Relationships are hard work, and couples will inevitably face challenges at some point. If you’re considering couples therapy with your partner, here are some important things to know.
General Couples Therapy Stats
Couples go to therapy for a variety of reasons, from communication issues to healing after infidelity.
Here are some general statistics concerning couples counseling:
- In a study involving 1000 couples, 49% said they had attended some form of counseling with their spouse.1
- The highest percentage of couples (57%) in therapy had been married 3-5 years.1
- From the same study, 52% of those who had not tried some form of marital counseling were open to trying it.1
- According to Dr. John Gottman, a relationship and marriage expert, couples wait up to six years after problems start to see a counselor.2
- 55% of couples are in therapy for six months or fewer.1
Types of Couples Therapy
Most therapists and counselors use a specific type of therapy for couples. What to expect may change based on the modality used by the therapist:
- Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is the most common form of therapy for couples. It’s been tested on couples in high-stress situations, like those in the military, parents of chronically ill children, and veterans with PTSD.3
- Another popular approach is the Gottman Method, created by husband and wife psychologist duo John and Julie Gottman. Their method focuses on the four “horsemen” of marriage-ending behavior, and how to move past those issues.4
- A 2018 study showed the Gottman Method was an effective treatment in improving marital relationships, compatibility, and intimacy, which will result in increasing family strength.5
- Research shows that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an effective form of therapy for couples dealing with communication and problem-solving issues.6
Age of Couples in Therapy
Couples of all ages can benefit from therapy, though stats show the older a couple is, the less likely they are to go into therapy, mostly citing that they know each other well and “can figure most things out.”1
- In a 2017 study, millennials have attended couples therapy the most (51%), followed by baby boomers (48%), then Gen Xers (46%).1
- Couples aged 25-30 years made up the largest portion of those in therapy (31%), followed by those aged 30-35 years (21%).1
Success Rates
Couples therapy isn’t a death sentence for a relationship or marriage. When both parties are receptive to change, it can be very beneficial to the relationship:
- In the 1980s, therapy for couples had a 50% chance of success.3
- Couples in therapy now have closer to a 75% success rate when using EFT.
- Effectiveness is measured with the Dyadic Adjustment Scale questionnaire, which measures couples’ emotional distress compared with when they began therapy.
Therapy vs. Divorce
Couples therapy usually ends in divorce when one partner or both have already decided to separate, and are either using counseling to break the news or doing it subconsciously. If both parties are unsure, that’s what discernment counseling is for.
Here are some important points on when divorce could be the better option:
- Couples should not expect therapy to work in an abusive relationship.3
- In abusive situations, it is often recommended for each partner to attend separate therapy sessions to address violent or unsafe behavior.
- Similarly, EFT is not recommended for couples in the process of separating, as EFT is used to strengthen bonds and build relationships, which is something counterintuitive to divorce.
- According to some psychologists, name-calling, lack of trust, and an unwillingness to address the issues or change are some of the biggest indicators that therapy will fail.7
- Other concerns include feelings of hopelessness, continuing an affair, and not being emotionally vulnerable.
Is the 7-Year Itch Real?
The idea of the 7-year itch: that all couples reach some kind of crisis seven years into the relationship, and how they respond to that problem determines the fate of the marriage, is a popular one.
There isn’t a ton of research on the matter, but in general:
- According to research done in the 1980s, divorce rates usually peaked around 4 years, not 7.8
- Recent research shows that divorce rates rise around 5 years, then steadily increase the longer the couple has been together.
