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  • Mental Health Issues
    • Anxiety
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    • Grief
    • OCD
    • Personality Disorders
    • PTSD
  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Marriage
    • Sex & Intimacy
    • Infidelity
    • Relationships 101
  • Wellness
    • Anger
    • Burnout
    • Stress
    • Sleep
    • Meditation
    • Mindfulness
    • Yoga
  • Therapy
    • Starting Therapy
    • Types of Therapy
    • Best Online Therapy Services
    • Online Couples Therapy
    • Online Therapy for Teens
  • Medication
    • Anxiety Medication
    • Depression Medication
    • ADHD Medication
    • Best Online Psychiatrist Options
  • My Mental Health
    • Men
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  • Why You May Yell at Your KidsWhy You May Yell at Your Kids
  • Is It Ever Appropriate?Is It Ever Appropriate?
  • Why Its WrongWhy Its Wrong
  • How to Stop YellingHow to Stop Yelling
  • When to Seek HelpWhen to Seek Help
  • ConclusionConclusion
  • ResourcesResources
  • InfographicsInfographics

How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids: 17 Tips for Parents

Keisha Henry, MSW, LCSW

Written by: Keisha Henry, MSW, LCSW

Headshot of Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP

Reviewed by: Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP

Published: July 14, 2023
Headshot of Keisha Henry, MSW, LCSW
Written by:

Keisha Henry

MSW, LCSW
Headshot of Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP
Reviewed by:

Trishanna Sookdeo

MD, MPH, FAAFP

Many parents lose their temper with their children from time to time. While yelling at your kids may seem like appropriate discipline in the moment, this does not yield correction or a positive behavior change. Learning to stop yelling at your kids starts by recognizing your triggers, understanding typical child behavior, and taking responsibility.

How common is OCD in Children?

In a large classroom, one student is likely to have OCD. 1 in 40 Children has Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) but it’s highly misdiagnosed and misunderstood. OCD can appear in children as young as 5 or 6 but usually appears in preteens and late teenagehood. If you notice that your child or teen seems unreasonably anxious, struggles with irrational fears, and that they perform repetitive behaviors to relieve their anxiety, it may be OCD. To find out if your child has OCD and treatment options, schedule a free 15 minute call with NOCD.

Choosing Therapy is compensated for marketing by NOCD.

Schedule A Call

Why Do I Keep Yelling At My Kids?

You may find yourself yelling at your kids for various reasons. One key factor can trace back to your own parents’ communication methods. You may unconsciously mimic behaviors, such as yelling, based on how your parents raised you.

Your mental and emotional states also play a crucial role. Stress from work, financial pressure, or even marital problems can inadvertently make you lash out at your kids. As adults, we balance numerous responsibilities simultaneously, causing frustration that influences how we respond to our children.

Is Yelling at My Kids Ever Appropriate?

While science, many experts, and social institutions agree that yelling or shouting at children is harmful, other professionals say that yelling is okay—in the appropriate circumstances. While yelling at children does not motivate them to change or correct their behavior, a raised voice allows parents to communicate in certain situations.

For example, the need for a child to change a particular behavior can be a matter of life and death. Moments of danger, such as a child running out in the street, warrant raised voices and yelling. A parent shouting, “Get out of the road!” signals danger to the child and gets their attention. On the other hand, yelling and cheering for your child is a normal reaction at their soccer game. The key here is context.

Is Yelling Equivalent to Spanking?

Studies suggest that yelling at children can cause damaging effects similar to physical punishments like spanking. While spanking can affect a child’s brain development, researchers claim that shouting could be as harmful as hitting or spanking, potentially leading to long-term effects for your family.1

Both yelling and spanking are destructive disciplinary tactics that may promote violence in children.1 Parents should be aware of these findings and understand the potential consequences of harsh discipline on emotional and psychological child development.

Why Is Yelling the Wrong Approach?

The parent-child relationship represents a system in which children learn there are rules and consequences for breaking them. Children raised by parents who use yelling as discipline learn and internalize a “one-down” position—a sense that their identity is defective and not worth respect.

According to psychological research, harsh verbal discipline creates aggressive and non-compliant behaviors in children of all ages.2 One of the primary concerns indicated is increased aggression and rebellion in children. These behaviors elicit increased verbal discipline by parents, which can progress into physical punishment like spanking and other forms of physical violence.

Yelling at your kids will not solve the issues at hand. Instead, extreme parental discipline incites equivalent behaviors in children with the potential for other aggressive behaviors. Additionally, children are likely to experience feelings of rejection and worthlessness. Your children may internalize your behavior, possibly contributing to a negative self-image.

Parenting is stressful and challenging! Get support. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids: 17 Helpful Tips

Your parenting practices directly impact your children. Consider their long-term health and your relationship if you catch yourself yelling often. Learn more about normal child behavior and plan for moments of frustration.

Below are 17 tips on how to stop yelling at your kids:

1. Shift Your Perspective Toward Your Child

Shifting your perspective shows respect and support! Listening to your child and understanding their viewpoint can help you problem-solve together and determine if further discipline is necessary after understanding their side.

2. Pause Before Responding to Them

Pausing and taking a deep breath creates space between the situation and your reaction. Allow yourself a chance to center your emotions and ability to respond rationally and appropriately. Explain to your children that you need a “time-out” for yourself if things are too heated to discuss.

3. Use Positive Self-Talk

Remind yourself of the truth and your child’s perspective. Say aloud, “This too shall pass,” “I am okay,” or “This is temporary.” Being able to challenge your thoughts and feelings helps to clarify your response. The contrary will place you in a reactive position.

4. Talk to Another Adult

Talk to your spouse, friend, or relative about your feelings. Having an outlet to “dump” and process your feelings can put you in the right mindset to determine the best course of action. Remind yourself that yelling at your kids can lead to unfavorable results.

5. Know Your Triggers

Understanding your triggers is crucial for managing your reactions. Reflect on situations where you’ve yelled at your children and identify the common factors contributing to increased frustration. Recognizing these warning signs allows you to anticipate and appropriately handle your children’s misbehavior.

6. Give Your Children a Warning

Voice your concerns and provide a warning when your child’s behavior is pushing your buttons. Doing so allows you to step back and calm down while establishing clear boundaries and expectations. Over time, children will learn to identify and correct poor behavior before you resort to yelling, and you will discover healthy ways to maintain discipline.

7. Make a List of Acceptable Alternatives to Yelling

Brainstorm different ways to communicate your frustrations, set expectations, and enforce rules. Your alternatives may include speaking calmly, having age-appropriate discussions, or implementing time-outs. Keep this list handy to reference in stressful situations.

8. Make It a Team Goal to Stop Yelling

Involve your entire family in the goal to reduce or eliminate yelling. Encourage everyone to work on their communication skills, fostering a supportive environment and holding each other accountable. If you have a partner, discuss how you plan to continue this practice as a unified front.

9. Manage Your Own Emotions

Learn techniques to handle stress, anger, and frustration. Mindfulness, physical exercise, calling a friend, or meditation for anger can help you manage emotions and alleviate the urge to yell at your kids. Change starts with you, so take preventative measures to avoid possible harm.

Help For Parents

Neuropsychological Testing For Children (including evaluations for Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD and Learning Disorders) Get answers in weeks, not months. Bend Health provides a complete report with in-depth findings, reviews with your schools, and a clinical diagnosis (if applicable). Learn more


Online Therapy & Coaching (ages 1 -17) Bend Health is a virtual mental healthcare provider caring for kids, teens, and their families. Many insurance plans are accepted. Learn More


Parenting is stressful and challenging! Get support. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp and Bend Health.

10. Take Responsibility for Yelling

You are responsible for your behavior. Acknowledge when you’ve yelled, recognizing it as a response your child does not deserve. By taking accountability, you’re more likely to be mindful of your actions in the future and remain a healthy model for your children.

11. Be Proactive & Plan Ahead

Anticipate potential situations that may lead to yelling and have a plan in place. Set routines, prepare consequences for misbehavior, and develop strategies for staying calm. When stressful circumstances arise, you (and your partner if they are involved) will know how to discipline calmly and respectfully.

12. Understand What Is & Is Not Normal Child Behavior

Educate yourself on age-appropriate behaviors to ensure you have realistic expectations. For example, yelling at your younger kids for dropping juice on the floor is unacceptable. This understanding helps you maintain perspective and avoids unnecessary escalation.

13. Come Back to the Lesson Later

If a situation becomes too tense, step away and revisit the issue when both you and your children are calm. You can prevent emotional outbursts and facilitate more productive conversations when composed and collected.

14. Check In With Your Expectations

Reevaluate your expectations regularly to ensure they are realistic and attainable for your children. Adjust your standards as needed, and remember that children’s age or developmental stage impacts their capabilities.

15. Rebuild Your Relationship With Your Kids

Make an effort to rebuild the emotional connection with your children. Show love, support, and understanding, allowing them to feel secure and open about their feelings. Spend time listening to your children when they come to you for help, remembering to offer healthy guidance free of harsh punishment.

16. Commit to Your Promise to Stop Yelling

Remind yourself of your commitment to stop yelling and hold yourself accountable for your actions. Enlist a support system of friends, family members, a therapist, or online communities to stay on track. Ask these individuals to keep note of your slip-ups so you remain mindful of your behavior.

17. When You Do Yell, Take a Moment to Apologize

Despite your efforts, there may still be times when you lose control. When you yell at your kids, apologize to them and reaffirm your commitment to change. Demonstrate your responsibility and set a good example for your kids.

How Therapy Can Help You Stop Yelling at Your Kids

Family therapists and parent coaches can provide objective guidance and solutions to change unhealthy parenting habits, including those that involve harsh verbal discipline and yelling.

Therapists will help your family understand and develop the skills needed to bring a resolution. In some cases, parents lack the appropriate skills to handle their children during difficult situations. Parents may resort to yelling, “put-downs,” and threats instead of firm yet supportive behaviors. A family therapist gets to “join” the family, support them, and advocate for them to express needs overlooked in the home.

Consider reaching out for professional help if you are struggling with discipline. Yelling at your children can lead to long-term impacts. Prevent this by taking responsibility and action. You can start searching for the right therapist using an online therapist directory.

Final Thoughts

While yelling at your children does not define you as a“bad” parent, it does signal the need for support. Parenting in a respectful, fair, and supportive way is possible. You can achieve a more harmonious relationship with your children with practice and guidance from other parents, parent support groups, or a licensed professional.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for marketing by the companies mentioned below.

Neurological Testing

Neuropsychological Testing For Children (including evaluations for Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD and Learning Disorders). Get answers in weeks, not months. Bend Health provides a complete report with in-depth findings, reviews with your school, and a clinical diagnosis (if applicable). Learn More

Online Therapy & Coaching (ages 1 -17)

Bend Health – is a virtual mental healthcare provider caring for kids, teens, and their families. Many insurance plans are accepted. Learn More

OCD and Children

NOCD – What are the signs of OCD in children? OCD involves unwanted intrusive thoughts, images, or urges (obsessions) that create anxiety, which the child attempts to relieve by performing rituals (compulsions). These rituals can be overt and noticeable (e.g. handwashing, counting, avoiding objects, rearranging materials, etc.) or can be less noticeable or mental (e.g. silently analyzing, reiterating phrases, counting, etc.). To find out if your child has OCD and treatment options, schedule a free 15 minute call with NOCD.

Online Therapy (For Parents)

BetterHelp – Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp has over 20,000 therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy.  Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Parent Classes

Tinyhood – Do you know what to do if your child starts choking? You would if you took parenting classes from Tinyhood. Subscriptions start at $12.95 per month. Topics range from responding to tantrums to handling head injuries. Learn More

Parenting Newsletter

A free newsletter for those interested in mental health and parenting. Get helpful tips and the latest information. Sign Up

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp, Tinyhood, NOCD, and Bend Health.

For Further Reading

  • Best Parenting Books
  • Best Books for New Moms

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Does My Child Have OCD?

OCD involves unwanted intrusive thoughts, images, or urges (obsessions) that create anxiety, which the child attempts to relieve by performing rituals (compulsions). Read More

A Quick Guide To Children With OCD

The parent of a child with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) may feel confused about what their child is experiencing and may be at a loss for the best ways to relieve them of any distress. In this guide, we’ll outline some of the most common signs of OCD in children and the actions caregivers can take to help. Read More

This content is sponsored By NOCD.

How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids Infographics

Why Is Yelling the Wrong Approach?   Ways to Stop Yelling at Your Kids   How Therapy or Parent Coaching Can Help

Sources Update History

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Wang, M., & Kenny, S. J. (2013). Longitudinal Links Between Fathers’ and Mothers’ Harsh Verbal Discipline and Adolescents’ Conduct Problems and Depressive Symptoms. Child Development, 85(3), 908–923. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.12143

  • Nieman, P., & Shea, S. (2004). Effective discipline for children. Paediatrics and Child Health, 9(1), 37–41. https://doi.org/10.1093/pch/9.1.37

Show more

We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.

July 14, 2023
Author: No Change
Reviewer: No Change
Primary Changes: Edited for readability and clarity. Reviewed and added relevant resources. Revised “How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids” and “Is Yelling at My Kids Ever Appropriate.” Added “Why Do I Keep Yelling At My Kids.” New material written by Alexa Donnelly, LCSW, and reviewed by Kristen Fuller, MD.
June 22, 2022
Author: Keisha Henry, MSW, LCSW
Reviewer: Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP
Show more

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  • Why You May Yell at Your KidsWhy You May Yell at Your Kids
  • Is It Ever Appropriate?Is It Ever Appropriate?
  • Why Its WrongWhy Its Wrong
  • How to Stop YellingHow to Stop Yelling
  • When to Seek HelpWhen to Seek Help
  • ConclusionConclusion
  • ResourcesResources
  • InfographicsInfographics
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