism Affect Mental Health?
- Dealing with Racial Stress as a Black Parent
- Madness & Oppression: Paths to Personal Transformation and Collective Liberation
Our ability to recover from experiences of discrimination depends on how someone can cope with others’ negative opinions and how connected they are to their identity.28 Having a diverse social support group filled with friends, family, and those of our same group identity (like gender, disability, ethnic group) can give us the best chances to healthily cope and manage the stress of discrimination.28 With your support network, you can break down the shared experiences of discrimination together, gaining new perspectives on negative experiences that have made life so hard.29
17. Death of a Loved One
When someone we love dies, it can be one of the most challenging experiences in life. We might not only start to question, “why is life so hard for me?” but also experience an existential crisis. These feelings come from the loss of a child, a newborn, a parent, a pet
The grief of losing someone close can present itself in many ways, including:30
- Declining Physical and Emotional Health
- Rumination and Preoccupied Thoughts
- Dissociation
- Poor Sleep
- Social Challenges
- Questioning your Spirituality and Beliefs
How we mourn our loved ones and experience grief and loss is different for everyone and is as unique as a snowflake.31 Although people may think about the five stages of grief, there are many different grief reactions someone can experience beyond the five noted in the stages model. One shared thing to remember is that we must honor the suffering we feel and spend the time tending to ourselves and our needs while grieving.
When to Get Professional Help
When noticing recurrent thoughts such as “why is life so hard” or “why is my life so hard,” it is crucial to think about what obstacles might be causing you to think and feel this way. Suppose you notice that you are experiencing depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, or other mental health challenges. In that case, it is essential to reach out to mental health professionals who can help.
Asking yourself, “do I need therapy?“ is an important question. Know that there are professionals who are more than happy to help you address why you feel life is hard. Another helpful starting place is the Choosing Therapy article on finding a therapist and our directory. Connecting with a therapist can offer you a safe, non-judgmental place to talk about how you have been feeling and help you find ways to address why life is so hard.
Final Thoughts
Life can be hard, but there are ways to make it easier. Tending to ourselves and engaging in self-care, being aware of our negative thoughts, identifying and addressing stressors in our lives, and connecting with a good therapist can all be ways to start to make your life more satisfying. Whatever the reason or reasons you ask, “why is life so hard,” know that you are not alone. People are willing to help you, and there is always a way to overcome the obstacles you face.
Why Is Life So Hard? Infographics
