Male Narcissist: 10 Traits & How to Deal With One

What Is a Male Narcissist?

A male narcissist is a male with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). NPD is characterized by an over-inflated sense of self-importance, pervasive need for attention, and lack of empathy. While anybody can display narcissistic tendencies in certain situations, someone with diagnosable NPD will show these symptoms consistently, regardless of the circumstance. The best way to know if you’re dealing with a narcissist is to look at their pattern of behavior over time to check for consistency.

To get an NPD diagnosis, individuals must meet several of the following criteria:¹

• Exaggerated sense of self-importance and expects others to recognize and acknowledge their greatness
• Lack of empathy
• Obsessive need for admiration
• Manipulate others for personal gain
• Fantasizes about power, success, brilliance
• Arrogant and entitled
• Jealous or envious of others

Differences Between Female & Male Narcissists

Ultimately, people with narcissistic traits exhibit similar behaviors. However, male narcissists may be more likely to exhibit grandiose tendencies. They might frequently brag about their accomplishments or belittle others publicly. Women may be more covert in their presentation. They may act like victims, outwardly present as having low self-esteem, and engage in passive aggression to meet their needs.

10 Common Male Narcissistic Traits

If you suspect that a man in your life may have narcissistic personality traits, it’s essential to examine his behavior across different situations and relationships. Whether you’re married to a narcissist, considering traits in a friend, or dealing with a narcissistic parent, the way these traits show up can vary significantly. For example, certain behaviors might seem minor in a colleague but feel overwhelming in a romantic partner. Keeping context in mind can help you see the full picture of narcissistic behavior over time.

Below are 10 common traits of a narcissistic man:

1. Perfectionism

Oftentimes, a male narcissist might display perfectionism in the expectations he has for other people. Because narcissists believe they are naturally elite, they may also think that they deserve nothing less than perfection from others. However, narcissists likely will not hold themselves accountable to these same standards.

2. Control Issues

Because a male narcissist is always trying to protect his fragile and low self-esteem, he may try to control every variable to prevent disappointment, discomfort, and failure. For instance, these control issues may show up as a partner dictating how you talk and act around others. This ensures that his presentation of superiority remains unharmed.

3. Commitment Issues

Male narcissists seek a constant flow of external reassurance, often referred to as their narcissistic supply – they will do whatever it takes to ensure this is maintained. A narcissist may avoid entering a committed relationship or publicly sharing that they are in one because of the possibility of this diminishing the amount of attention they receive from others.

4. Pathological Lying

Narcissists can frequently lie about, exaggerate, or embellish things to fulfill their narcissistic supply. This may occur as a means of maintaining the attention they desire, while also making themselves sound as important and impressive as they want others to believe they are. Because of this, a male narcissist initially comes across as interesting and incredibly charming, despite possessing a fragile ego and low self-esteem.

5. Manipulative

Narcissistic men will often use manipulation in order to get what they want, and generally do not recognize this behavior as wrong. Different narcissistic manipulation tactics can include gaslighting, “moving the goalposts,” and giving you the silent treatment. Regardless, being manipulated by a narcissistic man can leave you feeling confused, anxious, and insecure.

6. Love Bombing

In order to draw you into a relationship, male narcissists will often love bomb the people in their life. Love bombing occurs when someone bombards a person with intense emotions, affection, gifts, and an abundance of their time and energy.⁶ This sets an ideal standard for the victim to always pursue in the relationship, even after the narcissist has withdrawn his affection. Love bombing preys on a person’s innate desire to be loved and pursued, and turns it into a tool to increase their devotion to the love bombing partner.

7. Grandiosity

A core component of narcissism is grandiosity, which means that a male narcissist may often share grandiose delusions that he holds and believes about himself. These are usually exaggerated, or sometimes downright false, ideas about one’s own importance, abilities, power, or identity.⁷ This could be anything from believing they will win a prestigious award, or that people believe them to be more powerful or influential than they actually are.

8. Attention Seeking

Because narcissists need admiration to fill their narcissistic supply, they will spend a lot of time seeking and maintaining the spotlight. Attention-seeking behavior can include volunteering for jobs where they’ll play an important role, such as being an event MC or the main presenter at a work presentation. They may also do so in more intimate settings, such as talking over other people, interrupting, or “one-upping” others in conversation.

9. Dismissive

If a narcissist believes that someone else is getting more attention than them or that others are perceiving them to be more impressive than they are, they will often do whatever they can to undermine that person’s attributes and accomplishments. By doing this, they turn the attention back on themselves, while also reminding others that they are the most impressive person in the room.

10. Abusive

It is also important to acknowledge that narcissists can be outright abusive to people in their lives. Narcissistic abuse can take many forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, psychological, financial, exploitation, and even technological abuse. The severity of abuse can vary, and typically will worsen over time.

How to Deal With a Narcissistic Man

When attempting to deal with a narcissistic man, it is important to remember that you can only control your own behavior. Attempting to change a narcissist will leave you feeling frustrated and upset. Focus on making choices that work best for you and taking care of yourself. You can always work to improve your own healthy coping mechanisms, understand your needs and limitations, and decide what you’re willing to tolerate.

Here are some ways to deal with a narcissistic male:

• Remember that you’re not at fault: Narcissists blame everyone else for their wrongdoings, and hearing constant ridicule can impact your self-esteem. Remind yourself often that this is a part of their mental illness, and it has nothing to do with you.
• Set healthy boundaries: This is crucial with narcissists, because they do not empathize with others and recognize limits of appropriate behavior. Clearly setting your own boundaries is the most important way you can take care of yourself when dealing with a narcissist.
• Regulate yourself: A narcissist is looking for the reactions and engagement of others in order to fill their need for attention. This can mean that they say false, infuriating, and hurtful things in order to get a rise from you. By keeping yourself calm, it’s likely they will move onto a different target.
• Avoid direct confrontation: Male narcissists are hyper-sensitive to criticism and will often get defensive or lash out. If you have feedback to give, doing so in a gentle and nonjudgmental way may help to prevent things from escalating.
• Act interested: Sometimes we have relationships that we cannot avoid. One survival technique you can use in these situations is to act interested in what they’re saying. You don’t have to agree or tell them they’re right–saying, “That’s interesting,” or asking further questions usually works.
• Prioritize your own needs: Being around a narcissist can be draining and challenging. Make sure you’re attending to your own well-being, practicing self-care, and seeking therapy if you need it.
• Know when to leave: Unfortunately, sometimes cutting off a relationship is the only way you can protect yourself and your mental health. If you have experienced a drop in self-esteem, have been the target of narcissistic abuse, or feel unsafe in any way, it may be time to consider leaving your toxic relationship

When to Seek Professional Help

If you have been in any type of relationship with a narcissist, professional help may be beneficial for your healing. A therapist can help you to regain your self-confidence, understand the abuse and manipulation you have experienced, and recognize the patterns that lead you to the narcissist in the first place. Choosing a therapist using an online therapist directory is a great way to get started.

Please note–couples counseling is generally advised against when one of the partners struggles with narcissistic personality disorder. Since this disorder often includes abuse and manipulation, what is covered during a session will likely be used against the victim later on.