Regardless of whether divorce was your decision or not, the change it represents can be scary. This transition into the unknown may lead to mood changes, depression, and anxiety. Ways to deal with divorce and overcome depression after divorce include allowing yourself time to grieve and heal; talking with family, friends, or a professional; and accepting the reality of what you can and cannot control.
What Is Depression?
Depression involves a consistent low mood, sadness, and often hopelessness. It can also come with feelings of tiredness and thoughts of self-harm.
Why Is Life After Divorce Difficult?
Life after divorce can be difficult; sometimes, individuals may actually go through the stages of grief in a divorce. When kids are involved, it can become an even greater challenge. Knowing how to talk to your kids after divorce can be particularly difficult and may cause people to experience depression.
During the transition period of divorce, which can be a traumatic life event, people in a family system go through an adjustment period and may experience a sense of loss. Social support is a major resource for overcoming this crisis and successfully adjusting to post-divorce life.
Divorce signals the end of a marriage and the final loss of a once-intimate relationship. Issues after divorce that cause increased grief and depression include economic problems and a relative lack of personal support.1
Signs & Symptoms of Divorce Depression
Divorced individuals may experience depression symptoms like social isolation, health problems, and less overall happiness.2 The process of divorce or ending a marriage involves a dramatic change that also signifies a major loss in terms of self-definition and future aspirations.3
Individuals may also have their own views on the morality of divorce. Those who believe it is “wrong” to divorce may experience more distress than those who do not embrace this belief.4
Signs of depression after divorce include the following:
- Fatigue
- Crying for no reason
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Suicidal ideation
- Irritability
- Insomnia
- Anxiousness
- Difficulty sleeping
- Difficulty concentrating
Divorce is negatively related to all dimensions of mental health for both sexes.5 That said, women may suffer more from low self-esteem after a divorce, while men may suffer more from a decrease in autonomy and competence. Men and women both experience stress post-divorce, though they may express it differently. Women tend to internalize and men tend to externalize.5,6
8 Tips For Overcoming Divorce Depression
Healing after a marriage ends and learning how to move on after a divorce takes time; it’s a highly individualized process. Tips to overcome depression after divorce include practicing self-compassion, engaging in healthy habits, socializing, and seeking professional help.
Eight tips to overcome depression after divorce include:
1. Eat Healthy
When you start prioritizing your health, both physically and mentally, it may help to change how you feel about yourself. Healthy eating, for example, can help you feel stronger and more focused. In turn, this helps you stay focused on what is important to keep you moving forward.
2. Socialize
Make healthy boundaries and decide when and how you want to socialize. Finding social events where people share the same interests will help you feel supported and less alone. When it comes to tips for dating after divorce, everyone is different. When you’re ready, meeting new people may help give you the confidence you need to get through the healing process.
3. Treat Yourself Kindly
When you go through a divorce, you may start to blame yourself or have negative self-thoughts. Knowing how to love yourself is vital. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that you are not in control of certain situations or other people’s behaviors. Treating yourself kindly by using positive affirmations can help you remember that you matter and are enough (e.g., “I still deserve love even after my divorce”).
4. Develop Healthy Coping Skills
Developing healthy coping skills can give you healthy outlets to deal with stressful situations. Coping skills include exercise, spending quality time with friends and family, journaling, practicing mindfulness, and engaging in relaxation techniques. Take time to find out what works for you and use it as a way to reduce stress or negative emotions during your daily routine.
5. Reach Out For Support
Remind yourself that it’s OK to reach out for support. Whether you feel like your ideal support comes from interacting face-to-face or on a zoom call with a friend, make sure to schedule time to vent with the people you feel safe around. This will help you process your thoughts and start healing.
6. Seek Professional Help
Seeking professional help is just as important as reaching out for personal support. A professional can help you work through any negative thought patterns, focus on your strengths, and build the life you want to create. A professional can also help you reframe negative self-doubt and provide healthy coping skills to manage painful emotions.
7. Give Yourself Time to Heal
Remember, you don’t have to place pressure on yourself to bounce back right away after a major life transition or traumatic life event. Give yourself time to process and accept your emotions. If someone asks how you’re doing, it’s OK to say you’re still healing. If you try to rush the process, you may find that you suppress those painful feelings and they just show up again later.
8. Find the Positive
Remember who you were before this relationship—Who you are at your core. Focus on your strengths and how to lead with them. As you focus on the positive, you can also concentrate on your future and remind yourself that you are in control of what happens.
When to Seek Professional Help for Divorce Depression
If you find yourself struggling to be productive or even get out of bed most days, then it may be time to seek professional help. Therapy can help by providing someone with healthy coping skills and tools to overcome their depression after divorce. It’s beneficial for anyone who is going through a challenging adjustment period.
Treatment For Post Divorce Depression
Cognitive therapy aims to counteract the effects of maladaptive schemas and can help the patient become less vulnerable to future depressions.7 Cognitive therapy uses behavioral techniques with the goal of modifying automatic thoughts.7
For someone who is experiencing depression, working with a therapist for individual divorce counseling can teach coping skills and how to overcome negative self-thoughts. To find and choose the therapist or counselor who is right for you, start your search in an online therapist directory.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, call 9-1-1, call the National Suicide Preention Lifelife (800-273-8255), or go to your nearest emergency room.
Final Thoughts on Divorce Depression
Divorce depression is difficult but there are ways to move forward. You don’t have to feel alone or ashamed. Knowing that this is an adjustment period and you will get through it can help you focus on yourself and prioritize your healing process.
For Further Reading
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeine: 800-273-TALK (8255)
- Best Books About Separation & Divorce for 2022
- Mental Health American (MHA): Coping with Separation and Divorce
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): 5 Things You Should Know About Stress
- NIMH: Depression
Depression After Divorce Infographics
