Lawnmower parents make every effort to pave the way for their children, making sure it is as clear and smooth as possible. They may go as far as completing their child’s homework for them or handling any conflict their child may encounter. While they may have the best intentions in mind, lawnmower parenting can hinder their child’s development, particularly within areas of decision making.1
What Is a Lawnmower Parent?
Lawnmower parents are similar to overprotective parents in some respects, but focus mainly on ensuring that their child has a clear path to success. Lawnmower parenting is generally born from a desire to shield children from harm, pain, and disappointment. But, managing every hardship in a child’s life for them can result in developmental delays, a heightened sense of entitlement, and other negative consequences for children.
Lawnmower Vs. Helicopter Parents
There are many types of parenting styles which can vary based on a person’s generation, culture, faith, or familial traditions. Most parents only want what’s best for their child and develop their unique style based on how they plan to accomplish this. For example, both lawnmower and helicopter parents genuinely feel their intrusive and controlling behaviors are benefiting their child. However, there are downsides to being overly involved.
Although the two terms seem similar, lawnmower parents are different from helicopter parents in a number of ways. While helicopter parents hover over their children, much like a helicopter over the ground, lawnmower parents make it their goal to pave the way to success for their child–just like a lawnmower cutting grass. They “mow down” any hardships or difficulties for their children, removing any obstacle in their path. Oftentimes, lawnmower parents are even more controlling and protective than helicopter parents.
10 Signs You May Be a Lawnmower Parent
It can be difficult to distinguish the signs of lawnmower parenting from behaviors that can resemble typical parental worry or guidance. When parents start to take over too many aspects of their child’s life, this is a clear indication that they are engaging in lawnmower parenting and may need to take a step back.
Here are 10 signs you may be a lawnmower parent:
1. You Complete Their Homework
While most parents want to see their child do well in school, completing homework for them is never a good idea. This decreases the chance that a child will retain information learned, which negatively impacts their academic performance. As schoolwork gets progressively more challenging, a child will likely struggle to understand and complete assignments. This will carry on into adolescence and adulthood, even in college and the workforce.
2. You Monitor Their Interactions
Lawnmower parents often monitor their child’s activities or interactions with others, including peers and teachers. They may only let their children play with certain friends or mandate the location and activities involved. While it is normal for a parent to have an idea of where their child is and what they are up to, dictating their social interactions can affect a child’s ability to develop their own relationships, curiosity, or creativity.
3. You Request Special Accommodations
Many lawnmower parents request special accommodations for their children. For example, a parent may insist that their child be permitted additional resources during an exam or presentation. Whatever the case, this can negatively affect a child’s development, and also cause headaches for their teachers and other authority figures.
4. You Handle Their Conflicts for Them
It is difficult to watch your child experience the emotional pain and frustration that come from conflict. However, hardships are essential to the development of your child. Navigating problems for them does not allow them to develop the tools necessary to manage issues on their own. An example of this includes a parent stepping in the middle of an argument between their child and a peer.
5. You Give in to Their Demands
While wanting to fulfill your child’s wants and needs is healthy, giving in to whatever they demand does not benefit them. Instead, it robs them of the understanding that not everything in life comes easily, which is an essential concept to grasp. When children are taught that they can get everything they want easy-peasy, they grow into adults who are unable to compromise.
6. You Are Overly Involved With Their Academic Life
Being involved with your child’s school is important and a luxury that many overworked parents wish they had time for. However, this is a clear difference between normal and unhealthy participation. At some point, a lawnmower parent may become a “checkpoint” at their child’s school that teachers go out of their way to avoid.
7. You Dictate What They Say
Helping your child practice and prepare for job interviews and other major life events is a great way to ease them into adulthood responsibilities. But giving them a script to follow removes their individuality entirely and does not help them in the long-run. For instance, when it comes time to meet with a new boss to discuss pay rate, a step-by-step formula to follow is not going to be helpful.
8. You Intensely Monitor Their Diet
Wanting your children to eat healthy is reasonable. At times this means refusing to let them have ice cream for dinner, despite their insistent begs for it. However, if you monitor every bite of food they put in their mouth (even when they are with friends or at school), this is not helpful and could possibly be linked to issues with eating in the future.
9. You Make Sure They Avoid Any Consequences
It can be understandably worrisome to see your child experience penalties, especially if it results from doing something irresponsible. However, facing the consequences for their actions is an important aspect of childhood development. Intervening to make sure your child avoids repercussions can cause them to become entitled and high-maintenance. This may look like a mother yelling at a teacher for giving her son detention after skipping class.
10. You’ve Been Told You’re a Lawnmower Parent
If more than a few friends or family have made comments hinting at the fact that you’re overbearing, overcontrolling, or authoritarian, it might be worth looking into your parenting approach. Sometimes others can see errors in our behavior easier than we can.
Impacts of Lawnmower Parenting
Although lawnmower parents may have their child’s best interests in mind, this approach can result in numerous harmful impacts on both children and their parents. Because of this, it’s important to recognize when your approach to parenting becomes too controlling.
Impacts on Children
Removing hardships and obstacles from your child’s life impacts many aspects of life, including their relationships and overall mental well being. Down the line, it can limit opportunities for earned achievement. Children may become insecure about handling their own problems, dealing with failure, or succeeding on their own.
Potential impacts of lawnmower parenting on children include:2, 3, 4
- Inability to make decisions: When the parent handles all of the decision making, children do not learn how to do this for themselves. This can greatly impact their ability to make important choices regarding housing, professional development, and the like.
- Lack of self-awareness: It is difficult to develop self-awareness of one’s identity and needs when growing up with lawnmower parents who dictate one’s every move.
- Increased risk for anxiety: Research suggests that parental over-involvement can increase a child’s risk of childhood anxiety that can continue into adulthood.3
- Lack of coping mechanisms: When a parent handles their child’s problems for them, children do not develop their own coping skills, often resulting in a low tolerance for stress.
- Decreased brain development: Studies indicate that exposure to normal levels of stress is important for childhood brain development.4 If a child is shielded from hardship, they may experience some social and intelligence deficits.
- Sense of entitlement: Many children raised by lawnmower parents will grow into adults who expect everything to be handed to them.
- Inability to resolve conflict: If a parent resolves arguments and disagreements for a child, they may never develop the skills to do so on their own.
- Lack of compassion: When a child grows up not having to consider anyone else’s needs, it can lead to a lack of empathy or compassion.
- Feelings of helplessness: Because they never learned tools necessary for solving problems, a child might feel powerless or helpless when faced with issues later on.
Impacts on Parents
Constantly taking care of every aspect of a child’s life can create unnecessary stress, possibly leading to parental burnout. Lawnmower parenting takes valuable time away from self-care or other important responsibilities that need attention. These implications of this can be both mental and physical.
Potential negative impacts of lawnmower parenting on parents include:
- Constant worry: Parents who are overly attentive and obsessive about their children’s needs frequently report a strong feeling of worry about what the next hurdle will be.
- Decreased time for self and/or partner: When most of a parent’s time is spent preoccupied with their child’s needs, it leaves little time for self-care or with a partner.
- Feelings of failure: A parent may feel like a failure if they are not able to shield their child from harm or conflict.
- Lack of trust in the child: When a parent constantly worries about their child, they may not learn to trust their child’s ability to take care of themselves.
- Stress on other relationships: The amount of focus a lawnmower parent dedicates to their child takes time away from other relationships in and outside of the family.
Is Lawnmower Parenting Ever Helpful?
Like any other parenting style, lawnmower parenting exists on a spectrum. In small quantities, helping your child with some of their challenges can be beneficial. For example, it’s important for a parent to get involved when there is bullying or unhealthy peer pressure taking place, or if a child has an emotional or developmental disability. However, even though rescuing the child is sometimes necessary for safety, it is best not to make lawnmower parenting a common practice in the household.
How to Stop Being a Lawnmower Parent
If the above information resonates with you, you or a partner may be engaging in lawnmower parenting. While being involved in your child’s life is healthy, recognizing when this becomes overbearing can decrease the risk of negative consequences.
Here are some tips to shift away from lawnmower parenting:
- Consider feedback: If your parents, siblings, or other loved ones suggest that you are being too overbearing with your child, it is worth looking into the truth behind their input. Consider asking them for tips on how you can take a step back in your methods.
- Let your child make mistakes: Support your child emotionally after they make mistakes, but try not to jump in and control the events as they take place.
- Teach your child healthy ways to cope: By teaching your child healthy coping mechanisms, they will know how to better handle stressful situations.
- Encourage independence: Encourage your child to make new friends, join clubs, and participate in school or social activities on their own.
- Let your child do things on their own: This is essential to your child’s development. It’s okay if they come to you for help, but encourage them to try it on their own first!
- Encourage them to share their opinions: This will help foster their critical thinking skills and develop their own sense-of-self.
- Build their self-esteem: Doing the work to build a child’s self-esteem will equip them with the tools and skills necessary to make healthy and safe decisions–and to accept the consequences when they do not.
When Therapy Can Help
Some parents might consider seeking professional support when developing a healthy parenting style, especially if they are first-timers. There are many ways to find the right therapist who best meets the needs of your unique family. Consider asking a loved one or doctor for recommendations. For busy parents, using online therapy options saves valuable time as it eliminates the need to drive into an office. Family therapy can also be beneficial if the children are older and willing to participate.
Final Thoughts
Parenting is a difficult job and is not the same experience for everyone, so families are encouraged to find tactics that work best for them. While certain aspects of lawnmower parenting can be beneficial, it’s important to recognize when you are dictating your child’s life for them.
Lawnmower Parents Infographics
