Stay-at-Home-Mom Depression: Symptoms & How to Cope

What Is Depression?

Depression is a mood disorder that affects the way a person thinks, feels, and acts. Since the symptoms of depression can greatly vary in severity, not everyone will experience it in the same way. However, ongoing sadness, lack of motivation, and low energy are often common feelings. When unattended, depression can turn into a serious condition negatively impacting someone’s quality of life and overall wellness.²

What Is Stay-at-Home-Mom Depression?

Stay-at-home-mom depression can show up due to ongoing parenting and household duties, isolation, and lack of support. Moms, particularly stay-at-home moms, tend to carry the family’s mental load. They often feel unseen and misunderstood because of the perception that they don’t work or just get to play with the kids all day. Realistically, staying at home can be emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting. It’s a full-time job without financial benefits.

SAHM Depression & Mom Guilt

Mom guilt can make moms with this type of depression feel hopeless. It tells them that taking care of themselves is selfish, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Moms who take great care of themselves are actually more available to be present and joyful caretakers for their children. If a mom is not taking care of herself, it will be more difficult to raise healthy, happy and adaptable children.

Stay-at-Home-Mom Depression Symptoms

Symptoms of SAHM depression include loss of energy and motivation, changes to sleep or appetite, negative or intrusive thoughts, and a sense of loss or missing meaning and purpose. This is more than just feeling “blue” one day; it is persistent and lasts at least two weeks.²

Stay-at-home-mom depression symptoms include:

• Change in appetite: depression can cause a loss of appetite or an increase in emotional eating, particularly of sweet or salty snacks.
• Difficulty sleeping or needing more sleep: one of the most common symptoms is a change in sleep. This can be hard for moms to notice because they are up all night with the baby or children who can’t sleep. This refers to the times when mom has the opportunity to sleep, but can’t due to worry, sadness, or feelings of being overwhelmed.
• Loss of energy and motivation: everything feels hard; mom might feel like she is dragging.
• Feeling overwhelmed: mom may feel unable to cope, not sure how to deal with feeling overwhelmed.
• Mom guilt: this can create a vicious cycle in moms; mom guilt says they are being selfish by putting their needs first; then this lack of self-care exacerbates depression.
• Burnout: mom burnout or parental burnout occurs when stress is chronic. Eventually, the nervous system shuts down and moms feel detached, distracted, numb, cynical, or even apathetic.
• Regretting having kids: it can be common, even normal to question or even regret having kids; however, if this persists, it can be a sign of depression.
• Mom rage: sometimes, mom’s feelings get so bottled up that they come out as yelling and mom rage, anger, or irritability.
• Thoughts of death, or of harming oneself or the children: these thoughts can be a sign of a serious issue, like crippling depression, psychosis, or other mental illness. Please talk to a medical or mental health professional immediately if you are having these thoughts.

Why Do Stay-at-Home Moms Feel Depressed?

Adjusting to the demands of caring for infants/children, social isolation, reduction in physical activity, and worries about children’s safety and health all contribute to stay-at-home-mom depression. Many moms go through a grieving period for their pre-motherhood identity.

There is still a stigma around stay-at-home moms, and a misconception that they don’t work or “just get to stay home all day.” In reality, stay-at-home moms are almost always working, and you can’t call off sick from being a mom.

The Stigma of SAHM Depression

The stigma associated with SAHM depression typically stems from misconceptions and assumptions that society generally upholds. Many people dismiss the hard work that it takes to stay at home and raise children. For example, some believe that mothers who stay at home have it “easier” or have more time to themselves, are “lucky” because they don’t have to go to work, and should be grateful for their situation.

For these reasons, some stay-at-home moms not only feel pressured to be “perfect” but also like they shouldn’t complain or talk about their frustrations and the challenges they face, such as feelings of loneliness, loss of identity, stay-at-home-mom burnout, etc. This lack of expression can further feed into the SAHM stigma.

How to Deal With Stay-at-Home-Mom Depression: 10 Tips

SAHM depression can be devastating and difficult to deal with; however, it’s important to remember that it won’t feel this way forever. Ways to cope and feel better include practicing self-care, changing pace, moving your body, and getting fresh air.

Here are ten tips for how to get over stay-at-home-mom depression:

1. Parent Mindfully

Mindful parenting is being fully present without judgment. This can include noticing and being present with emotions, body sensations, senses, breath, or the environment. It can also include noticing what emotions feel like in the body and teaching kids to do the same. Instead of labeling an emotion, behavior, or situation as “bad,” notice it and say something like, “I notice my shoulders are tight.”

2. Get Out of the House & Into Nature

The benefits of nature on mental health are huge. Getting out of the house and into nature, breathing fresh air, and taking in the sights, sounds, and smells can reduce stress, improve mood, generate calm, and create a sense of balance.

3. Get Some Natural Light

In addition to the benefits of being outdoors in nature, sunlight is shown to have a positive impact on energy levels and mood. Get outside for sunlight and fresh air for a mood boost. Some people find light therapy to be helpful during dark, gloomy days.⁴

4. Spend Time With Adult Friends Instead of Kids

Stay-at-home moms often go all day without adult interaction. Spending time with adult friends can help them feel like they still have their own identity outside of “Mom.” Start by joining a moms’ group on social media. You could also arrange for childcare and set up a date with a friend (e.g., another mom who understands or a friend from before you were a mom).

5. Take a Break!

Most jobs come with time-off, but stay-at-home moms are never off. What other job would expect people to work 24/7, 365 days of the year, and sometimes through the night without a break? It’s not sustainable, and it takes a huge toll on moms’ mental health. Find ways to build breaks and into the schedule. Explore options for a longer getaway like an overnight or weekend with friends.

6. Build Self-Care Into Your Life

Cope with SAHM depression by building self-care micro-strategies into the day. Fill up a water bottle in the morning and drink throughout the day. Fit in moments of regular movement, like stretching or taking short walks. Do a 2-minute meditation with the kids, during their naps, or before they wake up. Say “No” to things that drain your energy and “Yes” to things that energize you.

7. Have Healthy Snacks Prepared & Easily Available

Healthy food can stabilize blood sugar. Going without eating or binging on sweets can result in an energy drop, negatively impacting mood.⁵
Further research shows a link between depression and increased intake of sweets and fast food.⁶ Try prepping healthy snacks ahead of time. This will also make life easier when the kids inevitably yell, “Mom! I’m hungry!”

8. Put On Music & Have a Dance Party

How fun is a random dance party in the living room? Even if this sounds hard, give it a try. Music is shown to increase dopamine, elevate mood, and even reduce symptoms of depression, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder. Add the benefits of physical exercise and this is a winning combination. Plus, it’s a fun thing to do with the kids!⁷

9. Get Exercise

Exercise can feel like the hardest thing in the world to find time and energy for when you are a stay-at-home mom. However, the benefits are immense and undeniable.⁸ Just 20 minutes of exercise is shown to have a significant positive impact on mood, regardless of the intensity.⁹

10. Let Go of Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is the common feeling that no matter what you do, it’s never enough. Moms feel guilty about what they do, what they don’t do, and what they should be doing. The truth is, mom guilt lies. There is no one right way to be a mother. Talk it through with a trusted friend or work with a therapist to let go of unrealistic expectations.

Stay-at-Home-Mom Depression Treatment Options

SAHM depression can be managed with treatment that addresses the mother’s particular needs and struggles. An appropriate treatment plan is generally most effective when it is formulated with the assistance of your physician or a psychological expert. You may want to consider reaching out to a professional that specializes in maternal mental health to receive more individualized care.

Therapy

Individual therapy for depression is the first line treatment option. Whether in-person or with an online counselor, psychotherapy offers a non-judgmental and confidential space which sets the tone to process intimate emotions and challenges that you otherwise wouldn’t share with others. This can also go hand in hand with antidepressants depending on the severity of your symptoms.

Support Groups

You can also consider addressing your SAHM depression by seeking assistance in the form of support groups, either to supplement your existing treatment or by itself in less severe cases. These can be beneficial for the stay-at-home mom to gain a sense of validation, boost their morale, learn coping skills, and build connections to feel less alone.

How to Find a Therapist

You can search for different specialties in various geographical areas by using a free online therapist directory. Narrow your search down my cost and speciality. Another option is to talk to trusted friends, family members, or physicians to get their recommendations for good therapists.

SAHM Depression Statistics

Here are some findings from a 2012 Gallup poll regarding the mental wellness of stay-at-home moms:¹⁰

• 50% of stay-at-home moms feel stressed compared to 48% of working moms
• 26% experience sadness compared to 16% of working moms
• 41% routinely worry compared to 34%of working moms

In more recent studies related to COVID-19, it was revealed that shifts in work and parenting responsibilities impacted employed women more than men. Consequently, the pandemic created a lot of stay-at-home moms, which resulted in a significant impact on their wellbeing.¹¹