How To Deal With a Narcissistic Family Member: 11 Tips

Signs You Have a Narcissistic Family Member

When there are signs of narcissistic parents or siblings in a family dynamic, it can certainly lead to a lot of frustration and turmoil. If you have narcissistic parents, it can be hard to have your needs heard or met. With narcissistic siblings, you may be deemed the scapegoated child or be pitted against other siblings.¹

Some signs you have a narcissistic family member include:²

• Your family member is gaslighting you: Narcissistic gaslighting is a narcissistic manipulation tactic used to intentionally distort the truth in order to manipulate someone. A narcissistic family member or parent may gaslight you, using this technique to convince you that events transpired differently than you remember to cover their abusive behavior.
• Love is conditional: Instead of giving love unconditionally, your family member makes you feel that you are not worth love unless a condition of theirs is met. You may have to earn their love by praising them.
• They’re self-centered: Your family member makes everything about themselves and cannot handle not being the center of attention, even in the midst of tragedy. They may use narcissistic phrases like, “You’re overreacting,” or, “You’re so insecure.”
• You were silenced: Whether it’s stating how you feel or sharing what you need, you are silenced or ignored and made to feel that you don’t matter. Long term, this can become very traumatizing.
• You feel confused: Increased self-doubt and uncertainty about your reality is a sign that you have a narcissistic family member who is gaslighting you.
• You are anxious around them: Whether the anxiety comes from being around them, not knowing what to expect, or fearing their anger, it may be a sign that you have a narcissistic family member. You may worry about what will happen if they are not pleased with something you did or said.
• They have other unhealthy relationships: If your family member is talking poorly about, name-calling, taking advantage of, becoming aggressive with, or showing jealousy of others, it’s likely that they are a narcissist.
• They were always right: If your family member expects you to always agree with them, side with them, or back them up, it’s likely they are narcissists.
• You carry the weight: If your family member makes you feel that you are responsible for their happiness, such as you always validating how they feel and shouldering their depressed feelings, it’s likely they are a narcissist.
• They love-bomb you: Love-bombing is when someone uses excessive attention and admiration to gain trust. Narcissistic family members may do this in order to win your favor to provide them with praise. This praise fills their narcissistic supply, which is their constant need for admiration.

11 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissistic Family Member

Dealing with a narcissist, especially a parent or close family member, is never easy. While cutting ties might be the most effective solution in some cases, this isn’t always an option. When distancing yourself isn’t possible, there are ways to navigate their behavior while protecting your well-being.

Here are 11 practical tips for managing a narcissistic family member:

1. Establish a Safe Space During Heated Moments

Have a safe space you can retreat to. It’s important to feel secure in your environment. Having a place where you can go, whether it’s in the home or outside the home, is going to be very helpful for you while you maintain your stance.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

Narcissists will always try to push your boundaries, so setting clear and firm boundaries gives you leverage to lean on. Setting healthy boundaries can help you prioritize your own needs over those of your narcissistic family member. Remember, you should not compromise when it comes to instilling and enforcing your limits.

3. Avoid Conflict

If at all possible, try to simply avoid conflict and think about what the gain is if you engage in the argument. Now, the goal of this is to not succumb to whatever the narcissist wants. It is more about protecting your peace.

4. Accept & Let Go

You won’t be able to change the narcissist in the family, and being able to understand this and relieve yourself of the responsibility to do so will let you move forward.

5. Read Books on the Topic

Reading others’ stories on how they coped with and survived these relationships in the family can be both inspiring and educational. It can give you a new perspective on ways you can heal that you may not have considered before.

6. Build a Support Network

Surround yourself with people who validate your feelings and offer unconditional love, such as trusted friends, a therapist, or extended family members. Having a strong support system is essential when dealing with a narcissistic family member. These connections can provide encouragement, perspective, and strength to help you navigate challenging situations.

7. Have Self-Compassion

Show yourself the kindness and understanding you may not receive from the narcissistic family member. Be patient with yourself, acknowledge your feelings, and focus on learning how to love yourself. Offering yourself grace can be a powerful tool in maintaining emotional resilience and well-being in these difficult relationships.

8. Begin Journaling

Journaling for your mental health is a great way to channel emotions. Additionally, it provides a written record of what happened during intense moments that you can revisit when you are feeling confused or are being gaslighted. Your journal entries can be a source of truth, so be sure to label these with a date and time.

9. Make an Exit Plan

If it’s possible to work towards leaving or cutting this person out of your life, it’s important to start with an exit plan. Think about what you need and want before you leave. Sometimes leaving is the only solution.

10. Use the Grey Rock Method

The Grey Rock Method helps minimize conflict by reducing emotional engagement with a narcissist. Respond with neutral, unemotional answers to their questions or comments, avoiding arguments and dramatic reactions. This approach deprives the narcissist of the attention they seek and discourages them from using you as a source of validation or manipulation. By staying calm and detached, you also limit the personal information they can use against you later.

11. Speak With a Therapist

Consulting a therapist is a valuable step, even if you feel you’re managing the situation well. A therapist provides an objective perspective, empowers you to navigate challenges, and helps build your self-esteem. They can also assist in developing practical coping strategies or crafting an exit plan if distancing yourself becomes necessary. There are convenient online therapy platforms or you could search a local therapist directory to find someone in your area.

What Happens When You Ignore a Narcissist Family Member?

Family dynamics often have their own rules and hierarchies, but when a narcissistic family member’s behavior disrupts harmony, new boundaries may need to be established. While appeasing the narcissist might seem easier, ignoring them can sometimes be a more effective—though challenging—approach.

Narcissists crave constant attention and validation, known as narcissistic supply. When ignored, they may react with anger, frustration, or heightened efforts to regain control and attention. In some cases, they may escalate their behavior to draw you back in. However, if you maintain your stance and avoid engagement, they may eventually redirect their focus to another source of supply.

Does Narcissism Run In Families?

The development of narcissism is influenced by both genetics and environment.³ Some individuals may inherit a genetic predisposition, such as a more demanding temperament, which can lead to heightened expectations of others meeting their needs. When these high demands are consistently fulfilled during childhood, they may come to expect similar treatment from people outside their immediate caregivers. This interplay of inherited traits and family dynamics often reinforces narcissistic tendencies.

Parenting practices also play a significant role in shaping a child’s personality. Narcissistic parents, driven by their own unmet needs, may model manipulative behaviors or demand complete compliance from their children. As a result, children may grow into adults with narcissistic traits or become co-dependent, striving to meet the demands of others. These skewed dynamics can leave a lasting imprint, fostering the development of narcissistic behaviors in future generations.

When to Seek Professional Help

If you’re dealing with a narcissistic family member, seeking therapy can provide crucial support. A therapist can help you process emotions, build resilience, and establish healthy boundaries. They also offer a safe space to work through issues and begin recovering from narcissistic abuse. Therapy is especially important if you feel unsafe or overwhelmed by the relationship. Abuse should never be tolerated. A therapist can help normalize this into an internalized belief and start the stages of healing after narcissistic abuse.^4,5

Finding the right therapist can feel daunting, but resources like online therapist directories make it easier. Look for clinicians with experience in narcissistic abuse or family dynamics, and review their bios to ensure a good fit. Many therapists offer free phone consultations and virtual sessions, making therapy accessible even if visiting an office is challenging.

It’s common for individuals to pursue therapy alone when dealing with a narcissist, as the narcissist may lack the self-awareness to seek help. Regardless, working with a therapist can validate your experience and help you take meaningful steps toward healing. Remember: abuse is never acceptable, and you deserve support.