Narcissism is a condition that often causes hurt to the people around the person with these traits. Relatives and friends may have experienced emotional damage and could be concerned about other safety risks.1
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?
Narcissistic personality disorder includes several features, such as arrogance, self-importance, and grandiosity. These traits often lead narcissists to depend on external validation and may cause extreme pride and shame. Another feature is narcissistic gaslighting and intentional manipulation, contributing to a relationship’s self-doubt. The narcissist may also be a “love bomber” and overload their partner with overwhelming affection as a form of emotional manipulation.2
NPD vs. Narcissistic Traits
Someone can have narcissistic traits and not meet the criteria for personality disorder. Just because a person has similar attributes, they won’t necessarily be a narcissist. The threshold for diagnosis is high, and the symptoms must cause distress and impairment in critical areas of life. It is currently estimated that about 5-6% of the population is diagnosed with NPD.1
Types of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
There are several types of these personalities. They include grandiose, vulnerable, communal, and malignant narcissism.
- Grandiose narcissism: This is also thought of as overt narcissism or classic narcissism. This type of person appears boastful, arrogant, and self-important, seeking praise, attention, and validation.
- Vulnerable narcissism: This is a form that may also be considered covert or fragile narcissism. These people may be quiet, shy, or reserved, especially when insecure and upset. They may appear moody, needy, and brooding.
- Communal narcissism: These people may appear, on the surface, to be humble, selfless, and generous. Their validation and attention come from the appearance of being kind and giving.
- Malignant narcissism: This type is usually described as a person with antisocial personality disorder traits. This dangerous combination can lead them to abuse, manipulate, and exploit others.
Why Are Narcissists Dangerous?
Any selfish person can become dangerous when their sense of self is threatened, and danger may be present when the person is attempting to protect their sense of self. We know that not all narcissists are innately dangerous, but it’s essential to notice the signs of danger building so you can protect yourself if the time comes.
Here are five reasons why a person with NPD could become dangerous to themselves or others, such as:
1. Their Lack of Empathy Takes Over
Emotional abuse is one way we see a lack of empathy on full display. There is a pattern of behavior in relationships that are controlling, isolating, punishing, arrogant, and uses fear and humiliation. The narcissist person in a relationship uses their power to shame, blame, criticize, frighten, and control another person.3
2. They Live for Drama
We often see people with NPD enjoying the drama. The danger here comes from their need to purposefully cause friction between themselves and others, leading to a cycle of abuse, physical altercations, and other high-intensity situations. When things are calm, we often see a narcissist do something to stir conflict and create a problem that wasn’t previously there.
3. They Put Their Needs Ahead of Others’
The danger here comes from their desperate need to put their desires and wishes before the health and well-being of others. Without empathy, they prioritize and value themselves. They present as selfish, cold, and uncaring. There seems to be little concern for the needs of others, which may leave someone without the support they need if they become hurt or in danger.
4. They Need to Feel Special
How can a narcissist’s need to feel special be related to risk and danger? The person may go to great lengths to maintain the feeling of being unique. They may resort to inappropriate behaviors to feed their need for superiority and even physically abuse or bully someone to make themselves feel more powerful than the other person. Their self-esteem may be fragile, leading to the need to find constant avenues, even physical, to feed their ego.
5. They Are Hypervigilant About Offenses
A narcissist may become hypervigilant about the insult, offenses, or adverse reactions of others. When this happens, they may become reactive and aggressive, clearly expressing their anger at the perceived slight or criticism. The person they feel has wounded them may be surprised, not even realizing that they did anything that could have caused such upset.
Signs of a Dangerous Narcissist
So, how can you spot a dangerous narcissist? What would you look for? How can you distinguish between a “normal” narcissist and a dangerous one? Again, not all people with NPD present with harmful tendencies but having the ability to identify a hazardous NPD person can be paramount for your safety. Awareness is a safety measure against a potentially violent individual.
Hallmarks of a dangerous narcissist can include signs such as:4
- Showing increased aggression when criticized
- Expressing acts of relational aggression
- Engaging in criminal activities
- Using offensive nonverbal behavior (i.e., eye-rolling, staring, scowling)
- Using threats to leave or end the relationship as manipulation
- Bullying their partner as a form of intimidation
- Accusing the partner of cheating, even with no evidence
- Implying that the partner could never be desired by anyone else
What to Do About a Dangerous Narcissist
Remember, safety is always the highest priority. When in doubt, it is appropriate to alert local authorities. This response is appropriate if a person is becoming dangerous or violent to themselves or others. Seek support and help in this situation. Setting healthy boundaries in relationships with the narcissistic person can help give you distance when safety is a concern.
Some tips for avoiding contact or conflict with a narcissist who may become dangerous include:
- Avoid confrontation
- Limit interactions
- Build a support network
- Establish and maintain firm boundaries
- Engage in counseling to get support
- Create a safety plan
- Learn about healthy responses when in a narcissistic relationship
- Take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness
Overcoming Violence & Aggression as a Narcissist
If you think you have narcissistic traits or even NPD, please seek support and mental health attention. If you’ve ever thought you could become violent or experience periods of narcissistic rage, take the time to find a therapist who can meet your needs. Treatment can help alleviate some of the adverse symptoms of NPD, leading you to act out against others and develop a more fulfilling and healthy life. Searching an online therapist directory can help you get in contact with specialists who can help you develop healthier coping mechanisms.
If you are living with NPD and struggling with thoughts of violence or harm 5, please consider:
- Seek treatment: Therapy can help modify your thoughts and reactions to keep you and others safe. Therapy is available virtually or in person and can be done as couples therapy with you and your partner, in family therapy sessions, or with you alone.
- Distance yourself from others when needed: This may help keep you and others safe for a cooling-off period until things feel more stable.
- Find healthy outlets of support: consider an online support group or faith community, and engage with other groups of people you can connect with in healthy ways.
- Build coping tools: This may include mindfulness, exercise for mental health, and anger management to find safe outlets from frustration.
Final Thoughts
There is hope even if you have NPD and thoughts of anger and violence and are afraid you could become a danger to yourself or others. Treatment can be life-changing for you. If you have a loved one with NPD and you’ve had concerns about potential violence, please contact the proper authorities as needed.
For Further Reading
Are Narcissists Dangerous Infographics
