How to Help an Alcoholic: 16 Ways to Offer Support

Signs of Alcoholism

Alcoholism or alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a condition that indicates a pattern of problematic alcohol use.¹ Understanding the signs of AUD can allow you to better support and help an alcoholic loved one. Once armed with this knowledge, figuring out how to intervene becomes easier because you can identify risky drinking behaviors or enabling behavior.

Below are signs your loved one may be an alcoholic:¹

• They consume alcohol in more considerable amounts or extended periods than intended.
• They persistently desire to reduce or control alcohol use.
• They spend excessive time obtaining alcohol, using alcohol, or recovering from consumption.
• They have constant cravings or a strong urge to use alcohol.
• Their recurrent alcohol use results in failure to fulfill significant work, school, or home obligations.
• They continue alcohol use despite having recurrent social or interpersonal conflicts caused or exacerbated by alcohol.
• They reduce essential social, occupational, or recreational activities because of alcohol use.
• They frequently consume alcohol in dangerous situations.
• They continue alcohol use despite knowledge of recurrent physical or psychological problems likely caused or exacerbated by alcohol.
• They experience heightened tolerance leading to increased alcohol consumption to achieve intoxication.
• They experience withdrawal symptoms when they stop their alcohol consumption.

How to Help an Alcoholic: 16 Tips

Helping someone with alcoholism starts by identifying the issues at hand. Several potential consequences can come from untreated alcoholism, such as physical, social, emotional, financial, or legal problems. Your loved one may become defensive and react negatively to your concerns when you offer support. However, remember their behavior does not change who they are–try to stay compassionate and understanding as they navigate recovery.

Here are 16 ways to offer your loved one help for alcoholism:

1. Learn About Alcohol Use Disorder

The more you know about alcohol use disorder, the better prepared you are to offer support. You will be more confident in helping someone with alcoholism, sharing your concerns, and understanding their experience. Knowledge is a powerful tool to equip when addressing unhealthy drinking habits.

2. Engage in Careful & Thoughtful Conversation

Healthy communication in any relationship (romantic or friendly) is essential, especially when approaching sensitive topics like alcohol misuse. To better prepare, consider creating a structured conversation. Future planning can help you stay focused and ensure you meet your objective.

3. Practice What You Are Going to Say

Rehearsing your conversation can build comfort and confidence in touchy discussions. If it helps you prepare, you can write what you want to communicate. Some people write letters to read to their loved ones, guaranteeing they say what they plan. This method is more effective than talking offhand.

4. Pick the Right Time and Place to Talk

Choosing a time and place to talk creates a safe and protected setting to listen to each other and enhances the odds of productivity. Providing a private space can also help prevent interruptions and distractions. You may choose to have these critical conversations in a public place if there is a concern for safety or outbursts if done in private.

5. Practice Compassion

When helping someone with alcohol addiction, remember why you are talking about this topic. You are likely prompted by your care and concern for this person–let that show as you approach their unhealthy behaviors.

6. Share Local Treatment Options & Resources

Find out what local resources are available and gather this information. Offer details about a wide range of treatment options, such as inpatient, outpatient, or rehab facilities, so your loved one knows they have control and choice over their recovery.²

7. Offer Your Support & Presence as They Move Forward

Share you are walking through this process with them. Remind your loved one struggling with alcoholism they will not be alone, and you will remain supportive throughout their recovery. You are coming to them with love and concern that won’t change. Express you are entirely behind their decision to seek help.

8. Be Prepared for a Relapse

Alcohol use disorder is a chronic, relapsing disease. Sometimes individuals stray from their recovery plans. We hope for progress, not perfection, while recovering from alcoholism and should not reprimand our loved ones when slip-ups happen. Helping someone make and stick with a relapse prevention plan can go a long way to ensure fewer setbacks in their recovery.

9. Encourage Developing a Strong Support Network

When beginning recovery, having a network of meaningful relationships with others is essential. Helping an alcoholic includes encouraging them to seek social support as they approach recovery. For example, you may recommend 12-step programs, individual therapy, outpatient treatment, or support groups. Whatever avenue of support they pursue can be beneficial.

10. Develop Your Own Supportive Network

It is tough to watch a loved one struggle with alcohol misuse, and their recovery will likely take a toll on you and others who care for them. Building a network of people who understand alcohol use disorder and can support you when compassion fatigue sets in as you take on their burdens is essential.² 12-step programs for families, family therapy, and other support groups are available as you find help for an alcoholic loved one.

11. Encourage Them to Have a Healthy Routine

A healthy routine can provide a stable and nurturing environment for a loved one struggling with alcohol use disorder. Alcohol misuse can infuse a home with unpredictability. However, daily structure, such as regular mealtimes, exercise, sleep schedule, and family time, can help to reduce stress and anxiety as your loved one recovers.

While encouraging your loved one to engage in a healthy routine comes from good intentions, avoid being too pushy. A person must decide to take action on their own. Focus on modeling this routine yourself and asking, in a positive tone, if your loved one wants to join you. If your encouragement meets resistance, let it go and try again another day.

12. Attend Therapy Together

Alcoholism affects all household members, not just the individual with the problem. Often there are interpersonal or environmental dynamics that can feed the cycle of addiction. While individual therapy serves a vital role in recovery, family therapy can also be a powerful tool and, in many cases, even more effective.

Family therapy focuses on how interpersonal dynamics within a family system can trigger, enable, maintain, or exacerbate an individual’s alcohol use. As dysfunctional interpersonal factors are present when one or more members have alcoholism, a family therapist can promote changes directly with each individual, rather than relying on the patient to make changes in other people they have no control over.

Family therapy encompasses many strategies, including asking family members to make small changes in communication or their habits at home. Minor adjustments can powerfully impact dynamics and support the alcoholic throughout their uphill struggle. Attending therapy together also helps your loved one feel supported and that their recovery is significant enough for you to put the time and effort in too.

13. Avoid Having Alcohol in the House

Creating an alcohol-free environment is crucial to helping your loved one recover from alcohol use disorder. Proactively reduce the risk of relapse by removing temptation and easy access to alcohol. Doing so also sends a strong message of commitment to your loved one, showing you are also willing to abstain from alcohol to benefit their recovery.

14. Help Them Understand the Effects of Alcohol

Alcoholism can cascade into a host of secondary health problems. Medical problems can also impact social and occupational functioning.

Discuss with your loved one the connection between alcohol use and health. If you feel like your words are falling on deaf ears, try to encourage an appointment with a healthcare professional who can help explain the effects of alcohol on health from a position of expertise. Getting help for alcoholism sooner rather than later can limit the extent of secondary health problems.

Below are possible health implications of alcohol misuse:⁴

• Memory problems and cognitive impairment
• Liver damage
• Heart problems
• Pancreatitis
• Stomach ulcers
• Liver cancer, pancreatic cancer, or stomach cancer
• Reduced bone density
• Malnutrition

15. Prepare for Alcohol Withdrawal

Alcohol use disorder carries the risk of withdrawal symptoms that can be dangerous and even life-threatening. Alcohol cessation should be done safely and alongside professional guidance. People with a history of binge drinking alcohol are at greater risk of developing a dependence which may increase the chances of alcohol withdrawal.

When helping an alcoholic, remain mindful of withdrawal symptoms such as:

• Excessive sweating
• Heart rates higher than 100 beats per minute
• Tremors
• Inability to sleep
• Nausea or vomiting
• Visual, tactile, or auditory hallucinations
• Agitation
• Seizures

14. Remember to Take Care of Yourself

Last, but certainly not least, you can help your loved one with alcohol addiction by taking time to care for yourself. Being strong and optimistic as your loved one struggles is no easy feat. Caregiver burnout can impact you, your loved one, and others in your family, even your social and occupational circles.

Though many people engaging in self-care often fall prey to subsequent feelings of guilt, remember you are helping others by keeping yourself refreshed. Caring for yourself may take many forms. Having dinner with a friend, treating yourself to a spa or salon treatment, exercising, reading, or even a relaxing bath can recharge your battery in a way that will make you best able to help a family member struggling with alcoholism.

What Not to Do When Helping an Alcoholic

While some actions will make your efforts to help an alcoholic more effective, some can contribute to less productive outcomes. When creating a nurturing and healing environment for your loved one struggling with alcoholism, remember to avoid forcing them into treatment. Let them decide to seek support on their own terms.

Here are things not to do when trying to help someone with alcoholism:

• Don’t force them into treatment: It won’t work! Your loved one will likely feel controlled, judged, or manipulated. Think of unfavorable approaches that upset you and avoid these.
• Don’t provide financial support: Avoid offering money unless it is for treatment or encourages recovery. The goal is not to support continued alcohol use.
• Don’t enable drinking: You don’t know what will be helpful to the person, so ask them how you can best healthily support them without enabling the addiction.
• Don’t become codependent: Strengthen your recovery, interests, friendships, and self-care outside of your relationship with the alcohol user. Build up your own life and activities. Helping someone with a drinking problem also means maintaining healthy detachment.
• Don’t tell them what to do or how to do it: Their recovery must come from their decision, not yours. Encourage their efforts, noting any improvement and attempts to change.
• Don’t cover or make excuses for them: Step back from being their manager so they can fill that role themselves and take responsibility for their actions.
• Don’t wallow in guilt: Don’t beat yourself up over your past mistakes. Make amends or apologize when appropriate, then move on. You’re human.

What To Do If Your Loved One Doesn’t Want Help

You may feel incredibly frustrated or upset when a loved one resists help for alcohol addiction. You can’t force someone into recovery because making the decision to seek help is a key step in the recovery process.

However, you can show the person empathy and patience, letting them know they have your support if and when they are ready. When in doubt, heed the familiar, paradoxical advice often heard at meetings of Al-Anon for those impacted by another person’s alcoholism–“Don’t just do something, sit there.”

While you wait for your loved one to realize the need for change, it is critical that you maintain your boundaries, establish outlets for self-care (activities, friends, psychotherapy), and maintain your own healthy routine. Changing your living situation (i.e., moving out) is necessary if the home environment is unsafe for you or other family members. Leaving may also be the reason your loved one seeks help.

Treatment Options for Alcohol Use Disorder

Alcohol use disorder is a challenging condition to experience for both the drinker and those supporting them. It’s hard to see someone you care about struggle with alcohol addiction. Helping a recovering alcoholic may mean joining them in family therapy or support groups. You may also need to recommend rehab, outpatient, or inpatient treatment if their behavior spirals.

Your job is to be supportive, not to manage, control, or take charge. It’s tricky to change long-term behavioral patterns. Remember, slip-ups will likely happen, so look out for signs of relapse. You can find a therapist with an online therapist directory if you and your loved one are ready to seek support.

Below are ways to get help for alcoholism:

• Inpatient treatment: Inpatient programs typically occur in hospitals, providing a safe and secure environment to recover from alcohol addiction. Detoxification and withdrawal can lead to symptoms that may require medical assistance. Inpatient facilities may also have resources for medication compliance, poor home environment, and other medical complications.
• Intensive outpatient treatment: For situations where a residential program is not feasible but the person requires more than one or two hours of psychotherapy a week, intensive outpatient treatment can provide individual, group, and family therapy, skills training, and other support services.
• Rehab facilities: Rehabilitation facilities can host residential and day programs. Rehab typically offers a home-like environment for a patient to recover over an extended period of time. A patient may start rehab as a resident before graduating to more independent living and a day program as recovery progresses.
• 12-step programs: 12-step programs are group-based and widely available online and in person. By going through the steps with the guidance and inspiration of others who understand the challenges and realities of alcoholism, relapse, and recovery, these programs can be invaluable to both the recovering alcoholic and their family.
• Individual therapy: While treatment for alcoholism is typically multifaceted, much of the core work occurs in individual psychotherapy. The safe and confidential space offered by a therapist allows the individual to honestly reflect on why alcohol is misused and learn coping mechanisms to improve their mental health and drinking habits.

Final Thoughts

Helping someone with their alcohol use is difficult, but there are things you can do to help and professionals who can intervene. There is no need for you to go it alone. You can find guidance, direction, support, and encouragement for yourself. It’s so important to you to find hope and help along the way.