Separation anxiety in adults refers to a great fear of being away from a loved one. Separation anxiety is common in children; however, adults can suffer from it too, often due to attachment issues from childhood. In children, it’s often in relation to a caregiver. In adulthood, it can be anxiety related to being separated from a loved one like a child or partner.
What Is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety disorder is a common anxiety condition diagnosed in children that can continue to persist throughout adolescence and into adulthood. Separation anxiety can also appear later in adulthood, but it’s usually related to attachment issues stemming from childhood.
Symptoms of Separation Anxiety In Adults
Separation anxiety in adults looks like a heightened state of anxiety that could include panic attacks when met with separation or the idea of separation from loved ones. It may include a refusal to honor boundaries and difficulty with eating and sleeping habits due to separation. Adults may find it hard to partake in daily activities and become withdrawn as a result. Some manifest their anxiety by having poor boundaries with children or partners.1
Symptoms of separation anxiety in adults include:2
- Fear of being alone
- Worries that a loved one will be hurt
- Fear of being away from loved one
- Depression
- Physical pain
- Headaches
- General anxiety and agitation
- Obsessive thoughts
- Being withdrawn and isolated
- Changes in sleep and eating habits
- Mood swings
- Restlessness
- Muscle tension
- Inability to focus
Causes & Triggers of Adult Separation Anxiety
There are several potential causes and triggers of adult separation anxiety, including developmental delays, a history of trauma, or the unexpected death of a loved one.
Here are several potential causes of adult separation anxiety:3
- Abandonment
- Relational conflict
- Family history of anxiety
- Forced separation
- Neurological issues
- Traumatic brain injury
- Inconsistent caregivers
- Codependency
- Developmental delays or disturbances
- History of trauma
- Unexpected death of a loved one
How Attachment Affects Separation Anxiety
Having an insecure attachment style can predict adult separation anxiety disorder. Insecure attachment is often related to inconsistency during childhood, and that variability breeds fear and anxiety, leading to adult uncertainty about relationships.
Those with anxious insecure attachment styles often feel overwhelmed but also have a drive to feel safe. Additionally, anxiously attached adults often have a hard time deescalating emotions and may find it hard to maintain healthy boundaries. They may have a history of being abandoned in relationships and find themselves seeking approval or feeling overly sensitive or fearful in response to common relationship issues. Lastly, they may easily be triggered by conflict or sudden change.4
Treatment of Separation Anxiety Disorder In Adults
Thankfully, separation anxiety can be treated, usually with therapy. The approach to treatment will depend on the person’s history and the specific triggers of the anxiety.
Therapy
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most common types of therapy used to treat anxiety disorders. In CBT, the therapist helps you identify negative thought patterns that impact your behavior and emotions. By getting to the root of the thought, it empowers you to reshape your experience. When used consistently for two months, CBT can help relieve feelings of stress and anxiety.5,6
Mindfulness and formal meditation are often integrated into therapy due to their powerful anxiety-reducing capabilities.7 They help people learn to pull their attention away from unhelpful thoughts and be more present. Certain types of therapy like acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), Mindfulness-based CBT, and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) utilize mindfulness as a method of emotional regulation.
For those who can identify a specific situation that caused their separation anxiety, solution-focused therapy can help. It’s often provided in 6-8 sessions (or fewer) and focuses on helping people find solutions to specific problems and stressors. Those with chronic anxiety problems may benefit from longer-term therapy, but solution-focused therapy helps more with situational anxiety or adapting to a specific life change.
Medication
Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications are considered the most common forms of medication for separation anxiety. People respond differently to every type of medication, so it’s important to recognize that there is no “one-size-fits-all” option. You should always have medical supervision from a psychiatrist or primary care physician when starting, changing, or ending a medication regimen.8
Coping With Separation Anxiety as an Adult
Therapy often teaches supplemental methods of coping with anxiety that you can use all the time, even when you’re by yourself. During any given session, you’ll likely also learn about the poor coping mechanisms you may have used in the past that exacerbated or further triggered anxious thoughts, and learn better methods of emotional regulation.9
Healthy ways to cope with separation anxiety include:
- Mindfulness meditation
- Art therapy
- Journaling
- Narrative therapy
- Yoga
- Talking to loved ones about how you feel
- Making actionable steps and goals to resolve problems
Final Thoughts
There are many ways to address and overcome challenges with adult separation anxiety, like talking to a therapist or reaching out to a trusted friend or family member can make an enormous difference in how you feel. Learning to manage and cope with anxiety can take time, but try to remember to have patience with yourself—healing is possible.
