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  • Signs of a Narcissistic Family MemberSigns of a Narcissistic Family Member
  • 11 Tips for Dealing With a Narcissistic Family Member11 Tips for Dealing With a Narcissistic Family Member
  • What Happens When You Ignore Them?What Happens When You Ignore Them?
  • Does Narcissism Run In Families?Does Narcissism Run In Families?
  • When to Seek Professional HelpWhen to Seek Professional Help
  • In My ExperienceIn My Experience
  • InfographicsInfographics
  • Additional ResourcesAdditional Resources

How To Deal With a Narcissistic Family Member: 11 Tips

Silvi Saxena MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C

Author: Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C

Silvi Saxena MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C

Silvi Saxena MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C

Silvi Saxena specializes in grief, PTSD, anxiety, and depression. She also has experience in many other areas of mental healthcare.

See My Bio Editorial Policy
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD

Medical Reviewer: Benjamin Troy, MD Licensed medical reviewer

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Benjamin Troy MD

Dr. Benjamin Troy is a child and adolescent psychiatrist with more than 10 years. Dr. Troy has significant experience in treating depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, OCD, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, and ASD.

See My Bio Editorial Policy
Published: January 23, 2025
  • Signs of a Narcissistic Family MemberSigns of a Narcissistic Family Member
  • 11 Tips for Dealing With a Narcissistic Family Member11 Tips for Dealing With a Narcissistic Family Member
  • What Happens When You Ignore Them?What Happens When You Ignore Them?
  • Does Narcissism Run In Families?Does Narcissism Run In Families?
  • When to Seek Professional HelpWhen to Seek Professional Help
  • In My ExperienceIn My Experience
  • InfographicsInfographics
  • Additional ResourcesAdditional Resources

Dealing with a narcissistic family member can be emotionally draining and challenging. Whether they gaslight, love-bomb, or criticize, their behavior often stems from an inflated ego and lack of self-awareness. Protecting your well-being starts with prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, and building a strong support network. Practical strategies like journaling, avoiding conflict, and using methods such as the “grey rock” technique can help navigate these complex relationships.

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Signs You Have a Narcissistic Family Member

When there are signs of narcissistic parents or siblings in a family dynamic, it can certainly lead to a lot of frustration and turmoil. If you have narcissistic parents, it can be hard to have your needs heard or met. With narcissistic siblings, you may be deemed the scapegoated child or be pitted against other siblings.1

Some signs you have a narcissistic family member include:2

  • Your family member is gaslighting you: Narcissistic gaslighting is a narcissistic manipulation tactic used to intentionally distort the truth in order to manipulate someone. A narcissistic family member or parent may gaslight you, using this technique to convince you that events transpired differently than you remember to cover their abusive behavior.
  • Love is conditional: Instead of giving love unconditionally, your family member makes you feel that you are not worth love unless a condition of theirs is met. You may have to earn their love by praising them.
  • They’re self-centered: Your family member makes everything about themselves and cannot handle not being the center of attention, even in the midst of tragedy. They may use narcissistic phrases like, “You’re overreacting,” or, “You’re so insecure.”
  • You were silenced: Whether it’s stating how you feel or sharing what you need, you are silenced or ignored and made to feel that you don’t matter. Long term, this can become very traumatizing.
  • You feel confused: Increased self-doubt and uncertainty about your reality is a sign that you have a narcissistic family member who is gaslighting you.
  • You are anxious around them: Whether the anxiety comes from being around them, not knowing what to expect, or fearing their anger, it may be a sign that you have a narcissistic family member. You may worry about what will happen if they are not pleased with something you did or said.
  • They have other unhealthy relationships: If your family member is talking poorly about, name-calling, taking advantage of, becoming aggressive with, or showing jealousy of others, it’s likely that they are a narcissist.
  • They were always right: If your family member expects you to always agree with them, side with them, or back them up, it’s likely they are narcissists.
  • You carry the weight: If your family member makes you feel that you are responsible for their happiness, such as you always validating how they feel and shouldering their depressed feelings, it’s likely they are a narcissist.
  • They love-bomb you: Love-bombing is when someone uses excessive attention and admiration to gain trust. Narcissistic family members may do this in order to win your favor to provide them with praise. This praise fills their narcissistic supply, which is their constant need for admiration.

Free Worksheets for Coping With a Narcissist

This collection of worksheets is designed to help you identify and navigate narcissistic behavior, recognize gaslighting tactics, set healthy boundaries, and reinforce your personal strengths to protect your emotional well-being. Find the one you need, or download the entire worksheet collection here.

Narcissist workbook cover page
Complete Workbook Download
Identify Narcissistic Traits Worksheet
Identifying Narcissistic Traits Download
Identifying Gaslighting Tactics Worksheet
Identifying Gaslighting Tactics Download
How to Set Healthy Boundaries Around Arguing Worksheet
Setting Healthy Boundaries Download
Personal Strengths Inventory - Dealing With Narcissists
Personal Strengths Inventory Download
Narcissistic Abuse Cycle Download

11 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissistic Family Member

Dealing with a narcissist, especially a parent or close family member, is never easy. While cutting ties might be the most effective solution in some cases, this isn’t always an option. When distancing yourself isn’t possible, there are ways to navigate their behavior while protecting your well-being.

Here are 11 practical tips for managing a narcissistic family member:

1. Establish a Safe Space During Heated Moments

Have a safe space you can retreat to. It’s important to feel secure in your environment. Having a place where you can go, whether it’s in the home or outside the home, is going to be very helpful for you while you maintain your stance.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

Narcissists will always try to push your boundaries, so setting clear and firm boundaries gives you leverage to lean on. Setting healthy boundaries can help you prioritize your own needs over those of your narcissistic family member. Remember, you should not compromise when it comes to instilling and enforcing your limits.

3. Avoid Conflict

If at all possible, try to simply avoid conflict and think about what the gain is if you engage in the argument. Now, the goal of this is to not succumb to whatever the narcissist wants. It is more about protecting your peace.

4. Accept & Let Go

You won’t be able to change the narcissist in the family, and being able to understand this and relieve yourself of the responsibility to do so will let you move forward.

5. Read Books on the Topic

Reading others’ stories on how they coped with and survived these relationships in the family can be both inspiring and educational. It can give you a new perspective on ways you can heal that you may not have considered before.

6. Build a Support Network

Surround yourself with people who validate your feelings and offer unconditional love, such as trusted friends, a therapist, or extended family members. Having a strong support system is essential when dealing with a narcissistic family member. These connections can provide encouragement, perspective, and strength to help you navigate challenging situations.

7. Have Self-Compassion

Show yourself the kindness and understanding you may not receive from the narcissistic family member. Be patient with yourself, acknowledge your feelings, and focus on learning how to love yourself. Offering yourself grace can be a powerful tool in maintaining emotional resilience and well-being in these difficult relationships.

8. Begin Journaling

Journaling for your mental health is a great way to channel emotions. Additionally, it provides a written record of what happened during intense moments that you can revisit when you are feeling confused or are being gaslighted. Your journal entries can be a source of truth, so be sure to label these with a date and time.

9. Make an Exit Plan

If it’s possible to work towards leaving or cutting this person out of your life, it’s important to start with an exit plan. Think about what you need and want before you leave. Sometimes leaving is the only solution.

10. Use the Grey Rock Method

The Grey Rock Method helps minimize conflict by reducing emotional engagement with a narcissist. Respond with neutral, unemotional answers to their questions or comments, avoiding arguments and dramatic reactions. This approach deprives the narcissist of the attention they seek and discourages them from using you as a source of validation or manipulation. By staying calm and detached, you also limit the personal information they can use against you later.

11. Speak With a Therapist

Consulting a therapist is a valuable step, even if you feel you’re managing the situation well. A therapist provides an objective perspective, empowers you to navigate challenges, and helps build your self-esteem. They can also assist in developing practical coping strategies or crafting an exit plan if distancing yourself becomes necessary. There are convenient online therapy platforms or you could search a local therapist directory to find someone in your area.

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What Happens When You Ignore a Narcissist Family Member?

Family dynamics often have their own rules and hierarchies, but when a narcissistic family member’s behavior disrupts harmony, new boundaries may need to be established. While appeasing the narcissist might seem easier, ignoring them can sometimes be a more effective—though challenging—approach.

Narcissists crave constant attention and validation, known as narcissistic supply. When ignored, they may react with anger, frustration, or heightened efforts to regain control and attention. In some cases, they may escalate their behavior to draw you back in. However, if you maintain your stance and avoid engagement, they may eventually redirect their focus to another source of supply.

Does Narcissism Run In Families?

The development of narcissism is influenced by both genetics and environment.3 Some individuals may inherit a genetic predisposition, such as a more demanding temperament, which can lead to heightened expectations of others meeting their needs. When these high demands are consistently fulfilled during childhood, they may come to expect similar treatment from people outside their immediate caregivers. This interplay of inherited traits and family dynamics often reinforces narcissistic tendencies.

Parenting practices also play a significant role in shaping a child’s personality. Narcissistic parents, driven by their own unmet needs, may model manipulative behaviors or demand complete compliance from their children. As a result, children may grow into adults with narcissistic traits or become co-dependent, striving to meet the demands of others. These skewed dynamics can leave a lasting imprint, fostering the development of narcissistic behaviors in future generations.

When to Seek Professional Help

If you’re dealing with a narcissistic family member, seeking therapy can provide crucial support. A therapist can help you process emotions, build resilience, and establish healthy boundaries. They also offer a safe space to work through issues and begin recovering from narcissistic abuse. Therapy is especially important if you feel unsafe or overwhelmed by the relationship. Abuse should never be tolerated. A therapist can help normalize this into an internalized belief and start the stages of healing after narcissistic abuse.4,5

Finding the right therapist can feel daunting, but resources like online therapist directories make it easier. Look for clinicians with experience in narcissistic abuse or family dynamics, and review their bios to ensure a good fit. Many therapists offer free phone consultations and virtual sessions, making therapy accessible even if visiting an office is challenging.

It’s common for individuals to pursue therapy alone when dealing with a narcissist, as the narcissist may lack the self-awareness to seek help. Regardless, working with a therapist can validate your experience and help you take meaningful steps toward healing. Remember: abuse is never acceptable, and you deserve support.

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You Can Escape from a Narcissist

Therapy can help you leave and recover from a narcissistic relationship. BetterHelp has over 30,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Take a free online assessment and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Free Assessment

In My Experience

What you’re struggling with may be unique to you, but you’re not alone. If you are dealing with a narcissistic family member, talking to a therapist who specializes in this area can make a big difference in how you feel. Together, you and your therapist will develop a plan to help you through this situation and learn how you can establish boundaries to feel safer.

Silvi Saxena MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C

Narcissistic Family Member Infographics

Signs You Have a Narcissistic Family Member Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissistic Family Member When to Seek Professional Help for Dealing With a Narcissistic Family Member

Sources Update History

ChoosingTherapy.com strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Lewin, V. (2018). Twinship: A unique sibling relationship. In Siblings in Development (pp. 63-73). Routledge.

  • Labatut, E. (2021). The Effects of Parental Narcissistic Personality Disorder on Families and How to Defend “Invisible Victims” of Abuse in Family Court. Southern University Law Review. https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3815027

  • Clemens, V., Fegert, J. M., & Allroggen, M. (2022). Adverse childhood experiences and grandiose narcissism–Findings from a population-representative sample. Child Abuse & Neglect, 127, 105545.

  • Murphy, C. M., et al. (2020). Individual versus group cognitive-behavioral therapy for partner-violent men: a preliminary randomized trial. Journal of interpersonal violence, 35(15-16), 2846-2868. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29294732/

  • Harrison, J., & Dixon, M. (2019). Narcissist Abuse Recovery: The Ultimate Guide for How to Understand, Cope, and Move on from Narcissism in Toxic Relationships (Vol. 1). Bernard Pardieu.

Show more Click here to open the article sources container.

We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.

January 22, 2025
Author: No Change
Reviewer: No Change
Primary Changes: Edited for readability and clarity. Added “Use the Grey Rock Method”, “What Happens When You Ignore a Narcissist Family Member?”, “Does Narcissism Run In Families?” New material written by Suzanne Degges-White, PhD, LCPC, LPC, LMHC, NCC, and medically reviewed by Kristen Fuller, MD.
February 7, 2022
Author:Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Reviewer: Benjamin Troy, MD
Show more Click here to open the article update history container.

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