How to Find Out if Your Partner is Cheating on Facebook

Signs of Facebook Cheating

Although young people increasingly use other platforms to share ideas and connect, Facebook still has nearly 3 billion users.  Facebook cheating, like all forms of infidelity, can take on many forms. It may include subtle flirting or consistently engaging in secret conversations with affair partners. Remember that the presence of signs of cheating does not inherently indicate infidelity.

Specific cheating behaviors can be subjective, depending on how each couple defines faithfulness. Facebook cheating falls under the online affairs category, and it can overlap with micro-cheating, sexting, texting, and emotional affairs. While some may use Facebook to flirt with others, others may use the platform as a way to communicate with secret partners.¹

Below are 10 signs of Facebook cheating:

1. They’re Always on Facebook

If your partner is constantly on Facebook, there might be cause for concern. If their Facebook use has recently increased dramatically, they might be communicating with someone new or spending their extra time on the site talking or flirting with others. Increased or high Facebook use can be especially worrisome if your partner doesn’t seem to have a good reason for their sudden uptick in use or if they deny or downplay it.

2. They Delete Conversations

Honesty is an important part of any relationship. While everyone is entitled to privacy, deleting conversations often signifies the desire to hide something. Your partner might be worried about you going through their account and finding evidence about their cheating.

3. They’re Physically Obsessive Over Their Devices

As mentioned, privacy can be an essential boundary in a healthy relationship. However, if your partner won’t ever let you look at their computer, tablet, or phone, that may be a red flag. It could indicate that they feel worried about you stumbling upon something they don’t want you to see.

4. You Catch Them Using Facebook Late at Night

If you wake up and notice your partner is still on their device, it could mean that they’re being unfaithful. This behavior is especially concerning if they pretended like they were about to fall asleep before you or with you. This pattern might indicate they wait for you to go to bed before they start talking to someone else.

5. They Won’t Friend You On Facebook

Although there’s no hard rule that partners should be friends with each other online, most couples are. If your partner won’t let you see their profile or online activity, that may be a cause for concern. They might be trying to hide your relationship–or the relationship they are sharing with someone else.

6. They Have Multiple Facebook Accounts

Unfaithful people might make hidden Facebook accounts behind their partner’s back. Additionally, they might also openly have alternative accounts. They might claim that one account is just old and they haven’t deleted it. Or, they may insist that they use one account for business and the other for personal relationships. Either way, it could be a sign of secrecy.

7. They Change In Other Ways

Cheating often seeps into other areas of a person’s life, causing your partner to act differently. For example, they might be moodier or withdrawn at home. Or, they might be suddenly cheerful and attentive to you (sometimes this is done out of guilt). They might also make changes to their appearance and spend more time away from home. Such shifts can be either subtle or dramatic.

8. They Accuse You of Cheating

Projection is common when infidelity occurs, and it can be done as a way to justify harmful behaviors, or your partner can use it to take the blame off themselves. Some people will also accuse their partners of cheating because they assume if they’re willing to cheat, everyone must be unfaithful.

9. They Become Active On Other Platforms

Sometimes people will switch back and forth between different platforms to cheat. By alternating platforms, the partner having the affair has “more flexibility” and “more options” to hide away their problematic behavior. Furthermore, if they suspect you might be aware of their suspicious Facebook habits, switching platforms may serve as a way to throw you off.

10. They Won’t Unfriend or Stop Talking to Their Ex on Facebook

Many people cheat on their partners with their exes. While it’s true that some relationships end amicably, most partners will still delete, unfriend, or block exes out of respect for their new partner. If that’s not the case, and you know your partner still interacts with their ex online, it may be a red flag that this relationship isn’t completely over.

How Can I Know For Sure If My Partner is Cheating on Facebook?

Without definitive proof, it’s impossible to fully know whether a partner is being unfaithful. In most cases, this means finding actual evidence or your partner confessing the truth. That said, research shows that most people tend to pick up on sensory cues indicating infidelity.² While these cues shouldn’t be automatically interpreted as facts, it’s important to consider your intuition.

What Do I Do If My Partner is Facebook Cheating?

It can be frustrating, scary, and distressing to discover your partner is cheating. All the emotions you may feel after discovering your partner is unfaithful are normal, and many experience a profound sense of grief about the relationship. You will probably need space and support during this vulnerable time. Try to avoid making impulsive choices, and remember that you don’t need to decide what to do right away.³

Here’s what you can do after you confirm Facebook cheating:

• Find out why they cheated: Even though understanding why they cheated won’t necessarily change how you feel, it may provide insight into how to move forward in your relationship.
• Contact trusted support: Talk to family or friends who you know will validate your experience and listen to you without judgment.
• Allow yourself to feel your emotions: It’s okay to cry or feel angry right now. Although it may feel tempting, ignoring or suppressing your feelings often intensifies them.⁴
• Get tested for STDs: If your partner physically cheated on you, it’s important to look after your health.
• Spend time evaluating your options: You don’t have to decide how to move forward right away. But it’s a good idea to start considering the pros and cons of staying in the relationship or leaving.
• Seek professional support: If you have a history of betrayal or infidelity trauma, this experience can be retraumatizing. Consider working with a professional therapist.

When to Consider Professional Help

People can heal after discovering their partner cheated, but this journey can be painful and lonely. If you want to commit to staying in your relationship, marriage and couples therapy may help rebuild trust and confront feelings of betrayal. Although research is somewhat limited, one study found that about 47% of couples who entered therapy stayed together despite an affair.⁵

Individual therapy can also provide support, guidance, and relief during this difficult time. This is especially true if your partner is unwilling to attend therapy or if you need your own space to process your emotions. When finding a therapist, it’s important to look for someone with experience treating infidelity and/or working with relationship-based trauma. Using an expansive online therapist directory is a good way to get started.

Final Thoughts

All types of cheating can be damaging to a relationship, and social media may add extra complications when it comes to trusting your partner. If you suspect your partner might be cheating, it’s important to share your concerns directly. If you still feel stuck or frustrated, consider meeting with a therapist who can provide you with the support you need.