How to Deal With Narcissistic Parents: 7 Ways to Stay Healthy

7 Ways to Deal With Narcissistic Parents

Some clear signs of a narcissistic parent include expectations to suppress your emotions to avoid upsetting them; dealing with parental gaslighting tactics; having to agree with them and ignore their flaws; and being guilt-tripped if you attempted to gain any independence.¹ This could also apply to a narcissistic mother-in-law or step-parent.

If you believe you have narcissistic parents, here are seven ways to deal with them:

1. Identify Behaviors & Begin Processing

People often struggle to identify whether they have experienced narcissistic parenting. Part of this is because society views parents as being inherently positive figures. However, by identifying specific narcissistic phrases and behaviors, you may be able to begin accepting and processing the situation.^2,3 Next, you can start to explore recovery.

2. Set Boundaries

It can be difficult to even imagine setting boundaries with parents who you’re afraid to anger or feel rejected by. However, by setting boundaries (emotional and physical), you can begin to protect yourself from narcissistic abuse. This also allows you and your parents the time and space to identify what happened.

Boundaries might look like, “If you are going to talk to me like this, I am going to end this conversation and we can try again at a later time.” You can also set emotional boundaries by utilizing “I” statements, such as “I feel X when you say Y and that is not OK.” Familiarize yourself with phrases that can help disarm them when they try to engage. Boundaries may also look like having no contact with your parents if they are continually abusive to the point where you feel uncomfortable or unsafe continuing the relationship.^2,3

3. Get in Tune With Your Feelings & Thoughts

Individuals raised by narcissistic parents may have difficulty identifying, processing, feeling, and expressing their emotions. This is often because their parents always expected them to suppress that side of themselves, especially when it came to criticism. By identifying your feelings and beginning to learn how to manage them, you can stabilize and process emotions in a healthy way that will benefit various areas of your life.³

It’s fairly common for those raised in narcissistic households to experience guilt, particularly surrounding negative feelings that come with the identification of the parents’ behaviors. It can be helpful to use an emotion wheel and journal certain emotions to identify triggers and learn coping skills.

4. Engage In Self-care

In this case, self-care is not just bubble baths and art projects. Those who have experienced narcissistic parenting can often be so attuned to their parents’ emotions or experience a limitation of independence due to their parents, that they don’t know how to engage in self-care or feel guilty when they try.

Self-care includes setting boundaries, giving yourself space to relax, and allowing yourself the time to experience and process difficult emotions. It may also encompass taking care of your body, reaching out to people you trust, and ensuring you get the proper amount of sleep. By showing yourself compassion, you allow yourself to work on your own identity even after what you experienced or may be experiencing.²

5. Allow Yourself to Grieve

In addition to the identification of your emotions and self-care, it’s important to practice acceptance. Part of this includes allowing yourself to go through the five stages of grieving (acceptance, denial, hope, anger, and depression).⁴ This process may take time but it gives you the chance to process your experience, get stronger, and avoid engaging in the same or similar behaviors as your parents. Grieving also allows you to feel difficult emotions and let go of anger so you can care for yourself.⁴

6. Reach Out & Connect With Others

Being raised in a narcissistic household can be lonely and isolating, especially if you don’t know anyone else who has experienced something similar. Remember, you are not alone. Reaching out to trusted individuals to talk about your experience can help reduce stress, increase your support system, and have your experience validated. It allows you to express and process the emotions behind your childhood and feel supported by those you trust or love.^3,4

7. Engage In Therapy

As a result of narcissistic parents, you may struggle with different areas of your life, such as social support, stability in schooling or work, and difficulty maintaining relationships. Individual therapy (in person or online), group therapy, or peer support groups can help you manage issues and identify emotions, begin the grieving and acceptance process, encourage your independence, and raise your self-esteem.^1,2,4

When to Seek Professional Help

Those who have been raised by a narcissist in the home can have a number of issues that follow them into adulthood. While there are tips to help you work on healing and dealing with your parents, there are also points when you or others in your life may require professional help.

Learning how to accept, heal, and recover from narcissistic abuse can be a difficult and timely process. It sounds stressful to consider how to find the right therapist, but there are ways to make the process easier. Search an online therapist directory for professionals with experience in narcissism to help identify the best therapist for you.

Therapy sessions may be covered by your insurance and, depending on the therapist, self-pay rates can range from $80 to $200 per session. While it can take some time to recover, therapy can be helpful in reducing the number of difficulties you may be experiencing, processing your history, and learning how to accept, care for yourself, and explore your own journey.

Signs that you may want to get professional help are:⁵

• Doubting yourself, especially in decision-making for yourself
• Difficulty with your identity
• Difficulty with setting and maintaining boundaries
• Experiencing negative thoughts and basic beliefs about yourself and the world
• Feeling guilt or shame related to your parents’ behaviors or your own feelings regarding these
• Experiencing low self-esteem
• Feeling stuck in your life or that you are a victim
• Difficulty engaging in healthy relationships that do not require you to ask for love or to become what the other wants versus yourself