Men with narcissistic personality disorder will have an overinflated ego, need copious amounts of attention, and do not have empathy for anyone in their lives. A narcissistic man will often be charming and charismatic at first before turning sour with time. While interacting with a narcissistic person can be difficult and demeaning, there are ways to cope and move forward.
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder characterized by an over-inflated sense of self-importance, pervasive need for attention, and lack of empathy. While anybody can display narcissistic tendencies in certain situations, someone with diagnosable NPD will show these symptoms consistently, regardless of the circumstance. The best way to know if you’re dealing with a narcissist is to look at their pattern of behavior over time to check for consistency.
According to the DSM-5, NPD is characterized by:
- Grandiosity: This is when a person has an exaggerated sense of self-importance and expects others to recognize and acknowledge their greatness. They may be obsessed with fantasies of grandeur and success, and believe that they are special enough to deserve these.1
- Lack of empathy: Narcissists do not take others’ emotions into consideration. This lack of empathy can contribute to a narcissist being manipulative, abusive, and cold when they feel that they are not getting their needs met or if things are not going their way.
- Obsessive need for admiration: At the core of narcissism is a very fragile ego. In order to protect and reassure this, a narcissist will seek out and even orchestrate receiving attention from others.
Below are some common types of narcissists:
- Grandiose: Pretentiousness and feelings of superiority are even more pronounced in grandiose narcissists than in classic narcissists. They are particularly sensitive to failure, and will gravitate even more to individuals that give them admiration.2
- Vindictive: A vindictive narcissist may respond to rejection or criticism by threatening the other person, retaliating, or seeking revenge in some way.
- Antagonistic: This is a type of narcissism that focuses on rivalry and competition with others. An antagonistic narcissist is often argumentative, disagreeable/contrary, and doesn’t forgive others.3
- Malignant: Malignant narcissists exhibit traits of both narcissism and antisocial personality disorder. Symptoms include arrogance, exploitation of others, a tendency to harm others, and a need for power, control, and recognition.4
- Covert: A covert narcissist may appear timid and self-deprecating due to a fear of being rejected or disliked. They assign heavy weight to any criticism from others. and They tend to verbally attack others or talk behind people’s backs in quiet, often subtle ways
- Sexual: Sexual narcissists prioritize their own sexual needs and desires over their partners, lack empathy for their sexual partners, expect praise for their sexual prowess, and demand sex on their terms.5
- Cerebral/intelligent: A cerebral narcissist’s sense of superiority is rooted in their intelligence and expertise. A cerebral narcissist will brag about their accomplishments, undermine others’ intelligence, and condescend or correct others.
- Somatic: Somatic narcissists obsess over their own appearance and criticize the appearance of others in order to mask their own insecurities.
- Spiritual: A spiritual narcissist believes their sense of faith makes them superior to others. Spiritual narcissists often use this to manipulate, shame, and control others.
10 Common Male Narcissistic Traits
If you’re concerned that a man within your life may have narcissistic personality disorder, there are some additional things to consider. It is important to remember that the nature of your relationship will depend on how the traits are exhibited to you. For example, being married to a narcissist will mean that you see different characteristics in your partner than you would in a narcissistic parent. When weighing whether or not a man is a narcissist, it is important to look at their behavior over time, in various situations, and within their relationships.
Below are 10 common traits of a narcissistic man:
1. Perfectionism
Oftentimes, a male narcissist might display perfectionism in the expectations he has for other people. Because narcissists believe they are naturally elite, they may also think that they deserve nothing less than perfection from others. However, narcissists likely will not hold themselves accountable to these same standards.
2. Control Issues
Because a male narcissist is always trying to protect his fragile and low self-esteem, he may try to control every variable to prevent disappointment, discomfort, and failure. For instance, these control issues may show up as a partner dictating how you talk and act around others. This ensures that his presentation of superiority remains unharmed.
3. Commitment Issues
Male narcissists seek a constant flow of external reassurance, often referred to as their narcissistic supply–they will do whatever it takes to ensure this is maintained. A narcissist may avoid entering a committed relationship or publicly sharing that they are in one because of the possibility of this diminishing the amount of attention they receive from others.
4. Pathological Lying
Narcissists can frequently lie about, exaggerate, or embellish things to fulfill their narcissistic supply. This may occur as a means of maintaining the attention they desire, while also making themselves sound as important and impressive as they want others to believe they are. Because of this, a male narcissist initially comes across as interesting and incredibly charming, despite possessing a fragile ego and low self-esteem.
5. Manipulative
Narcissistic men will often use manipulation in order to get what they want, and generally do not recognize this behavior as wrong. Different narcissistic manipulation tactics can include gaslighting, “moving the goalposts,” and giving you the silent treatment. Regardless, being manipulated by a narcissistic man can leave you feeling confused, anxious, and insecure.
6. Love Bombing
In order to draw you into a relationship, male narcissists will often love bomb the people in their life. Love bombing occurs when someone bombards a person with intense emotions, affection, gifts, and an abundance of their time and energy.6 This sets an ideal standard for the victim to always pursue in the relationship, even after the narcissist has withdrawn his affection. Love bombing preys on a person’s innate desire to be loved and pursued, and turns it into a tool to increase their devotion to the love bombing partner.
7. Grandiosity
A core component of narcissism is grandiosity, which means that a male narcissist may often share grandiose delusions that he holds and believes about himself. These are usually exaggerated, or sometimes downright false, ideas about one’s own importance, abilities, power, or identity.7 This could be anything from believing they will win a prestigious award, or that people believe them to be more powerful or influential than they actually are.
“Because grandiosity is relatively easy to observe (e.g., bragging about oneself often at the expense of others; portray oneself as someone who others admire/respect/fear), those overt displays may be indications of narcissism. In particular, narcissism is not self-confidence or high self-esteem. It’s a self-presentation of being preoccupied with how others view them, particularly how they view them relative to others. So, an emphasis on being better than others is potentially an indication of narcissism.” – Dr. Chris Barry
8. Attention Seeking
Because narcissists need admiration to fill their narcissistic supply, they will spend a lot of time seeking and maintaining the spotlight. This can include volunteering for jobs where they’ll play an important role, such as being an event MC or the main presenter at a work presentation. They may also do so in more intimate settings, such as talking over other people, interrupting, or “one-upping” others in conversation.
9. Dismissive
If a narcissist believes that someone else is getting more attention than them or that others are perceiving them to be more impressive than they are, they will often do whatever they can to undermine that person’s attributes and accomplishments. By doing this, they turn the attention back on themselves, while also reminding others that they are the most impressive person in the room.
10. Abusive
It is also important to acknowledge that narcissists can be outright abusive to people in their lives. Narcissistic abuse can take many forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, psychological, financial, exploitation, and even technological abuse. The severity of abuse can vary, and typically will worsen over time.
Narcissism in Men Vs. Women
It has long been believed that there are different presentations of narcissistic personality disorder that correlate with gender, even though the overarching evidence on this is limited.8 It is generally thought that narcissistic men tend to present as more aggressive, while narcissistic women may be more passive-aggressive. This might be true in some cases, but could also be perpetuation of gender stereotypes. It is possible for a narcissist of either gender to exhibit similar traits or fall into any of the subtypes.
How to Deal With a Narcissistic Man
When attempting to deal with a narcissistic man, it is important to remember that you can only control your own behavior. Attempting to change a narcissist will leave you feeling frustrated and upset. Focus on making choices that work best for you and taking care of yourself. You can always work to improve your own healthy coping mechanisms, understand your needs and limitations, and decide what you’re willing to tolerate.
Here are some ways to deal with a narcissistic male:
- Remember that you’re not at fault: Narcissists blame everyone else for their wrongdoings, and hearing constant ridicule can impact your self-esteem. Remind yourself often that this is a part of their mental illness, and it has nothing to do with you.
- Set healthy boundaries: This is crucial with narcissists, because they do not empathize with others and recognize limits of appropriate behavior. Clearly setting and holding your own boundaries is the most important way you can take care of yourself when dealing with a narcissist.
- Regulate yourself: A narcissist is looking for the reactions and engagement of others in order to fill their need for attention. This can mean that they say false, infuriating, and hurtful things in order to get a rise from you. By keeping yourself calm, it’s likely they will move onto a different target.
- Avoid direct confrontation: Male narcissists are hyper-sensitive to criticism and will often get defensive or lash out. If you have feedback to give, doing so in a gentle and nonjudgmental way may help to prevent things from escalating.
- Act interested: Sometimes we have relationships that we cannot avoid. One survival technique you can use in these situations is to act interested in what they’re saying. You don’t have to agree or tell them they’re right–saying, “That’s interesting,” or asking further questions usually works.
- Prioritize your own needs: Being around a narcissist can be draining and challenging. Make sure you’re attending to your own well-being and seeking therapy if you need it.
- Know when to leave: Unfortunately, sometimes cutting off a relationship is the only way you can protect yourself and your mental health. If you have experienced a drop in self-esteem, have been the target of narcissistic abuse, or feel unsafe in any way, it may be time to consider leaving your toxic relationship
When to Seek Professional Help
If you have been in any type of relationship with a narcissist, professional help may be beneficial for your healing. A therapist can help you to regain your self-confidence, understand the abuse and manipulation you have experienced, and recognize the patterns that lead you to the narcissist in the first place. Choosing a therapist using an online therapist directory is a great way to get started.
“I would say it’s very uncommon for someone with narcissistic traits to seek therapy for narcissism itself,” says Dr. Barry. “The main recommendation for treatment would be to help the person work through the relationship conflicts/difficulties (that may stem from narcissistic behaviors).”
Please note–couples counseling is generally advised against when one of the partners struggles with narcissistic personality disorder. Since this disorder often includes abuse and manipulation, what is covered during a session will likely be used against the victim later on.
Final Thoughts
Being in any type of relationship with a narcissistic man can be challenging. There are a variety of ways that narcissism can show up, which can make seeing the signs and understanding this disorder difficult. Remembering that you only have control and influence over yourself can help you to evaluate what is the best path forward for yourself.
Male Narcissist: 10 Traits & How to Deal With One Infographics
