How to Help Someone With PTSD: 14 Tips From a Therapist

What Is PTSD?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a psychological disorder that can occur after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event, such as abuse, intimate partner violence, a car accident, or medical trauma.² Those with PTSD often struggle with intense symptoms that impact their ability to function, maintain relationships, and cope with stress. Up to 6.8% of adults exposed to traumatic events will develop a type of PTSD.³

Common PTSD symptoms include:

• Negative changes to thoughts and mood
• Difficulty with memory
• Negative beliefs about the self or the world
• Inappropriately blaming themselves or others for the trauma
• PTSD flashbacks
• Hypervigilance
• Avoidance behavior

How to Help Someone With PTSD

Helping someone with PTSD can be challenging for loved ones. However, social support for trauma survivors may help mitigate the long-term effects of PTSD and guard against suicidal ideation.^4,5,6 Educating yourself about PTSD, encouraging them to seek therapy to work their way through the five stages of PTSD, and offering compassion are some ways you can help your loved one feel safe and validated.

Here are fourteen ways to help someone with PTSD:

1. Learn About PTSD Symptoms

Trauma survivors experience distressing symptoms, including flashbacks, dissociative PTSD, and increased anger. PTSD can also manifest differently in men and women, so educating yourself about this disorder can help you recognize the telltale signs. In all cases, learning the intricacies of PTSD will proactively help you identify if and how someone in your life may be struggling.

2. Identify & Learn Their Triggers

PTSD often involves an intense emotional response to specific internal and external cues, known as trauma triggers. These reactions may appear random to others, and even the person with PTSD can have trouble identifying their triggers. Figure out the stimuli, people, or situations that trigger these emotional responses in your loved one. This way, you are better prepared to help them when they feel overwhelmed.

3. Make a Plan for Triggering Events & Crises

Someone with PTSD may experience physiological responses that make thinking clearly and planning difficult in moments of crisis. They may have trouble communicating what they need, so plan ahead for how you can best help them in triggering situations. For example, you might focus on accompanying them to a quiet and non-crowded area, distracting them, doing walking meditation, or getting them a service animal.

4. Plan Enjoyable Things to Do

Some people with PTSD struggle with experiencing positive emotions. Planning activities they would typically enjoy before the traumatic event is a great way to help boost their mood. Positive options include trauma-informed yoga, seeing a movie, going on a weekend trip, or taking an art class together.

5. Create Routine & Structure

Having structure can help establish safety and a sense of control. Helping your loved one create a routine for waking up, eating meals, exercising, and going to bed provides the security they may need. Alternatively, you can schedule regular coffee dates or phone calls if you do not live with the person.

6. Offer Practical Help

Open-ended questions of “What can I do?” are well-intentioned but place responsibility on the person with PTSD. Offering them practical help is a way to provide meaningful assistance. Your loved one may have challenges keeping up with day-to-day tasks or managing their medical/mental health care. You can offer to research therapists in the area, help them get groceries, accompany them to the doctor, or assist in applying for PTSD disability.

7. Share Resources

Individuals with PTSD may struggle with concentration and memory. The shame and stigma around mental illness can make finding support especially challenging. One way to help is by sharing resources with them. You can research these options together to show your loved one they have your support.

8. Listen Non-Judgmentally

People with PTSD may feel ashamed or afraid to open up about their experiences and emotions. Listening without judgment is key when helping someone with PTSD. Additionally, you can learn the best ways to offer support based on their needs.

9. Encourage Self-Help & Treatment

Encouraging therapy is another powerful way to support someone with PTSD. Doing so shows your loved one how much you care while opening the door for them to build self-confidence, safety, and stability through therapy. You also normalize seeking treatment, helping combat the shame often associated with PTSD.

10. Be Patient

People with PTSD may resist their diagnosis, isolate themselves from others, or believe they are a burden to others. Because of this, being patient is crucial. Recovering from PTSD takes time, so let your loved one know you are there for them throughout this process. Being a steadfast support may help them feel more comfortable seeking treatment when they are ready.

11. Always Have a Safety Plan

Having a safety plan for yourself and the person with PTSD is beneficial. A simple conversation can turn into a crisis if they become triggered, sometimes resulting in attempts to harm themselves or others. Ensure you research the appropriate steps to take and who to contact during a mental health crisis.

12. Stay Calm

Displays of dysregulated emotions, like anger, are not uncommon in those with PTSD. Your loved one may express anger that does not fit the current situation, leaving you confused or defensive. While fighting the impulse to defend yourself or reason with them can be difficult, staying calm and revisiting the situation later is best.

13. Be Non-Judgmental of Your Own Feelings & Reactions

Experiencing a range of reactions when supporting someone with PTSD is normal. You are allowed to have these emotions. However, expressing or acting on these emotions in front of your loved one is not helpful. Try to observe your feelings and reactions without judgment, but be careful about when and how you express them to the person with PTSD.

14. Look After Yourself

Helping a loved one with PTSD can be emotionally draining, so remember to look after yourself, too. You can’t help other people when running on empty. Some steps you should take when helping someone navigate their trauma include setting healthy boundaries, journaling, and doing things you enjoy. You may not have an outlet to deal with stress without proper self-care, which can damage your physical and mental health.

What Not to Do to Help Someone With PTSD

Be careful to avoid making assumptions or giving unsolicited advice, as these are some of the worst things you can do to someone with PTSD. People can easily make choices that inadvertently harm the person with PTSD, leaving them feeling unsupported or invalidated. In general, taking away their right to choose the circumstances under which they disclose trauma and get treatment can damage the relationship with that person

The following are things not to do when trying to help someone with PTSD:

Don’t Try to Force Them Into Treatment

Forcing someone into mental health treatment will likely cause anger and tension. Your loved one must be willing to engage in therapy to succeed and recover. Offer to help find resources, be patient, discuss concerns, and express support for whatever avenue they choose for treatment.

Don’t Pressure Them to Talk

Talking about trauma can be re-traumatizing and triggering to people with PTSD. Pressuring them to talk takes away their choice of when and where to disclose their experience. Instead, let them know you will listen if and when they feel comfortable. Don’t take their hesitancy or refusal personally! Opening up can be difficult, even damaging, for them before they are ready to revisit their trauma.

Don’t Constantly Ask How They’re Doing

While reaching out and creating social support is important when helping someone with PTSD, constantly asking them how they feel is not as helpful. Making all of your interactions with this person about their PTSD and trauma will be tiring for them (and for you!). Doing so may also pressure them into thinking and talking about the event. Instead, ask them about other things, such as their pets, kids, and hobbies. Interact with them just like you would someone without PTSD.

Don’t Get Upset

Talking about trauma is hard. Opening up about trauma is a big deal for survivors. Asking things like “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” can make the person with PTSD feel guilty, making them less likely to disclose things to you–or others–in the future. Instead, thank them for trusting you with this information and express your desire to support them moving forward.

Don’t Practice Toxic Positivity

While being overly optimistic often comes with good intentions, toxic positivity communicates to the person with PTSD that their trauma is not “bad enough” or their symptoms are irrational. Any comment that engages in “suffering olympics” and compares their trauma to the suffering of another is not helpful. Acknowledge their perspective, suffering, and hurt.

How to Find a Therapist for PTSD

You could benefit from PTSD treatment and therapy if you or your loved one has trouble coping with stress, experience suicidal ideation, or want to improve your mental health. Trauma-informed therapy, TF-CBT, or EMDR for PTSD can provide space to share and validate your experiences. Since trauma survivors often share similar experiences, group therapy may also provide additional support and benefits. You can find the right therapist by asking your primary care provider for a referral or using an online therapist directory.