Oldest (First) Child Syndrome: 10 Common Characteristics

What Is Oldest Child Syndrome?

Oldest Child Syndrome is believed by some to be evidence of common characteristics that can be attributed to birth order. These traits of first-born children include a sense of entitlement, responsibility, and ambition. Many of the qualities of oldest child syndrome stem from taking care of younger siblings, which contribute to the development of a mature and effective leader. Nevertheless, the stress that comes from feeling “dethroned” by the birth of younger siblings may also result in some less than positive qualities such as jealousy and competitiveness.¹

As an oldest child myself, I can attest to the validity of my leadership skills, while my younger brother would most likely say “bossy” is the correct term. From my personal experience, I believe my intelligence and strong sense of self can be related to the four years of the undivided attention I received from my parents in childhood. However, when my little brother came along, I felt dethroned, now having to share the kingdom with another. Furthermore, this inevitably contributed to my tendency to experience jealousy and resentment for things that are “unfair”.

Moreover, firstborns end up being the “guinea pig” for their parents who are learning what works and what does not with child rearing. For example, the oldest will often have the strictest rules–from bedtime to curfew–among other limitations that are relaxed for younger siblings. My parents did not allow me to do things that my younger brother was able to do at a much younger age. I had to wait until 18 to get a body piercing; but, seeing that this was not as bad as my parents assumed it would be, they allowed my brother to have the same one at–gasp–14! Experiences such as these can ultimately influence a child well into adulthood, resulting in what has been coined as oldest child syndrome.

What Does Research Say About Oldest Child Syndrome?

Alfred Adler first studied the concept of birth order with his research suggesting that this factor contributes to many aspects of one’s personality. His theory argues that children often display a set of characteristics unique to their position in the family.² Since then, this theory has been debated, but it remains one of the founding ideas of personality.

Still, many other elements also affect one’s personality, such as their environment and unique familial factors. Adler himself suggested that community, family, and other areas of a person’s life also shape the development of their personality.²

Characteristics of Oldest Children

Because of their unique position within a family, an oldest child becomes used to being the sole focus of their parents’ attention. They have also spent more time alone with adults in general than with other siblings. While this may happen at an age when they don’t necessarily remember it, it occurs during a crucial time in brain development.

Because of children’s tendency to learn by example, they naturally develop more advocacy and language skills; these skills are then reinforced within the family system. For instance, parents may instill maturity and leadership skills in a child who is ten with a younger sibling who is six. Yet, when that younger sibling turns eight and the oldest child is now 12, the oldest sibling is still seen as a leader. As a child, I remember being expected to take the brunt of the chores, because my little brother was only ten. However, when he turned 14, and I was 18, I was still expected to do more.

According to some experts, if a sibling is born more than three years after the oldest, or if there is a change in gender, then these siblings can also take on many of the characteristics of first-born children.^1,3 But, this is also dependent on many factors such as how these expectations and behaviors are reinforced, cultural differences, among others. For example, I’ve come across many males who grew up with higher expectations than their older sisters due to familial pressures to “carry on the legacy”. On the other hand, a second born female may be expected to take on the majority of responsibility within a family if an older sibling was born with a disability.

Common characteristics of oldest children include:

• Domineering: As a way to establish dominance over their younger sibling(s), an oldest child may be more authoritarian as their siblings grow.
• Protective: Oldest children are often given the role of caregiver for their younger siblings, which reinforces protective behaviors.
• Overachieving: Due to high expectations from caregivers and other family members, older children often develop perfectionist tendencies. This is usually seen with grades, sports, and even careers.
• Potential for Leadership: Older children are commonly assigned a leadership position immediately upon the birth of a younger sibling, giving them practice from a young age.
• Responsible: When a task or chore needs to be completed, parents look to the oldest child to help. This reinforces a sense of responsibility that is often carried with a child into adulthood.
• Determined: Eldest children have higher expectations placed on them from birth due to being their parents’ first child. Because they are the only child, they are able to learn through trial and error instead of being told how to do something by an older sibling. This leads to a strong sense of determination.³
• Outspoken: Because a firstborn is sometimes seen as the “spokesperson” for their siblings, many find comfort within advocating for themselves and others.
• Ambitious: Oldest children may be more inclined to pursue academic and career success, due to the individual attention they received from parents before the arrival of their siblings.
• Opinionated: When a child receives undivided attention from a caring parent, they may assume that their opinions and concerns are important. This reinforces the idea that their ideas should be voiced, commonly resulting in this behavior continuing as they mature

Other Factors That Affect Upbringing of Oldest Children

As noted earlier, despite the characteristics of a person that may be influenced by birth order, other aspects of a person’s upbringing will also impact their personality.

Factors that influence a person’s upbringing include:

• Parenting styles: Parenting styles greatly affect the personality of a child. For instance, authoritarian parents tend to produce children who are obedient, but lower in self-esteem. Alternatively, children of authoritative parents score higher in happiness.⁴
• Environment: A person’s development is greatly influenced by their environment, including their geographical region. For example, children who grew up in war ravaged or lower income areas without access to certain resources will show decreased ability to succeed academically.
• Social acceptance: Factors such as bullying and peer or familial acceptance greatly influence self-esteem and other areas of personality.
• Cultural background: Culture plays a huge part in personality, due to expected culture based behaviors and reinforcements. For instance, oldest born females raised in cultures that reinforce feminine submission might not be as outspoken as other first-born peers.
• Disabilities or limitations: Children with disabilities or other limitations will inevitably be treated differently by adults and peer groups, which influences their development and upbringing.
• Relationships with other family members outside immediate family: Having a supportive family member outside of one’s nuclear family can help shape their self esteem, and create a sense of safety and belonging.
• Trauma in childhood: Childhood trauma will affect personality depending on how someone copes and deals with the trauma.

Oldest Child Personality into Adulthood

An oldest child’s upbringing may impact their relationships, work, personality, and social presence well into adulthood. Many qualities can be looked at as both positive and challenging, depending on their context. For example, the bossy behaviors that older children had to adapt to take care of their younger siblings can translate into leadership skills. In contrast, the self-confidence that many firstborns develop can sometimes be seen as an unrealistic ego to their peers.

How Therapy Can Help

Whether you are working through your own stressors that stem from your upbringing, or wanting to support your children who are struggling with development within the family, therapy can help. Treatment offers tools and healthy coping skills to overcome any negative feelings, while allowing a child to feel more included and empowered within a family. Moreover, parents and other siblings learn to better communicate and understand each other.

Therapy options to consider include:

• Attachment-based therapy: Attachment-based therapy is a therapeutic modality that explores attachment styles among children and caregivers, and their resulting feelings and symptoms.
• Play therapy: This therapeutic intervention is geared towards small children, and is great for siblings who aren’t able to articulate their feelings about stress in their life.
• Family therapy: This form of therapy is beneficial when the whole family is willing to participate. It helps improve communication and understanding among the whole group.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT for kids is a great option for learning how thoughts affect behaviors, and working to improve them.
• Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): This modality focuses on the relationship between feelings or emotions and decision making. It aims to help people–in this case eldest children–articulate their feelings in effective ways.

How to Support Your Oldest Child

Many parents worry that they will not be able to provide adequate attention, guidance, and acceptance to their oldest child after the birth of other siblings. However, there are many ways to offer continued support for your firstborn, so many negative traits are non reinforced.

Parents can continue to support their oldest child by:

• Being open to listening and supporting their feelings: Listening, instead of telling an oldest child to ignore their feelings, will help them identify and work through these emotions. This builds a child’s self-esteem and communication skills.
• Being mindful of age-appropriate expectations: Many oldest children are held to high standards when it comes to taking care of other siblings and helping with the household. Being mindful of these expectations allows your eldest to just be a kid. Delegate responsibilities based on age, not birth order position.
• Giving credit where due: This helps the oldest child learn to be an empowering and fair leader, instead of domineering. Giving your eldest recognition shows them that you acknowledge their contributions to the family and other siblings. It can also be used as a tool to encourage support and leadership for all children.
• Spending quality time with each child: Dedicated time to every sibling ensures each child feels supported and loved, while also preventing unnecessary jealousy. Because first born children are used to having undivided attention, they might notice shifts and changes more than their siblings. Taking time to ensure that each child knows they will receive support and love–and that no child is more important than the other–will help oldest children feel grounded within a family dynamic, while also decreasing any sense of entitlement.
• Encouraging healthy sibling relationships: Try not to reinforce unhealthy patterns of dominance in eldest children. Encourage them to empower their younger siblings to act and make decisions for themselves.
• Discouraging sibling rivalry and unhealthy competition: A little competition is normal, but be mindful of hurt feelings and any conflict that seems unrealistic or harmful.
• Encouraging healthy leadership skills: Modeling and emphasizing the importance of kindness, patience, and strong communication will help foster leadership skills, rather than bossiness or authoritarianism.
• Keeping rules consistent:  Parents often become more lenient with each younger child. For example, an oldest child might have an 8:00 PM curfew and be unable to date until 18, while younger siblings are given a separate set of rules. This can build resentment among siblings when one feels excluded.

Final Thoughts

Oldest child syndrome has yet to be researched in depth, and is not indicative of a certain personality type or behaviors. But, it still provides an interesting topic of conversation among many. Every position in the family has its pros and cons, with all personality traits having both positive and negative qualities.