• Mental Health
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • ADHD
    • Addiction
      • What is Addiction?
      • What Are Behavioral Addictions?
      • Addiction vs Dependence
      • Addiction Myths vs Facts
      • Addiction Statistics
      • How to Help a Friend
      • Find an Addiction Specialist
    • Eating Disorders
    • Personality Disorders
      • Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
        • OCD vs. OCPD
    • Trauma
      • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
        • PTSD & COVID-19
      • Childhood Trauma
    • Sexual Disorders
      • Anorgasmia
      • Female Sexual Arousal Disorder (FSAD)
      • Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD)
      • Premature Ejaculation (PE)
      • Delayed Ejaculation
    • Schizophrenia
  • Therapy Techniques
    • Online Therapy
      • Best Online Therapy
      • Online Therapy for Teens
      • Best LGBTQ Online Therapy
      • Best Online Therapy for Insurance
    • Psychotherapy
    • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
      • CBT for Anxiety
      • CBT for Social Anxiety
      • CBT for Panic Disorder
      • CBT for Insomnia
      • CBT Online
    • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
      • DBT for Teens
    • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
    • Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
      • EMDR for PTSD
      • EMDR for Anxiety
      • EMDR Online
    • Art Therapy
    • Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA)
    • Exposure and Response Prevention
    • Group Therapy
    • Hypnotherapy
    • Motivational Interviewing
    • Person Centered Therapy
    • Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy
    • Sex Therapy
  • Types of Therapists
    • Faith-Based & Christian Counselors
    • Life Coaching
    • Family Therapist
      • Child & Teen Counseling
    • Marriage & Couples Counselors
      • Premarital Counseling
    • Psychiatrist
      • Psychology vs. Psychiatry
    • Psychotherapist
    • Grief Counselors
    • Online Therapists
  • Starting Therapy FAQ
    • Does Therapy Work?
      • How to Find a Therapist
      • Helping a Friend or Loved One
    • How to Choose a Therapist
      • Finding a Black Therapist
      • Finding a Latinx Therapist
      • Finding an LGBTQ-Friendly Therapist
      • Finding a Therapist as a Young Adult
      • Finding an Online Therapist
    • Preparing for Your First Session
    • Types of Mental Health Professionals
    • Mental Health Insurance
      • HSAs for Therapy
      • Sliding Scale Therapy Fees
    • Mental Health in the Workplace
      • Asking for a Mental Health Day
      • Taking Time Off for Mental Health
    • Top Mental Health Organizations
      • Mental Health Resources Outside the U.S.
  • About Us
    • About Us
    • Editorial Policy
    • Advertising Policy
    • Privacy Policy
    • Contact Us
    • Write for Us
    • Join the Directory
    • Careers
  • Therapist Directory
    • Find a Therapist
    • Join the Directory
    • Directory Login
  • Mental Health
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • ADHD
    • Addiction
      • What is Addiction?
      • What Are Behavioral Addictions?
      • Addiction vs Dependence
      • Addiction Myths vs Facts
      • Addiction Statistics
      • How to Help a Friend
      • Find an Addiction Specialist
    • Eating Disorders
    • Personality Disorders
      • Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
        • OCD vs. OCPD
    • Trauma
      • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
        • PTSD & COVID-19
      • Childhood Trauma
    • Sexual Disorders
      • Anorgasmia
      • Female Sexual Arousal Disorder (FSAD)
      • Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD)
      • Premature Ejaculation (PE)
      • Delayed Ejaculation
    • Schizophrenia
  • Therapy Techniques
    • Online Therapy
      • Best Online Therapy
      • Online Therapy for Teens
      • Best LGBTQ Online Therapy
      • Best Online Therapy for Insurance
    • Psychotherapy
    • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
      • CBT for Anxiety
      • CBT for Social Anxiety
      • CBT for Panic Disorder
      • CBT for Insomnia
      • CBT Online
    • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
      • DBT for Teens
    • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
    • Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
      • EMDR for PTSD
      • EMDR for Anxiety
      • EMDR Online
    • Art Therapy
    • Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA)
    • Exposure and Response Prevention
    • Group Therapy
    • Hypnotherapy
    • Motivational Interviewing
    • Person Centered Therapy
    • Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy
    • Sex Therapy
  • Types of Therapists
    • Faith-Based & Christian Counselors
    • Life Coaching
    • Family Therapist
      • Child & Teen Counseling
    • Marriage & Couples Counselors
      • Premarital Counseling
    • Psychiatrist
      • Psychology vs. Psychiatry
    • Psychotherapist
    • Grief Counselors
    • Online Therapists
  • Starting Therapy FAQ
    • Does Therapy Work?
      • How to Find a Therapist
      • Helping a Friend or Loved One
    • How to Choose a Therapist
      • Finding a Black Therapist
      • Finding a Latinx Therapist
      • Finding an LGBTQ-Friendly Therapist
      • Finding a Therapist as a Young Adult
      • Finding an Online Therapist
    • Preparing for Your First Session
    • Types of Mental Health Professionals
    • Mental Health Insurance
      • HSAs for Therapy
      • Sliding Scale Therapy Fees
    • Mental Health in the Workplace
      • Asking for a Mental Health Day
      • Taking Time Off for Mental Health
    • Top Mental Health Organizations
      • Mental Health Resources Outside the U.S.
  • About Us
    • About Us
    • Editorial Policy
    • Advertising Policy
    • Privacy Policy
    • Contact Us
    • Write for Us
    • Join the Directory
    • Careers
  • Therapist Directory
    • Find a Therapist
    • Join the Directory
    • Directory Login
Skip to content

What to Know About the 4 Stages of Grief

Published: December 12, 2022 Updated: March 30, 2023
Published: 12/12/2022 Updated: 03/30/2023
Allison Zweig, LCSW-C
Written by:

Allison Zweig

LCSW-C
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD
Reviewed by:

Heidi Moawad

MD
  • What Is Grief?What Is Grief?
  • The Four Stages of Grief ModelThe Four Stages of Grief
  • Other Grief & Mourning ModelsOther Grief Models
  • How to Navigate the 4 Stages of GriefNavigating the 4 Stages
  • When Therapy Can Help With the 4 Stages of GriefCan Therapy Help?
  • Final ThoughtsConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • What to Know About the 4 Stages of Grief InfographicsInfographics
Allison Zweig, LCSW-C
Written by:

Allison Zweig

LCSW-C
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD
Reviewed by:

Heidi Moawad

MD

Grief is a painful but normal part of the human experience. One model of grief categorizes this process into four unique stages–Shock and Numbness, Yearning and Searching, Disorganization and Despair, and Reorganization and Recovery.1 While this theory can help people better understand certain emotions and reactions commonly associated with grief, no two individual experiences of loss are exactly the same

Would you like help coping with the loss of a loved one? Therapy can help. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

What Is Grief?

Grief is a natural response to any type of loss. During this process, you may experience difficult and unexpected emotions, such as shock or anger, disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. For example, when a beloved pet passes, the loss can elicit intense sorrow. Likewise, a person may experience similar emotions following the loss of a child or another loved one. However, grief does not have to be the result of a death, as it can also occur due to substantial life changes, including divorce, loss of a job, among others.

Symptoms associated with grief can be both physical and psychological. The emotional and physical symptoms of grief are often the most noticeable, and may include crying, anger, appetite and sleeping changes, emotional detachment, and anxiety.2 Additionally, a person may experience “grief brain,” a condition similar to brain fog.  A person may have trouble focusing, as well as increased irritability, anxiety, and symptoms of depression.

Common types of grief include:

  • Disenfranchised grief: Disenfranchised grief is a type of grief that isn’t openly recognized, publicly mourned, or socially supported.
  • Complicated grief: Complicated grief–also known as complicated bereavement, chronic grief, or complicated grief disorder–occurs when symptoms of grief intensify rather than subside over time.
  • Delayed grief: Symptoms of delayed grief often intensify as individuals attempt to ignore or postpone their grief.
  • Anticipatory grief: Anticipatory grief is sometimes referred to as “pre-loss grief” or “pre-death grief” because a person experiences symptoms of grief before an expected event.
  • Breakup grief: When a relationship ends, breakup grief can feel just as devastating as any other loss.3
  • Prolonged grief disorder: While “normal” grief fades with time, prolonged grief symptoms remain strong and may even intensify.
  • Traumatic grief: In traumatic grief, a traumatic event is frequently connected with the loss, exacerbating one’s symptoms and emotions.

The Four Stages of Grief Model

British psychologists Bowlby and Parkes were the first to propose the Four Stages of Grief model.4 Their four stages include shock-numbness, yearning-searching, disorganization-despair, and reorganization. Bowlby applied his work focusing on attachment and relationships to this theory. When a loss occurs, he suggested that grief is a normal adaptive response based on one’s environment and psychological make-up. However, there were typical reactions one might expect.4

The four stages of grief include:

1. Shock & Numbness

During the initial stage of this model, a person is often unable to accept that a loss has occurred. This is a reaction that can resemble shock. During this phase, one may struggle to understand and communicate their emotions, and may shut-down in order to protect themselves against these overwhelming feelings.5 However, if emotional numbness after a loss lasts for a long time, it may be a sign of complicated grief.

2. Yearning & Searching

At this point, a person may have become aware of the void left in their life after a loss. They may become preoccupied with the person, situation, or relationship that was lost. They may seek ways to fill this void by focusing on past memories and experiences. Yearning is a defining feature of grief that can leave a person feeling emotionally exhausted.6

3. Disorganization & Despair

In this stage, a person has accepted that their life has changed and will never be the same. Hopelessness and despair accompany this realization, as well as anger and questioning. Bowlby and Parkes suggest that if we do not progress through this phase, we will continue to be consumed by anger and depression.6

During this time, one may become disorganized and struggle to complete any tasks. In addition, it is common to experience increased fatigue and a lack of initiative. A person may fail to find meaning in previously pleasurable activities.7

4. Reorganization & Recovery

During the recovery phase, a person’s faith in their future begins to return. They can start to look ahead and make goals. While the grief has not gone away, the loss begins to recede. It continues to influence a person in some ways, but is no longer at the forefront of their mind.6

Individuals may now adapt to a new ” normal state.” Intense feelings such as sadness, anger, and despair diminish as positive memories of the loss increase. If energy levels decreased previously, fatigue may begin to level off as you return to a more natural state.

Help For Grief & Loss

Talk Therapy – Get personalized help in dealing with a loss from a licensed professional. BetterHelp offers online sessions by video or text. Try BetterHelp


Virtual Psychiatry – Get help from a real doctor that takes your insurance. Talkiatry offers medication management and online visits with top-rated psychiatrists. Take the online assessment and have your first appointment within a week. Free Assessment

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by Talkiatry and BetterHelp.

Other Grief & Mourning Models

While the four stages of grief model is a valuable resource, there are a few others that offer different perspectives on this process. Despite this, it’s important to remember that there is no straightforward “best practice” for managing grief. An individual should explore their unique process at their own pace and according to their needs.

Other models for grief include:

The Four Tasks of Mourning

According to psychologist J. William Worden, a person must complete “four tasks of mourning” as they process their grief. These tasks include accepting the reality of the loss, processing the pain of grief, adjusting to a world without the loss, and finding an enduring connection with the loss. These are similar to, but not the same as, the four stages of grief. However, Worden contends that these tasks are completed in a certain order, while Bowlby and Parkes believe that their stages are not linear.8

The Five Stages of Grief

Dr. Kübler-Ross proposed a five-stage theory based on the experiences of terminally ill individuals coming to terms with their death.9 The premise behind her theory is that one will pass through certain emotions (denial, anger, bargaining, depression) before coming to a true acceptance and release of their loss.14

How to Navigate the 4 Stages of Grief

After a loss, you will experience a range of emotions that you may struggle to cope with. Each stage will look different for you, depending on several factors. Still, many find that sharing their grief experience with others helps them experience some relief and release. Reach out to friends, join a grief support group, or see a counselor. Or, consider keeping a journal as this offers a safe place to process through your emotions.

Some healthy ways to cope during each stage of grief include:

Coping With the Shock & Numbness Stage

Remind yourself that the initial emotional numbness and shock to a loss will not last forever. While overcoming this takes time, you need to process your pain and grief in healthy ways. Because of this, the most important thing you can do is stay patient with yourself and continue to look forward to what’s to come. Reach out to loved ones during this challenging time, as they can provide helpful insight, support, and guidance.

Coping With the Yearning & Searching Stage

Sadness and yearning are expected after a loss has occurred. Nevertheless, there are ways you can work to overcome these feelings.

Below are some steps you can take to overcome the yearning stage of grief:

  • Revisit happy memories: Try looking at photos, watching videos, or exchanging stories with other people about your loss.
  • Acknowledge the loss: Take part in activities that acknowledge and mark a significant loss, such as a funeral or memorial service. This may also include activities such as a going-away party for a friend or joining a team to help rebuild a community after a devastating event.
  • Focus on daily responsibilities: Actively participating in normal day-to-day activities, staying active, and fulfilling responsibilities can help you stay focused on the present.

Coping With the Disorganization & Despair Stage:

One way to cope with despair is to acknowledge all the positive and negative aspects of the loss. Additionally, it would be best if you did not make life-altering decisions at this time, such as moving or selling important items. Try to put off any big decisions until a year or two has passed and you are better able to think clearly and logically.

Coping With the Reorganization & Recovery Stage

As time passes, you will eventually be able to shift your focus back to your daily routine of work, activities, and ventures. However, it can be beneficial to elicit the help of friends and family to assist you in completing necessary chores. Or, ask them to simply listen to your stories and memories or spend time with you. When you are ready, you can begin your new stage of life following your loss.

When Therapy Can Help With the 4 Stages of Grief

Addressing the plethora of emotions associated with grief can be a complex process. Although almost everyone experiences grief at some point in life, each person grieves in their way, in their own time. Grief does not just “dissipate” on its own. Resolving grief is an active process, and therapy may be necessary for some.

Mental health professionals can employ various grief counseling techniques and interventions to help you navigate this healing process. While therapy isn’t a miracle cure for grief, it can allow you to understand, accept, and manage your complex feelings. You can start your search for the right therapist using an online directory.

Some therapy options that can help when managing grief include:

  • Individual therapy: Talk therapy encourages clients to talk through their emotions and discuss their loss. A trained professional can provide a safe, non-judgmental space for individuals to openly express these feelings. This can be performed both in-person and online.
  • Grief counseling: Grief counseling focuses on helping people deal with the pain and upheaval that accompanies a loss. One potential goal may be learning how to address any major distress or disruption caused by grief.
  • Group therapy: Similar to individual therapy, group therapy can be offered virtually or in person. During sessions, group members offer each other support, insight, and shared experiences.
  • Online therapy options: This option provides an extra layer of flexibility when approaching therapy, and allows you to participate from the comfort of your home.

Final Thoughts

The grieving process will affect each individual differently, but having a framework for what to expect can be beneficial. Understanding natural human reactions to loss can help you accept the reality of your circumstance and process the pain of grief. Therapy or professional help is encouraged if your symptoms have begun to negatively affect your daily living or functioning.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for marketing by the companies mentioned below.

Online Therapy 

BetterHelp Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp has over 20,000 therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy.  Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Virtual Psychiatry

Talkiatry Get help from a real doctor that takes your insurance. Talkiatry offers medication management and online visits with top-rated psychiatrists. Take the online assessment and have your first appointment within a week. Free Assessment

Guided Psychedelic Journeys

Innerwell Ketamine is a prescription medication that clinicians can prescribe off-label to treat trauma, depression, anxiety, and OCD. Innerwell pairs ketamine with support from licensed psychotherapists. Find out if you’re a good candidate: Take Online Assessment

Grief And Loss Newsletter

A free newsletter from Choosing Therapy for those impacted by the loss of a loved one. Get encouragement, helpful tips, and the latest information. Sign Up

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp, Innerwell, and Talkiatry.

For Further Reading

  • Mental Health America
  • National Alliance on Mental Health
  • MentalHealth.gov
  • SAMHSA’s National Helpline
  • American Counseling Association
  • Grief and loss resources from hospice care

What to Know About the 4 Stages of Grief Infographics

The Four Stages of Grief ModelHow to Navigate the Four Stages of GriefWhen Can Therapy Help with the Four Stages of Grief

7 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Four Phases of Grief: grieving the loss of a loved one. (2020). Office of Victim Assistance. Retrieved from https://www.colorado.edu/ova/four-phases-grief-grieving-loss-loved-one

  • Coping With Grief. (n.d.). NIH News in Health. Retrieved from https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2017/10/coping-grief

  • Grieving After a Break-Up? 6 Strategies to Help You Heal. (2019, January 23). Cleveland Clinic. Retrieved from https://health.clevelandclinic.org/grieving-after-a-break-up-6-strategies-to-help-you-heal/Smith

  • Maciejewski, P. K., et al. (2007). An Empirical Examination of the Stage Theory of Grief. JAMA, 297(7), 716. https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.297.7.716

  • Before the Five Stages: Bowlby’s FOUR Stages of Grief. (2013). What’s your Grief?. Retrieved from https://whatsyourgrief.com/bowlby-four-stages-of-grief/

  • Pantani, L. (2007). Yearning Most Salient Feeling Following a Loss. Yale School of Medicine. Retrieved from https://medicine.yale.edu/news-article/yearning-most-salient-feeling-following-a-loss/

  • What are the stages of grief? (n.d.). Retrieved from https://counseling.catholic.edu/resources/grief/stages-of-grief.docx

Recent Articles

Grieving the Loss of a Cat
Grieving the Loss of a Cat
The loss of your pet cat can feel devastating. The initial grief often feels like a tidal wave, as...
';
Anniversary Effect: What It Is & How to Cope
Anniversary Effect: What It Is & How to Cope
When someone experiences grief, loss, or trauma, the time leading up to and around the anniversary of that event...
';
Tips on How to Help a Grieving Friend
How to Help a Grieving Friend: 15 Tips
Grief is a universal emotion that we all understand, but we can be uncertain about the best way to...
';
Grief Counseling: How It Works, What It Costs, & What to Expect
Grief Counseling: How It Works, What It Costs, & What to Expect
Grief counseling is a healthy way to grieve a loved one who has passed on while getting the support...
';
Grief Therapy: How It Works, What It Costs, & What to Expect
Grief Therapy: How It Works, What It Costs, & What to Expect
If you are struggling with grief and find that it negatively impacts your ability to function at work or...
';
12 Ways to Remember Someone On Their Death Anniversary
17 Ways to Remember Someone On Their Death Anniversary
Death anniversaries are often a day to set aside some time, observe your loss, and honor the impact your...
';
Allison Zweig, LCSW-C
Written by:

Allison Zweig

LCSW-C
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD
Reviewed by:

Heidi Moawad

MD
  • What Is Grief?What Is Grief?
  • The Four Stages of Grief ModelThe Four Stages of Grief
  • Other Grief & Mourning ModelsOther Grief Models
  • How to Navigate the 4 Stages of GriefNavigating the 4 Stages
  • When Therapy Can Help With the 4 Stages of GriefCan Therapy Help?
  • Final ThoughtsConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • What to Know About the 4 Stages of Grief InfographicsInfographics
If you are in need of immediate medical help:
Medical
Emergency
911
Suicide Hotline
800-273-8255
See more Crisis Hotlines
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Write for Us
  • Careers
  • Editorial Policy
  • Advertising Policy
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Service
  • No Surprises Act
For immediate help call:
Medical Emergency:
911
Suicide Hotline:
988
Click For More Crisis Hotlines
For immediate help call:
Medical Emergency:
911
Suicide Hotline:
811
See more Crisis Hotlines
here
logo
This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information:
verify here.
This website is certified by Health On the Net Foundation. Click to verify.
Choosing Therapy Logo
We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However, you may visit Cookie Settings to provide controlled consent. Cookie settings ACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

We use cookies to facilitate website functionality. Also, we use third-party cookies to track your website behavior and target advertising. These cookies are stored in your browser only with your consent, and you have the choice of opting out.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non Necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

Save & Accept