Stay-at-Home-Mom Depression: Symptoms & How to Cope

What Is Stay-at-Home-Mom Depression?

Depression is a mood disorder that affects the way a person thinks, feels, and acts. Not everyone experiences depression in the same way, but left untreated, depression can negatively impact quality of life and overall wellness.² Stay-at-home-moms often experience depression due to ongoing parenting and household duties, isolation, and lack of support.

Stay-at-home moms also tend to carry the family’s mental load. They can feel unseen and misunderstood because of the perception that they don’t work or just get to play with the kids all day. Realistically, staying at home can be emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting. It’s a full-time job without financial benefits.

Stay-at-Home-Mom Depression Symptoms

Symptoms of SAHM depression include loss of energy and motivation, changes to sleep or appetite, negative or intrusive thoughts, and a sense of loss or missing meaning and purpose. This is more than just feeling “blue” one day; it is persistent and lasts at least two weeks.²

Stay-at-home-mom depression symptoms include:

• Change in appetite: depression can cause a loss of appetite or an increase in emotional eating, particularly of sweet or salty snacks.
• Difficulty sleeping or needing more sleep: one of the most common symptoms is a change in sleep. This can be hard for moms to notice because they are up all night with the baby or children who can’t sleep. This refers to the times when mom has the opportunity to sleep, but can’t due to worry, sadness, or feelings of being overwhelmed.
• Loss of energy and motivation: everything feels hard; mom might feel like she is dragging.
• Feeling overwhelmed: mom may feel unable to cope, not sure how to deal with feeling overwhelmed.
• Mom guilt: this can create a vicious cycle in moms; mom guilt says they are being selfish by putting their needs first; then this lack of self-care exacerbates depression.
• Burnout: mom burnout or parental burnout occurs when stress is chronic. Eventually, the nervous system shuts down and moms feel detached, distracted, numb, cynical, or even apathetic.
• Regretting having kids: it can be common, even normal to question or even regret having kids; however, if this persists, it can be a sign of depression.
• Mom rage: sometimes, mom’s feelings get so bottled up that they come out as yelling and mom rage, anger, or irritability.
• Thoughts of death, or of harming oneself or the children: these thoughts can be a sign of a serious issue, like crippling depression, psychosis, or other mental illness. Please talk to a medical or mental health professional immediately if you are having these thoughts.

Why Do Stay-at-Home Moms Feel Depressed?

Adjusting to the demands of caring for infants/children, social isolation, reduction in physical activity, and worries about children’s safety and health all contribute to stay-at-home-mom depression. Many moms go through a grieving period for their pre-motherhood identity.

There is still a stigma around stay-at-home moms, and a misconception that they don’t work or “just get to stay home all day.” In reality, stay-at-home moms are almost always working, and you can’t call off sick from being a mom.

13 Tips to Deal With Stay-at-Home-Mom Depression

SAHM depression can be devastating and difficult to deal with; however, it’s important to remember that it won’t feel this way forever. Ways to cope and feel better include practicing self-care, changing pace, moving your body, and getting fresh air.

Here are thirteen tips for how to get over stay-at-home-mom depression:

1. Parent Mindfully

Mindful parenting is being fully present without judgment. This can include noticing and being present with emotions, body sensations, senses, breath, or the environment. It can also include noticing what emotions feel like in the body and teaching kids to do the same. Instead of labeling an emotion, behavior, or situation as “bad,” notice it and say something like, “I notice my shoulders are tight.”

2. Get Out of the House & Into Nature

The benefits of nature on mental health are huge. Getting out of the house and into nature, breathing fresh air, and taking in the sights, sounds, and smells can reduce stress, improve mood, generate calm, and create a sense of balance.

3. Get Some Natural Light

In addition to the benefits of being outdoors in nature, sunlight is shown to have a positive impact on energy levels and mood. Get outside for sunlight and fresh air for a mood boost. Some people find light therapy to be helpful during dark, gloomy days.⁴

4. Spend Time With Adult Friends Instead of Kids

Stay-at-home moms often go all day without adult interaction. Spending time with adult friends can help them feel like they still have their own identity outside of “Mom.” Start by joining a moms’ group on social media. You could also arrange for childcare and set up a date with a friend (e.g., another mom who understands or a friend from before you were a mom).

5. Take a Break!

Most jobs come with time-off, but stay-at-home moms are never off. What other job would expect people to work 24/7, 365 days of the year, and sometimes through the night without a break? It’s not sustainable, and it takes a huge toll on moms’ mental health. Find ways to build breaks and into the schedule. Explore options for a longer getaway like an overnight or weekend with friends.

6. Build Self-Care Into Your Life

Cope with SAHM depression by building self-care micro-strategies into the day. Fill up a water bottle in the morning and drink throughout the day. Fit in moments of regular movement, like stretching or taking short walks. Do a 2-minute meditation with the kids, during their naps, or before they wake up. Say “No” to things that drain your energy and “Yes” to things that energize you.

7. Have Healthy Snacks Prepared & Easily Available

Healthy food can stabilize blood sugar. Going without eating or binging on sweets can result in an energy drop, negatively impacting mood.⁵ Further research shows a link between depression and increased intake of sweets and fast food.⁶ Try prepping healthy snacks ahead of time. This will also make life easier when the kids inevitably yell, “Mom! I’m hungry!”

8. Put On Music & Have a Dance Party

How fun is a random dance party in the living room? Even if this sounds hard, give it a try. Music is shown to increase dopamine, elevate mood, and even reduce symptoms of depression, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder. Add the benefits of physical exercise and this is a winning combination. Plus, it’s a fun thing to do with the kids!⁷

9. Get Exercise

Exercise can feel like the hardest thing in the world to find time and energy for when you are a stay-at-home mom. However, the mental health benefits of exercise are immense and undeniable.⁸ Just 20 minutes of exercise is shown to have a significant positive impact on mood, regardless of the intensity.⁹

10. Let Go of Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is the common feeling that no matter what you do, it’s never enough. Moms feel guilty about what they do, what they don’t do, and what they should be doing. The truth is, mom guilt lies. There is no one right way to be a mother. Talk it through with a trusted friend or work with a therapist to let go of unrealistic expectations.

11. Build Routines Into Your Day

The hours can sometimes feel like they drag on forever when parenting. Similarly, if you have depression, it can feel hard to move through the day. This is where routines are helpful. Children also thrive with having a sense of predictability and structure. Knowing which task is coming up next can give you a sense of purpose and keep you moving.

12. Consider If Outsourcing May Help

As a stay-at-home mom, you truly may feel like you’re “doing it all.” This can be exhausting! If your budget allows for it, consider certain tasks that you might outsource, including laundry, grocery shopping, or general house cleaning. Having more free time (or leisure time to spend with your children) may help you better cope with depression.

13. Reassess Whether You Should Go Back to Work

Some mothers need to reconcile that the stay-at-home arrangement just isn’t working best for them. This doesn’t make you a failure. Some mothers genuinely feel better when they have some time away from their children and can focus on their professional pursuits. If you feel this may apply to you, it’s worth reevaluating your current setup. Even working just a few hours a week may make a difference in how you feel.

Depression Treatment Options

SAHM depression can be managed with treatment that addresses the mother’s particular needs and struggles. An appropriate treatment plan is generally most effective when it is formulated with the assistance of your physician or a psychological expert. You may want to consider reaching out to a professional that specializes in maternal mental health to receive more individualized care.

Therapy

Individual therapy for depression is the first line treatment option. Whether in-person or with an online counselor, psychotherapy offers a non-judgmental and confidential space which sets the tone to process intimate emotions and challenges that you otherwise wouldn’t share with others. This can also go hand in hand with antidepressants depending on the severity of your symptoms.

Support Groups

You can also consider addressing your SAHM depression by seeking assistance in the form of support groups, either to supplement your existing treatment or by itself in less severe cases. These can be beneficial for the stay-at-home mom to gain a sense of validation, boost their morale, learn coping skills, and build connections to feel less alone. If getting child care is an issue, look for online support groups or groups that provide child care.

How to Find a Therapist

You can search for different specialties in various geographical areas by using a free online therapist directory. You can also find online therapy that may be more convenient if you find it hard to find a babysitter to get to appointments. Trusted friends, family members, or physicians can also offer recommendations for good therapists.

How to Help a Stay-at-Home Mom Dealing With Depression

It’s important for loved ones to understand the symptoms of maternal depression. Remember that it’s not your job to inherently fix or change how she feels. However, you can still play an influential role in demonstrating your support. Active listening and compassion can go a long way in helping her.

Some ways to support a stay-at-home mom with depression include:

• Expressing and showing appreciation for what a SAHM does
• Asking what would be practically or logistically supportive for her
• Asking her how she’s doing without solely focusing on the child
• Spending time with her doing what she enjoys
• Listening to her concerns or feelings without jumping to solutions
• Checking in on her regularly (even if you suspect the depression has passed or improved)