65 Questions to Ask Your Partner to Increase Intimacy

What Is Emotional Intimacy?

Emotional intimacy is the deep sense of connection and understanding between partners. It’s built on trust, vulnerability, and shared experiences. Research shows that strong emotional intimacy leads to higher relationship satisfaction and sustained sexual desire.¹ Achieving emotional intimacy also leads to developing and maintaining healthy communication practices.²

While physical attraction is important, true intimacy comes from meaningful conversations that allow partners to open up, share their fears and dreams, and feel truly seen.

How to Use Questions to Build Intimacy

If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner or just want to deepen your bond, asking thought-provoking questions can help you build emotional intimacy.

Here’s how to make the most of these questions to ask your partner:³

• Set the mood – Choose a relaxed setting where you can talk without distractions.
• Go beyond yes/no answers – Encourage deeper conversations by asking why and how questions.
• Listen actively – Show interest in your partner’s responses without judgment.
• Share openly – Vulnerability goes both ways. Be honest about your own feelings.

Exploring Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy allows you to connect with your partner on a deeper level. These questions encourage vulnerability and understanding, helping you explore the feelings, experiences, and thoughts that build a strong emotional bond.

1. What’s one thing you’re afraid to tell anyone else?

2. When did you know you loved me?

3. How do you define love, and has that definition changed over time?

4. What’s a fear or insecurity you’ve never shared with anyone?

5. How do you think conflict strengthens or challenges our relationship?

6. How do you like to be comforted when you’re feeling anxious?

7. What’s a romantic gesture you’ve always wanted to experience?

8. How do you define emotional intimacy, and do you feel we’ve achieved it?

9. What’s one moment in our relationship that made you feel deeply connected to me?

10. How am I similar to your parent(s)?

11. How do you need support from me when you’re sad or frustrated?

12. How do you express love when words aren’t enough?

13. What’s your favorite non-physical way to feel close to me?

Reflecting on the Past and Present

Looking back on meaningful moments as individuals and as a couple, can deepen appreciation for your journey together. These questions encourage reminiscing about the past, celebrating personal growth, and recognizing the experiences that have shaped your relationship today.

14. What are three things about me that attracted you to me when we first met?

15. If you could relive one day of our relationship, what day would it be?

16. What is your favorite memory of us?

17. What were some of the highlights of your childhood?

18. What have I done that has made you proud? When was it?

19. What were the happiest moments in your life so far?

20. How do you think we’ve grown as a couple since we first met?

21. What influenced your decision to have kids or not have kids?

22. Who is your childhood hero and why?

23. What has been your happiest moment this year so far?

24. Which relative are you closest to and why?

25. What were some of the happiest moments of your childhood?

26. What is the biggest adversity you’ve had in the last 5 years, and how did you overcome it?

Building the Future Together

Looking back at your personal histories and shared experiences can bring clarity and appreciation to your relationship. These questions help you revisit cherished memories and explore how your past has shaped the present, offering new perspectives on your journey together.

27. What are your goals for our relationship?

28. What are some of your dreams for your life?

29. Where would you like us to travel to and why?

30. If we lived for 100 years, what would you want our lives to look like?

31. What kind of legacy would you like us to build as a couple?

32. How do you envision us supporting each other in retirement?

33. What is an adventure you want to have before you die?

34. If you could create a tradition for just the two of us, what would it be?

35. What’s one thing you hope we never lose as a couple?

36. What is your timeline for our relationship (marriage, children, career, retirement, etc.)?

37. How would you like to change in the next year?

38. What’s one habit you’d like to build together to strengthen our bond?

Deepening Understanding of Each Other

Every relationship thrives on mutual understanding—knowing not just who your partner is, but how they think, feel, and experience the world. These questions encourage deeper conversations about love, intimacy, and personal growth, helping you connect in ways that go beyond the everyday.

39. What do you like about our physical relationship? How could we improve?

40. Which of the five senses are most sensual to you?

41. What’s your love language, and how can I speak it better?

42. How do you feel we balance individuality and togetherness in our relationship?

43. What do you need most in a friend right now?

44. If you could change one thing about how we handle disagreements, what would it be?

45. What’s something about me that inspires you?

46. What’s a small thing I could do every day to make you feel more loved?

47. What’s a compliment you’ve always wanted to hear from me?

48. How do you feel about monogamy?

49. If you could change us into an animal pair, which one would you choose?

50. What’s your philosophy for living a happy life?

51. How do your daily habits change when you’re feeling stressed?

Sharing Personal Perspectives

Building a stronger connection often comes from truly understanding your partner’s desires, preferences, and perspectives. These questions encourage honest conversations about individuality, love, and the unique dynamics of your relationship, fostering a deeper appreciation for one another.

52. What’s something you’re currently struggling with that you haven’t told me about?

53. What’s a dream you gave up on, and do you ever think about pursuing it again?

54. What’s a memory from your past that still makes you smile?

55. If you could write a letter to your younger self, what advice would you give?

56. What’s one risk you’ve always wanted to take, and how can I support you in it?

57. What’s one thing about your past relationships that taught you something valuable for ours?

58. What are your top 3 values?

59. What legacy do you want to leave behind?

60. Where in your life do you feel most unfulfilled?

61. What would you change about your financial situation and why?

62. If you could have dinner with one person living or dead, who would it be and why?

63. What’s a secret fantasy or goal you’ve always wanted to share with me?

64. What’s something about your culture or upbringing that influences your perspective on relationships?

65. What’s the most adventurous thing you’d like us to do together?

Benefits of Emotional Intimacy in a Relationship

Emotional intimacy is the foundation of a strong, lasting relationship. Couples who share a deep emotional connection tend to experience greater relationship satisfaction, resilience, and trust. When partners feel truly understood, they are better equipped to navigate stress and resolve conflicts in a healthy way.

While emotional intimacy may look different for every couple, one common thread is a renewed sense of commitment—even during challenging times. It fosters open communication, deepens mutual understanding, and allows partners to support each other through both joys and vulnerabilities. Ultimately, emotional intimacy strengthens the bond between partners, making the relationship more fulfilling and enduring.

Why Emotional Intimacy Matters in Relationships

Emotional intimacy, heartfelt conversations and vulnerability can help partners to feel more connection, understanding, and support from each other. While many people may equate sexual intimacy to emotional intimacy, the truth is that the two are connected but are also different in nature. Having physical chemistry is great, but real intimacy occurs when a couple learn how to communicate and can have vulnerable conversations with each other about their intimate life, emotions, and perspectives. Increased vulnerability means acknowledging our humanity and listening to our partner with an open mind.⁴

Every relationship has ups and downs. The people closest to us are most likely to see us in the moments when we’re not being the best version of ourselves. Having emotional intimacy can mean that you and your partner have an open and trusting connection. Asking questions and self-disclosing your thoughts, dreams, feelings, and emotions can help in maintaining a healthy level of emotional intimacy.⁵ One of the ways to preserve this connection is through maintaining an environment of mutual respect where both partners are willing to have courageous conversations with each other and dialogue about their differences.

When to Seek Professional Help

Relationships can be challenging and experiencing a loss of emotional intimacy could be a sign that it’s time to reach out for additional support. You could try a self-guided couples therapy app to help you and your partner improve communication skills, such as the Lasting App. Couples therapy can also give you and your partner clarity and understanding on how to better support and engage with each other⁶ and can be a great way to uncover hidden emotions and find out what adjustments and changes are needed to build and maintain emotional intimacy.

While there are many options available, consider finding a marriage and couples therapist that works as a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT) or has received specialized training in couples therapy.⁷ A great place to start searching for a couples therapist is through an online therapist directory.

Therapy for addressing a lack of intimacy in a relationship may include:

• Individual therapy – Individual psychotherapy gives both partners some time apart to focus on what they want individually in the relationship and identify areas for self growth.
• Couples counseling – Online couples counseling gives both partners time together to discuss their relationship and develop a healthy routine of communication. Having a therapist present can help both individuals to stay on topic and keep the conversation solution oriented.
• Online therapy – Engaging in therapy through a virtual platform for online therapy can be helpful for individuals who may be immune-compromised or may just prefer not having to leave their home. Online therapy can help to address the continuing stigma surrounding mental health and offers you the opportunity to receive support while in the comfort of your home.
• Group therapy – Online group therapy or support groups can be helpful for couples who want to build emotional intimacy and are open to receiving support from other individuals or couples who are going through a similar experience.
• Couples therapy retreats -Taking a weekend or a few days away from your daily obligations and focusing on your relationship while working with a licensed therapist can have a positive impact on the emotional intimacy in your relationship. Couples therapy retreats are designed as a time to reconnect, rejuvenate and recharge your relationship and oftentimes involves traveling to another state or country to truly get away from it all.