What Are the Benefits of Celibacy?

What Is Celibacy?

Celibacy is living a life without sexual relationships or activity. It can be a choice, but it may also be involuntary. Celibacy typically applies to sexual activity such as penetrative intercourse; however, someone that has chosen celibacy may abstain from other activities, such as intimate kissing.

Some may think that celibacy is a part of purity culture, but celibacy has a different relationship with sexuality than purity culture does. Purity culture reacts to sexual activity from a perspective of fear and shame that can be damaging.¹ On the other hand, the choice of celibacy is not focused on creating a culture of abstinence but rather a personal sacrifice of that part of their life.

Reasons for Celibacy

There are many reasons that someone may choose to be celibate. These reasons are primarily for psychological benefit or spiritual benefits. Those that embrace celibacy see their choice not as a violation or repression of a need but rather as choosing something different. However, this concept can be controversial as celibacy challenges the idea that sexuality is a basic human need.²

For individuals who are involuntarily celibate, sometimes referred to as incels, celibacy has a different significance. The incel community has a deeply critical view of women, sometimes including evident bitterness about their celibacy.³

Reasons a person may choose to be celibate include:

• Religious beliefs
• Avoiding sexually transmitted infections and diseases
• Prevents pregnancy
• Pursuing a career
• Focusing on a short-term goal
• Lower stress
• Disinterest in sex

Psychological Celibacy Benefits

Many mental health benefits can come with a celibate lifestyle. Despite strong cultural beliefs that sexual activity is a crucial part of feeling fulfilled, a person can lead a successful, generative life while also choosing celibacy or abstinence. In fact, research shows that sexual activity did not predict happiness.³

Psychological benefits of celibacy include:

Reduced Stress

Sexual activity can bring a lot of toxic stress in your life. There are many risks, such as sexually transmitted infections or the possibility of pregnancy. Additionally, searching for someone to be with can be exhausting and stressful. Marriage and children comes with its stress as well, which is worth considering. Being celibate allows you to step away from that dynamic and the stress that comes with it.

Increased Focus

Putting the desire for sexual gratification to the side can be freeing. The choice of celibacy allows you to put energy into other areas of your life. This path can provide meaningful clarity and focus, strengthened by your choice.⁵ Many people think that celibacy is a more challenging path, but for those who have made this choice, it has helped other parts of their life.⁶

Providing Identity

If an individual does not want to comply with societal expectations to couple and have a family, celibacy can help put their choice in context, giving a sense of purpose to their choice.⁵ This identity can help people to understand your choice and help them respect it as well.

Trauma Healing

Celibacy brings an expectation of security in the self and, for religious people, a reliance on God. Therefore, celibacy can help those with sexual trauma to reclaim the security that was taken from them. In addition, expectations of marriage and family can lead to strained relationships with parents or peers. This shame can lead to trauma of its own, which can be helped by choosing celibacy.

Increased Self-Awareness

Celibacy brings a new context that can bring self-awareness to physical urges or desires. You may have failed to notice or describe needs because you interpreted them as a sign of sexual frustration or needs. Choosing celibacy for a time can be a valuable form of mindfulness, even meditation, as you seek other satisfactions in life.

Spiritual Celibacy Benefits

Celibacy brings many spiritual benefits and can be a lifestyle that prioritizes God. Throughout history, celibacy as a lifestyle has been shared across religions. Of course, not all religious adherents choose celibacy, and even fewer remain celibate throughout their lives. However, celibacy as an expression of faith can benefit anyone, although it may be challenging to accomplish without a spiritual foundation.

Spiritual benefits of celibacy include:

Prioritizing Spiritual Goods

For those who choose a celibate life, going without sexual relationships and activity is about priorities. In a religious context, of the many goods that exist in this world (sexuality being one of them), spiritual goods and devotion are more highly valued than others. Choosing celibacy is an expression of putting these goods in proper order and protects against the potential sin of selecting a lower good rather than a higher good.

Celibacy does not stop healthy marriages or sexual activity from being good. Instead, this choice represents a sacrifice meant to demonstrate value and protect against distraction. People also prioritize other goods in this way, such as abstaining from alcohol or wealth. People may sacrifice safety and societal acceptance in extreme circumstances to choose higher goods.

Improved Spiritual Intimacy

Celibate life can bring you closer to your spiritual goals. For ordained priests, commitment to celibacy can decrease burnout and increase connection to the community.⁷ The choice of celibacy can improve a relationship with your faith, as you have sought spiritual answers to your physical desires. Satisfaction in your intimate connection with God is free of distraction from sexual intimacy with another.

Appreciating Other Blessings

Choosing celibacy allows the time to explore some of those things without the stress that can come from sexual frustration. Celibates can enjoy every part of life non-celibates do. The choice of celibacy allows for more time for these other blessings to be present in the life of the celibate.

Potential Disadvantages of Celibacy

There are drawbacks to being celibate that are worth paying attention to. Celibacy is at its best potential when it is a choice, but some people are involuntarily celibate. Being involuntarily celibate carries many of the same challenges as choosing celibacy; however, those effects can be significant.⁸ Even when chosen, celibacy has drawbacks that are worth considering.

Potential disadvantages of celibacy include:

• Loneliness and isolation: Sometimes celibacy will feel isolating, especially when not celibate by choice. This can cause a person to feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness.
• Damage to existing relationships:  if you are already in a relationship, becoming celibate can cause serious disruption and lead to a toxic relationship.
• Fear of missing out: Celibate people may worry that their life is incomplete. They may struggle with losing experiences of family and an intimate partner.
• Sexual frustration: The physical urge to have sex continues to occur, even while celibate. This experience can cause an immense amount of sexual frustration.
• Feeling trapped: A celibate may feel trapped or locked into their decision. This is also a possibility for those that are involuntarily celibate.
• Bitterness: If frustration has continued for a long time, it may make you bitter about your situation. This bitterness can lead you to resent anyone for being in a relationship.

What to Consider Before Choosing Celibacy

Before you choose to be celibate, consider the goals you have for this choice. Celibacy is a significant commitment and others may have trouble understanding your decision. If you are currently in a relationship, it is important that you recognize the cost of your decision and be prepared to explain your reasons.

Things to consider before choosing celibacy include:

• The decision must be personal: To have the best chance of success, you must choose celibacy for yourself. This is true even if celibacy was not your preference, but circumstances brought it on you.
• Understand what celibacy means to you: Celibacy can be a somewhat broad concept to others, so knowing what it means to you is very important.
• Imagine the choice before you make it: Consider how going to movies, listening to music, or watching shows will be different as a celibate. It may surprise you how many things are designed with relationships in mind.
• Prepare for pressure: Loved ones may question your decision and pressure you to choose something different. Well-meaning but hurtful comments, as well as peer pressure, should be expected.
• Listen to your partner: If you are in a relationship, remember that this change will be difficult. Have a structured conversation with your partner and listen to what they need from you.

How to Try Out the Celibacy Lifestyle

If you are single and want to try celibacy, try it out and stop if it doesn’t work for you. However, if you are in a relationship, be aware that you are making a significant choice for your partner as well. When experimenting with celibacy, take the time you used for sexual intimacy and focus on other areas of yourself you wish to explore.

When to Seek Professional Help

Counseling is helpful for many things, including the struggles of choosing celibacy. If you are single and are contemplating celibacy, therapy can be a useful place to explore why you are considering celibacy and how to go about it. If trauma is influencing your decision, an online therapist directory can be helpful in finding a therapist who provides trauma-informed therapy.

In a relationship where one partner is celibate and the other does not want to be, this presents a very challenging dynamic that could be helped by marriage counseling. Both in person and online marriage counseling options are available, and it is important to find a method of therapy that works for both partners.

In My Experience

In my experience as a professional, celibacy is a difficult path. Despite the benefits, the pressure from society to couple and reproduce is massive. Some blessings and burdens come with a choice like this. Going through talk therapy, or couple’s therapy if applicable, is important if you are uncertain about this choice.

If a client came into therapy while contemplating this choice, I would want them to recognize how special the choice is. I want them to know that there are many reasons to choose celibacy and that I want to know what their motivations are. I am married with children, so there will be parts of celibate life I do not understand, but I want to learn about them from those that will teach me. If you are reading this and want to make this choice, you have my admiration, and I hope you succeed.