Are Narcissists Dangerous?

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

Narcissistic personality disorder includes several features, such as arrogance, self-importance, and grandiosity. These traits often lead narcissists to depend on external validation and may cause extreme pride and shame. A narcissist often uses narcissistic gaslighting and intentional manipulation, which contribute to relationship instability. The narcissist may also be a “love bomber” and overload their partner with a garage of affection as a form of emotional manipulation.²

NPD Vs. Narcissistic Traits

Someone can have narcissistic traits and not meet the criteria for a personality disorder. Just because a person has similar attributes, they won’t necessarily be a narcissist. The threshold for diagnosis is high, and the symptoms must cause distress and impairment in critical areas of life. It is currently estimated that about 5-6% of the population is diagnosed with NPD.¹

Types of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

There are several types of narcissism. Common examples include grandiose, vulnerable, communal, and malignant narcissism. However, because narcissism occurs on a spectrum, a person can fall into a number of other personality and behavioral categories.

Common types of NPD include:

Why Are Narcissists Dangerous?

Any selfish person can become dangerous when their sense of self is threatened, and danger may be present when the person is attempting to protect their sense of self. We know that not all narcissists are innately dangerous, but it’s essential to notice the signs of danger building so you can protect yourself if the time comes.

Here are six reasons why a person with NPD could become dangerous to themselves or others, such as:

1. Their Lack of Empathy Takes Over

Emotional abuse is one way we see a lack of empathy on full display. There is a pattern of behavior in relationships that are controlling, isolating, punishing, arrogant, and humiliating. The narcissist person in a relationship uses their power to shame, blame, criticize, frighten, and control another person.³

2. They Live for Drama

We often see people with NPD enjoying the drama. The danger here comes from their need to purposefully cause friction between themselves and others, leading to a cycle of narcissistic abuse, physical altercations, and other high-intensity situations. When things are calm, we often see a narcissist do something to stir conflict and create a problem that wasn’t previously there.

3. They Put Their Own Needs First

The danger here comes from a narcissist’s desperate need to put their desires and wishes before the health and well-being of others. Without empathy, they only prioritize and value themselves. They present as selfish, cold, and uncaring. There seems to be little concern for the needs of others, which may leave someone without the support they need if they become hurt or in danger.

4. They Need to Feel Special

The narcissist may go to great lengths to maintain the feeling of being unique. They may resort to inappropriate behaviors to feed their need for superiority and even physically abuse or bully someone to make themselves feel more powerful than the other person. Their self-esteem may be fragile, leading to the need to find constant avenues, even physical, to feed their ego.

5. They Are Hypervigilant About Offenses

A narcissist may become hypervigilant about the insult, offenses, or adverse reactions of others. When this happens, they may become reactive and aggressive, clearly expressing their anger at the perceived slight or criticism. The person they feel has wounded them may be surprised. This person may not even realize that they did anything that could have caused such upset.

6. They Experience Narcissistic Injury & Rage

Narcissistic injury is a term that refers to someone with NPD experiencing a shattered sense of self due to rejection, criticism, abandonment, or another threat to their ego. The wounding- which can happen without significant warning- may trigger narcissistic rage, which refers to extreme displays of anger. Such anger may include physical aggression, intense threats, or other forms of explosive/impulsive behavior.

Signs of a Dangerous Narcissist

So, how can you spot a dangerous narcissist? What would you look for? How can you distinguish between a “normal” narcissist and a dangerous one? Again, not all people with NPD present with harmful tendencies. However, having the ability to identify a hazardous NPD person can be paramount for your safety. Awareness is a safety measure against a potentially violent individual.

Hallmarks of a dangerous narcissist can include signs such as:⁴

• Showing increased aggression when criticized
• Expressing acts of relational aggression
• Engaging in criminal activities
• Using offensive nonverbal behavior (i.e., eye-rolling, staring, scowling)
• Using threats to leave or end the relationship as manipulation
• Bullying their partner as a form of intimidation
• Accusing the partner of cheating, even with no evidence
• Implying that the partner could never be desired by anyone else

What to Do About a Dangerous Narcissist

Remember, safety is always the highest priority. When in doubt, it is appropriate to alert local authorities. This response is appropriate if a narcissist is becoming dangerous or violent to themselves or others. Seek support and help in this situation. Setting healthy boundaries in relationships with the narcissistic person can help give you the necessary distance when safety is a concern.

Some tips for avoiding contact or conflict with a narcissist who may become dangerous include:

• Avoid confrontation
• Limit interactions
• Build a support network
• Establish and maintain firm boundaries
• Engage in counseling to get support
• Create a safety plan
• Learn about healthy responses when in a narcissistic relationship
• Take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness

How to Leave a Dangerous Narcissist

Leaving someone with abusive tendencies requires special attention and care. It’s important to protect both your physical and emotional well-being. Having a secure safety plan may be essential for preparing your exit strategy. Tap into your support system to determine who can help you with basic essentials, including shelter (if needed) or other logistical needs. Organize important documents and keep them somewhere safe. Consider consulting with an attorney or the police if you believe you may need a restraining order.

Make sure you set clear boundaries with the narcissist if you do end the relationship. If possible, avoid confrontation and block all forms of contact. You should expect your partner to try to reach out and/or coerce you to return to the relationship. This is why seeking legal protection may be essential. Focus on taking good care of yourself and consider reaching out for therapy for added support.

Overcoming Violence & Aggression as a Narcissist

If you think you have narcissistic traits or NPD, please seek support and mental health attention. If you’ve ever thought you could become violent or experience periods of narcissistic rage, take the time to find the right therapist who can meet your needs. Treatment can help alleviate some of the adverse symptoms of NPD, leading you to act out against others, which can teach you how to develop a more fulfilling and healthy life. Searching an online therapist directory can get you in contact with specialists who can help you develop healthier coping mechanisms. It is possible for a narcissist to change, but only if they are willing.

If you are living with NPD and struggling with thoughts of violence or harm, please consider:⁵

• Seek treatment: Therapy can help modify your thoughts and reactions to keep you and others safe. Therapy is available virtually or in person. You can seek couples therapy with you and your partner, family therapy, or individual therapy. There are online therapy platforms to help you access therapy from the convenience of your home.
• Distance yourself from others when needed: This may help keep you and others safe for a cooling-off period until things feel more stable.
• Find healthy outlets of support: Consider an online support group or faith community, and engage with other groups of people you can connect with in healthy ways.
• Build coping tools: This may include mindfulness, exercise for mental health, and anger management to find safe outlets from frustration.