Stay-at-Home Mom (SAHM) Burnout: Symptoms, Causes, & How to Cope

What is Stay-at-Home Mom Burnout?

Stay-at-home mom burnout refers to a state of chronic stress and exhaustion experienced by moms who have the full-time job of taking care of a home and kids. Burnout can also impact mothers who have careers outside of their homes. However, SAHM burnout can be more difficult to spot because of misperceptions that these women have more time, less stress, and an “easier” role than those who have additional responsibilities.

In fact, being a full-time caretaker comes with its own specific set of challenges, including isolation. SAHMs are typically home by themselves or with young children throughout the week. The invisibility of SAHM burnout can lead to moms feeling invalidated by others and themselves. 

For example, SAHMs may judge themselves for how they “should” feel. They may think, “I shouldn’t be stressed,” “I should be enjoying my time with the kids,” or “This should be easy.” By ignoring feelings of burnout, many SAHMs become even further depleted and may experience stay-at-home mom depression.

Symptoms of Stay-at-Home Mom Burnout

Stay-at-home-mom burnout causes physical and mental exhaustion, often manifesting as fatigue, difficulty sleeping, and increased substance use.² Additional signs may include emotional distance from children–even leading to neglectful or violent behavior–and a loss of enjoyment in parenting roles. Parental burnout can also lead to suicide or escape ideations.³ For loved ones, being on the lookout for these and other signs of stay-at-home-mom burnout can help you offer much-needed support.

Symptoms of stay-at-home mom burnout may include:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Insomnia
• Self-doubt
• Mental exhaustion
• Irritability
• Mom rage
• Loneliness or isolation
• Suicidal or escape ideations
• Overwhelm or feeling like everyone is relying on you
• Feeling like you have no time for yourself
• Substance use

Causes of Stay-at-Home Mom Burnout

The job of being a stay-at-home mom can be demanding and lonely. Managing stress as a mom is important for your mental health and the health of your family. Stress that piles up can result in marital problems and can negatively impact children’s emotional stability.

Besides typical life stressors, other possible causes of SAHM burnout include feeling underappreciated by partners or children and self-judgment or stigma about the role as a stay-at-home caregiver. Additionally, some people may blame money struggles on a stay-at-home mom because she isn’t “contributing” financially.

Causes of stay-at-home mom burnout may include:

• Financial stress
• Efforts aren’t appreciated or reciprocated
• No one else to share the work load with
• Stigma or self-judgment about one’s role
• Lack of support
• Isolation and lack of connection
• Lack of resources to manage stress

10 Ways to Cope With SAHM Burnout

Being a stay-at-home mom is a hard job that can quickly lead to burnout. However, you can cope and recover from this type of stress. Adopting healthy self-care routines can be especially beneficial, as they offer you time to decompress from addressing the family demands all week.

Here are 10 tips for coping with SAHM burnout:

1. Create Time for Yourself

Incorporate time into your day that is just for you and not for anyone else in the family. Whether exercising, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in a creative outlet, this break is necessary for finding relief. For instance, take 30 minutes to work out before jumping into the rest of your day. Doing so can seem impossible, but having a routine that includes time for yourself can actually make you more productive. Taking care of yourself will also give you more energy to care for others.

2. Practice Emotional Self-Care

Using mindfulness to observe and label how you feel is the first step in practicing emotional self-care, which is crucial for SAHMs who care for others 24/7. You can’t tend your emotions if you can’t identify them. Unfortunately, many of us get so busy that we forget to notice these feelings. 

Start by checking in with yourself periodically throughout the day by asking, “What emotions am I feeling? How strongly am I feeling them from 0 to 10? What do I need right now?” Practice listening to your answers and addressing your needs accordingly. You can even set a reminder on your phone to remind yourself. If your anxiety is at a 10, take a break from the to-do list and go for a walk, get out of the house, focus on journaling, or try a gratitude practice.

3. Involve Your Partner

If you have a significant other, working together to appropriately share household chores and responsibilities can be a skillful way to prevent burnout. If you are taking the kids to school and activities, walking the dogs, and making dinner every night, finding time to vacuum may push you over the edge (or keep you up late and impact your sleep).

Creating a plan with your partner for some of these tasks will take some of the burden off you and may surprise you (maybe your partner enjoys vacuuming). Having an open discussion regarding household responsibilities can help you and your partner find a better balance. If starting this conversation seems daunting, using “I statements” and coping ahead for any possible discomfort can be a big help.

4. Take Time Away from the “Office”

For stay-at-home moms, your full-time job is in your home, which can make your home feel like an office. Leaving the house may be a more effective way to refresh and recharge than staying at home. Getting a massage, taking a painting class, going on a hike, or trying a yoga class may be important ways to get a change of scenery and reset.

Alternatively, creating a space in your home solely for relaxation–and not household chores–can be a great way to create an accessible escape. For example, if your bedroom is your sanctuary, try lighting candles, playing music, and sitting down with a good book during your time off. Confine screens and piles of laundry to other rooms in the house.

5. Reframe What it Means to “Contribute”

Stay-at-home moms who feel they are not adding financial value to the household are more likely to experience negative emotions like guilt, shame, and sadness more intensely and frequently. Reassessing what contributing to your household means can help you see daily responsibilities in a more positive and realistic light.

You and your partner’s family background and how they viewed the value of parenting can play a role in how you perceive the importance of things like reading to your children, talking to them about their school day, and modeling self-care and calmness. Growing up with parents who didn’t value these and other mature aspects of parenting could partially explain why you don’t realize how important they are.

Make a list of three things that you did today for your family, and take a moment to appreciate how important your role is in helping everyone get through their week.

6. Reach Out to Friends With & Without Children

Even a quick phone or video call can make you feel connected to someone, especially if you don’t have many people to talk to during the week. Try calling a friend and purposefully talk about yourselves, without focusing on your kids or daily tasks. Taking time for small outings, like going to a local coffee shop to interact with baristas or other customers, can also give you some human contact on a day when feeling alone.

7. Meet Like-Minded Parents

Meeting other stay-at-home caregivers can help you build a supportive community with those who understand your day-to-day life. If you have toddlers, signing them up for “parent and me” classes will help them make friends and offer opportunities for you to make parent friends. Gradually, you will start to feel more connected and like you have a community to rely on.

8. Be Mindful of Social Media & Comparing

Scrolling through social media can harm your mental health, especially when feeling isolated or burned out. Avoid using social media to compare yourself to others. For instance, unfollowing mom influencer accounts can be a skillful way to remove cues that are likely to cause negative emotions.

9. Find Healthy Ways to Escape

Losing yourself in a good book or an episode of your favorite show can be a healthy way to alleviate stress and take a break from responsibilities. Audiobooks and podcasts are also a great way to induce a sense of accomplishment while also allowing you to focus on other tasks.

10. Take it One Thing at a Time

Being a SAHM can make you feel like you will never reach the bottom of your to-do list–as soon as you finish cleaning the living room, your kids make it messy again. You always have more to do, and sometimes your family may not always recognize your efforts. Feeling underappreciated and overextended can lead to feelings of burnout, so take one thing at a time. Use stress management tools when you start to feel overwhelmed.

How to Help a SAHM Experiencing Burnout

A loved one or partner can help a SAHM dealing with burnout by working together to create more equitable care plans for their home, encouraging her to take a break, or being a mindful listener.

A partner or loved one can support a SAHM experiencing burnout by:

• Be a mindful listener: Taking time to listen to how a SAHM feels can be a huge help, especially if she is alone for much of the day or only conversing with young children. Put away distractions, like your phone or even your worries, while you listen to her. Making eye contact, nodding, and using other non-verbal cues can also be ways of showing you are present.
• Watch the kids: A stay-at-home mom might rarely get time out of the house to do things she actually enjoys. Offering to watch the kids and encouraging her to go do something for herself can be a huge help.
• Set up a date night: If your partner is a stay-at-home mom, going on a date together (away from the kids!) can be fun and therapeutic for both of you.
• Offer to clean or hire someone to clean: Give stay-at-home moms a break by picking up some of the household responsibilities or bringing in professionals to help. One day off from dishes, laundry, and other house chores can go a long way in reducing SAHM burnout.
• Ask how you can help: Regularly checking in with a stay-at-home mom to see how she is doing, how you can help, and what she wants/needs is ultimately the most effective way to be helpful. Rather than assuming you know what will have the most impact, let her tell you what would be the most helpful way you could get involved.

When to Seek Professional Help

Parental burnout becomes a problem when you start to feel hopeless. Seeking professional help can help you manage feelings of overwhelm and address any symptoms of depression and anxiety. Moms can expect to feel validated, understood, and seen in therapy. 

While therapy may include identifying solutions to problems, the most important part of therapy will be having a non-judgmental space where you can express your emotions. You can start your search for finding the right therapist, particularly one specializing in parenting, using an online therapist directory.

Therapy options for SAHM burnout include:

• Family therapy: Family therapy can help improve communication between you and your family members to reduce and prevent burnout. Learning to set healthy boundaries and express and listen to each other will help your family deal with challenges far into the future.
• Online therapy: For busy SAHMs who can’t imagine finding time to drive to a therapy office, finding a therapist who offers online sessions can be very beneficial, without adding additional stress to your schedule.
• Group therapy: Parenting groups or other forms of group therapy might be a great fit if you want to feel less alone and hear from others who are going through similar experiences.