How to Help Someone With PTSD

While not everyone who experiences trauma develops PTSD or complex PTSD, up to 6.8% of adults will experience the disorder in their lifetime, so it is important that people become familiar with how to help others deal with it.³ Children can also experience PTSD, which can impact approaches to parenting and peer interactions. Social support for people who have experienced trauma may help mitigate some long-term effects of PTSD, has been linked to greater reductions in PTSD symptoms over the course of therapy, and is also a key protective factor against suicidal ideation.^4,5,6 Supporting your family, friends, and loved ones with PTSD can help them in their recovery, improve their quality of life, and create hope for the future.

Here are 15 ways to help someone with PTSD:

1. Learn About PTSD Symptoms

People with PTSD experience unique symptoms, such as flashbacks, dissociation, and increased anger. Men and women may also experience symptoms differently, so it is important to educate yourself about PTSD symptoms and how they present in people to better recognize and understand your loved ones’ experiences. In all cases, it can be difficult to provide support without first understanding what the other person experiences and needs. Learning the intricacies of the symptoms will proactively help you identify if and how someone in your life may be struggling with PTSD.

2. Identify & Learn Their Triggers

One of the symptoms of PTSD involves an intense emotional response to specific internal and external cues, known as triggers. These emotional responses may appear random to others, and often, even the person with PTSD has trouble identifying their own triggers.

In certain cases, the trigger will be obvious due to the person’s response, but it may also take some time to identify more subtle triggers. Paying attention to your loved one’s responses, communicating with them after their response has subdued, and learning more about their past trauma are all ways to provide support. It is important to figure out the types of situations that trigger these emotional responses, so you can be better prepared to help your friend or loved one in those situations.

3. Make a Plan for Triggering Events & Crises

When someone with PTSD is triggered, they may experience physiological responses that make it difficult to think clearly and plan in moments of crisis. Someone with PTSD may have difficulty communicating what they need in a moment when they are actively triggered, so it is best to make a plan ahead of time for how you can best help them in triggering situations. This plan might include things like modifying certain behaviors, accompanying them to a quiet and non-crowded area, distracting them with a conversation, doing walking meditation, breathing exercises, looking at pictures of their loved ones, or interacting with a service animal or pet.

4. Plan Enjoyable Things to Do

People with PTSD can tend to isolate themselves, whether consciously or not, and may struggle with experiencing positive emotions. Planning enjoyable activities that they would typically take part in before experiencing these symptoms is a great way to help them accumulate positive experiences. This can include things like going to a yoga or exercise class, going to see a movie, going on a weekend trip, or taking an art class together.

5. Create Routine & Structure

Having a regular routine and structure to the day and week can be helpful in rebuilding safety and a sense of control. If you live with someone with PTSD, helping them create a routine for waking up and going to bed, eating meals at regular times, getting exercise, and having daily structure helps them rebuild a sense of security. If you have a friend or loved one with PTSD who does not live with you, meeting up for coffee regularly during the week, exercising together during specific times, or calling them regularly can also help create structure.

6. Offer Practical Help

Open-ended questions of “what can I do?” are well-intentioned, but they place responsibility on the person with PTSD to come up with things for you to do to help. Offering them practical help is a way to provide meaningful assistance. Sometimes people with PTSD have challenges keeping up with day-to-day tasks or managing their medical/mental health care. Practical ways to help include researching therapists in the area, helping them get groceries, accompanying them to doctor, and helping with calling and scheduling appointments.

7. Share Resources

Individuals with PTSD may struggle with difficulty concentrating and remembering. Combined with the shame and stigma around mental illness, it can be especially challenging for people with PTSD to find ways to manage their symptoms and search for resources. One way to help friends and loved ones with PTSD is to share resources with them. You can meet up with them and do the research together, or you can send them a list of PTSD resources, included below.

8. Listen Non-Judgmentally

Talking about PTSD can be difficult for the person suffering because they experience symptoms that can be very unique to them, usually resulting in undesirable behavior when unmanaged. Thus, people with PTSD may feel ashamed or afraid to open up about their experiences and emotions, as they may not be validated. Listening with empathy and without judgment is key in helping your friends and loved ones with PTSD rebuild safety and trust, and can help you better understand how you can help them. This may also make them more willing to open up to you, and people generally feel more supported when there aren’t judgments. People with PTSD are often judging themselves enough, so they likely will only open up to people who have proven to be trustworthy and empathetic.

9. Encourage Self-Help & Treatment

Encouraging self-help and therapy is another great way to support someone with PTSD. There is still some stigma around mental illness, PTSD, and seeking therapy, so encouraging someone with PTSD to seek help signals to them that you are not judging them for needing and seeking help. This helps to normalize therapy and combat shame, which is another emotional response common in PTSD. 

10. Be Patient

It is not uncommon for people with PTSD to resist their diagnosis, isolate themselves from others, or believe that they are a burden, so being patient is important. Keep reaching out to your loved one with PTSD, even if they don’t always respond. Recovering from PTSD takes time, and it may take time for someone to accept their diagnosis, seek help, and talk about it openly. Be patient and let your loved ones know that you are there for them throughout this process; this may help them feel more comfortable opening up to you and seeking treatment when they are ready.

12. Always Have a Safety Plan

It is important that you have a safety plan for yourself and the person suffering from PTSD. A simple conversation can turn into a crisis if the person with PTSD becomes triggered, which can result in attempts to harm themselves or others. In the event that you could find yourself in this situation, make sure you research ahead of time what the appropriate steps to take are, who to contact, and what to do to keep everyone safe.

13. Stay Calm

Displays of dysregulated emotions, like anger, are not uncommon in those with PTSD. It is possible that your loved one may express anger that does not fit the current situation and may lead you to feel confused or defensive. While it can be difficult to fight off the impulse to defend yourself or try to reason with them, often it is better to stay calm, separate yourself from the situation if possible, and revisit the situation at a later time.

14. Be Non-Judgmental of Your Own Feelings & Reactions

It is normal to have a range of reactions when learning that a loved one has PTSD. You are allowed to have an emotional reaction – however, it is not always effective to express or act on these emotions in front of your loved one with PTSD. Try to observe your own feelings and reactions without judging them, but be careful about when and how you choose to express them to the person with PTSD. Trauma is a complex and emotional subject, and there is no wrong way to feel when a loved one has experienced trauma.

15. Look After Yourself

Helping a loved one with PTSD can be emotionally draining, so is important to look after yourself first and foremost, because you can’t help other people if you’re running on empty. Some important steps you should take when helping someone else navigate their trauma include setting healthy boundaries, journaling, actively making your well-being your first priority, and doing things you enjoy for yourself. Without proper boundaries and self-care, you may not have an outlet to deal with the difficulties you may experience, which can damage your physical and mental health as well. It can also lead you to resent the person with PTSD, which can, in turn, make both of you feel worse.

What Not to Do to Help Someone with PTSD

When trying to help someone with PTSD, people often try approaches that are not helpful and leave the person feeling unsupported. In general, taking away a person’s right to choose the circumstances under which they disclose trauma and get treatment can damage your relationship with that person, and be even more detrimental to their mental health.

The following are things not to do when trying to help someone with PTSD:

Don’t Try to Force Them Into Treatment

Forcing someone into mental health treatment is likely to create anger and tension, and will not help them be open with a therapist. It is important that a patient be willing to engage in therapy, and forcing someone takes away that choice. Instead, offer to help them find treatment, discuss any resistance they may feel, be patient, and express support for whatever avenue they choose regarding their mental health treatment.

Don’t Pressure Them to Talk

Talking about traumatic events and PTSD symptoms can be re-traumatizing and triggering to people. Similar to forcing someone into treatment, it takes away their choice of when and where to talk about their experience. Instead, let them know that you are there for them and will listen if and when they want to talk to you about it. If they don’t take you up on that offer, don’t take it personally! It can be difficult, and even damaging, for them to open up before they are ready to revisit their trauma.

Don’t Constantly Ask How They’re Doing

While reaching out and creating social support is important to helping someone with PTSD, constantly asking them how they are doing is not as helpful. Making all of your interactions with this person about their PTSD and trauma will be tiring for them (and for you!), and also may pressure them into thinking and talking about it when they don’t want to. Instead, try to maintain regular contact by asking them about other things in their life, such as their pets, kids, and hobbies, and interact with them just like you would someone without PTSD.

Don’t Get Upset

Talking about trauma is hard, and it is a big deal when someone with PTSD opens up about their experience. Asking things like “why didn’t you tell me sooner?” can make the person with PTSD feel guilty and frustrated, which can seem like punishment. This often makes them less likely to disclose challenging things to you–or others–in the future. Instead, thank them for telling you and trusting you with this, and express your desire to support them moving forward.

Don’t Practice Toxic Positivity

While people being overly positive have good intentions, toxic positivity invalidates people’s experience and communicates to the person with PTSD that their trauma is not “bad enough,” or that their symptoms are irrational now that they are out of immediate danger. Any comment that engages in “suffering olympics” and compares one person’s trauma to the suffering of another is not helpful. Instead, acknowledge their perspective, suffering, and hurt, and thank them for trusting you to hold something so heavy and personal.

How to Find a Therapist for PTSD

If you or your loved one suffer from PTSD or have trouble coping with life’s challenges, feel overwhelmed, experience suicidal ideation, or want to improve your mental health, you could benefit from therapy. Patients with PTSD may benefit from trauma-informed therapy, CBT, EMDR, or other trauma-based care. Couples can benefit from couples therapy if PTSD is affecting their relationships, and families can benefit from family therapy to help repair family dynamics. Since people with PTSD share similar experiences, group therapy may also provide additional support and benefits.

There are many ways to go about finding a therapist, including asking your primary care provider or a trusted loved one, or by using an online therapist directory where you can sort by location and specialty.

Final Thoughts

Helping someone with PTSD can be difficult, but there are steps you can take leading up to and during times of crisis to support your loved ones. It is important that you educate yourself about PTSD in detail, offer practical help, and remember that trying to force treatment on someone may only push them away. While there are many ways you can help a loved one with PTSD, it is always important to remember that someone else’s mental health is never fully your responsibility. It is important to take care of yourself, and seek therapy if you need someone to help you during this time.