Adoption Trauma: What It Is & How to Cope

What Is Adoption Trauma?

Adoption trauma refers to instances when an individual’s adoption is a traumatic experience and can result in grief, mental health problems, relationship issues, and even suicidal ideation.¹ Children who were adopted have a 26% higher exposure to events that could be traumatic, which in turn leads to a higher risk of developing PTSD later in life.

Disclaimer: Adoption can be the best, healthiest option for the child and can be a wonderful gift for both families and children. Many adopted children go on to lead healthy, productive lives. However, the adoption process can impact children and even be traumatic for some.

Anytime someone experiences a traumatic event, this puts them at greater risk of being traumatized by future experiences. In other words, a child who has already experienced early traumatic events has a greater risk of developing PTSD from future events. Additionally, difficulty forming healthy attachments or ongoing negative experiences with their new adoptive family can make problems even worse.^2,3

Although it may seem counterintuitive, positive adoption outcomes can be traumatic as well. Children can experience trauma from being separated from their birth parents or being adopted after forming attachments with a foster family. Even when it is in the child’s best interest to be moved to a different home, it can still be traumatic to be removed from one’s caregivers, familiar routine, physical location, friends, and even siblings. Even if they go into a safer, bigger, more loving environment, the change and lack of stability can be traumatic, and the child may think it’s their fault they had to leave.

Symptoms of Adoption Trauma

Adoption trauma, like any other early trauma, can change how the brain and nervous system process information. Stressful and traumatic experiences flood the body with stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol and kick off the fight-or-flight response. This can interfere with emotional regulation, development, and healthy attachment in relationships, much like symptoms of PTSD.

Symptoms of adoption trauma may include:

• Childhood anger issues
• Shame
• Emotional dysregulation
• Anxiety
• Relationship problems
• Problems at school
• Trust issues
• Issues with identity

Possible Negative Impacts of Adoption

Adoption can be traumatic for a child in several ways, and some of these effects can impact a person throughout their life. These effects include grief and loss, problems in relationships, struggles with identity and sense of belonging, or behavioral and academic problems. Adoption trauma can also sometimes lead to more serious mental health concerns, including anxiety, ADHD, and suicidal ideation.⁴

Trauma from adoption may result in:

Anxiety Disorders

Adoption trauma can sometimes result in the development of anxiety disorders in children. In these cases, symptoms of anxiety are often related to fears of loss, rejection, not belonging, and the uncertainty of frequent transitions. Adoption trauma can also contribute to social anxiety in children, especially relating to feelings of being different or being the target of stigma from peers.

Low Self-Esteem

Adoption trauma may result in low self-esteem when individuals struggle with identity or with having been given up for adoption. People may feel a sense of disconnect from their new families and feel uncertain about where they belong. Caregivers can build a child’s self-esteem by providing attention and support, helping them build on their strengths, and providing unconditional love.

Attachment Issues

Children who experience adoption trauma can have problems with forming secure attachments. This happens when children are unable to form stable, safe, and secure bonds with their caregivers due to traumatic events or being moved to a different home. This can also lead to attachment disorders in adulthood and can affect a person’s ability to form healthy and secure romantic relationships.⁵

Grief

Grief is common among people with a history of adoption trauma. Symptoms of grief can include physical symptoms such as body aches and digestive issues. They may also experience complicated grief, which occurs when a person is unable to process or move through their grief and gets “stuck”.

Depression

Adoption trauma can cause significant emotional and psychological challenges, which can lead to depression. Symptoms of depression can include feelings of sadness more days than not, change in sleep or appetite, and lack of energy and enjoyment.

Shame

Some individuals who have experienced adoption trauma struggle with feelings of shame. This can be related to internalizing feelings of rejection or abandonment or dealing with judgment or stigma from others. These feelings can lead to negative beliefs about self-worth that contribute o (“to”) shame.

Anger

Many adoptees who have been through adoption trauma struggle with anger toward their situation, their birth families, or their adoptive families. Many find themselves dealing with anger at their parents in adulthood as they work through difficult and conflicting emotions.

Relationship Difficulties

Problems forming secure attachments in childhood and infancy due to adoption trauma can play out in relationships throughout life. People who do not have secure, consistent nurturing from their caregivers may struggle with feeling anxious in relationships or avoid commitment.

Problems With Identity

There are many factors that can contribute to a person with adoption trauma having issues with identity. These include a lack of information about their origin, uncertainty about belonging, comparison with biological siblings, and cultural and racial identity. There can also be developmental issues at play related to unstable relationships with caregivers during critical times of identity formation. This can especially be true in cases of transracial adoption.⁶

Suicidal Ideation

Research shows that people with adoption trauma have a higher prevalence of suicidal ideation. Loss, grief, identity struggles, and many other difficult emotions related to adoption trauma can sometimes lead to hopelessness and suicidal ideation. If you or a loved one are having thoughts of suicide, please seek help immediately from a mental health professional or emergency services.

How to Heal From Adoption Trauma

While adoption trauma, like any other trauma, is very difficult and has long-lasting effects, people can and do heal and live healthy, fulfilling lives. A strong support system, healthy relationships with the adoptive family, and professional support, when needed, can all be important to the trauma healing process.

Whether or not to pursue or maintain a relationship with their biological family is an important decision that each person will need to make for themselves. There is no wrong answer. Openly sharing their feelings and experiences with their new families is often a helpful way to gain support.

Below are some ways to heal from adoption trauma:

• Seek support: Having the support of others when healing from adoption trauma is beneficial for the healing process. Support can help someone process emotions, normalize their feelings, and build emotional resilience.
• Practice self-compassion: Adoption trauma can lead to self-doubt and problems with self-worth. It is important for a person to learn to love themselves and have compassion for their own experiences.
• Learn more about your history: For many, the unknowns about origin or family history can create a loss of identity and a sense of not belonging. Sometimes, learning more about family or medical history can fill in some of those gaps.
• Validate your feelings: There is a general idea in society that adoption is always a happy experience, which can invalidate more difficult feelings. It’s important for adoptees to know that all of their feelings are normal and valid.
• Try a support group: One of the most helpful things about support groups is the ability for members to share their experiences and coping skills with others who share many of the same struggles and truly understand.
• Engage in self-care: Self-care can provide an additional layer of support when healing from trauma. Self-care includes taking care of mental, physical, and emotional needs, advocating for self, and setting boundaries when needed.
• Explore whether reconnection is right for you: Whether or not to reconnect with one’s birth family is an individual choice. Seeking support, becoming educated about options and the process, journaling, and reflecting are all ways to gain clarity about this decision.⁷
• Get educated about the effects of trauma: Understanding the effects and symptoms of trauma helps with recognizing and managing triggers when they pop up, as well as learning to regulate the nervous system and build coping skills.
• Begin therapy: As with any type of trauma, working with a qualified professional is a great way to begin healing and moving forward. An online therapist directory is a great resource for finding a therapist nearby. Alternatively, online therapy platforms can be an affordable and convenient option.

When to Seek Professional Support

When a person finds that their adoption trauma begins to make it difficult for them to function in their life, or when it affects sleep, appetite, work, school, or relationships, they might need therapy to heal. Therapy works to heal the effects of trauma on the nervous system, form healthy attachments, and gain coping skills. It can often be helpful to get the adoptive family involved, too, in order to build healthy communication, support, and understanding.

Therapy options for adoption trauma may include:

• Trauma-informed therapy: Trauma-informed therapy is helpful for anyone who has experienced trauma or adverse events. A trauma-informed therapist knows the impact of trauma and how to focus on strengths and healing.
• Group therapy: Group therapy can be especially helpful because it allows people who have similar experiences to share their stories and hope with each other. It can allow someone to feel validated and understood, which can open the door for more insight and self-compassion as well as support.
• Family therapy: Family therapy is especially helpful for adoption trauma when members of the adoptive family join as well. This can help facilitate communication, understanding, and support. Strategic family therapy is especially helpful in situations when the client may be an adolescent who is struggling with behavioral issues.
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR is a trauma therapy that helps clients identify traumatic memories and reprocess them along with more adaptive ways of thinking with the use of bilateral stimulation. This can be really helpful when specific memories feel traumatic or when the client is stuck in a pattern of negative thinking.
• Internal family systems (IFS): IFS is based on the idea that everyone is made up of parts, and there are no bad parts. For someone with adoption trauma, this could include a part that is grateful for the adoptive family and a part that feels grief or anger about being relinquished. IFS helps by making room for all of these parts.
• Attachment-based therapy: Attachment-based therapy can help people with adoption trauma learn to form secure attachments in relationships and heal attachment wounds from childhood. This can build resilience and improve relationships.

In My Experience

Many people who are adopted do not experience trauma and live healthy and happy lives, although it does increase the chance of being exposed to traumatic events. For some, however, the experience of adoption can be traumatic and lead to long-lasting effects. If someone experiences negative impacts due to their adoption, it is important to seek support and professional help as needed.