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The Effects of Living With a Narcissistic Sibling & 5 Ways to Deal With Them

Published: March 16, 2022 Updated: May 5, 2022
Published: 03/16/2022 Updated: 05/05/2022
Christy Lincoln
Written by:

Christy Lincoln

MA, LCPC
Headshot of Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP
Reviewed by:

Trishanna Sookdeo

MD, MPH, FAAFP
  • Narcissistic Sibling CharacteristicsCharacteristics
  • How a Narcissistic Sister or Brother Affects Your Mental HealthEffects
  • Tips for How to Deal With Your Narcissistic Sibling5 Tips
  • When to Get Professional Help for Healing from Narcissistic SiblingsGet Help
  • How to Find a TherapistFind Therapy
  • Final ThoughtsConcludion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Narcissistic Sibling InfographicsInfographics
Christy Lincoln
Written by:

Christy Lincoln

MA, LCPC
Headshot of Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP
Reviewed by:

Trishanna Sookdeo

MD, MPH, FAAFP

Everyone has heard of sibling rivalry, but narcissistic sibling relationships are toxic. Even siblings with just a few narcissistic traits can make family dynamics complicated, exhausting or unhealthy for the rest of the family, including you.

You don’t have to go through a narcissistic relationship alone. Talkspace has thousands of experienced, fully licensed therapists to work with. Answer a few questions to get matched with the right therapist for you then start online therapy for as little as $69 per week. Your actual costs may much less if you have insurance from Cigna, Optum, or UHR. Try Talkspace

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by Talkspace

Visit Talkspace

Narcissistic Sibling Characteristics

People with narcissistic personality disorder are characterized by a need for praise, extreme arrogance, and inflated self-importance.1 Some are overt, displaying these traits for all to see, while others are covert narcissists, who keep these tendencies under wraps except to those closest to them.

Here are some common characteristics your narcissistic sibling may display:

  • They need to be the center of attention: If you are tired, she is exhausted. If you bought a new car, he did too, only a much more expensive model.
  • They always feel entitled: Even though you remember his kids’ birthdays, he has never acknowledged yours. She feels entitled to your time, money or support, even though she never reciprocates.
  • They lack empathy and don’t care about your feelings: Your grief is causing her stress. She is jealous of your accomplishments. Telling him how you feel seems to just give him more ammo for your next fight.
  • They only see you as a source of narcissistic supply: To a narcissist, others are a way to get praise, or narcissistic supply. They only care about themselves and  your role is to be their audience cheering them on.
  • They are the golden child and you are the scapegoat: In a dysfunctional family system, the scapegoat holds the blame for all of the family’s problems, while the golden child can do no wrong.
  • When you take a break from them, you feel better: Your guilt leads you to reconcile without hearing an apology from your sibling and the abuse cycle begins anew.
  • They are downright cruel to you and relish in your pain: This type of behavior is called narcissistic abuse, and can involve name-calling, gaslighting, or physical abuse.

How a Narcissistic Sister or Brother Affects Your Mental Health

A narcissistic sibling can have profound and lasting impacts on your mental health, especially if you were raised with one. It can potentially cause you to be more conflict-averse, distrustful, and tolerant of abuse in other relationships. Research has shown that warmth between siblings is negatively impacted by high levels of narcissism, among other factors.3

Some common effects of living with a narcissistic sibling include:

Desire to Avoid Conflict/Criticism

Sometimes getting into a confrontation with your narcissistic sibling comes with a terrible aftermath. To a narcissist, even the slightest criticism is taken as a grave insult, a pattern of behavior known as narcissistic injury. After establishing this pattern in childhood, it can continue to impact your relationships into adulthood. You may shy away from confrontation at any cost, with bosses, colleagues, friends, neighbors.

Distrust in Others

Betrayal by a narcissistic sibling can lead to trust issues. It can be hard to know if someone is trustworthy or not when you have been jerked around by your love/hate relationship. From best friends to sworn enemies, to best friends again, it is a roller coaster of emotions.

Overly Tolerant of Abuse Within Relationships

Sometimes siblings will tolerate abuse in relationships that healthier people would not. Walking on eggshells around a narcissist can lead to seeing this behavior as normal. Putting up with put-downs, shaming or other forms of verbal abuse may seem like the inevitable cost of friendship or romantic relationships.

Lack of Stability in the Family

If you are the scapegoat, you can feel like a stranger in your own family of origin. Confiding in your parents may lead to backlash, as the golden child can typically do no wrong. When everyone else makes excuses for your sibling, speaking your truth can seem daunting.

Lack of Nurturing Relationships

Beyond nurturing relationships within your family, you may find yourself taking on a helper role in other relationships.  Perhaps your friends use you as a sounding board, but don’t do the same for you. If you don’t have anyone you can be yourself around, this takes a toll.

5 Tips for How to Deal With Your Narcissistic Sibling

Dealing with a narcissistic sibling may feel like an impossible task, but there are ways to protect yourself. Setting and asserting healthy boundaries, knowing your limits, and taking care of yourself can all make the situation easier to deal with.

Here are five ways to deal with a narcissistic sibling:

1. Assert Your Boundaries

Boundaries are important for not only you, but the relationship with your sibling. Strong boundaries can preserve a relationship, while weak ones may lead to you cutting them off. Setting a boundary may look like this: When your sibling berates and humiliates you in front of others, walk away. This may be going to another room, leaving in your car for a bit, or going home.

2. Build Your Self-Confidence

After years of gaslighting and abuse, your self-confidence has taken a beating. It can be hard to see yourself as a good person when you have been told otherwise your whole life. Ask people who know you well to help you come up with a list of your positive traits. Start this list and add to it over time. You can do the same for them.

3. Know Your Limits & When to Walk Away

Sometimes taking a break is the healthiest thing you can do. Even if you have shared responsibilities (care for elderly parents, etc) you do not need to be all things to all people. Your mental health matters.

4. Take Care of Yourself

Engaging in self-care goes beyond bubble baths. Being kind to yourself is a skill you can work on and it pays dividends. Start by examining the way you talk to yourself. Is your inner voice kind and encouraging or harsh and unrelenting? The Mountain is You: Transforming Self-sabotage into Self-Mastery by Brianna West is a great place to start.

5. Speak With a Therapist

A therapist can help you with setting boundaries, building self-confidence and being kind to yourself when you need a break. Seeking therapy is a sign of strength and willingness to look at areas of your life that are in need of changes.

Narcissist Abuse Support Groups

Circles offers support groups that provide a safe place to share your experiences and learn from others going through similar experiences. Circles offers groups focused on specific relationships, like narcissistic parents or narcissistic romantic relationships. Groups meet weekly by video and are led by expert facilitators. Your group can connect via chat anytime using the Circles app. Join a Circles group for just $20 per week. Learn More

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health & wellness companies and is compensated for referrals by the company mentioned above.

When to Get Professional Help for Healing from Narcissistic Siblings

You may benefit from seeing a therapist if your relationship with your sibling is causing you pain, stress or anxiety. People start therapy for many reasons. Some need to respond to unexpected changes in their lives, while others seek self-exploration or personal growth. When coping skills are overwhelmed by guilt, doubt, anxiety or despair, therapy can help.

Therapy can provide supports, problem-solving skills and enhanced coping for issues such as relationship troubles, lack of confidence, or unresolved childhood issues. People seeking therapy are willing to take responsibility, work towards change, and create greater awareness in their lives.

Signs therapy may help include:

  • Stress about your sibling is spilling into other areas of your life
  • You suffer from low self esteem
  • Your sibling is having a negative effect on your children, spouse, or others in your life and you need help setting boundaries
  • You want to look at your childhood and the ways your sibling impacted your mental health then and now

How to Find a Therapist

It can be helpful to work with a therapist trained in narcissistic abuse and recovery. An online therapist directory can help. When looking for a therapist, be sure to ask about their experience with personality disordered siblings. A therapist with little or no training and experience in this can do damage, especially if they urge you to reconcile with a toxic or dangerous narcissist.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with a narcissistic sibling can be frustrating and have lasting effects for other siblings, but by employing coping strategies, you can find healing. Be kind to yourself as you process your emotions and take steps to improve your relationships.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for referrals by the companies mentioned below.

Talkspace Online Therapy – Online therapy is convenient with Talkspace. Get therapy for as little as $69 per week, or potentially much less if you have insurance from Cigna, Optum, or UHR. Try Talkspace

Choosing Therapy’s Directory – Find an experienced therapist who is committed to your wellbeing. You can search for a therapist by specialty, availability, insurance, and affordability. Therapist profiles and introductory videos provide insight into the therapist’s personality so you find the right fit. Find a therapist today.

BetterHelp Online Therapy – BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Online Psychiatry & Medication – Answer a few questions and Talkspace will match you with an online prescriber and get you schedules for a live video psychiatry session. Your online psychiatry prescriber will personalize your treatment, which may include psychiatric medication and follow-ups. Get started for $249 or see if your insurance is one many Talkspace accepts. Learn More

Mindfulness & Meditation App – Headspace is an easy way to incorporate mindfulness and meditation into your routine. See for yourself how a few minutes each day can impact your stress levels, mood, and sleep. A monthly subscription for Headspace is only $12.99 per month and comes with a 7-day free trial. Try Headspace

Narcissist Abuse Support Groups – Circles offers support groups that provide a safe place to share your experiences and learn from others going through similar experiences. Circles offers groups focused on specific relationships, like narcissistic parents or narcissistic romantic relationships. Groups meet weekly by video and are led by expert facilitators. Your group can connect via chat anytime using the Circles app. Join a Circles group for just $20 per week. Learn More

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp, Circles, Talkspace, and Headspace

For Further Reading

  • Books on Narcissism
  • Movies About Narcissism
  • How to Deal With a Narcissistic Family Member
  • Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic Sibling Infographics

Narcissistic Sibling Characteristics How a Narcissistic Sister or Brother Affects Your Mental Health How to Deal With Your Narcissistic Sibling

3 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA.

  • Caligor, Eve, Levy, Kenneth, Yeomans, Frank. (2015, April 30). Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Diagnostic and Clinical Challenges, The American Journal of Psychiatry. Retrieved from https://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/appi.ajp.2014.14060723

  • Finzi-Dottan, R., & Cohen, O. (2010). Young adult sibling relations: The effects of perceived parental favoritism and narcissism. The Journal of Psychology: Interdisciplinary and Applied, 145(1), 1–22. https://doi-org.svproxy.svcc.edu/10.1080/00223980.2010.528073

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Christy Lincoln
Written by:

Christy Lincoln

MA, LCPC
Headshot of Trishanna Sookdeo, MD, MPH, FAAFP
Reviewed by:

Trishanna Sookdeo

MD, MPH, FAAFP
  • Narcissistic Sibling CharacteristicsCharacteristics
  • How a Narcissistic Sister or Brother Affects Your Mental HealthEffects
  • Tips for How to Deal With Your Narcissistic Sibling5 Tips
  • When to Get Professional Help for Healing from Narcissistic SiblingsGet Help
  • How to Find a TherapistFind Therapy
  • Final ThoughtsConcludion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Narcissistic Sibling InfographicsInfographics
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