What Does It Mean to Be Genderfluid?

What Is Gender Identity?

Take a moment and think about your gender. What is it? How do you know? Some people know from a young age that their gender matches their sex assigned at birth, but others know it doesn’t- and therefore do not identify with that gender. Our gender identity is how we feel about our bodies, ourselves, and our relationship with the world around us.

Unlike gender expression, which is how we present our gender to the outside world and those around us, gender identity is how we feel inside. Sometimes people confuse sex and gender, and mistakenly assume that someone’s presumed sex is also their gender, but this is not true. Sex refers to biology, such as our internal organs and hormones, and usually determines what sex we are assigned at birth, and gender refers to feelings and expressions, and has nothing to do with biology.

What Does Genderfluid Mean?

Unlike sex, which is usually assigned to newborn babies based on a binary male or female scale, gender exists on a spectrum. This means that someone can be on the feminine side, more masculine, or somewhere in the middle- perhaps androgynous, non-binary, or gender fluid.

Think of a line in the sand, with feminine all the way over to the left, and masculine all the way over to the right. Most of us exist somewhere along this line, perhaps feeling more comfortable towards either end of the spectrum. People who are gender fluid experience gender shifts and changes over time, hence the word “fluid,” which means changing. This means they can feel anywhere along that line, or maybe they stay towards the feminine or masculine side most of the time. Perhaps one day they can present as more feminine, and another day present with more stereotypical masculine traits, then another day they feel more androgynous or nonbinary.

Genderfluid Vs. Non-binary

Sometimes people confuse genderfluid and nonbinary identities. And while there are many similarities, they are actually different identities. Genderfluid is included under the non-binary umbrella, however, not all non-binary people are also genderfluid. Nonbinary refers to not identifying with either of the binary ideas of gender, and gender fluid means they can identify as nonbinary sometimes, or identify as different areas along the gender spectrum.

Other gender identities under the non-binary umbrella include:

• Androgynous
• Agender
• Bigender
• Demigender
• Genderqueer
• Pangender
• Neutrois
• Genderflux

Genderfluid Vs. Genderqueer

Genderflid and genderqueer can seem very similar, but they actually have some differences. Gender fluid refers to someone whose gender changes and shifts throughout time, but genderqueer refers to someone whose gender does not fit into the gender binary. So, someone can be genderfluid and genderqueer, but not always. The best way to determine how someone identifies is to ask them!

Genderfluid Vs. Genderflux

Genderfluid and genderflux are very similar, sometimes overlapping, identities. Both these identities may feel that their gender shifts, it may shift in a pattern, or they might feel more intensely or closely with one gender over another at different times.

Genderfluid Vs. Transgender

Although they seem similar, genderfluid and transgender are not the same thing. Someone who is gender fluid feels that their gender shifts and changes, and they might not identify with the sex they were assigned at birth, but they might feel like it fits sometimes. However, someone who is transgender does not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. Someone can be both genderfluid and transgender, but not always.

What Pronouns Do Genderfluid People Use?

Genderfluid people use any number of pronouns, depending on how they feel comfortable. Sometimes their pronouns may change, and sometimes they stay constant. For example, a genderfluid person might use she/her pronouns, she/they, he/him, or any combination of pronouns. The best way to know the pronouns of a genderfluid person is to ask them!

Sexuality of Genderfluid People

Sexuality and gender identity are two different things. Just like cis-gendered people, genderfluid people can have any type of sexuality from gay to straight, to bisexual, or they may be sexually fluid. Also, similar to cis-gendered people, genderfluid folks can also have different types of romantic attraction. This means they might be sapiosexual, or a number of different sexualities.

Can Gender Change?

Gender is not constant, and usually changes and adapts throughout our life. How you felt about yourself and your gender might have changed since childhood to adulthood. Someone may identify as one gender and later in life identify as a different gender. It is also possible for someone to identify with more than one gender at the same time, or to not identify with any gender.

What Do Relationships Look Like for Genderfluid People?

Genderfluid people navigate relationships everyday, much the way their cis-gender peers do. They deal with many of the same stressors that cis-heterosexual people deal with, such as trying to find a good partner, navigating first dates, and how to determine relationship expectations.

However, someone who is genderfluid needs a partner who understands and respects their identity. If you are genderfluid, it is important to communicate with your partner your pronouns and identity, and what you feel comfortable with in regards to your identity and your position as a partner.

Agree on Language

Genderfluid people and their partners need to agree on certain phrases and language to use in the relationship. For example, instead of being referred to as a girlfriend or boyfriend, many people use the terms spouse or partner.

Similarly, being mindful of gendered language is important. For example, referring to a gender fluid person as sexy or good looking instead of using words like pretty or handsome. Ultimately, have conversations with your partner about what you both feel comfortable with, and be open minded.

How to Know if Genderfluid Is the Right Term For You

Because gender means different things to different people, it can be difficult to find the term that represents your gender. Here are some tools to assist you in the process.

Below are some tips for determining if you identify as genderfluid:

• Try on different genders: Experiment with different clothing, makeup, and scenarios to see what you feel most comfortable with.
• The terms male and female do not feel comfortable to you in regards to identity: Many people report feeling like they do not identify exclusively with either end of the gender binary.
• Spend time thinking and journaling about gender: Taking time for self reflection will help you become more aware and comfortable with your identity
• Educate yourself: Sometimes people do not know how they identify because they do not yet have the understanding and terminology that feels comfortable. Educating yourself will help you learn more about yourself.
• Connect with people of different genders: Spending time around different genders can help you figure out where you belong.

How to Support a Genderfluid Person

“Just like adults, children and teens who express or identify their gender differently from their sex designated at birth are more likely to experience prejudice and discrimination.”¹

Being a supportive ally is about acceptance but also about educating ourselves. With the internet at our fingertips, it is easier than ever to do research on different identities, and how to best support others. Do not be afraid to ask someone their pronouns, or to ask them more about their identity to get to know them.

Below are some ways to support a genderfluid individual:

• Be open minded: Being open minded will help us be open to learning more about other people and different identities.
• Learn their pronouns: Asking someone their pronouns should be the first step in getting to know them. When we assume someone’s gender and pronouns, we can unknowingly cause harm.
• Don’t make assumptions: Because gender manifests and presents so many different ways with everyone, we can not assume someone’s gender simply from how they present.
• Ask questions: Asking questions will help you to better understand their identity, however, take care to ensure that questions are respectful.
• Know when to do research: Asking questions is a great way to learn, however, be careful that you are not placing the genderqueer person in a position of having to educate. Go to the internet if you would like to learn more.
• Be careful how you speak about LGBTQ people: When speaking about marginalized communities, it is important to be respectful. Being an ally is about more than just how to speak to and around the individual, but also about how you advocate for and support the rest of the community.

Finding Gender-Affirming Care

If you are feeling conflicted about your identity or have questions about how to come out, it can be helpful to seek professional help. Consider finding an LGBTQ+ therapist as they will have beneficial knowledge to offer and be understanding of your experiences. If you would prefer at-home rather than in-person sessions, there are many LGBTQ+ online therapy options available, too. You can start your search using an online therapist directory.

In My Experience

We are living in a time when more people are comfortable coming forward about gender and sexual identity than ever before, but we still have a long way to go towards true acceptance. Part of being a good ally is not only accepting, but learning what ways we can be more affirming and supportive.

This is especially true in healthcare settings. As a therapist who works with many queer and LGBTQ people, I notice an improvement in many presenting symptoms of mental health when they are affirmed and supported by others in their lives. Presenting symptoms such as anxiety and depression are often decreased, if not alleviated, once they receive the gender affirming care and support they need.