Adoption Trauma: What It Is & How to Cope

What Is Adoption Trauma?

Adoption trauma refers to instances when adoption results in grief, mental health problems, relationship issues, and even suicidal ideation.¹ Adopted children are 26% more likely to experience traumatic events, thus increasing the risk of developing PTSD later in life.

Adoption can be the best, healthiest option for a child and a wonderful gift for families. Many adopted children go on to lead healthy, productive lives. However, the adoption process can be scary for some. Additionally, multiple traumas, difficulty forming healthy attachments, or ongoing negative experiences with adoptive families can make problems even worse.^2,3

Although seemingly counterintuitive, positive adoption outcomes can also be traumatic. Children can experience trauma from being separated from their birth parents or adopted after forming attachments with a foster family. Even when moving is in their best interest, separation from caregivers, familiar routine, physical location, friends, and siblings can be heartbreaking. The child may even think they are at fault for their displacement.

Symptoms of Adoption Trauma

Adoption trauma, like any other early trauma, can change how the brain and nervous system process information. Stressful and traumatic experiences flood the body with stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, thus kicking off the fight-or-flight response. This reaction can interfere with emotional regulation, development, and healthy attachment in relationships, much like symptoms of PTSD.

Symptoms of adoption trauma may include:

• Childhood anger issues
• Shame
• Emotional dysregulation
• Anxiety
• Relationship problems
• Problems at school
• Trust issues
• Issues with identity

Possible Negative Impacts of Adoption

Adoption can be traumatic for children in several ways, and some of these effects can impact them throughout their lives. These impacts include grief and loss, relationship problems, struggles with identity and sense of belonging, or behavioral and academic issues. Adoption trauma can also sometimes lead to more serious mental health concerns, including anxiety, ADHD, and suicidal ideation.⁴

Anxiety Disorders

Adoption trauma can sometimes result in the development of childhood anxiety disorders. In these cases, symptoms of anxiety often stem from fears of loss, rejection, not belonging, and the uncertainty of frequent transitions. Adoption trauma can also contribute to social anxiety in children, especially relating to feelings different or being the target of stigma from peers.

Low Self-Esteem

Adoption trauma may result in low self-esteem when individuals struggle with identity. People may feel disconnected from their new families and uncertain about where they belong. Caregivers can build child self-esteem by providing attention and support, helping them build on their strengths, and providing unconditional love.

Attachment Issues

Children who experience adoption trauma can have problems with creating secure attachments. They may struggle with forming stable, safe, and secure bonds with their caregivers due to traumatic events or being moved to a different home. These challenges can also lead to attachment disorders in adulthood.⁵

Grief

Grief is common among people with a history of adoption trauma. They may also experience complicated grief, which occurs when a person cannot process or move through their grief and gets “stuck.”

Depression

Adoption trauma can cause significant emotional and psychological challenges, which can lead to depression. Symptoms of depression can include feelings of sadness, changes in sleep or appetite, and lack of energy and enjoyment.

Shame

Some individuals who have experienced adoption trauma struggle with feelings of shame. These negative self-beliefs can relate to internalized feelings of rejection, abandonment, or judgment from others.

Anger

Many adoptees who have been through adoption trauma struggle with anger toward their situation, birth families, or adoptive families. Many find themselves dealing with anger at their parents in adulthood as they work through complex and conflicting emotions.

Relationship Difficulties

Problems forming secure attachments in childhood and infancy due to adoption trauma can play out in relationships throughout life. People who do not have consistent nurturing from their caregivers may struggle with feeling anxious in relationships or avoid commitment.

Problems With Identity

Many factors can contribute to issues with identity, including a lack of information about their origin, uncertainty about belonging, comparison with biological siblings, and cultural or racial identity. Developmental problems related to unstable relationships with caregivers during critical times of identity formation can also play a role, especially in cases of transracial adoption.⁶

Suicidal Ideation

Research shows people with adoption trauma have a higher prevalence of suicidal ideation. Loss, grief, identity struggles, and many other difficult emotions can sometimes lead to hopelessness. If you or a loved one are having thoughts of suicide, please seek help immediately from a mental health professional or emergency services.

How to Heal From Adoption Trauma

While adoption trauma has long-lasting effects, people can and do live healthy, fulfilling lives. A support system, healthy relationships with the adoptive family, and professional support can all be essential to the trauma healing process.

Whether or not to pursue or maintain a relationship with their biological family is an important decision that each person must make themselves. There is no wrong answer. Openly sharing their feelings and experiences with their new families is often a helpful way to gain support.

Below are some ways to heal from adoption trauma:

• Seek support:Having the support of others when healing from adoption trauma is beneficial. Support can help someone process emotions, normalize their feelings, and build emotional resilience.
• Practice self-compassion: Adoption trauma can lead to self-doubt and problems with self-worth. Learning to love yourself and have compassion for your own experiences is essential.
• Learn more about your history: For many, the unknowns about origin or family history can create a loss of identity and a sense of not belonging. Sometimes, learning more about family or medical history can fill in some of those gaps.
• Validate your feelings:Society often views adoption as a happy experience, which can invalidate your feelings. Adoptees need to know all of their emotions are normal and valid.
• Try a support group:One of the most helpful things about support groups is the ability for members to share their experiences with others who understand.
• Engage in self-care: Self-care can provide additional support when healing from trauma. Self-care includes tending to your mental, physical, and emotional needs, advocating for yourself, and setting boundaries when needed.
• Explore whether reconnection is right for you: Whether or not to reconnect with your birth family is an individual choice. Seeking support, becoming educated about the process, journaling, and reflecting are all ways to gain clarity about this decision.⁷
• Get educated about the effects of trauma: Understanding the effects and symptoms of trauma helps with recognizing and managing triggers, regulating the nervous system, and building coping skills.

When to Seek Professional Support

Someone might need therapy if their adoption trauma makes functioning difficult or affects their sleep, appetite, work, school, or relationships. Therapy works to heal the effects of trauma on the nervous system, form healthy attachments, and gain coping skills. An online therapist directory is one resource for finding a therapist nearby. Alternatively, online therapy platforms can be an affordable and convenient option.

Therapy options for adoption trauma may include:

• Trauma-informed therapy: Trauma-informed therapy is helpful for anyone who has experienced trauma or adverse events. A trauma-informed therapist knows the impact of trauma and how to focus on strengths and healing.
• Group therapy: Group therapy allows people with similar experiences to share their stories. Members can feel validated and understood, opening the door for more insight and self-compassion.
• Family therapy: Family therapy can help facilitate communication, understanding, and support. Strategic family therapy is helpful for teens struggling with behavioral issues.
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR for PTSD helps clients identify and reprocess traumatic memories via bilateral stimulation.
• Internal family systems (IFS): IFS stems from the idea that everyone has different internal parts. Someone with adoption trauma may have a part that is grateful for the adoptive family and a part that feels grief or anger about being relinquished. IFS helps by making room for all of these parts.
• Attachment-based therapy: Attachment-based therapy can help people with adoption trauma learn to form secure attachments in relationships, heal attachment wounds from childhood, and build resilience.