Stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) depression is common, but it’s not often talked about. In 2000, families with stay-at-home moms made up about 6-7% of the population. This number only seems to be rising since the pandemic. Ways to deal with stay-at-home-mom depression include self-care, physical movement, support, and changing pace and scenery. If SAHM depression persists, a doctor or therapist can help.1
What Is Stay-at-Home-Mom Depression?
Stay-at-home-mom depression can show up for moms due to ongoing parenting and household duties, isolation, and lack of support. Moms, particularly stay-at-home moms also tend to carry the family’s mental load. They often feel unseen and misunderstood because of the perception that they don’t work or just get to play with the kids all day. In reality, staying at home can be emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting and is a full-time job without the financial benefits.
Mom guilt can make moms with this type of depression feel hopeless. It tells them that taking care of themselves is selfish, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Moms who take great care of themselves are actually more available to be present and joyful caretakers for their children. If a mom is not taking care of herself, it will be more difficult to raise healthy, happy and adaptable children.
Stay-at-Home-Mom Depression Symptoms
Symptoms of SAHM depression include loss of energy and motivation, changes to sleep or appetite, negative or intrusive thoughts, and a sense of loss or missing meaning and purpose. This is more than just feeling “blue” one day; it is persistent and lasts at least two weeks.2
Stay-at-home-mom depression symptoms include:
- Change in appetite: depression can cause a loss of appetite or an increase in emotional eating, particularly of sweet or salty snacks
- Difficulty sleeping or needing more sleep: one of the most common symptoms is a change in sleep. This can be hard for moms to notice because they are up all night with the baby or children who can’t sleep. This refers to the times when mom has the opportunity to sleep, but can’t due to worry, sadness, or feelings of being overwhelmed.
- Loss of energy and motivation: everything feels hard; mom might feel like she is dragging
- Feeling overwhelmed: mom may feel unable to cope, not sure how to deal with being overwhelmed, and like it’s all too much.
- Mom guilt: this can create a vicious cycle in moms; mom guilt says they are being selfish by putting their needs first; then this lack of self-care exacerbates depression.
- Burnout: mom burnout or parental burnout occurs when stress is chronic. Eventually, the nervous system shuts down and moms feel detached, distracted, numb, cynical, or even apathetic.
- Regretting having kids: it can be common, even normal to question having kids and even grieve life before kids; however, if this persists, it can be a sign of depression
- Mom rage: sometimes, mom’s feelings get so bottled up that they come out as yelling and rage, anger, or irritability.
- Thoughts of death, or of harming oneself or the children: these thoughts can be a sign of a serious issue, like severe depression, psychosis, or other mental illness. Please talk to a medical or mental health professional immediately if you are having these thoughts.
Why Do Stay-at-Home Moms Feel Depressed?
Adjusting to the demands of caring for infants/children, social isolation, reduction in physical activity, and worries about children’s safety and health all contribute to stay-at-home-mom depression. Many moms go through a grieving period for their pre-motherhood identity. It can feel overwhelming to go through such a change, and caring for infants/children while handling household tasks is exhausting, often thankless work.
There is still a stigma around stay-at-home moms, and a misconception that they don’t work or “just get to stay home all day.” In reality, stay-at-home moms are almost always working, and you can’t call off sick from being a mom.
There has been a sharp increase in stay-at-home mom depression since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. One study showed that 15% of moms reported depression symptoms before the pandemic, and 40.7% reported depression after the pandemic, regardless of work status.3
How to Deal With Stay-at-Home-Mom Depression: 10 Tips
SAHM depression can be devastating and difficult to deal with; however, it’s important to remember that it won’t feel this way forever. Ways to cope and feel better include practicing self-care, changing pace, moving your body, and getting fresh air.
Ten tips for how to get over stay-at-home-mom depression include:
1. Parent Mindfully
Mindful parenting is being fully present without judgment. This can include noticing and being present with emotions, body sensations, senses, breath, or the environment. It can also include noticing what emotions feel like in the body and teaching kids to do the same. Instead of labeling an emotion, behavior, or situation as “bad,” notice it and say something like, “I notice my shoulders are tight.”
2. Get Out of the House & Into Nature
Nature is known to have huge benefits for mental health. Getting out of the house and into nature, breathing fresh air, and taking in the sights, sounds, and smells can reduce stress, improve mood, generate calm, and create a sense of balance.
3. Get Some Natural Light
In addition to the benefits of being outdoors in nature, sunlight is shown to have a positive impact on energy levels and mood. Get outside for sunlight and fresh air for a mood boost. Some people find light therapy to be helpful during dark, gloomy days.4
4. Spend Time With Adult Friends Instead of Kids
Stay-at-home moms often go all day without adult interaction. Spending time with adult friends can help them feel like they still have their own identity outside of “Mom.” Start by joining a moms’ group on social media. You could also arrange for childcare and set up a date with a friend (e.g., another mom who understands or a friend from before you were a mom).
5. Take a Break!
Most jobs come with time-off, but stay-at-home moms are never off. What other job would expect people to work 24/7, 365 days of the year, and sometimes through the night without a break? It’s not sustainable, and it takes a huge toll on moms’ mental health. Find ways to build breaks and “me time” into the schedule. Explore options for a longer getaway like an overnight or weekend with friends.
6. Build Self-Care Into Your Life
One way to cope with SAHM depression is to build self-care micro-strategies into the day. Start by filling up a water bottle in the morning and drinking throughout the day. Fit in little bits of regular movement, like stretching or taking short walks. Do a 2-minute meditation with the kids, during their naps, or before they wake up. Say “No” to things that drain your energy and “Yes” to things that energize you.
7. Have Healthy Snacks Prepared & Easily Available
Healthy food can stabilize blood sugar. Going without eating or binging on sweets can result in an energy drop, negatively impacting mood.5 Further research shows a link between depression and increased intake of sweets and fast food.6 Try prepping healthy snacks ahead of time and having them at arm’s reach. This will also make life easier when the kids inevitably yell, “Mom! I’m hungry!”
8. Put On Music & Have a Dance Party
How fun is a random dance party in the living room? Even if this sounds hard, give it a try. Music is shown to increase dopamine, elevate mood, and even reduce symptoms of depression, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder. Add the benefits of physical exercise and this is a winning combination. Plus, it’s a fun thing to do with the kids!7
9. Get Some Exercise
Exercise can feel like the hardest thing in the world to find time and energy for when you are a stay-at-home mom. However, the benefits are immense and undeniable.8 Just 20 minutes of exercise is shown to have a significant positive impact on mood, regardless of the intensity.9
10. Let Go of Mom Guilt
Mom guilt is the common feeling that no matter what you do, it’s never enough. Moms feel guilty about what they do, what they don’t do, and what they should be doing. The truth is, mom guilt lies. There is no one right way to be a mother. If mom guilt is an issue, talk it through with a trusted friend or work with a therapist to let go of the burden of unrealistic expectations.
Final Thoughts
Stay-at-home-mom depression is common, but the good news is that it can get better. If symptoms persist for more than a couple of weeks, or if your appetite, sleep, or energy levels are affected, it can be helpful to find a therapist to work with you to address these symptoms. You can search for different specialties in various geographical areas in an online therapist directory.
Stay-at-Home-Mom Depression Infographics
