5 Reasons Why Mommy Wine Culture Is Toxic

What Is Wine Mom Culture?

The term “wine mom” is generally used to refer to a mom who drinks wine as a way to cope with parenting. She may also make light of her reliance on wine, and use it as a way to bond with other moms. An article in The Atlantic highlights the role of the internet in the growth of the wine mom movement, enabling the proliferation of memes like “the most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.”¹

Behind the cheeky wine glasses and internet enthusiasm, mommy wine culture may stem from a desire to validate the struggles of moms and build community. Sharing the message that “mommy needs wine” is perhaps an attempt to say “being a mom is really hard” in a socially acceptable way. However, this trend perpetuates the idea that alcohol is a solution for overwhelmed, isolated caregivers, which can be harmful for parents and their whole family.

Examples of Mommy Wine Culture

Moms who lack the coping skills and support networks to adjust to their maternal roles, or to meet the constantly shifting needs of their kids, may rely on alcohol as a way to find relief. Encouraged by mommy wine culture, drinking may become an essential part of a mom’s life, even during the day.

Examples of wine mom culture include:

• A mom saying she needs her “mommy juice” when dealing with her children
• Buying a coffee mug with the phrase “This is Probably Wine” engraved on it
• Organizing or attending social gatherings with other moms that center around wine or drinking
• Drinking before the kids come home from school
• Posting on social media about how you drink to cope with your kids
• Drinking heavily as a way to celebrate the kids finally going to bed

What Is the Appeal of Mommy Wine Culture?

Taking care of children can be stressful, tiring, and anxiety-inducing. A healthy transition to motherhood can depend greatly on a mom’s perception and resources.² Mommy wine culture may offer a chance to escape responsibility, relax, socialize, and have “me time” away from kids’ demands. It can offer a funny and “normal” perception of drinking, rather than a shameful, unhealthy, or problematic one. Rather than looking at their alcohol use as dangerous, wine moms may see it as an acceptable way of dealing with parenthood.

5 Reasons Why Wine Mom Culture is a Bad Thing

There are many negative aspects of mommy wine culture, including the effects it can have on moms and children. For mothers, drinking wine may act as a mask to cover what is really going on and prohibit them from seeking out real help. For kids, having a parent who needs to drink in order to “deal” with them can be damaging to their self-esteem—and scary.

Here are five reasons why mommy wine culture is toxic:

1. Avoids the Real Problem

By drinking to cope with parenting and making light of it on social media, a mom may be avoiding what is really going on in her life–such as underlying depression or anxiety. Drinking wine may become the way in which she escapes, sometimes taking the place of an effective long-term solution–this can include seeking therapy, supportive parenting groups, or help from extended family.

2. Emotional & Physical Neglect

Caregivers need to be fully present for children in order to attend to their physical and emotional needs. However, alcohol inhibits this by making it more difficult for a person’s brain to control aspects of balance, memory, and decision making skills.³ This leads to an increased chance of negative consequences for parents and their kids.

3. Increases Safety Risks

Alcohol-induced blackouts, or gaps in memory while drunk, are a serious potential problem when caring for children who need guidance in order to stay safe.⁴ Being under the influence of alcohol increases the likelihood of a parent putting a child at risk, or of letting a child’s injuries go unnoticed.

4. Risk of Long-Term Challenges for Children

Parental alcohol abuse, regardless of severity, is associated with an increased risk of mental and behavioral disorders in children.⁴ Children may have lower self-esteem if they feel guilt and shame that parents need alcohol in order to deal with them. They may also learn by example that drinking is an acceptable way to cope with stressors in life.

5. Depletes Sense of Trust

Witnessing one’s parents act differently after drinking heavily can be traumatic for children, as can seeing a parent go through the aftermath of binge-drinking. For children who look up to parents and once felt safe in their care, it can shake their trust in their caregivers.

Alcohol Dependency Is Not a Joke

Mommy wine culture messaging that promotes frequent and all-day alcohol consumption is harmful, and the repercussions of alcoholism can be far-reaching. This is especially true for mothers of young children who need extra guidance on what is and is not safe.

Parental alcohol dependency can lead to:

• Increased risk of accidents: Alcohol can impair a mother’s ability to drive, maintain a household, and care for her children.
• Health complications: Liver disease, digestive problems, and heart problems are just some of the issues associated with alcoholism.⁵
• Self-medication: A caregiver who relies on alcohol to cope with their role may not learn alternative, more effective ways of managing stress.

Long-Term Effects of Alcoholism on Families

Regular alcohol consumption may lead to a dependence, which can be harmful for families and lead to difficulties in a marriage. Living with an alcoholic can make a partner or spouse feel trapped, unsafe, and powerless to help. Parental alcoholism also impacts children both in the short and long term, including mental health effects that last well into adulthood.⁶

Negative impacts of alcohol dependency in a family include:

• Financial stress
• Dysfunctional relationships
• Behavioral issues in children
• Intimate partner violence such as verbal and physical abuse
• Codependency in partners
• Marital problems and divorce
• Child neglect

An adult child of an alcoholic parent has a higher risk of:⁶

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Substance use disorder
• Greater impulsivity
• Attention and conduct problems
• Lower self-esteem
• Child abuse and school dropouts

How to Eliminate the “Wine Mom” Mindset

Fortunately, gaining the awareness that one is affected by mommy wine culture is the first step to changing one’s relationship with it. Noticing that this trend has an effect on you may help you start to separate from the wine mom trend, and adopt a healthier relationship with alcohol or quit completely.

Here are some tips for overcoming a toxic relationship with alcohol:

• Socialize without alcohol: Keep an eye out for certain family members or friends who only want to hang out when alcohol is involved. You may need to take a break from these people; make plans with others who want to go for a walk or join a book club, rather than hosting a mom’s wine night.
• Educate yourself: Learning about the long-term health effects of alcohol can help you understand why it is so important to prioritize your health now. Find alternative methods of coping, such as joining a parent support group.
• Take a break from social media: Unfollow or unfriend accounts that promote mommy wine culture or drinking, and seek out influencers that promote healthy coping strategies for parents. Or, take a break from social media altogether by deactivating or deleting your accounts.
• Practice self-care: Engaging in activities that are healthy–such as working out–can help give you a feeling of accomplishment, boost endorphins, and be a more effective way of managing stress.
• Ask for help: When you’re feeling overwhelmed, know that you are not alone. Parenting is hard and there are beneficial resources available. Asking for help is a sign of strength.

When to Seek Professional Help

Often, people drink to alleviate symptoms of underlying conditions such as anxiety and depression. Left untreated, these conditions can lead to even more challenges, and potentially worsen the symptoms of alcoholism. Seeking help to treat these and other mental health issues can be life-changing for you and your family.

Treatment options to consider when addressing the effects of mom wine culture include:

• 12-step programs: Programs like Alcoholics Anonymous provide structure and a strong sense of community to help those struggling with addiction.
• Family therapy: Increasing communication can help everyone in the family better support each other and reinforce positive behaviors, rather than destructive ones.
• Group therapy: Support groups, such as parenting groups, can help parents feel validated and less alone with the stresses of raising children.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT can help you address and reframe some of the thoughts and beliefs that are maintaining dependency on alcohol.

Final Thoughts

Mommy wine culture can have harmful effects on moms, families, and children. Being aware of the messages that wine mom memes, t-shirts, and wine glasses are sending and how they are affecting you can be a first step to exploring your own relationship to alcohol and parenting. Parenting is a very tough job, and finding the support you need is a priority–not only for your own mental health, but for the health of your family.