Separation anxiety, or a great fear or aversion to being away from a loved one, is commonly associated with children; however, adults can suffer from it too, often due to attachment style issues. In children, separation anxiety is often seen in relation to their caregiver. In adulthood, it can be anxiety related to being separated from a loved one like a child or partner.
What Is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety disorder is a common anxiety condition diagnosed in children that can continue to persist throughout adolescence and into adulthood. It’s important to recognize that separation anxiety can also have a later stage onset after childhood.
Symptoms of Separation Anxiety In Adults
Separation anxiety in adults looks like a heightened state of anxiety that could include panic attacks. It may include a refusal to honor boundaries and difficulty with eating and sleeping habits due to separation. Adults may find it hard to partake in daily activities and become withdrawn as a result. Some manifest their anxiety by having poor boundaries with children or partners.1
Symptoms of separation anxiety in adults include:2
- Fear of being alone
- Worries that a loved one will be hurt
- Fear of being away from loved one
- Depression
- Physical pain
- Headaches
- General anxiety and agitation
- Obsessive thoughts
- Being withdrawn
- Changes in sleep and eating habits
- Mood swings
- Restlessness
- Muscle tension
- Inability to focus
Causes & Triggers of Adult Separation Anxiety
There are several potential causes and triggers of adult separation anxiety, including developmental delays, a history of trauma, or the unexpected death of a loved one. The complete list, however, does not end there.
Here are several potential causes of adult separation anxiety:
- Abandonment
- Relational conflict
- Family history of anxiety
- Forced separation
- Neurological issues
- Traumatic brain injury
- Inconsistent caregivers
- Codependency3
- Developmental delays or disturbances
- History of trauma
- Unexpected death of a loved one
How Attachment Affects Separation Anxiety
Having an insecure attachment style can predict adult separation anxiety disorder. Due to the inconsistent nature of insecure attachment, the variability breeds fear and anxiety, leading to adult uncertainty about relationships. Those with anxious insecure attachment styles often feel overwhelmed but also have a drive to feel safe.
Additionally, anxiously attached adults often have a hard time deescalating emotions and may find it hard to maintain healthy boundaries. They may have a history of relationship abandonment and find themselves seeking approval or feeling sensitive to common relationship issues. Lastly, they may easily be triggered by conflict or sudden change.4
Treatment of Separation Anxiety Disorder In Adults
Therapy
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most common types of therapy used to treat anxiety disorders. In CBT, the therapist helps you identify negative thought patterns that impact your behavior and emotions. By getting to the root of the thought, it empowers you to reshape your experience. When used consistently for two months, CBT can help relieve feelings of stress and anxiety.5,6
Mindfulness and formal meditation are often integrated into therapy due to their powerful anxiety-reducing capabilities.7
They help people learn to pull their attention away from unhelpful thoughts and be more present. Certain types of therapy like acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), Mindfulness-based CBT, and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) utilize mindfulness as a method of emotional regulation.
For those who can identify a situational cause for their separation anxiety, solution-focused therapy can help. It’s often provided in 6-8 sessions (or fewer) and focuses on helping people find solutions to specific problems and stressors. Those with chronic anxiety problems may benefit from longer-term therapy, but solution-focused therapy helps more with situational stress or adapting to a specific life change.
Medication
Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications are considered the most common forms of medication for separation anxiety. Individuals respond differently to medication, so it’s important to recognize that there is no “one-size-fits-all.” You should always have medical supervision when starting, changing, or ending a medication regimen.8
Coping With Separation Anxiety as an Adult
Therapy often teaches supplemental methods of coping with anxiety that you can use all the time, even when you’re by yourself. During any given session, you’ll likely also learn about the poor coping mechanisms you may have used in the past that exacerbated or further triggered anxious thoughts.9
Good ways to cope with separation anxiety are:
- Mindfulness meditation
- Art therapy
- Journaling
- Narrative therapy
- Yoga
- Making actionable steps and goals to resolve problems
- Reading
- Creating to-do lists
- Talking to loved ones about how you feel
- Using humor
Final Thoughts
There are many ways to address and overcome your current challenges with adult separation anxiety. Talking to a therapist or reaching out to a trusted friend or family member can make an enormous difference in how you feel. Learning to manage and cope with anxiety can take time, but try to remember to have patience with yourself.
Additional Resources
- Mental Health America
- National Alliance on Mental Health
- MentalHealth.gov
- Online Therapist Directory: Sort therapists by specialty, cost, availability and more. Watch intro videos and see articles written by the therapists you’re considering working with. When you’ve found a good match, book an online therapy appointment with them directly.
Are you ready to connect with a therapist but feel a little overwhelmed by all your options? Speak with one of Choosing Therapy’s Client Navigators. Client Navigators are mental health professionals who will listen to what you’re looking for in a therapist and help pair you with the best possible fit. Getting started is free, easy, and confidential.
