25 Signs of a Bad Therapist & How to Leave Them

25 Signs of a Bad Therapist

Therapy can be a life-changing experience. The more specific you can be about the desired changes in your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, the easier it will be to identify the benefits of therapy to improve your personal progress toward your goals. If these changes don’t begin to happen after a few sessions, consider breaking up with that therapist.

Here are 25 signs you have a bad therapist:

1. The Therapist Is Unethical

All therapists are mandated to comply with a code of conduct ensuring professionalism. The most egregious unethical behavior is unwanted sexual exploitation by therapists, which can create ambivalence, cognitive dysfunction, emotional emptiness, isolation, impaired ability to trust, guilt, increased suicidal risk, role reversal and boundary confusion, sexual confusion, and suppressed anger.³ Sexual impropriety by a therapist is malpractice and against the law. It should immediately be reported.

2. The Therapist Is Judgemental

Therapists are human with their own beliefs and viewpoints. However, it is inappropriate for a therapist to impose these values and beliefs on you during a therapy session. Clients cannot allow themselves to be open and vulnerable if they are afraid of being judged by their therapist. This creates an unhealthy and unproductive environment.

3. Going to Therapy Feels Stressful

The purpose of therapy is to understand and manage stressors in your life. There are times when it is crucial to discuss challenging or stressful topics in therapy, but if seeing your therapist is a constant source of anxiety, then you’re seeing a bad therapist. A good therapist will create a climate of safety and comfort for their clients.

4. The Therapist Is Not Giving You the Attention You Deserve

If your therapist appears detached, responds with unhelpful comments, or asks you to repeat yourself multiple times, these are signs they’re not listening. This is a bad therapy warning signal. Good therapists are focused and attentive during therapy because information shared in sessions is integral for creating an effective treatment plan. Clients will only benefit if they believe they are being heard and understood.

5. Fees Are Higher Than Therapists With Similar Credentials

Examples of financially unethical behavior range from financial impropriety, like charging too much for a session, to extending treatment sessions beyond accepted clinical standards. Affordable therapy does exist. Regardless, when therapy begins, the therapist should estimate how many sessions it may take to achieve your treatment goals. A bad therapist may exploit clients by having them continue to come to sessions for their own financial gain.

6. You & The Therapist Have Inappropriate Boundaries

There are many unseen boundaries present in therapeutic relationships. The Professional Code of Conduct prohibits healthcare professionals from crossing these boundaries. Boundary violations usually involve exploitive business or sexual relationships. Boundary violations are always unethical and likely to be illegal.⁴

7. The Therapist Responds Badly to Feedback or Criticism

In any kind of relationship, it is important that feedback is taken well for the health of the relationship. In a therapist-client relationship, the feedback from a client is important to consider and take seriously as it can be helpful to explore for the client, and may impact the treatment plan. If you are sharing feedback with a therapist and you find they are not respecting your feelings or opinions, it can be a red flag that you have a bad therapist.

8. The Therapist Rushes to Diagnose (or Overdiagnose) You

Diagnoses take time, and given that many mental health issues overlap in symptoms it is even more important that a diagnosis for mental health issues be made with care and time. If you find that you are getting a diagnosis in the first three sessions or sooner, it can be a red flag that they are rushing to diagnose and place your symptoms into a box. It is important to get a second opinion and voice your concerns.

9. The Therapist Is Constantly Rescheduling

People have unexpected things arise and may have to cancel appointments, but continuous unexpected cancellations can interrupt the therapeutic process. It’s important for both therapists and clients to mutually agree to a set appointment schedule. People with mood disorders or anxiety rely on a routine to maintain stability, and good therapy requires consistency and mutual trust.

10. The Therapist Is Dismissive

When a therapist becomes dismissive, defensive, disrespectful, or argumentative when you question what they say, they are bad. Therapists must model healthy relationships and objectively listen to what is being said to them. Dismissive behaviors cause people to question themselves and can lower self esteem.

11. The Therapist Violates Confidentiality

Confidentiality is important. Patients won’t disclose information if they’re worried about a therapist breaching confidentiality and breaking their trust. However, if a person expresses a desire and plan to harm themselves or others, there may be a duty to report for the welfare of the patient. Laws can vary between states.

12. Transference or Countertransference Occurs

Transference occurs when a client brings strong feelings about a previous relationship and projects them onto a therapist. Countertransference refers to the unconscious influence that a therapist’s past conflicts have on their understanding, actions, or reactions within the treatment situation.⁶ When this occurs, it must be addressed by the therapist immediately. It can be a source of information about relationships outside of the therapist’s office. Bad therapists will ignore this dynamic, causing serious confusion and emotional harm to patients.

13. The Therapist Tells You What to Do

A good therapist will carefully listen and help guide you as you choose the right path for you. A bad therapist will make decisions for you that inhibit your future ability to make important life decisions and negate your agency in your own life.

14. The Therapist Imposes Their Beliefs Onto You

Therapy is a safe space and a place of no judgment. If you find that your therapist is imposing their own beliefs, stereotypes, or assumptions about the world onto you, it is a red flag that your therapist has poor boundaries and is not doing their job properly. Therapy isn’t about having a therapist try to convince you of anything or force you to change, it’s about you learning about yourself and growing in your autonomy.

15. The Therapist Pushes You to Talk About Something Before You’re Ready

If you are not ready to talk about something and you feel coerced or forced, it is a major red flag. Therapy is supposed to feel safe and open, but if you feel forced, safety and trust don’t have room to develop. Due to the power imbalance and the vulnerable nature of therapy, a client feeling forced can do a lot of harm to them mentally, and can prevent them from seeking the care they need.

16. The Therapist Discloses Too Much About Themselves

There is a balance between therapists sharing personal information (self-disclosure) and taking the attention away from the clients. When used appropriately, counselor self-disclosure can build trust and strengthen the therapeutic alliance. However, counselor self-disclosure also holds the potential to derail progress and take the focus off the client.⁷ A therapist shouldn’t be going on and on about stories in their own life—you’re paying for their time to talk about you.

17. The Therapist Is Not a Good Match For Your Diagnosis

If you see a therapist who specializes in dementia and you are there for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), this treatment is not going to work. Make sure your therapist has expertise in treating people with your symptoms and diagnosis.

18. The Therapist Can’t Explain Their Treatment Philosophy

When interviewing a therapist, ask them to explain their treatment model and philosophy. If they can’t answer your questions, choose another therapist. They should explain why the type of treatment they use is effective and a good fit for your diagnosis.

19. The Therapist Uses a Technique That Doesn’t Work

If you find that the way in which your therapist is using techniques doesn’t work, it is important to voice that. For example, they may keep asking you to practice thought stopping but when you try it outside of sessions it doesn’t help you change your thoughts. If they continue to use and encourage these same techniques, it is a red flag that your therapist isn’t good for you specifically.

20. The Therapist Doesn’t Talk

A good therapist will talk to help guide their client into self exploration and revelations regarding the reasons for therapy. They will help clients decide what changes they want to make and how to use techniques to cope with or confront their presenting problem. If a therapist doesn’t talk or what they say isn’t useful, they are a bad therapist.

21. The Therapist Ended Therapy Badly

The way therapy ends is an important element in the learning process for clients whether termination is initiated by the client or the therapist.

Experts describe these indicators as bad therapist examples for ending thearpy:⁸

• No expression of emotion related to termination
• No review of client growth
• Unplanned termination
• No discussion of post-termination plan

22. The Therapist Is Too Passive

Some clients believe that therapists using a passive approach don’t challenge or confront them enough. They won’t get as much out of therapy as they want.⁹

23. You Don’t See Any Movement Toward Achieving Treatment Goals

If you have been in therapy and you find that nothing you learn there is helping you resolve your presenting problems or there is no symptom reduction, that’s a red flag. This therapist is not helping you achieve your treatment goals and you should move on.

24. You Feel Disconnected From Your Therapist

After several therapy sessions, you may feel like your therapist does not understand you. If you don’t feel any connection with them, that signals you have the wrong therapist. If that connection is absent, people are less inclined to do the necessary work therapy requires to be successful.

25. The Therapist Is Bigoted, Racist, or Culturally Insensitive

Racism can occur in subtle ways in therapy. This can include lack of consideration for cultural norms and expectations and avoiding discussing race at all. Race, ethnicity, and culture affect the ways we experience the world, and that affects our mental health. A good therapist will acknowledge this and help you work through related feelings.¹⁰

Signs of a Bad Couples Therapist

Along with the above, other red flags specific to couples therapists include:

• Choosing sides
• Agreeing with one partner
• Sharing secrets with one partner
• Dividing the partners up without explanation
• Telling the couple to break up or divorce
• Ignoring the couple’s values
• Poor communication equally with both partners
• Telling each partner different things in individual sessions
• Seeing one partner individually before and after couples sessions
• Invalidating one partners emotions
• Name-calling a partner
• Lying to one of the partners
• Triangulating

What Should I Do If My Therapist Makes Me Feel Worse?

If you consistently feel worse after therapy sessions, it’s time to break up with your therapist. Leaving your therapist is a difficult decision to make, especially after you have invested time and emotional energy in treatment. Starting again can feel overwhelming, but reasons to leave include a lack of trust, comfort, and safety.

Here are things to consider when thinking about leaving a bad therapist:

• Are you leaving sessions asking what you’re getting out of therapy?
• Do you feel comfortable with your therapist?
• Do you trust your therapist? Why or why not?
• Does your therapist hear and understand you?
• Does your therapist give you information/skills to help you deal with your problems?
• Do you feel safe with your therapist?
• Do you feel better or worse after leaving a therapy session?

Who Should I Tell If My Therapist Makes Me Feel Worse?

If you have discerned that it is not the hard topics you talked about but your therapist who leaves you feeling badly, you should stop going to them. If you go to a therapist office where there is a supervisor in charge, you can report the feedback to them and choose a different therapist. If your therapist is crossing boundaries and behaving unethically, you can report them to the state licensing board.

How to Leave Your Therapist

You have the right to fire your therapist if you’re unsatisfied. But if you feel comfortable, there are advantages to talking first. They should understand why you’re leaving and what expectations were unmet. This conversation can be a learning experience for you, too, even if it feels uncomfortable. It’s not your responsibility to protect your therapist or defend your decision to leave, but you may gain new insights.

How to Find Your Next Therapist

Don’t let a bad experience stop you from getting therapy if you have unresolved issues you want to explore. Take what you learned from working with a bad therapist and use it to pick a good one. Identify qualities as being priorities you want in your new therapist. Use your network of friends, your doctor, the local mental health center, or an online therapist directory to find a new therapist.

Ask any questions you have during a phone consultation. It is often possible and encouraged to make an appointment for an initial consultation, which can happen via phone, video, in-person. This allows you to interact, determine whether they’re a good fit, and see if you prefer to see them for in-person or online therapy.