We all make mistakes and hurt people we love from time to time, and oftentimes, most of us feel badly about our mistakes. It could be a behavior, poor action or mean words, but regardless of how the mistake happens, it’s important to know how to apologize. Some think it’s as easy as saying sorry, however when a mistake–small or large–is made, there is an element of trust which is also broken. So, sincerely apologizing will take more than a simple “sorry” to be heard.
How to Apologize to Someone: 7 Tips
There are a number of ways to apologize to someone in addition to and aside from a simple sorry. Many people may say sorry and apologize as a way to avoid relationship conflict, or because they are driven by feelings of guilt or regret for things they have said or done. However, a genuine apology includes taking time to self reflect, consider your part and ways you can work to improve yourself. To add, you must also learn how to forgive yourself to truly move forward.
Ways to apologize to someone include:
1. Understand Why You Need to Apologize
Learning the importance of apologizing is key in any kind of relationship, personal or romantic. We all mess up and recovering from that is sometimes more important than the mistake. By recognizing you made a mistake and owning your part in it, shows a lot of integrity.
Taking responsibility for your actions or words is important to understand how the hurt was experienced and also as a way to not repeat that same mistake again. It’s important to make the apology even if the apology isn’t accepted right away. People need time to process the apology and reconcile it.
2. Don’t Add a “But” After “I’m Sorry”
A sincere apology involves making the apology only about the hurt feelings of who you are apologizing to. Adding a but during an apology takes away from the hurt feelings the other person felt by adding room for a justification.
3. Take Accountability
It’s important to take into account your role in the mistake and apologize for that. Taking accountability is more than a simple acknowledgement; it means considering the experience of the other person and making efforts to consider their perspective now and in the future to prevent more of the same type of mistakes. It’s about understanding any kind of pattern that may be occurring so a cycle of apologies doesn’t begin.
4. Focus on the Impact of Your Actions
Much like taking accountability, thinking about the impact of your actions is important. Your actions during the mistake and your action steps you will take next to apologize are critical for the apology to be felt in a sincere and genuine way.
Focusing on the impact of your apology puts the emphasis on the hurt experienced by the other person and makes them feel more seen and their pain validated, and by showing up in your actions, that apology will have a greater impact than any other moment.
5. Make Amends
By taking accountability, you are already taking a step to making amends. But, to make true amends, you have to consider what they need from you in order to move forward from it. Making amends allows the other person to understand that you did indeed acknowledge how the poor action or mean word was received, and allows them to show you empathy. Amends involve trying anything and everything you can in that moment to help the situation. Sometimes, that means asking the other person what you can do.
6. Take Action to Prevent it From Happening Again
Apologies should never become a norm, especially if you find yourself apologizing for the same thing more than once. A sincere apology means understanding the whole impact on the relationship or friendship and taking steps to recognize how to prevent your poor actions or words from surfacing again.
Sometimes when we make mistakes, we don’t truly think about where poor actions or words come from. The truth is that we all have trauma in our past and sometimes that can pop up in unforeseen ways. If this is the case, it’s important to consider working through where that comes from and speaking with a therapist to work through issues that may be coming out now.
7. Forgive Yourself, Too
All in all, to truly apologize, you have to allow yourself to grieve your mistake and forgive yourself. If you want someone else to forgive you, you have to learn how to forgive yourself.
How to Apologize to Someone You Hurt
If you make a mistake involving infidelity, betraying someone, shouting, and disrespectful arguments or anything else that damages the relationship or friendship, there are still some things you can do. However, in some situations, the other person may not always accept an apology.
The following are tips for apologizing to someone you hurt:
- Admit what you did and how it was wrong
- Make amends
- Take ownership of trying to repair the relationships
- Show remorse
- Empathize with them
- Don’t explain why you did it
- Don’t expect a certain outcome
- Consider speaking with an individual or couples therapist
Final Thoughts
Apologies are a great first step towards healing. Thinking about all the ways the mistake was made and working through it is important. At the same time, the best apology is to learn from the mistake to prevent making the same mistake again.
For Further Reading
How to Apologize Infographics
