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Are Narcissists Dangerous?

Published: October 18, 2022 Updated: November 23, 2022
Published: 10/18/2022 Updated: 11/23/2022
Martha Teater, LMFT Headshot
Written by:

Martha Teater

LMFT
Headshot of Dr. Kristen Fuller, MD
Reviewed by:

Kristen Fuller

MD
  • What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?What Is NPD
  • Why Are Narcissists Dangerous?Why Are Narcissists Dangerous?
  • Signs of a Dangerous NarcissistSigns of Danger
  • What to Do About a Dangerous NarcissistHow to Respond
  • Overcoming Violence & Aggression as a NarcissistOvercoming Your Violence & Aggression
  • Final ThoughtsFinal Thoughts
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Are Narcissists Dangerous InfographicsInfographics
Martha Teater, LMFT Headshot
Written by:

Martha Teater

LMFT
Headshot of Dr. Kristen Fuller, MD
Reviewed by:

Kristen Fuller

MD

Narcissism is a condition that often causes hurt to the people around the person with these traits. Relatives and friends may have experienced emotional damage and could be concerned about other safety risks.1

Is a narcissist negatively impacting your life? A therapist can help. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

Narcissistic personality disorder includes several features, such as arrogance, self-importance, and grandiosity. These traits often lead narcissists to depend on external validation and may cause extreme pride and shame. Another feature is narcissistic gaslighting and intentional manipulation, contributing to a relationship’s self-doubt. The narcissist may also be a “love bomber” and overload their partner with overwhelming affection as a form of emotional manipulation.2

NPD vs. Narcissistic Traits

Someone can have narcissistic traits and not meet the criteria for personality disorder. Just because a person has similar attributes, they won’t necessarily be a narcissist. The threshold for diagnosis is high, and the symptoms must cause distress and impairment in critical areas of life. It is currently estimated that about 5-6% of the population is diagnosed with NPD.1

Types of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

There are several types of these personalities. They include grandiose, vulnerable, communal, and malignant narcissism.

  • Grandiose narcissism: This is also thought of as overt narcissism or classic narcissism. This type of person appears boastful, arrogant, and self-important, seeking praise, attention, and validation.
  • Vulnerable narcissism: This is a form that may also be considered covert or fragile narcissism. These people may be quiet, shy, or reserved, especially when insecure and upset. They may appear moody, needy, and brooding.
  • Communal narcissism: These people may appear, on the surface, to be humble, selfless, and generous. Their validation and attention come from the appearance of being kind and giving.
  • Malignant narcissism: This type is usually described as a person with antisocial personality disorder traits. This dangerous combination can lead them to abuse, manipulate, and exploit others.

Why Are Narcissists Dangerous?

Any selfish person can become dangerous when their sense of self is threatened, and danger may be present when the person is attempting to protect their sense of self. We know that not all narcissists are innately dangerous, but it’s essential to notice the signs of danger building so you can protect yourself if the time comes.

Here are five reasons why a person with NPD could become dangerous to themselves or others, such as:

1. Their Lack of Empathy Takes Over

Emotional abuse is one way we see a lack of empathy on full display. There is a pattern of behavior in relationships that are controlling, isolating, punishing, arrogant, and uses fear and humiliation. The narcissist person in a relationship uses their power to shame, blame, criticize, frighten, and control another person.3

2. They Live for Drama

We often see people with NPD enjoying the drama. The danger here comes from their need to purposefully cause friction between themselves and others, leading to a cycle of abuse, physical altercations, and other high-intensity situations. When things are calm, we often see a narcissist do something to stir conflict and create a problem that wasn’t previously there.

3. They Put Their Needs Ahead of Others’

The danger here comes from their desperate need to put their desires and wishes before the health and well-being of others. Without empathy, they prioritize and value themselves. They present as selfish, cold, and uncaring. There seems to be little concern for the needs of others, which may leave someone without the support they need if they become hurt or in danger.

4. They Need to Feel Special

How can a narcissist’s need to feel special be related to risk and danger? The person may go to great lengths to maintain the feeling of being unique. They may resort to inappropriate behaviors to feed their need for superiority and even physically abuse or bully someone to make themselves feel more powerful than the other person. Their self-esteem may be fragile, leading to the need to find constant avenues, even physical, to feed their ego.

5. They Are Hypervigilant About Offenses

A narcissist may become hypervigilant about the insult, offenses, or adverse reactions of others. When this happens, they may become reactive and aggressive, clearly expressing their anger at the perceived slight or criticism. The person they feel has wounded them may be surprised, not even realizing that they did anything that could have caused such upset.

Are you dating or married to a narcissist?

Whether you’re trying to move on or rebuild a relationship, a licensed therapist can guide you. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. Visit BetterHelp

Is your mother, father, or family member a narcissist?

Being raised by a narcissist can damage your confidence and self-esteem. A therapist from Online-Therapy can help you both heal from the past, and manage the relationship to be less harmful.  Counseling starts at $50 per week. Try Online-Therapy

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp and Online-Therapy.

Signs of a Dangerous Narcissist

So, how can you spot a dangerous narcissist? What would you look for? How can you distinguish between a “normal” narcissist and a dangerous one? Again, not all people with NPD present with harmful tendencies but having the ability to identify a hazardous NPD person can be paramount for your safety. Awareness is a safety measure against a potentially violent individual.

Hallmarks of a dangerous narcissist can include signs such as:4

  • Showing increased aggression when criticized
  • Expressing acts of relational aggression
  • Engaging in criminal activities
  • Using offensive nonverbal behavior (i.e., eye-rolling, staring, scowling)
  • Using threats to leave or end the relationship as manipulation
  • Bullying their partner as a form of intimidation
  • Accusing the partner of cheating, even with no evidence
  • Implying that the partner could never be desired by anyone else

What to Do About a Dangerous Narcissist

Remember, safety is always the highest priority. When in doubt, it is appropriate to alert local authorities. This response is appropriate if a person is becoming dangerous or violent to themselves or others. Seek support and help in this situation. Setting healthy boundaries in relationships with the narcissistic person can help give you distance when safety is a concern.

Some tips for avoiding contact or conflict with a narcissist who may become dangerous include:

  • Avoid confrontation
  • Limit interactions
  • Build a support network
  • Establish and maintain firm boundaries
  • Engage in counseling to get support
  • Create a safety plan
  • Learn about healthy responses when in a narcissistic relationship
  • Take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness

Overcoming Violence & Aggression as a Narcissist

If you think you have narcissistic traits or even NPD, please seek support and mental health attention. If you’ve ever thought you could become violent or experience periods of narcissistic rage, take the time to find a therapist who can meet your needs. Treatment can help alleviate some of the adverse symptoms of NPD, leading you to act out against others and develop a more fulfilling and healthy life. Searching an online therapist directory can help you get in contact with specialists who can help you develop healthier coping mechanisms.

If you are living with NPD and struggling with thoughts of violence or harm 5, please consider:

  • Seek treatment: Therapy can help modify your thoughts and reactions to keep you and others safe. Therapy is available virtually or in person and can be done as couples therapy with you and your partner, in family therapy sessions, or with you alone.
  • Distance yourself from others when needed: This may help keep you and others safe for a cooling-off period until things feel more stable.
  • Find healthy outlets of support: consider an online support group or faith community, and engage with other groups of people you can connect with in healthy ways.
  • Build coping tools: This may include mindfulness, exercise for mental health, and anger management to find safe outlets from frustration.

Final Thoughts

There is hope even if you have NPD and thoughts of anger and violence and are afraid you could become a danger to yourself or others. Treatment can be life-changing for you. If you have a loved one with NPD and you’ve had concerns about potential violence, please contact the proper authorities as needed.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for marketing by the companies mentioned below.

Online Therapy

BetterHelp – Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp has over 20,000 therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy.  Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Online-Therapy – Online-Therapy.com provides a weekly live video session, unlimited text messaging, and self-guided activities like journaling. Starting at $64 per week, this is one of the most affordable options for CBT therapy. Try Online-Therapy

Support Groups

Sesh – Sesh offers 100+ live, interactive webinars per month facilitated by mental health professionals. Topics included, “Managing Emotional Guilt and Shame”, “Building Healthy Relationships”, and “Pressing The Breaks On Gaslighting”. Free One Month Trial

Choosing Therapy Directory 

You can search for therapists by specialty, experience, insurance, or price, and location. Find a therapist today.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp, Online-Therapy.com, and Sesh.

For Further Reading

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
  • 21 Best Books on Narcissism & Narcissistic Personality Disorder
  • 16 Phrases to Disarm a Narcissist
  • 15 Tips for Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse
  • 13 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist
  • 25 Things Narcissists Say & What They Really Mean

Are Narcissists Dangerous Infographics

Why Are Narcissists Dangerous Signs of Dangerous Narcissist What to Do About a Dangerous Narcissist

5 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA.

  • Love-bombing: a narcissistic approach to relationship formation (2017, September). ResearchGate. Retrieved from: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/317663551

  • Rees C. A. (2010). Understanding emotional abuse. Archives of disease in childhood, 95(1), 59–67. https://doi.org/10.1136/adc.2008.143156

  • Murray-Close, D., Ostrov, J. M., Nelson, D. A., Crick, N. R., & Coccaro, E. F. (2010). Proactive, reactive, and romantic relational aggression in adulthood: measurement, predictive validity, gender differences, and association with Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Journal of psychiatric research 44(6), 393–404. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychires.2009.09.005

  • Thomas, David (2010). Narcissism: Behind the Mask. Leicester, England: The Book Guild Ltd. ISBN 978-1846245060.

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Martha Teater, LMFT Headshot
Written by:

Martha Teater

LMFT
Headshot of Dr. Kristen Fuller, MD
Reviewed by:

Kristen Fuller

MD
  • What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?What Is NPD
  • Why Are Narcissists Dangerous?Why Are Narcissists Dangerous?
  • Signs of a Dangerous NarcissistSigns of Danger
  • What to Do About a Dangerous NarcissistHow to Respond
  • Overcoming Violence & Aggression as a NarcissistOvercoming Your Violence & Aggression
  • Final ThoughtsFinal Thoughts
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Are Narcissists Dangerous InfographicsInfographics
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