How to Tell if Your Girlfriend is Cheating: 11 Important Signs

What Is Considered Cheating?

What may be cheating for you may not be cheating for someone else. Cheating is based on subjective experiences, values, belief systems, relationship expectations, and individual boundaries. Some common examples of cheating include physical, cyber, object, financial,  and emotional infidelity. Because of social media, cheating seems to be more accessible on platforms like Instagram, Facebook, or even Snapchat. This makes it easy for people to rekindle with past lovers, exes, or those they feel an emotional or physical attraction to.

Cheating, or infidelity, is an emotional or physical connection that happens outside of a relationship. There are many types of infidelity and they are not exclusive to monogamous partnerships. They can happen in any type of relationship including an ethical non monogamous, polyamorous, or polygamous partnership. Cheating does not discriminate based on how long you have been in a relationship, either.

11 Signs Your Girlfriend is Cheating

Women often cheat when there is an emotional, physical, or intellectual dissatisfaction in the relationship. A common sign of cheating would be if your girlfriend shuts down, avoids conflict, or engages in passive aggressive communication. You may find that you are able to catch her in a lie when things she shares “don’t add up.”

Here are 11 signs that your girlfriend might be cheating on you:

1. Lack of Commitment

What is perceived as a lack of commitment is dependent on the length of the relationship, if there is a secure relationship attachment and bond, the trust between both partners to remain faithful and present in the relationship. It is common for infidelity to occur when there is low commitment, as well as high relationship stress, conflict, and dissatisfaction.

2. Lack of Emotional & Physical Intimacy

Women tend to appreciate emotional intimacy, as it is a way for them to connect with their partner on a deeper level. Therefore, she may be seeking emotional, platonic intimacy elsewhere. Moreover, a lack of physical or sexual interest could be an indicator that she may be cheating on you. Depending on your girlfriend’s love language, sexual and physical touch is an important factor that keeps relationships strong.

3. Conflict in the Relationship

Conflict can really diminish the lack of satisfaction in a relationship and can lead to emotional disconnection and avoidance. Conflict can lead to partners’ drifting apart, and women might want to find security, intimacy, and comfort elsewhere.

4. Past Trauma or Fear of Intimacy

A fear of intimacy may be rooted in adverse childhood experiences or exposure to infidelity within the family system. This may show in the initial stages of your relationship; yet, it can also be displayed later on if triggered. Fear of intimacy often stems from past relationship trauma, so your girlfriend may retreat to self-sabotaging patterns to avoid getting hurt.

5. Expressions of Dissatisfaction

Your girlfriend may express dissatisfaction in your relationship when her needs have not been met or boundaries have not been respected. This may result due to unresolved conflict and built up resentment.

6. She’s Not Responsive

Cheating behavior may look like not showing any interest in responding to messages, or simply falling off the radar. Another sign could be that she may avoid any conversations regarding her whereabouts and make up stories that do not “add up.”

7. She Dismisses Responsibility for Her Actions

Your girlfriend may dismiss, avoid, or deny any responsibility for causing harm to the relationship. When confronted about suspicion for cheating, she may engage in gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and criticism; she might also avoid internalizing any guilt or shame, which can lead to abusive relationships.

8. Trust Issues

Your girlfriend may have trust issues and project her own behaviors on you. This may include blaming you for engaging in cheating and suspicious behaviors. She may be more wary of your whereabouts, or express more insecurities and fears of you cheating on her.

9. She Chooses to Spend More Time With Friends

Your girlfriend may want to spend more time with friends or be more active in her social life, whether this be in person or on social media. This offers more opportunities for her to meet up with other people outside of her friendships. Additionally, your girlfriend may be having conversations with the other person either through text, email, or on her social media. There are many ways in which cheating can happen online.

10. Changes Her Physical Appearance

This is a common sign of infidelity as women want to feel secure and content in their body. Desirability boosts self-confidence in women, and this may be a sign that they want to feel attractive to another person.

11. Secretiveness

Secretive behaviors may include conscious efforts to hide her phone and social media accounts; who she is talking to; changing the passwords on her devices; or not disclosing any information about your relationship on her social media. Moreover, lying is another sign that your girlfriend might be cheating on you. Maybe she says that she went to the gym or grocery shopping, but this was not the case.

What to Do if You Suspect Your Girlfriend May Be Cheating

If you are concerned your girlfriend is cheating on you, there are some steps you can take to address any issues within your relationship.

Steps to address cheating in your relationship include:

Have an Open Conversation About It

First, bring up your concerns in a way that is not accusatory, and is focused on addressing your own needs and desires in the relationship. You can even plan a structured conversation and set up a specific time to talk about these wants. Come up with an agreement to do “timeouts” if conflict escalates, and use “I statements” to express yourself. Let her know how their behavior impacts you.

Lean on Your Support System

Your support system–such as your friends, family, therapist, or support group–can prove beneficial in providing comfort when you’re experiencing infidelity. Cheating can cause deep emotional damage, and even relationship PTSD. Therefore, community can help you in your healing journey.

Consider Other Scenarios

It’s possible that changes in your girlfriend’s behavior have nothing to do with cheating. Maybe she’s spending more time with a friend going through a crisis that she didn’t want to share with you. Or maybe she decided to explore a new hobby or is blowing off steam after being stressed at work.

Decide What to Do About It

If you determine your girlfriend is definitely cheating then you need to decide whether to move forward with your girlfriend and work on the relationship or to end the relationship.

When to Break Up With Your Girlfriend

Determining whether you want to rebuild the relationship or not is a necessary step when moving forward. If you’re unable to rebuild trust in the relationship again, make a commitment to work through any challenges, discuss the issues that may have resulted in the infidelity, or redefine your boundaries-  it may be time to consider breaking up.

If you both are unable to take responsibility for the roles you played in the relationship dynamic, there are some things you can do to end the relationship in a healthy way.

Breaking up with someone in a healthy way may look like:

• Making efforts to resolve issues impacting the relationship
• Being honest with yourself about the pros and cons of staying in the relationship
• Having the conversation in person
• Being honest with your girlfriend about your feelings
• Validating your own and her feelings
• Being clear that you are breaking up with her
• Taking time and space to heal and grieve
• Having a breakup plan in place, and seeking out help from your natural supports
• Trying therapy

Can Therapy Help?

Working with an individual therapist or a couples counselor can help you heal after infidelity. Your therapist can support throughout the healing process, help reduce any resentment you may feel, or help you work on repairing trust in the relationship. If you decide to stay together, consider online couples therapy to work through infidelity recovery and strengthening your relationship.

Therapy also offers you as well a safe space to address some of the more crucial underlying issues that led to the infidelity in the first place.