While narcissists are not always dangerous, some can become violent when triggered and angered. Depending on the severity of their disorder, they may use manipulation or even physical abuse to maintain control over a situation. Because of this, a narcissist’s relatives and friends may be concerned about their own safety. However, there are signs of a dangerous narcissist that can help individuals prepare, alert authorities, or seek immediate protection.
You Can Escape from a Narcissist
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What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?
Narcissistic personality disorder includes several features, such as arrogance, self-importance, and grandiosity. These traits often lead narcissists to depend on external validation and may cause extreme pride and shame. A narcissist often uses narcissistic gaslighting and intentional manipulation, which contribute to relationship instability. The narcissist may also be a “love bomber” and overload their partner with a garage of affection as a form of emotional manipulation.2
NPD Vs. Narcissistic Traits
Someone can have narcissistic traits and not meet the criteria for a personality disorder. Just because a person has similar attributes, they won’t necessarily be a narcissist. The threshold for diagnosis is high, and the symptoms must cause distress and impairment in critical areas of life. It is currently estimated that about 5-6% of the population is diagnosed with NPD.1
Types of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
There are several types of narcissism. Common examples include grandiose, vulnerable, communal, and malignant narcissism. However, because narcissism occurs on a spectrum, a person can fall into a number of other personality and behavioral categories.
Common types of NPD include:
Grandiose Narcissism
Grandiose narcissism is also thought of as overt narcissism or classic narcissism. This type of person appears boastful, arrogant, and self-important, seeking praise, attention, and validation.
Vulnerable Narcissism
Vulnerable narcissism is a form that may also be considered covert or fragile narcissism. These people may be quiet, shy, or reserved, especially when insecure and upset. They may appear moody, needy, and brooding.
Communal Narcissism
People with communal narcissism may appear to be humble, selfless, and generous on the surface. Their validation and attention come from the appearance of being kind and giving.
Malignant Narcissism
People with malignant narcissism are usually described as a person with antisocial personality disorder traits. This dangerous combination can lead them to abuse, manipulate, and exploit others.
Why Are Narcissists Dangerous?
Any selfish person can become dangerous when their sense of self is threatened, and danger may be present when the person is attempting to protect their sense of self. We know that not all narcissists are innately dangerous, but it’s essential to notice the signs of danger building so you can protect yourself if the time comes.
Here are six reasons why a person with NPD could become dangerous to themselves or others, such as:
1. Their Lack of Empathy Takes Over
Emotional abuse is one way we see a lack of empathy on full display. There is a pattern of behavior in relationships that are controlling, isolating, punishing, arrogant, and humiliating. The narcissist person in a relationship uses their power to shame, blame, criticize, frighten, and control another person.3
2. They Live for Drama
We often see people with NPD enjoying the drama. The danger here comes from their need to purposefully cause friction between themselves and others, leading to a cycle of narcissistic abuse, physical altercations, and other high-intensity situations. When things are calm, we often see a narcissist do something to stir conflict and create a problem that wasn’t previously there.
3. They Put Their Own Needs First
The danger here comes from a narcissist’s desperate need to put their desires and wishes before the health and well-being of others. Without empathy, they only prioritize and value themselves. They present as selfish, cold, and uncaring. There seems to be little concern for the needs of others, which may leave someone without the support they need if they become hurt or in danger.
4. They Need to Feel Special
The narcissist may go to great lengths to maintain the feeling of being unique. They may resort to inappropriate behaviors to feed their need for superiority and even physically abuse or bully someone to make themselves feel more powerful than the other person. Their self-esteem may be fragile, leading to the need to find constant avenues, even physical, to feed their ego.
5. They Are Hypervigilant About Offenses
A narcissist may become hypervigilant about the insult, offenses, or adverse reactions of others. When this happens, they may become reactive and aggressive, clearly expressing their anger at the perceived slight or criticism. The person they feel has wounded them may be surprised. This person may not even realize that they did anything that could have caused such upset.
6. They Experience Narcissistic Injury & Rage
Narcissistic injury is a term that refers to someone with NPD experiencing a shattered sense of self due to rejection, criticism, abandonment, or another threat to their ego. The wounding- which can happen without significant warning- may trigger narcissistic rage, which refers to extreme displays of anger. Such anger may include physical aggression, intense threats, or other forms of explosive/impulsive behavior.
Are You Dating or Married to a Narcissist?
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Signs of a Dangerous Narcissist
So, how can you spot a dangerous narcissist? What would you look for? How can you distinguish between a “normal” narcissist and a dangerous one? Again, not all people with NPD present with harmful tendencies. However, having the ability to identify a hazardous NPD person can be paramount for your safety. Awareness is a safety measure against a potentially violent individual.
Hallmarks of a dangerous narcissist can include signs such as:4
- Showing increased aggression when criticized
- Expressing acts of relational aggression
- Engaging in criminal activities
- Using offensive nonverbal behavior (i.e., eye-rolling, staring, scowling)
- Using threats to leave or end the relationship as manipulation
- Bullying their partner as a form of intimidation
- Accusing the partner of cheating, even with no evidence
- Implying that the partner could never be desired by anyone else
What to Do About a Dangerous Narcissist
Remember, safety is always the highest priority. When in doubt, it is appropriate to alert local authorities. This response is appropriate if a narcissist is becoming dangerous or violent to themselves or others. Seek support and help in this situation. Setting healthy boundaries in relationships with the narcissistic person can help give you the necessary distance when safety is a concern.
Some tips for avoiding contact or conflict with a narcissist who may become dangerous include:
- Avoid confrontation
- Limit interactions
- Build a support network
- Establish and maintain firm boundaries
- Engage in counseling to get support
- Create a safety plan
- Learn about healthy responses when in a narcissistic relationship
- Take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness
Narcissism Workbook
Our workbook helps you recognize and effectively respond to narcissistic behavior, set healthy boundaries, and build up your self-worth.
How to Leave a Dangerous Narcissist
Leaving someone with abusive tendencies requires special attention and care. It’s important to protect both your physical and emotional well-being. Having a secure safety plan may be essential for preparing your exit strategy. Tap into your support system to determine who can help you with basic essentials, including shelter (if needed) or other logistical needs. Organize important documents and keep them somewhere safe. Consider consulting with an attorney or the police if you believe you may need a restraining order.
Make sure you set clear boundaries with the narcissist if you do end the relationship. If possible, avoid confrontation and block all forms of contact. You should expect your partner to try to reach out and/or coerce you to return to the relationship. This is why seeking legal protection may be essential. Focus on taking good care of yourself and consider reaching out for therapy for added support.
Overcoming Violence & Aggression as a Narcissist
If you think you have narcissistic traits or NPD, please seek support and mental health attention. If you’ve ever thought you could become violent or experience periods of narcissistic rage, take the time to find the right therapist who can meet your needs. Treatment can help alleviate some of the adverse symptoms of NPD, leading you to act out against others, which can teach you how to develop a more fulfilling and healthy life. Searching an online therapist directory can get you in contact with specialists who can help you develop healthier coping mechanisms. It is possible for a narcissist to change, but only if they are willing.
If you are living with NPD and struggling with thoughts of violence or harm, please consider:5
- Seek treatment: Therapy can help modify your thoughts and reactions to keep you and others safe. Therapy is available virtually or in person. You can seek couples therapy with you and your partner, family therapy, or individual therapy. There are online therapy platforms to help you access therapy from the convenience of your home.
- Distance yourself from others when needed: This may help keep you and others safe for a cooling-off period until things feel more stable.
- Find healthy outlets of support: Consider an online support group or faith community, and engage with other groups of people you can connect with in healthy ways.
- Build coping tools: This may include mindfulness, exercise for mental health, and anger management to find safe outlets from frustration.
You Can Escape from a Narcissist
Therapy can help you leave and recover from a narcissistic relationship. BetterHelp has over 30,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Take a free online assessment and get matched with the right therapist for you.
ChoosingTherapy.com strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.
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American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA.
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Love-bombing: a narcissistic approach to relationship formation (2017, September). ResearchGate. Retrieved from: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/317663551
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Rees C. A. (2010). Understanding emotional abuse. Archives of disease in childhood, 95(1), 59–67. https://doi.org/10.1136/adc.2008.143156
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Murray-Close, D., Ostrov, J. M., Nelson, D. A., Crick, N. R., & Coccaro, E. F. (2010). Proactive, reactive, and romantic relational aggression in adulthood: measurement, predictive validity, gender differences, and association with Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Journal of psychiatric research 44(6), 393–404. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychires.2009.09.005
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Thomas, David (2010). Narcissism: Behind the Mask. Leicester, England: The Book Guild Ltd. ISBN 978-1846245060.
We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.
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Primary Changes: Added Narcissism Workbook with five worksheets.
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Primary Changes: Edited for readability and clarity. Added “They Experience Narcissistic Injury & Rage”, and “How to Leave a Dangerous Narcissist”. New material written by Nicole Arzt, LMFTand medically reviewed by Rajy Abulhosn, MD. Added narcissism worksheets.
Author: Martha Teater, LMFT
Reviewer:Kristen Fuller, MD
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