Female Narcissist: 15 Common Traits to Look For

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. People with NPD may initially seem charming and likable, but this can be a superficial facade. They are often hypersensitive to criticism and may respond defensively or aggressively when they feel challenged or offended. These patterns can lead to strained relationships, as their self-focus and reactivity make it difficult to maintain balanced, healthy connections with others.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Diagnosis

According to the DMS-5, NPD is characterized by five or more of the following:¹

• Grandiosity or an excessive sense of self-importance
• Fantasies of power, success, beauty, or importance
• A belief in being special or exceptional (sometimes with a desire to network with people of similarly high ‘status’ or ‘importance’)
• An excessive need for validation, praise, and admiration from others
• A sense of entitlement or feeling like one deserves special treatment
• Exploiting others for personal gain or selfish reasons
• Lacking empathy or being unwilling to identify with the needs of others
• Being envious of others or believing others are envious of them
• Arrogant or haughty behavior, or acting better or superior to other people

15 Female Narcissistic Traits

Research shows that narcissistic traits in women can look different from those in men. Women with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) often have fewer and somewhat milder traits. For instance, they tend to be less entitled, impulsive, and aggressive and may even show a bit more empathy than male narcissists.^2,4 However, female narcissists may also have unique characteristics, like being especially focused on their appearance or feeling more prone to envy and jealousy. These distinct traits can give female narcissism a different flavor, even if the underlying tendencies are similar.^2,3

Here are fifteen common female narcissistic traits:

1. Being Self-Centered or Self-Absorbed

Self-centeredness is a hallmark sign of NPD in both men and women.^1,3 A female narcissist may spend a lot of time talking about herself and her life, without thinking to ask how others are doing. When people do interject to talk about themselves, the female narcissist may show little interest and quickly turn the conversation back to herself.

2. Never Admitting Fault

Another telltale sign of narcissism is never admitting fault or apologizing and instead finding ways to project blame outwards onto other people or situations.¹ For example, narcissistic women will often deflect blame by making excuses for their mistakes or finding ways to twist the situation and paint someone else as the bad guy.

3. Pettiness & Inability to See the Bigger Picture

Narcissistic women can have a tendency to be petty. They often get stuck on small details or perceived wrongdoings of other people, even when they don’t really matter.^1,3,5,6 For instance, a female narcissist may be unable to stop obsessing over the smallest criticism or slight and may even become hyper-focused on getting revenge. This inability to let go of small grievances can become problematic for the narcissistic woman, making her seem jealous, petty, and bitter to others.

4. Obsession With Social Status

Being shallow or superficial is a common trait in both male and female narcissists.¹ In women with NPD, this might show up as a tendency to be overly materialistic or preoccupied with brand names, luxury items, or other status symbols associated with being wealthy. Other times, this may include excessive concern about social status, reputation, social media, or appearances.^4,7

5. Addicted to Social Media

All narcissists are self-absorbed, but this can be exhibited differently in female narcissists than in males. Women with NPD may be more likely to get wrapped up in social media, post selfies, and become obsessed with getting likes and followers online. Some may even be addicted to social media and unable to pull themselves away from the virtual realities they’ve created online.⁷

6. Exploitative of Others

Narcissists are known to exploit other people for personal gain or self-serving interests, but men and women may have opposing ways of doing so. For example, women with NPD will often use manipulative behaviors to fulfill their needs, while narcissistic men may use force, intimidation, or physical aggression.^2,3

7. Being Overly Vain

While both men and women with NPD are prone to vanity, research shows that women with NPD are more likely to be preoccupied with physical appearance. Also, women with NPD may be more sensitive to criticisms about their physical appearance, weight, or attractiveness than men with the disorder.^2,3,4 Narcissism in women may lead to excessive cosmetic procedures, extreme dieting, or unhealthy obsession with appearance or weight.

8. Using Sex Appeal to Coerce

Women with NPD may be more likely to capitalize on their sex appeal or physical attractiveness. Recent studies have found that many female narcissists dress in sexually provocative ways–like dressing in revealing clothing or wearing a lot of makeup.³ Some may use sexual seduction as a way to manipulate or financially exploit others, or engage in sexual narcissism. They may even become involved in parasitic sexual relationships with people who can support or help them in some way.⁸

9. Seeming Insecure, Shy, or Reserved

Women with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are more likely to show traits of covert narcissism, which can look different from the typical image of narcissism.^3,4 A covert narcissist might not seem arrogant or entitled. Instead, they may come across as shy, quiet, or even insecure. When someone’s low self-esteem or insecurity shows up alongside other narcissistic traits, it’s often a sign of covert narcissism.^5,6

10. Sensitive & Reactive

Female narcissists are often more emotional than male narcissists, which makes them especially sensitive and reactive. Like all narcissists, they tend to be highly sensitive to criticism, experiencing what’s known as narcissistic injury—a strong emotional reaction to perceived criticism or rejection. This sensitivity can make them more prone to feeling hurt, offended, or upset by others, leading them to lash out, become moody, or shut down when they feel wounded.^2,3

11. Dependency or Neediness

Female narcissists (especially covert narcissists) may display needy or dependent patterns in their relationships with others.^3,4 The female narcissist typically needs a lot of validation, praise, and reassurance from her friends, family, and lovers, which betrays her underlying insecurities. Without this validation, she may become jealous, upset, moody, brooding, or experiencing narcissistic rage.^2,4

12. Playing the Victim Card

Playing the victim by being submissive or seemingly helpless may be a tactic that female narcissists use to get things they want or lure people in. Once they do, they will often use the martyr or victim card to exploit people or convince them to do things for them.^2,3 This tendency is one of the more common traits of a narcissistic woman, which may be due to societal expectations and gender roles. ^3,4

13. Passive Aggressive & Manipulative

Research on the sex differences in NPD has consistently found that female narcissists are less physically aggressive than male narcissists, and more likely to use passive aggression and manipulation to coerce other people.^2,3 For instance, a female narcissist might manipulate others by playing the victim, going behind someone’s back, or using tactics like guilt-tripping or giving the silent treatment.

14. Bullying or Being a “Mean Girl”

Just because narcissistic women aren’t as physically aggressive doesn’t necessarily mean they’re any nicer or less dangerous. Female narcissists may use different types of aggression, like gossiping, spreading rumors, gaslighting, name-calling, or giving people the cold shoulder. These are all forms of narcissistic abuse that can be just as harmful as the more overt forms of aggression typical in male narcissists.

15. Instability in Work, Life, or Relationships

Female narcissists with more severe narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) often have trouble keeping their personal and professional lives stable. They may struggle to hold a steady job, manage their finances, or build lasting, healthy friendships and romantic relationships. In general, the more unstable their work, relationships, and life are, the more severe their narcissistic traits tend to be.¹

How to Deal With a Narcissistic Woman

Dealing with a narcissist is often difficult and stressful, so having some tips on ways to interact with these challenging personalities can help. If you have a female narcissist in your life, there are some methods to try that can protect your mental health, as well as provide some distance from any toxicity.

Here are some tips for dealing with a narcissistic woman:

• Learn her patterns: Narcissists use different patterns and tactics to manipulate and coerce other people. Paying attention to the specific tactics she uses (i.e., playing the victim, guilt trips, etc.) can help you quickly identify when she’s up to something.
• Check your expectations: Narcissists are often incapable of being emotionally mature, genuine, and selfless. By keeping your expectations of a female narcissist realistic, you can avoid the frustrating ups and downs that come with being constantly let down, disappointed, or blindsided by her.
• Set clear boundaries: Narcissists often test boundaries and push limits. Identify what behaviors or topics you are not willing to tolerate and communicate these boundaries clearly. Stick to them consistently to protect your emotional well-being.
• Prioritize self-care: Narcissistic relationships can be exhausting, so prioritize time for self-care. Engaging in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and peace can help you stay grounded and protect your mental health.
• If possible, limit your interactions: Limiting how often and how much you interact with a female narcissist is also a good idea and can prevent you from getting too close, becoming a target, or getting wrapped up in her drama.
• Keep things superficial: It’s also a good idea to keep your interactions with female narcissists friendly but superficial. Giving her lots of personal information is a bad idea, as she might use it against you later on.
• Don’t feed her need for attention: Narcissists depend on attention and praise to feel good about themselves. Giving her too much attention or praise can put you on her radar and make you a target. Try not to give her the validation she craves, as this can help reduce her focus on you.
• Find support: Having a strong support network, whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist, can be incredibly helpful. Talking with someone who understands can provide relief and reinforce your boundaries.
• Avoid hurting her self-esteem: Female narcissists are often very sensitive to criticism or anything they see as an insult, which can easily damage their self-esteem. To avoid triggering her anger, try not to criticize, challenge, or confront her directly. This can help keep the peace and prevent her from directing her frustration at you.
• Refuse to compete with her: Narcissistic women can be highly competitive, but it usually isn’t a good idea to play this game with her. Doing so makes it more likely that you’ll be seen as a threat and susceptible to additional abuse.
• Try to find win-win solutions: Try to find outcomes where both of you feel like you’ve “won” or gotten something positive from the situation. This approach helps you negotiate with a narcissistic woman without making her feel threatened or triggering a negative reaction.
• Keep your cool: Narcissistic women can be difficult and frustrating to interact with, but losing your cool only places more power and control in her hands. Letting her upset you gives her more knowledge about how she can pull your strings and set you off in the future. Avoid giving her this upper hand.
• Know when to walk away: Sometimes, the best option is to limit or cut off contact, especially if the relationship becomes harmful to your well-being. If it’s possible and safe, consider reducing or ending interactions with her.

Free Worksheets for Coping With a Narcissist

This collection of worksheets is designed to help you identify and navigate narcissistic behavior, recognize gaslighting tactics, set healthy boundaries, and reinforce your personal strengths to protect your emotional well-being. Find the one you need, or download the entire worksheet collection here.

Complete Workbook Download

Identifying Narcissistic Traits Download

Identifying Gaslighting Tactics Download

Setting Healthy Boundaries Download

Personal Strengths Inventory Download

Narcissistic Abuse Cycle Download

When to Seek Professional Support

If dealing with a narcissistic person is causing you significant stress and anxiety or impacting your mental health, it may be time to seek professional support. A therapist can guide you in setting boundaries, developing effective coping strategies, and processing the emotional toll of the relationship. You can search for licensed therapists in your area using a local therapist directory, where you can filter by expertise in narcissistic relationships, trauma, and boundary-setting. Alternatively, there are many different online therapy services that can match you with a therapist skilled in issues related to narcissism, allowing you to get the support you need from the comfort of your home.

The Differences Between Female & Male Narcissists

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is more common in men, with 7.7% of men developing NPD compared to 4.8% of women.⁴ Research suggests that certain types of narcissism, like covert and communal narcissism, are more common in females, while overt and grandiose narcissism are more common in males. These differences may partly stem from traditional gender roles in society, which could shape how narcissistic traits show up in men and women.

Compared to male narcissists, female narcissists tend to:^3,4

• Show less severe NPD traits
• Be less grandiose and entitled
• Be less physically aggressive
• Be harder to detect
• Be misdiagnosed more often
• Show more empathy
• Be more emotionally sensitive and reactive