• Mental Health
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • ADHD
    • Addiction
      • What is Addiction?
      • What Are Behavioral Addictions?
      • Addiction vs Dependence
      • Addiction Myths vs Facts
      • Addiction Statistics
      • How to Help a Friend
      • Find an Addiction Specialist
    • Eating Disorders
    • Personality Disorders
      • Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
        • OCD vs. OCPD
    • Trauma
      • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
        • PTSD & COVID-19
      • Childhood Trauma
    • Sexual Disorders
      • Anorgasmia
      • Female Sexual Arousal Disorder (FSAD)
      • Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD)
      • Premature Ejaculation (PE)
      • Delayed Ejaculation
    • Schizophrenia
  • Therapy Techniques
    • Online Therapy
      • Best Online Therapy
      • Online Therapy for Teens
      • Best LGBTQ Online Therapy
      • Best Online Therapy for Insurance
    • Psychotherapy
    • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
      • CBT for Anxiety
      • CBT for Social Anxiety
      • CBT for Panic Disorder
      • CBT for Insomnia
      • CBT Online
    • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
      • DBT for Teens
    • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
    • Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
      • EMDR for PTSD
      • EMDR for Anxiety
      • EMDR Online
    • Art Therapy
    • Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA)
    • Exposure and Response Prevention
    • Group Therapy
    • Hypnotherapy
    • Motivational Interviewing
    • Person Centered Therapy
    • Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy
    • Sex Therapy
  • Types of Therapists
    • Faith-Based & Christian Counselors
    • Life Coaching
    • Family Therapist
      • Child & Teen Counseling
    • Marriage & Couples Counselors
      • Premarital Counseling
    • Psychiatrist
      • Psychology vs. Psychiatry
    • Psychotherapist
    • Grief Counselors
    • Online Therapists
  • Starting Therapy FAQ
    • Does Therapy Work?
      • How to Find a Therapist
      • Helping a Friend or Loved One
    • How to Choose a Therapist
      • Finding a Black Therapist
      • Finding a Latinx Therapist
      • Finding an LGBTQ-Friendly Therapist
      • Finding a Therapist as a Young Adult
      • Finding an Online Therapist
    • Preparing for Your First Session
    • Types of Mental Health Professionals
    • Mental Health Insurance
      • HSAs for Therapy
      • Sliding Scale Therapy Fees
    • Mental Health in the Workplace
      • Asking for a Mental Health Day
      • Taking Time Off for Mental Health
    • Top Mental Health Organizations
      • Mental Health Resources Outside the U.S.
  • About Us
    • About Us
    • Editorial Policy
    • Advertising Policy
    • Privacy Policy
    • Contact Us
    • Write for Us
    • Join the Directory
    • Careers
  • Therapist Directory
    • Find a Therapist
    • Join the Directory
    • Directory Login
  • Mental Health
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • ADHD
    • Addiction
      • What is Addiction?
      • What Are Behavioral Addictions?
      • Addiction vs Dependence
      • Addiction Myths vs Facts
      • Addiction Statistics
      • How to Help a Friend
      • Find an Addiction Specialist
    • Eating Disorders
    • Personality Disorders
      • Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
        • OCD vs. OCPD
    • Trauma
      • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
        • PTSD & COVID-19
      • Childhood Trauma
    • Sexual Disorders
      • Anorgasmia
      • Female Sexual Arousal Disorder (FSAD)
      • Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD)
      • Premature Ejaculation (PE)
      • Delayed Ejaculation
    • Schizophrenia
  • Therapy Techniques
    • Online Therapy
      • Best Online Therapy
      • Online Therapy for Teens
      • Best LGBTQ Online Therapy
      • Best Online Therapy for Insurance
    • Psychotherapy
    • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
      • CBT for Anxiety
      • CBT for Social Anxiety
      • CBT for Panic Disorder
      • CBT for Insomnia
      • CBT Online
    • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
      • DBT for Teens
    • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
    • Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
      • EMDR for PTSD
      • EMDR for Anxiety
      • EMDR Online
    • Art Therapy
    • Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA)
    • Exposure and Response Prevention
    • Group Therapy
    • Hypnotherapy
    • Motivational Interviewing
    • Person Centered Therapy
    • Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy
    • Sex Therapy
  • Types of Therapists
    • Faith-Based & Christian Counselors
    • Life Coaching
    • Family Therapist
      • Child & Teen Counseling
    • Marriage & Couples Counselors
      • Premarital Counseling
    • Psychiatrist
      • Psychology vs. Psychiatry
    • Psychotherapist
    • Grief Counselors
    • Online Therapists
  • Starting Therapy FAQ
    • Does Therapy Work?
      • How to Find a Therapist
      • Helping a Friend or Loved One
    • How to Choose a Therapist
      • Finding a Black Therapist
      • Finding a Latinx Therapist
      • Finding an LGBTQ-Friendly Therapist
      • Finding a Therapist as a Young Adult
      • Finding an Online Therapist
    • Preparing for Your First Session
    • Types of Mental Health Professionals
    • Mental Health Insurance
      • HSAs for Therapy
      • Sliding Scale Therapy Fees
    • Mental Health in the Workplace
      • Asking for a Mental Health Day
      • Taking Time Off for Mental Health
    • Top Mental Health Organizations
      • Mental Health Resources Outside the U.S.
  • About Us
    • About Us
    • Editorial Policy
    • Advertising Policy
    • Privacy Policy
    • Contact Us
    • Write for Us
    • Join the Directory
    • Careers
  • Therapist Directory
    • Find a Therapist
    • Join the Directory
    • Directory Login
Skip to content

What Is a Vulnerable Narcissist? Signs & How to Deal With One

Published: February 9, 2021 Updated: March 16, 2023
Published: 02/09/2021 Updated: 03/16/2023
Headshot of Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Written by:

Silvi Saxena

MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD
Reviewed by:

Benjamin Troy

MD
  • What Is Narcissism?What Is Narcissism?
  • Signs of a Vulnerable NarcissistSigns of Vulnerable Narcissism
  • Causes of Vulnerable NarcissismWhat Causes It?
  • How to Deal With a Vulnerable NarcissistHow to Deal With It
  • Can Therapy Help?Can Therapy Help?
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Vulnerable Narcissism InfographicsInfographics
Headshot of Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Written by:

Silvi Saxena

MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD
Reviewed by:

Benjamin Troy

MD

Vulnerable narcissists tend to be more introverted, insecure, and extremely sensitive to criticism. This form of narcissism can be difficult to identify, as vulnerable narcissists often hide their true nature behind façades of self-doubt and self-consciousness.  However, like all narcissists, they may blame others for their mistakes, lash out at perceived disapproval, and exploit relationships for personal gain.

Would you like help recovering from a relationship with a narcissist? BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

What Is Narcissism?

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a challenging personality type for many to deal with. However, the narcissist often doesn’t believe there are any issues with their behavior. Narcissistic people tend to have trouble with their personal and professional relationships as a result of this lack of self-awareness. They often underestimate the negative impact of their actions or words on other people, which can be why uncomfortable or problematic situations occur.

Narcissists have a limited understanding and awareness of the emotional responses of others. This is why many people who interact with them feel hurt, especially after being on the receiving end of narcissist injury and narcissistic rage. Due to this gap in thought processing, the narcissist  doesn’t experience any kind of remorse or empathy for causing this harm—if they even accept they were the cause of it. Insightfulness and self-awareness are not traits exhibited by narcissists.1

7 Signs of a Vulnerable Narcissist

Vulnerable narcissists, also known as covert narcissists, are quite the opposite of what you may think when you hear the word “narcissist.” Unlike other common types of narcissists, vulnerable narcissists tend to be much more sensitive, introverted, and struggle with anxiety and shame.

In addition, vulnerable narcissists tend to abandon themselves in order to feel accepted by others. Depression-type emotions, such as withdrawal and fears of abandonment, and with feelings of low self-worth are also common with vulnerable narcissism. Due to this high emotional volatility, vulnerable narcissists can display great bouts of anger and hostility, and default to blaming others in every situation.2

Below are seven signs of a vulnerable narcissist:3

  1. Lack of long-term relationships: They may have a lot of friends and a large social circle, but are unable to maintain close relationships due to their self-absorbed nature. Conversely, typical introverts often have a small, intimate circle of friends.
  2. Attention seeking behavior: Vulnerable narcissists require a lot of attention, with these attention-seeking behaviors becoming a turn-off for others. This further makes it difficult to maintain their relationships as they never give in a relationship, only take.
  3. Lack of empathy: They are unable to identify or own up to hurting someone’s feelings or causing issues in a group setting.
  4. Being self-absorbed: A vulnerable narcissist will worry so much about their own self that they are incapable of caring about the emotions of others. In many cases, they even need others to soothe their own negative feelings.
  5. Exploiting others: They will exploit friends, partners, or family members for personal gain. If they are no longer benefitting from the relationship and it’s not feeding their self-esteem, they tend to cut off those relationships and find someone else who can give them the adoration they’re looking for.
  6. Sensitive to criticism: If they’re not getting an ego-boost in every relationship, they perceive any level of criticism so harshly that it triggers feelings of intense shame.
  7. Constantly seeking personal gain: They make increasing their own status the ultimate priority, and will use others to achieve their goals.

Are you dating or married to a narcissist?

Whether you’re trying to move on or rebuild a relationship, a licensed therapist can guide you. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. Visit BetterHelp

Is your mother, father, or family member a narcissist?

Being raised by a narcissist can damage your confidence and self-esteem. A therapist from Online-Therapy can help you both heal from the past, and manage the relationship to be less harmful.  Counseling starts at $50 per week. Try Online-Therapy

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp and Online-Therapy.

Causes of Vulnerable Narcissism

Research is still ongoing and uncovering more about vulnerable narcissism. Studies have found that both environmental and genetic factors play a role in the development of NPD, including childhood trauma, abuse, and sexual exploitation.4 When one’s brain is developing, it’s also believed that interruptions to healthy and uncompromised development can possibly trigger the onset of NPD, such as dysfunctional family dynamics, inconsistent or volatile home environments, and over- or under-recognition.

Any extreme praise, admiration, or indulgence can also contribute to developing a type of narcissism. The overall lack of balance and stability is what causes one’s internal homeostasis to go awry, leading to a series of mental health concerns.4

Finally, in brain scans of those with NPD, it was found that their brains had less gray matter in areas that control cognitive and emotional regulation, including empathy and compassion, two traits commonly missing in any kind of narcissistic personality.5

How to Deal With a Vulnerable Narcissist

It’s no secret that trying to deal with a narcissist will be difficult. To manage a situation with a vulnerable narcissist, setting firm boundaries, getting an outsider’s perspective, and not giving in to their facades are great places to start.

Here are four tips for dealing with a vulnerable narcissist:6

Put Firm Boundaries in Place From the Start

First and foremost, it’s important to set firm boundaries and understand that the narcissist will try to push and test these limits. Setting boundaries from the start of a relationship may seem unfair to those who actually have a sense of self and empathy. However, it is important to remember that a  vulnerable narcissist will take as much as you give without giving anything back.

Get an Unbiased Perspective on the Situation

Don’t be fooled into thinking that your efforts will be appreciated by a vulnerable narcissist. Instead, recognize what the relationship looks like from an outside view. Talking to a therapist who has an unbiased perspective can help ensure you’ve got a clear understanding of the situation and are setting appropriate boundaries. A therapist can also help you maintain those boundaries if you decide to break up with a narcissist.

Allow Them to Sit in Their Discomfort

Soothing their hurt ego or feelings, especially at the expense of your own emotions, won’t help them. Additionally, you will not be appreciated for your valiant efforts. They will offer nothing in return, and them feeding off of your generosity will likely become a cycle in which you constantly feel the need to give, give, give.

Don’t Fall for Their Charade

Second chances are the favorite appeal of vulnerable narcissists. If they feel they are going to lose you (and the attention they get from you), the vulnerable narcissist will do what they need to do to ensure you stick around and fall right back into the same habits. They will put on a show until you are convinced that giving them a second chance is worth the risk, and the cycle of narcissistic abuse will restart.

Can Therapy Help?

Any type of mental health clinician is able to facilitate therapy for narcissistic personality disorder as long as they have the experience. Seeking therapy is a big challenge for those with NPD due to their inability to see the need for self-improvement. As they are typically more introverted and likely to have a co-occurring anxiety disorder and/or depression, vulnerable narcissists may seek help for these concerns. Those could be the door to enter into the root of the true issues at hand.7

The best way to find the right therapist is by searching an online therapist directory or reviewing the in-network providers with your insurance. Looking through profiles online and narrowing down a few to contact for initial talks is a good first step. Many therapists offer a free phone consultation and that can give someone an opportunity to evaluate if that may be the right fit.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for marketing by the companies mentioned below.

Online Therapy

BetterHelp – Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp has over 20,000 therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy.  Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Online-Therapy – Online-Therapy.com provides a weekly live video session, unlimited text messaging, and self-guided activities like journaling. Starting at $64 per week, this is one of the most affordable options for CBT therapy. Try Online-Therapy

Support Groups

PeerVida – PeerVida offers weekly support groups for those who have been a victim of narcissistic abuse from a relative or partner. Groups are small and facilitated by a mental health professional. The cost of attending a group is $35 with no future commitment. Try PeerVida

Narcissism Newsletter

A free newsletter from Choosing Therapy for those recovering from narcissistic abuse. Get helpful tips and the latest information. Sign Up

Choosing Therapy Directory 

You can search for therapists by specialty, experience, insurance, or price, and location. Find a therapist today.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp, PeerVida, and Online-Therapy.com.

For Further Reading

If you or a loved one are dealing with a vulnerable narcissist, or suspect they may be a vulnerable narcissist, these resources may help:

  • The Best Books on Narcissism
  • Narcissist Abuse Support
  • Personality Disorders Awareness Network

Vulnerable Narcissism Infographics

Vulnerable Narcissism Definition  Signs of Vulnerable Narcissism  Tips for Dealing with a Vulnerable Narcissist

How Therapy Can Help in Treating Narcissism

7 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Hart, W., et al. (2017). Narcissism and self-presentation: Profiling grandiose and vulnerable narcissists’ self-presentation tactic use. Personality and Individual Differences, 104, 48–57.

  • Derry, K., Bayliss, D., & Ohan, J. (2018). Measuring Grandiose and Vulnerable Narcissism in Children and Adolescents: The Narcissism Scale for Children. Assessment, 26(4), 645-660.

  • Krizan, Z. & Herlache, A. D. (2018). The narcissism spectrum model: a synthetic view of narcissistic personality. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 22(1) 3-31.

  • Weigle, W., et al. (2017) The Relationship between Grandiose and Vulnerable (Hypersensitive) Narcissism. Frontiers in Psychology, 8.

  • Jauk, E., et al. (2017). Self-viewing is associated with negative affect rather than reward in highly narcissistic men: an fMRI study. Scientific Reports, 7, 5804.

  • Koepernik, T., Jauk, E. & Kanske, P. (2021). Lay theories of grandiose and vulnerable narcissism. Current Psychology.

  • Miller, J. D. et al. (2017). Controversies in narcissism. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 13,  291–315.

Recent Articles

Narcissistic Projection: 6 Examples & How to Respond
Narcissistic Projection: 6 Examples & How to Respond
Narcissistic projection is a defense tactic narcissists use to pivot the blame of their actions onto others. This is...
';
Scarcity Mindset: What It Is, Causes, & How to Overcome It
A scarcity mindset is characterized by a belief that one has limited resources or is unable to provide for...
';
Agoraphobia: Signs, Symptoms & Treatments
Agoraphobia: Signs, Symptoms & Treatments
People with agoraphobia avoid specific public places or situations because they anticipate having anxiety or a panic attack and...
';
Obsessive Love Disorder Symptoms_ Causes _ Treatment
Obsessive Love Disorder: Symptoms, Causes, & Treatment
Obsessive love disorder is an informal term used to describe one's unhealthy sexual or romantic fixation on another person....
';
Narcissist Smear Campaign What It Is, Tactics, and How to Deal with It
Narcissistic Smear Campaign: What It Is, Tactics, & How to Deal With It
A narcissistic smear campaign is used to discredit another person by hijacking the narrative of a relationship after it...
';
Reactive Depression: Signs, Symptoms, & Treatments
Reactive Depression: Signs, Symptoms, & Treatments
Reactive depression describes depression that occurs in response to an external problem or stressor. Reactive depression is not a...
';
Headshot of Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Written by:

Silvi Saxena

MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD
Reviewed by:

Benjamin Troy

MD
  • What Is Narcissism?What Is Narcissism?
  • Signs of a Vulnerable NarcissistSigns of Vulnerable Narcissism
  • Causes of Vulnerable NarcissismWhat Causes It?
  • How to Deal With a Vulnerable NarcissistHow to Deal With It
  • Can Therapy Help?Can Therapy Help?
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Vulnerable Narcissism InfographicsInfographics
If you are in need of immediate medical help:
Medical
Emergency
911
Suicide Hotline
800-273-8255
See more Crisis Hotlines
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Write for Us
  • Careers
  • Editorial Policy
  • Advertising Policy
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Service
  • No Surprises Act
For immediate help call:
Medical Emergency:
911
Suicide Hotline:
988
Click For More Crisis Hotlines
For immediate help call:
Medical Emergency:
911
Suicide Hotline:
811
See more Crisis Hotlines
here
logo
This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information:
verify here.
This website is certified by Health On the Net Foundation. Click to verify.
Choosing Therapy Logo
We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However, you may visit Cookie Settings to provide controlled consent. Cookie settings ACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

We use cookies to facilitate website functionality. Also, we use third-party cookies to track your website behavior and target advertising. These cookies are stored in your browser only with your consent, and you have the choice of opting out.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non Necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

Save & Accept