Spiritual narcissism is one of the most confusing and insidious forms of narcissism encountered. Spiritual narcissists boast about their spiritual accomplishments as if reaching a sense of spiritual connection with others was a competition. It is helpful to remind yourself that spiritual development is not a race and there’s no point to participating in an imaginary competition that no one can win.
What Is a Spiritual Narcissist?
Just as narcissists believe that they are better than everyone else, spiritual narcissists believe that their spiritual wisdom and development is superior to others’. Spiritual narcissists boast about their spiritual or religious endeavors, including practices such as yoga, prayer, meditation, or knowledge of spiritual texts. Their presumption of superiority leads them to treat others with condescension. They manipulate others through twisting faith-based tenets, belief systems, or wield “forgiveness” as a weapon with those who question their beliefs.
Spiritual narcissists tend to live at one of two extremes. They will either brag on their greatness or pontificate on their great humility.1 They may try to proselytize their friends and encourage them to join their practice or they may castigate others for their lack of self-awareness and enlightenment. Spiritual narcissists construct a barrier between those who “know the way” and those who refuse to “follow the path.” Just like any narcissist, they are consistently working to set themselves apart from everyone else and see themselves as existing on a level that no one else can easily attain.
Spiritual Ego & Spiritual Narcissism
We typically describe narcissists as having inflated egos–this refers to their overblown sense of importance. The spiritual ego is similar, but it refers specifically to your beliefs about your sense of spiritual identity and development. Just like a typical narcissist, a spiritual narcissist needs to find their narcissist supply. However, the spiritual narcissist is hungry for confirmation that their spiritual beliefs are more authentic than those of others. While true spiritual transcendence is centered on the sense of connection and similarity between self and others, a narcissist is driven by a need to be separate from and better than their fellow humans.
In his book, Cutting through Spiritual Materialism, Chogyam Trungpa described the tendency for spiritual seekers to look to spiritual practices as a way to measure their growth. Think of this as being similar to how others might use the size of their houses or their titles in the same way. However, spiritual materialism can lead to excessive investment into “pathways to enlightenment” that only drain a seeker’s wallet while enhancing the bank account of the spiritual teacher.
As a person hungers for greater enlightenment, they may mistake a growing spiritual ego for an increased spiritual awareness. This turns something inherently immeasurable into a quest for attaining what cannot be possessed in the way that the seeker expects. Authentic spiritual practices are centered on the quieting of the ego and the dismantling of the need to be more than another. Spiritual narcissism is based on the ego driving the practice as a false means of achieving spiritual superiority. Spiritual narcissists genuinely believe that their level of spiritual development makes them holy and special.
Spiritual Narcissist Traits
There are many types of narcissists, but they all tend to exhibit the same basic traits that are associated with narcissistic personality disorder. However, not every person with narcissistic tendencies meets the clinical standards for diagnosis of this disorder.
Spiritual narcissists specifically seek out validation about their heightened level of spiritual development. They find their supply both through validation of their holiness and spiritual attainment as well as through the continued practice of their beliefs. Through engagement in their practice, they create a cycle of narcissistic satisfaction–their dedication to their beliefs becomes the proof they need of their superiority and becomes the focus of further gloating.
Some additional defining traits of a spiritual narcissist include:
- Preoccupied by fantasies of spiritual greatness
- Lack of empathy
- Sense of entitlement
- Grandiose perceptions of spirituality
- Extreme sensitivity to criticism regarding spiritualism
- Need for spiritual admiration
- Exploitative and manipulative of others
12 Signs of a Spiritual Narcissist
Spiritual narcissists come in all shapes and sizes, from all walks of life, and from any religion, faith, or spiritual tradition. Just as narcissism can cut across all demographic factors, so too can spiritual narcissism. However, there are often differences in how spiritual narcissists present based on their unique identity, including age, religious affiliation, and gender.
Below are 12 signs of a spiritual narcissist:
1. They Use Their Religion Against You
Spiritual narcissists may be extremely vocal in their efforts to show their spiritual superiority. They may use their religious beliefs as a weapon against non-believers or those who don’t believe as strongly as they do. They may insult others’ beliefs and quote passages from spiritual guides or holy books to refute their detractors. If they feel pushed to justify their beliefs, they may fly into a narcissistic rage that can be terrifying in its fury.
2. They Bring You Down
Spirituality and faith are typically viewed as positive and protective factors in life. However, spiritual narcissists turn these elements into risk factors by putting down your own practice–or lack of practice in the case of atheists–as they elevate their own. They question your beliefs and compare the merits of your faith to their own. By highlighting their faith’s superiority, spiritual narcissists practice narcissistic abuse. Insulting your faith and trying to create doubt in what you feel to be true also makes you a victim of emotional abuse.
3. They’ve Never Made Mistakes
Spiritual narcissists may boast that they are incapable of making mistakes and that they have found the perfect path to enlightenment. If they stray from what the faith’s teaching plainly describes, they may proclaim that they were given specific heavenly instructions to do so. If they engage in prohibited behaviors, such as the use of illicit drugs or gambling, they may look for others to blame and accuse them of sabotaging their path to spiritual perfection.
4. They Use Scripture for Their Benefit
Narcissists refuse to admit they are wrong and work to keep the upper hand. Similarly, spiritual narcissists will also go to any length–even by twisting their religious scripture and teachings–to give them a sense of power. They may argue that only they know the true meaning of a passage as a way to use narcissist gaslighting to convince someone to engage in an action that is only in the narcissist’s best interest.
5. They Believe They Are Special
While many religions tend to focus on the similarity among people and the shared sense of humanity, spiritual narcissists believe that they are better than others and belong to a different class of believers. They often tend to cloister with those that are just as spiritually narcissistic as themselves so that they can create an even greater sense of superiority and elite membership in a rarified group.
6. They Turn Every Discussion Into a Heavy Debate
Because spiritual narcissists are convinced that their beliefs are correct, they cannot allow others to hold different beliefs. For spiritual narcissists, there is only one real truth and one way to salvation or enlightenment–and that is their way. They view their mission as convincing everyone to convert. They will scrutinize every truth in your own faith in order to win the argument that they themselves began.
7. They Put Total Trust in Their Religion
While it is inherent to put trust in what cannot necessarily be seen when it comes to spirituality, spiritual narcissists put total unconditional faith in their belief system. This may lead them to transfer their wealth and belongings to their place of worship, which can leave them bankrupt and homeless.
8. They Value Faith-Based Knowledge Over Science
Sometimes, a spiritual narcissist may risk their health and wellbeing in order to prove their faith is sufficient for life. Rather than use reason and logic, they will trust their gurus or spiritual leaders above more sound advisors or doctors. Believing that they know better than medical professionals can leave them and their families, including children, in precarious and life-threatening positions.
9. They Have a Distorted View of Reality
Spiritual narcissists become so taken in by the promises of faith leaders or the tenets of a spiritual practice that they can no longer be objective about themselves, other people, or the world around them. They may see everything through rose-colored glasses. They are so deeply invested in the need to keep up a positive front at all times that they lose touch with what is actually going on around them.
10. They Constantly Seek Meaning in Random Events
Spiritual narcissists believe that everything has a deeper meaning. They look for ways to use coincidences as proof of spiritual divinity or random events as signs of divine guidance. They ascribe deeper meaning into random happenings and defy others who question their beliefs.
11. They Judge Others
Most religions encourage followers to be non-judgmental. Conversely, spiritual narcissists cannot resist comparing themselves to others. Their egos become so enmeshed in their spiritual identities that they feel threatened by anyone who makes different choices than they. In order to maintain their sense of spiritual superiority, they look down on anyone who doesn’t live up to their standards.
12. They Can’t Forgive
Just as withholding judgment is an important aspect of many faith traditions, so is forgiveness. Spiritual narcissists cannot let go of resentment they feel when they have been wronged. They may “turn the other cheek,” but they don’t let go of the anger they feel towards the person who offended them first.
How to Deal With a Spiritual Narcissist
Dealing with a spiritual narcissist requires similar actions as dealing with any other narcissist. Spending as little time possible with this person is a first step to reducing their influence on your life. The most effective methods of coping with them will vary based on your relationship to them. You may find yourself feeling sympathy for the spiritual narcissist, but remind yourself that it’s not your job to heal others–even those who are so clearly seeking some type of salvation.
Below are some ways to deal with a spiritual narcissist:
Avoid Confrontation
While most people tend to defend their beliefs when needed, spiritual narcissists are unable to tolerate challenges. They will lash out when people question their beliefs, making it impossible for any productive communication to occur. It’s important to recognize the risks of confrontation, especially in settings where it can have significant consequences. Avoiding the discussion of spirituality is wise.
Don’t Internalize Their Criticisms
Remember that spiritual narcissists are motivated by their own need to feel superior to others, so don’t allow their criticism or disrespect to affect how you feel about yourself. You do not need to measure up to anyone else’s expectations concerning your spiritual practices. This includes narcissistic parents, if they are the spiritual narcissists in your life.
Your self-esteem and sense-of-self should be based on how you see yourself. If you find yourself questioning your own level of spiritual development, you may want to explore if you are too self-critical before working towards change that may not be warranted.
Set Clear Boundaries
Don’t allow the spiritual narcissist to interrupt your life any more than required. If it is a friend who has suddenly found a new path to enlightenment, express your happiness at their new calling. But, don’t allow them to constantly badger you into following their example. If it is a family member, firmly remind them that you respect their path but that you hold your own beliefs just as firmly. Depending on where you encounter the spiritual narcissist, your boundaries may look different, but setting healthy boundaries gives you the space you need to be free from their influence.
Build a Strong Network of Support
When you lose someone to spiritual narcissism, it can be deeply upsetting. Spiritual narcissists tend to get sucked up into their religious fervor and may exclude those who are not following the same path. If your beliefs do not align with theirs and they go on a campaign to convert you, you will need a strong support network to help keep you grounded. They can help you remain resistant and manage the feelings of loss you may be experiencing.
Hold Fast to Your Own Values
When someone is trying to convert you, take time to explore your own beliefs and values and reflect on how you came to hold them. By recognizing what matters most to you, you can be in a better place to stay fast to your true principles. By finding your own center and spiritual safe space, you can use the tools of your own faith to accept the narcissist as they are.
Can Therapy Help?
If your well-being is being negatively affected by a spiritual narcissist, and self-help measures are not working, you may want to consider participating in therapy. This can provide a space to explore your experiences individually or in a group therapy setting. You can gain a more objective perspective and learn new tools for coping. There are many ways to find a therapist who is a good fit for your needs, ranging from asking loved ones for recommendations or exploring an online therapy directory
If the spiritual narcissist is your spouse or another family member, you may be successful in getting them to join you in couples therapy or family therapy. It’s unfortunate, but even spiritual narcissists have a difficult time recognizing their hurtful behaviors and narcissistic tendencies.
Can a Spiritual Narcissist Change?
Unfortunately, narcissists seldom see their problematic behaviors themselves. This may be even more challenging for spiritual narcissists as they believe they are following a path of correctness and truth. Seeking change would have to be done on their own accord.
Final Thoughts
The practices that are followed by spiritual narcissists are often promoted as pathways to better health, more satisfying relationships, and a better life. However, the goal of true spiritual growth is not so ego-centered. Instead, spiritual maturity is often experienced as a letting go of the ego and a falling away of the need to compete against others. If you or someone you care about is showing signs of spiritual narcissism, it is worth investing the time and energy necessary to help free them from this struggle.
Spiritual Narcissists Infographics
