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  • Percentage of Couples That Stay TogetherPercentage of Couples That Stay Together
  • Dealing With the Impact of InfidelityDealing With the Impact of Infidelity
  • Why Do Some Couples Stay Together After Cheating?Why Do Some Couples Stay Together After Cheating?
  • How Relationships Change After InfidelityHow Relationships Change After Infidelity
  • 7 Tips to Survive Infidelity7 Tips to Survive Infidelity
  • How Can Therapy Help Couples After Infidelity?How Can Therapy Help Couples After Infidelity?
  • InfographicsInfographics
  • Additional ResourcesAdditional Resources
Infidelity Articles Infidelity Signs of Cheating When to Walk Away After Infidelity Online Couples Counseling

How Many Couples Survive Infidelity?

Martha Teater, LMFT Headshot

Author: Martha Teater, LMFT

Headshot of Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP

Medical Reviewer: Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP Licensed medical reviewer

Published: October 30, 2024
  • Percentage of Couples That Stay TogetherPercentage of Couples That Stay Together
  • Dealing With the Impact of InfidelityDealing With the Impact of Infidelity
  • Why Do Some Couples Stay Together After Cheating?Why Do Some Couples Stay Together After Cheating?
  • How Relationships Change After InfidelityHow Relationships Change After Infidelity
  • 7 Tips to Survive Infidelity7 Tips to Survive Infidelity
  • How Can Therapy Help Couples After Infidelity?How Can Therapy Help Couples After Infidelity?
  • InfographicsInfographics
  • Additional ResourcesAdditional Resources

Studies show that nearly 57% of couples stay together after infidelity is revealed—but is your relationship among the couples who survive infidelity?1 Infidelity in a relationship is never easy to address, especially if it is recurring. However, when both partners are willing to work through the affair together, healing can take place.

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Identifying Trauma Triggers Worksheet
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DBT PLEASE Skill - Fear of Rejection
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Overcoming Shame - Fear of Rejection
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What Percentage of Couples Stay Together After Cheating?

According to research, only 20% of couples remain married after five years if the affair was kept secret, while 57% of couples who reveal infidelity stay together over the same period.1 How unfaithfulness is displayed by men and women can differ– men lean more toward acts of sexual infidelity and pornography use, while women may be more likely to engage in emotional infidelity.

Cheating can occur in a relationship for any number of reasons. What was the quality of the marriage prior to the infidelity? Was the infidelity a pattern, or a one-time affair? Either way, studies suggest that some couples may be more likely to stay together, as compared to others.

When looking at the percentage of couples that recovery after cheating, we see that:

  • Relationships that were strong prior to the affair recover more fully after infidelity
  • Married couples stay together at a higher percentage than unmarried couples
  • Couples with children are more likely to continue the relationship following a betrayal

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Dealing with the Impact of Infidelity in Your Relationship

Going through infidelity is an incredibly stressful and painful experience, both for the person who cheated and for the betrayed partner. This disrupts harmony and affection in the relationship, and usually contributes to hurt, distress, anger, sadness. This is why each partner needs healing and recovery to move forward in a healthy way.

When You’re Cheated On

It may be that prior to being in this situation, you promised yourself that if your partner ever cheated, you’d cut them off forever. Then it happened, and you realized that things are much more nuanced than that. You may feel stigma from friends and family who push you to leave your partner. People may say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater”. You may even feel shame for staying.

When You Cheat

You will probably experience a full range of emotions after cheating–shame, embarrassment, guilt, among others. You may see yourself differently now, and this change in self-image can be hard to manage. You also may become frustrated with the intensity of your partner’s reactions. It’s a difficult time to work on a relationship, and you may struggle with acknowledging the pain you’ve caused.

Why Do Some Couples Stay Together After Cheating?

Some couples stay together after infidelity for practical reasons, like children or financial concerns. Others may choose to rebuild their relationship because they believe in the potential for growth, healing, and forgiveness. In fact, therapy can play a major role in helping couples move forward. Additionally, there may be judgment expressed from family, friends, or the couple’s faith community related to divorce.

When considering how to move forward after infidelity, people may:

  • Develop hope that their love will enable them to overcome the infidelity
  • Feel that they can make some changes for the good of the relationship
  • Feel optimistic that their partner can learn and grow from this experience
  • See remorse from the cheating partner, and feel empathy for them
  • See this as an opportunity to grow through this painful experience
  • Experience deeper and more meaningful communication

How Do Relationships Change After Infidelity?

When a couple decides to stay together after an affair, things are bound to be different. Sometimes, things remain tense for a very long time, with accusations becoming part of the new pattern. The most ideal outcome is that the couple seeks help, communicates openly and honestly with one another, and can heal their sexual and emotional relationship. Couples therapy is a powerful method to help facilitate the process of healing.3

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7 Tips for Couples to Survive Infidelity

There are many ways that couples can work through infidelity and emerge stronger.4 Each partner must be willing to do whatever it takes to work on the relationship, and come to a better place together. It can be scary and exciting, but you may come back in a way that’s better than before.

Here are seven things you can do to navigate your relationship post-infidelity:

1. Work on rebuilding trust: Without rebuilding trust in your relationship, moving forward in a positive way will be very difficult. Each partner may hold a level of mistrust against the other–unless this is resolved, healing is difficult. The unfaithful person may not trust that the affair was forgiven, and the betrayed partner may not be able to trust that infidelity won’t happen again.

2. Talk openly about the infidelity: Healthy communication in a relationship is essential. As a couple, you don’t have to talk about the affair endlessly, but talking about it will happen for a long time, which can be healthy and positive.

3. Seek support: Find a therapist, both as a couple and as individuals. Talk through what this has been like for you…for both of you. How will you get through this as an individual, and also as a couple? Figure out how to restore your hope and rebuild your sense of self.

4. Don’t expect a quick fix: Affair recovery is a long-term process. The way through it is to go through it. There is no shortcut. Take all the time you need to process the pain and find your direction again. This will take time and a willingness to grow.

5. Find time to avoid the topic: Look for time that you can be together and not talk about the betrayal. Try to keep conversations about the infidelity to a certain length of time (30 minutes? An hour?), or talk about it on a certain schedule–either certain days of the week or in therapy. You can even write thoughts to each other, too.

6. Talk about what’s good in your relationship: Remind yourself why you two got together in the first place. What are some things you cherish about your togetherness? What are you drawn to in your partner? What has kept you together for so long? What are your hopes and dreams for a future as a couple?

7. Try to have fun again: You’ll find that you can enjoy your partner again, laugh together, and renew your sexual relationship. This won’t always be on your mind, and there may be longer periods when this isn’t even something you’re thinking about. You won’t forget about the betrayal, but you can survive this.

How Can Therapy Help Couples Work Through Infidelity?

Professional help is important when an affair is revealed or discovered.5 It can help both parties sort through the impact of this from their own experience. Working on the relationship gives partners more confidence and hope going forward. It will also help with the various emotions associated with the affair. The couple can see a therapist together or individually, and there are many ways to find a therapist, including using an online therapist directory or using an online couples therapy platform.

How Many Couples Survive Infidelity? Infographics

How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair   Tips for Working Through Infidelity   Why Do Couples Decide to Stay Together After Infidelity

Sources Update History

ChoosingTherapy.com strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Marín, R. A., Christensen, A., & Atkins, D. C. (2014). Infidelity and behavioral couple therapy: Relationship outcomes over 5 years following therapy. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 3(1), 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1037/cfp0000012 

  • Weiser, D. A., et. al. (2017). Family Background and Propensity to Engage in Infidelity. Journal of Family Issues, 38(15), 2083–2101. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X15581660

  • Atkins, D. C., et al. (2010). Outcomes of couples with infidelity in a community-based sample of couple therapy. Journal of Family Psychology, 24(2), 212–216. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0018789

  • Infidelity. (n.d.).American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Retrieved from https://aamft.org/Consumer_Updates/Infidelity.aspx

  • McCarthy B, et al. (2013). New strategies in assessing, treating, and relapse prevention of extramarital affairs. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2012.665820.

Show more Click here to open the article sources container.

We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.

October 30, 2024
Author: (No Change)
Medical Reviewer: (No Change)
Primary Changes: New infidelity worksheets added. Fact checked and edited for improved readability and clarity.
November 21, 2022
Author: Martha Teater, LMFT
Reviewer:Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP
Show more Click here to open the article update history container.

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Additional Resources

To help our readers take the next step in their mental health journey, ChoosingTherapy.com has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. ChoosingTherapy.com is compensated for marketing by the companies included below.

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Marriage and couples therapy can be helpful and a worthwhile investment for couples who want to seek help with their relationship. Which online platform will work best for you will depend on what issues you want to work on, what your goals are for your relationship, the cost, and if it’s available in your state.

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Couples have experienced improvements in the following:
  • Communication problems / too many arguments
  • Emotional distance or lack of love
  • Lack of trust or infidelity/cheating
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