Infidelity is complex and subjective to an individual’s beliefs, but there are common signs of cheating behaviors to be aware of. Your girlfriend may show a lack of intimate connection or project behaviors onto you, among other behaviors. If you think your girlfriend may be cheating on you, it is advised to talk to your girlfriend and clearly express your concerns.
Are you constantly needing “reassurance” in relationships?
Most people like to hear words like “I love you”. However, if you are obsessively thinking about whether your partner cares about you and needing reassurance, you might have Relationship OCD. Find out if you have OCD.
What Is Considered Cheating?
Cheating or infidelity is an emotional or physical connection that happens outside of a relationship. There are many types of infidelity and they are not exclusive to monogamous partnerships. They can happen in any type of relationship including an ethical nonmonogomous, polyamorous, or polygamous partnership. Cheating does not discriminate based on how long you have been in a relationship, either.
What may be cheating for you may not be cheating for someone else. Cheating is based on subjective experiences, values, belief systems, relationship expectations, and individual boundaries. Some common examples of cheating include physical, cyber, object, financial, and emotional infidelity. Because of social media, cheating seems to be more accessible on platforms like instagram, facebook, or even snapchat. This makes it easy for people to rekindle with past lovers, exes, or those they feel an emotional or physical attraction to.
11 Signs Your Girlfriend is Cheating
Women often cheat when there is an emotional, physical, or intellectual dissatisfaction in the relationship. A common sign of cheating would be if your girlfriend shuts down, avoids conflict, or engages in passive aggressive communication. You may find that you are able to catch her in a lie when things she shares “don’t add up.”
Here are 11 signs that your girlfriend might be cheating on you:
1. Lack of Commitment
What is perceived as a lack of commitment is dependent on the length of the relationship, if there is a secure relationship attachment and bond, the trust between both partners to remain faithful and present in the relationship. It is common for infidelity to occur when there is low commitment, as well as high relationship stress, conflict, and dissatisfaction.
2. Lack of Emotional & Physical Intimacy
Women tend to appreciate emotional intimacy, as it is a way for them to connect with their partner on a deeper level. Therefore, she may be seeking emotional, platonic intimacy elsewhere. Moreover, a lack of physical or sexual interest could be an indicator that she may be cheating on you. Depending on your girlfriends love language, sexual and physical touch is an important factor that keeps relationships strong.
3. Conflict in the Relationship
Conflict can really diminish the lack of satisfaction in a relationship and can lead to emotional disconnection and avoidance. This can significantly drift partners apart, and women might want to find security, intimacy, and comfort elsewhere.
4. Past Trauma or Fear of Intimacy
A fear of intimacy may be rooted in adverse childhood experiences or exposure to infidelity within the family system. This may show in the initial stages of your relationship; yet, it can also be displayed later on if triggered. Fear of intimacy often stems from past relationship trauma, so your girlfriend may retreat to self-sabotaging patterns to avoid getting hurt.
5. Expressions of Dissatisfaction
Your girlfriend may express dissatisfaction in your relationship when her needs have not been met or boundaries have not been respected. This may result due to unresolved conflict and built up resentment.
Recovering From Infidelity Or A Betrayal Of Trust
Individual Therapy – Whether you’re trying to move on or rebuild a relationship, a licensed therapist from BetterHelp can guide you. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. Visit BetterHelp
Couples & Marriage Counseling – Talkspace offers you and your partner the support and structure you need. It’s private, convenient, and affordable. Learn More
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6. She’s Not Responsive
Cheating behavior may look like not showing any interest in responding to messages, or simply falling off the radar. Another sign could be that she may avoid any conversations regarding her whereabouts and make up stories that do not “add up.”
7. She Dismisses Responsibility for Her Actions
Your girlfriend may dismiss, avoid or deny any responsibility for causing harm to the relationship. When confronted about suspicion for cheating, she may engage in gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and criticism; she might also avoid internalizing any guilt or shame. This can lead to abusive relationships.
8. Trust Issues
Your girlfriend may have trust issues and project her own behaviors on you. This may include blaming you for engaging in cheating and suspicious behaviors. She may be more wary of your whereabouts, or express more insecurities and fears of you cheating on her.
9. She Chooses to Spend More Time With Friends
Your girlfriend may want to spend more time with friends or be more active in her social life, whether this be in person or on social media. This offers more opportunities for her to meet up with other people outside of her friendships. Additionally, your girlfriend may be having conversations with the other person either through text, email, or on her social media. There are so many ways in which cheating can happen online.
10. Changes Her Physical Appearance
This is a common sign of infidelity as women want to feel secure and content in their body. Desirability boosts self-confidence in women, and this may be a sign that they want to feel attractive to another person.
11. Secretiveness
Secretive behaviors may include conscious efforts to hide her phone and social media accounts; who she is talking to; changing the passwords on her devices; or not disclosing any information about your relationship on her social media. Moreover, lying is another sign that your girlfriend might be cheating on you. Maybe she says that she went to the gym or grocery shopping, but this was not the case.
Are you constantly needing “reassurance” in relationships?
Most people like to hear words like “I love you”. However, if you are obsessively thinking about whether your partner cares about you and needing reassurance, you might have Relationship OCD. Find out if you have OCD.
What to Do if You Suspect Your Girlfriend May Be Cheating
If you are concerned your girlfriend is cheating on you, there are some steps you can take to address any issues within your relationship. First, bring up your concerns in a way that is not accusatory, and is focused on addressing your own needs and desires in the relationship. You can even plan a structured conversation and set up a specific time to talk about these wants. Come up with an agreement to do “timeouts” if conflict escalates, and use “I statements” to express yourself. Let her know how their behavior impacts you.
Secondly, your support system–such as your friends, family, therapist, or support group–can prove beneficial in providing comfort when you’re experiencing infidelity. Cheating can cause deep emotional damage, and even relationship PTSD. Therefore, community can help you in your healing journey.
When to Break Up With Your Girlfriend
Determining whether you want to rebuild the relationship or not is a necessary step when moving forward. If you’re unable to rebuild trust in the relationship again; make a commitment to work through any challenges; discuss the issues that may have resulted in the infidelity; or redefine your boundaries, it may be time to consider breaking up. If you both are unable to take responsibility for the roles you played in the relationship dynamic, there are some things you can do to end the relationship in a healthy way.
Breaking up with someone in a healthy way may look like:
- Making efforts to resolve issues impacting the relationship
- Being honest with yourself about the pros and cons of staying in the relationship
- Having the conversation in person
- Being honest with your girlfriend about your feelings
- Validating your own and her feelings
- Being clear that you are breaking up with her
- Taking time and space to heal and grieve
- Having a breakup plan in place, and seeking out help from your natural supports
- Trying therapy
Can Therapy Help?
Working with an individual therapist or a couples counselor can help you heal after infidelity. Your therapist can support throughout the healing process, help reduce any resentment you may feel, or help you work on repairing trust in the relationship. It also offers you as well a safe space to address some of the more crucial underlying issues that led to the infidelity in the first place.
Final Thoughts
You may suspect that your girlfriend is cheating on you by watching out for common signs. If your girlfriend shows less interest in physical or emotional intimacy, or is not communicating with you openly, you may want to consider your options. However, it will be necessary for you to communicate with her about your concerns. Seeking out for support through friends, family, or a therapist can help you move forward.
Additional Resources
To help our readers take the next step in their mental health journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy is compensated for marketing by the companies included below.
BetterHelp (Online Therapy) – Whether you’re feeling uneasy in your relationship, trying to rebuild trust, or working on forgiveness – a licensed therapist from BetterHelp can guide you. BetterHelp will ask you about the things you want to work on and what you’re looking for in a therapist. Visit BetterHelp
Talkspace (Counseling For Overcoming Adultery) – Talkspace offers you and your partner the support and structure you need. It’s private, convenient, and affordable. Get Started
OurRelationship (Free Couples Course) – OurRelationship has been proven to help couples improve communication, intimacy, and trust. 94% would recommend it to a friend. Get Started
Relationship Newsletter (Free From Choosing Therapy) – A newsletter for those interested in improving relationships. Get helpful tips and the latest information. Sign Up
Best Online Marriage & Couples Therapy Options
Marriage and couples therapy can be helpful and a worthwhile investment for couples who want to seek help with their relationship. Which online platform will work best for you will depend on what issues you want to work on, what your goals are for your relationship, the cost, and if it’s available in your state.
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- Communication problems / too many arguments
- Emotional distance or lack of love
- Lack of trust or infidelity/cheating
Are Your Relationship Doubts a Symptom of Relationship OCD or a Wrong Relationship?
Have you ever wondered to yourself, “What if I’m not in love with my partner anymore? What if I’ve never been?” For some people, these thoughts are more than occasional. They can become constant and overwhelming, and even lead to compulsive actions like seeking reassurance to quiet them. When these thoughts and actions rise to the level of obsessive-compulsive order (OCD), they are known as relationship OCD, or ROCD.