How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids: 18 Tips from a Therapist

How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids

How you parent plays a huge role in your child’s emotional well-being and the kind of relationship you’ll have with them in the long run. Reducing yelling begins with preparing for moments of frustration by developing strategies to stay calm, like taking deep breaths or stepping away for a few minutes to cool down. Consistent, calm communication and setting clear expectations can create a more supportive environment for your child. Additionally, when you model respectful behavior, you’re showing your child how to manage their own emotions and handle conflicts in a healthy way.

Here are eighteen tips and some worksheets for how to stop yelling at your kids:

1. Pause Before Responding

Take a deep breath to give yourself a moment between the situation and your reaction. This little pause helps you calm down and emotionally regulate. It also gives you a chance to think about how to respond in a more constructive way. If things are getting too heated, tell your kids that you need a “time-out.” This shows them that it’s okay to take a break to manage your feelings, and it teaches them the importance of handling their own emotions, too.

2. Learn How to Physically Reset

Learning how to physically reset can be incredibly helpful in stopping the cycle of yelling at your kids. Grounding techniques like deep breathing, stretching, or even taking a short walk can quickly calm your nervous system and reduce stress. When you take a moment to physically reset, it creates a pause between the trigger and your reaction, allowing you to address your child’s behavior calmly and effectively rather than resorting to yelling.

3. Set Clear (& Fair) Expectations

When you set clear expectations, your child knows exactly what’s expected of them, which cuts down on confusion and misbehavior. They aren’t left guessing about what’s okay and what’s not, so they’re less likely to act out because they misunderstood something. It is important to remind your child of the rules often and explain why they are important. For example, tell your child, “We don’t hit because it hurts others.”

Educating yourself on age-appropriate behaviors is key to making sure your expectations are realistic and fair. Knowing what’s typical for your child’s developmental stage helps you respond more appropriately and avoid unnecessary escalation. Kids grow and change, so your standards should adapt to their current abilities and needs. There are many different parenting books that can help you understand what expectations are age-appropriate.

4. Use Positive Self-Talk

Using positive self-talk and affirmations can really help manage your reactions and keep you from yelling. Try saying things like, “This too shall pass,” or “I am okay,” out loud. Reminding yourself that the situation is temporary and that you can handle it calmly can make a big difference. Plus, it shows your child how to handle their emotions and stay resilient.

5. Know Your Triggers Ahead of Time

It’s important to take a moment and think about the times you’ve ended up yelling. Try to pinpoint the common factors that trigger your frustration. Once you recognize these patterns, you can start developing strategies to handle those situations better, making it less likely that you’ll resort to yelling.

Look out for the specific situations and behaviors that usually lead to your frustration. For instance, notice if certain times of the day, specific activities, or particular behaviors from your child tend to push your buttons. By anticipating these triggers, you can set up routines that create a more predictable and manageable environment. For example, if mornings are chaotic, establish a consistent morning routine to minimize stress. If homework time is challenging, set up a quiet, distraction-free space for studying and break tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks.

6. Provide Structure & Routine

Providing structure and routine creates a predictable environment for both you and your child. For example, setting consistent bedtimes and mealtimes can help your children feel secure and understand what’s expected of them. Transition warnings, like giving a five-minute heads-up before it’s time to clean up or leave the house, can ease the shift from one activity to another, reducing the likelihood of meltdowns and the need for raised voices.

Incorporating daily routines also helps you as a parent manage your own stress by cutting down on the chaos. Knowing what’s coming next allows everyone to stay on the same page, and the sense of order can help you stay calm and patient. For instance, a morning routine that includes time for breakfast, getting dressed, and packing up for school can prevent the last-minute scramble that often leads to frustration and yelling.

7. Use Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement means encouraging desirable behavior through praise or rewards. This could look like using a behavior chart to track and reward good behavior, motivating your kids to follow rules without needing to be yelled at. When a child listens or completes a task without fuss, acknowledging their effort with a simple “Great job!” or sticker on their chart can reinforce their positive actions and reduce the chances of tension building. This approach encourages cooperation and fosters a more peaceful environment.

8. Give Them a Warning

Giving your child a warning when their behavior is becoming problematic can be an effective way to manage the situation without yelling. Calmly explaining why their behavior is unacceptable helps your child understand the impact of their actions. This approach not only sets clear boundaries and expectations but also gives your child an opportunity to correct their behavior before consequences are necessary.

9. Get on Their Level

Getting on your child’s level–literally–can help diffuse tension and prevent situations from escalating. By kneeling down to make eye contact and using gentle touch, like placing a hand on their shoulder, you create a connection that helps your child feel understood and safe. For example, when your child is upset, calmly saying, “Let’s talk about this,” while maintaining eye contact can soothe their emotions and guide the conversation in a more positive direction.

10. Validate Their Feelings

By acknowledging and validating your child’s emotions, like saying, “I see you’re really upset right now, and that’s okay,” you help them feel heard and understood. For example, if your child is frustrated about not getting their way, saying, “I know it’s hard when things don’t go how you want,” can help de-escalate their frustration and make them more receptive to a calm conversation.

11. Offer (Limited) Choices

Offering choices gives your child a healthy sense of control, which can help to reduce resistance. You might ask something like, “Would you like to put your toys away first or brush your teeth?” giving them a say in the process. It’s important to limit the choices to just two or three to avoid overwhelming them, keeping the situation manageable and focused.

12. Redirect Their Attention

Quickly shifting the focus away from a potential conflict by redirecting your child’s attention can help to calm the situation. This could look like if your child is upset about ending screen time, saying something like, “Hey, let’s go outside and see if we can find any cool bugs!” This distraction helps to move their energy to something positive, reducing the chance of frustration building up to the point where yelling feels like the only option.

13. Create a Calm Down Space

A calm down space offers you and your child a dedicated area to regulate emotions and regain control. This space might include cozy blankets, stuffed animals, or calming activities like coloring. When your child starts to get overwhelmed, you can gently guide them to the calm down space, giving you both a chance to settle down before emotions spiral out of control. In addition to allowing you to maintain a more peaceful approach to discipline, this gives you and your child the opportunity to practice self-soothing techniques.

14. Lead by Example

When parents stay calm and composed, even in stressful situations, it sets an example of how to handle frustration without resorting to yelling. This not only helps prevent future conflicts from escalating but also breaks the cycle of yelling, fostering a more peaceful and respectful environment at home. Children then begin to learn to mirror this calm behavior, which can lead to more constructive conversations and fewer outbursts on both sides.

15. Recognize the Effects

Understanding the negative impact that yelling has on your child can be a powerful motivator to change your approach to discipline. Yelling doesn’t solve the problem; it usually makes things worse. When children are yelled at, they often learn to respond to stress and conflict with anger and aggression. This can lead to more fights with siblings, peers, and even adults, creating a cycle of negative behavior and escalating conflict. Additionally, when a parent yells, children may interpret it as a sign that they are unloved or not good enough.  Over time, this can erode their confidence and sense of self-worth.¹

16. Practice Regular Self-Care

When you’re stressed and running on empty, you’re more likely to lose patience and resort to yelling. Stress builds up, and without taking time to recharge, it can spill over into your interactions with your kids. By prioritizing self-care, whether it’s a quiet moment with a book, a walk, or simply deep breathing, you reduce stress and stay calmer. Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury; its a necessity for being the part you want to be.

17. Attend Parenting Classes

Parenting classes offer practical tools and strategies for managing stress, setting boundaries, and communicating more effectively with your kids. By learning new techniques and gaining insights from experts and other parents, you can replace yelling with healthier ways of handling tough situations. Attending parenting classes can be a game-changer when it comes to reducing how often you yell at your child, creating a calmer, more positive home environment.

18. Speak to a Therapist or Coach

A family therapist or parenting coach can help you uncover the underlying reasons for your reactions, such as stress or unresolved emotions, and provide tailored strategies to manage these triggers more effectively. Understanding why the yelling is happening allows you to address the root cause, leading to more sustainable changes in your behavior. By working together, you can develop healthier communication patterns that contribute to a more supportive and peaceful environment for you and your child.

Worksheets to Help You Stop Yelling at Your Kids

This collection of worksheets will help you take charge of your emotions and stop yelling at your kids. Find the one you need, or download the entire collection here.

Nervous System Regulation Download

Identifying Your Triggers Download

Practicing Self-Care Download

Setting SMART Goals Download

Why Do I Keep Yelling At My Kids?

You may find yourself yelling at your kids for various reasons, and understanding these can help you make positive changes. One key factor can be traced back to your own upbringing. If your parents often used yelling as a communication method, you might unconsciously mimic this behavior, believing it to be a normal or effective way to handle conflicts.

Your mental and emotional states also play a crucial role in how you interact with your children. Stress from work, financial pressure, or marital problems can heighten your frustration levels, making you more likely to lash out at your kids. As adults, we juggle numerous responsibilities, and when you’re already feeling overwhelmed, it’s easy for minor misbehaviors to push you over the edge.

When to Seek Professional Support

Yelling at your children can have long-term negative impacts on their emotional and psychological well-being. If you frequently yell at your kids and struggle to manage your responses, it may be time to seek professional support. Individual or family therapists can offer objective guidance and practical solutions to change unhealthy parenting habits, including those involving harsh verbal discipline and yelling.

You can start by searching for a therapist using an online therapist directory, ensuring you find someone who is a good fit for your family’s needs. There are also several online therapy services that offer family therapy. ReGain focuses specifically on relationship counseling, including family therapy. This service is ideal for addressing parenting issues within the context of overall family relationships.

How to Repair the Relationship After Yelling At Your Kids

If you slip up and yell at your kid, the first step is to calm yourself down. Pause, take a few deep breaths, and give yourself a little grace, remembering that nobody is perfect. Once you’ve gathered your thoughts, approach your child and calmly acknowledge what happened. Apologize sincerely, letting them know you recognize your mistake. Say something like, “I’m sorry I yelled earlier; that wasn’t fair to you.”

Next, engage in a conversation about what led to the yelling. This helps your child understand that emotions are normal but need to be expressed in healthier ways. Ask how they felt during the situation and listen actively to their response. Finally, work together to find better ways to handle similar situations in the future. This not only repairs the relationship but also teaches your child valuable lessons about communication, accountability, and emotional regulation.²

Remember, It’s Okay to Be Imperfect

Its  okay to be an imperfect parent. Parenting is tough, and sometimes you’ll make mistakes. What’s important is how you move forward. Self-forgiveness is important because carrying parental guilt can be damaging, both to you and your relationship with your child. Being kind to yourself sets an example for your kids about resilience and self-compassion. Embrace the learning moments and know that your love and effort matter most.