While often not maliciously intentional, a person with ADHD can tend to lie in a variety of situations. This may in part be due to feeling overwhelmed and the potential confusion they experience while trying to think quickly on the spot. Regardless of the cause, there are ways to effectively handle instances of dishonesty when speaking to a person with ADHD.
What’s the Connection Between Lying & ADHD?
Everyone lies from time to time–whether it’s a simple “I’m fine” when you’re actually not, or giving an excuse for not showing up to work. But, lying appears to be more common in those with ADHD. While lying is most commonly seen with children, it may also be a symptom of adult ADHD, as well.
Dishonesty comes down to avoiding negative consequences and problems. People with ADHD don’t want their mistakes or flaws pointed out to them (or anyone else), so they may lie about them instead. They may also lie about mistakes that have already been made, because they feel guilty and are trying to avoid punishment or criticism.
ADHD Symptoms Give the Appearance of Lying
While it might not be intentional for a person with ADHD to lie, there are some ADHD symptoms that may give the appearance of lying. These may include poor communication and poor attentiveness–difficulty communicating can cause a person to say things that they think are true, but aren’t. Or, an individual may feel that they need to express something in order to be accepted.
Nervousness in the form of stuttering, fidgeting with hands or clothes, and blurting out randomly can often look like purposeful dishonesty, but these behaviors may be second to an ADHD diagnosis. These may coincide with an increased heart rate, which is a sign of lying.
Lying Due to Low Self-Esteem
When trying to fit in, a child with ADHD will often look internally to see ways in which they can connect with others. A child may have low self esteem, and therefore feel that they are being disregarded in a conversation. They may come up with an elaborate story to tell in order to fit in with the crowd, or give a “wow” factor. When the response to these situations is one of admiration, it is easy for a child to want to continue to fabricate stories.
Lying as a Coping Mechanism
Lying as a coping mechanism for those with ADHD may stem from a number of reasons. For example, if a person with ADHD is unable to come up with a response to a question on the spot, they may lie so that they do not look unknowledgeable. Kids often lie because they want to meet the needs of the parents or caregivers, like living up to parental standards. A child may fear letting an adult down, and therefore lie to receive praise.
How Parents Can Address ADHD & Lying
Of course, a parent wants to raise a child who is honest and open. By addressing the issue of lying early on, parents are better able to have healthy and open communication with their children. Providing a comfortable space so that children do not feel the need to lie to receive praise is one of the best ways to navigate dishonesty with ADHD. A child should not automatically assume that they receive harsh punishment for their actions, as this may increase lying.2
Identify the Root Cause
While there are many ways to address ADHD and lying, one of the first steps is to address the root cause. What is it that encourages a person to lie? While we have mentioned that there can be several reasons for lying, knowing specifically why a person does so is important. Identifying the root cause allows for a conversation about the behavior.
Come Up With Consequences
While the term consequence might sound harsh, it’s important to know what the appropriate responses to lying are. Coming up with a consequence in relation to the lie itself is important, as it ensures that a person is held accountable for their actions. The person with ADHD should be able to understand what these consequences could be. Discussing this with them will help you maintain relationships.
Remember They’re Not Trying to Manipulate You
An important thing to remember about a person with ADHD is that they are not trying to manipulate you when they lie. Typically, they are lying simply to fit in, and often don’t know another way how to.
Look For Patterns & Help Them When They’re Struggling
If a person with ADHD has been lying frequently, it’s helpful to look for patterns. These patterns will allow you to address the reasons for the dishonesty, and identify what needs to be done to prevent it in the future. This will also help the person who is lying to uncover potential insecurities they might be feeling in particular situations.3
When to Seek Professional Help
It is not easy to just turn off lying when it comes to ADHD. Because of this, it’s important that a person with ADHD receive the proper support. Like with any diagnosis, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to treatment options. Therapy can be an effective tool in addressing any negative behaviors that are affecting you or a loved one with ADHD. CBT for ADHD provides many benefits, and has shown great success in treating ADHD symptoms. You can start your search for finding the right therapist using an online therapist directory.
Final Thoughts
It may seem difficult to stop lying if you have ADHD, but it is possible. The first step is to identify the reasons why you’re lying, and develop strategies for addressing them. You can also ask others for help in monitoring your behavior and encouraging honesty in your life. Finally, sometimes just being aware of the consequences of telling lies will help deter future behavior.
For Further Reading
ADHD Books and Workbooks
ADHD Organizations
ADHD Podcasts
ADHD & Lying Infographics
