How To Tell If Your Partner Is Lying About Cheating

12 Signs Your Partner Is Lying About Cheating

A sure way to tell if your partner is lying about cheating is to ask them. You might feel uncomfortable with that option and may think they would never admit if they were lying or cheating. After all, your partner may be good at stonewalling, putting you off by using the methods of a pathological liar to manipulate you by being defensive or gaslighting you.

However, if your partner is more sensitive and sincere, they could be honest. It’s not unheard of for a cheater to “spill the beans” and come clean, especially if they feel guilty knowing they are being deceitful. But this is not the same for every cheater, so confrontation should happen in a safe space. If your partner has denied cheating, but you still feel there is a chance he is lying, working with a professional to identify cheating patterns can help.

Here are 12 signs that may indicate your partner is lying about cheating, with changes in behavior, such as:

1. Focus On Appearance

Have you noticed your partner trying to lose weight, buy designer jeans, or change their hair color or style? It isn’t always true, but a change in hygiene and appearance may signify that your partner may have another romantic interest. If your partner is dressing better when going somewhere rather than the casual, sloppy dresser around you, paying attention to other potential signs of cheating may be helpful.

2. Changes In Communication

Emotional intimacy comes from being open, honest, and accepting one another unconditionally. To be able to confide everything to a partner, no secrets, both good and bad. Suppose your partner is distant and uninterested and stops sharing the little things with you. In that case, there could be someone else to communicate with.

3. Guarded Protection of Devices

A desire to keep their phone and electrical device usage guarded can often be a glaring tip to a partner that something is wrong. They may be changing passwords, deleting texts, clearing the browser constantly, or safeguarding the phone by taking it in the shower. They may avoid making and receiving calls within your hearing range, taking the phone outside, and quietly speaking as though sneaking.

4. Hostility Towards You & the Relationship

You may find that your partner has become critical of you and anything you do or don’t do. You may sense them trying to “change” you into a  person they would like better. Your partner might constantly push away your advances and seem eager to start fights with you. If they suspect you know about the cheating and lying, they may begin to blame you, which psychiatrists may call the technique of projection, when they divert their actions away from them and onto you.

5. Developing a History of Lying

An old accepted statement in the psychology community is, “The best way to predict future  behavior is past behavior.” If a person has attempted suicide in the past, they are likely considered “at risk” in the future. If a partner is known to lie easily with good results, they are likely to continue. Without negative consequences, they will likely improve their propensity to lie and be able to justify it. They may develop negative perspectives, such as thinking, “After all, if I didn’t lie, I would have hurt their feelings.”

6. Body Language

Information is abundant in our body language. A recent picture of a famous couple rumored to have relationship issues told it all. The man stood straight and rigid with both hands stuffed in his pant pockets. The woman snuggled behind him with both arms around his neck in what looked like a stranglehold. They looked beautiful, like the perfect couple, but body language told another story. Pay attention if your partner no longer wants to touch you or leans away when you kiss them. Body language tends to be an accurate truth-teller.

7. They Become “Very Busy”

Have you ever noticed that being very busy is an overused excuse to procrastinate? It may be true that most of us become too busy to take on other tasks or activities. However, if your partner is just too busy to be available to you realistically and ordinarily, they may be too busy with another person. If you expect them to be available 24/7, your expectation is too high. A partner that demands attention will smother a relationship. But if you find their other priorities always run long and never seem to get better, it could be an excuse to spend time with another partner.

8. Change in Habits

Say your partner was a chain smoker and recently kicked the habit and started going to the gym. It might be interesting to know what is driving this change. Is this change a serious self-help project to improve health and well-being? Is this news to you, or have you both been talking about it? Or could this change be that your partner has acquired a new cheating partner allergic to smoke?

9. Change in Schedule

Abrupt, unscheduled, questionable schedule changes can signify that your partner is trying to carve out alone time with a cheating partner. Suddenly needing to work late, being mandated to work an extra shift at work, complications at the gym, or someone needing help with a flat tire. Unexpected schedule changes with creative but bogus excuses can be a tip.

10. Eye Contact

Avoiding eye contact has been thought to be a sign of lying and thus shows potential for infidelity. However, the opposite can also be seen as a sign. Making eye contact is thought to mean a person was being honest, likely influenced by the quote, “Eyes are windows to the soul.” Possibly aggressive eye contact may have originated to prevent looking into the soul. This forceful eye contact, where your partner won’t blink and will not break direct eye contact, could be their way of preventing you from detecting lying. Excessive eye contact does not indicate anything except it is unnatural and disturbing.

11. Changes In The Sexual Relationship

The cheating partner may step up activity in the bedroom to hide a possible affair. Or it’s also possible that the cheating partner wants to avoid intimacy with their usual partner feeling guilty about cheating on their partner. As creatures of habit, it’s common for couples to get into certain routines or practices, even with sex. So pay attention if your sex life has increased or lessened if you feel they are lying about cheating. If your partner is not lying about an affair, then there’s something else amiss that needs attention in the relationship.

12. Black Out Periods

Most couples will keep each other informed when apart out of respect and courtesy. If your partner cannot be reached by text or phone and this is abnormal behavior, they may avoid contact with you while with another person. They may accuse you of being controlling, saying, “I shouldn’t have to report to you all the time, don’t you trust me?” The reaction and response of your partner, when confronted with this, can help provide you with insight on if there is more that they are hiding.

What To Do If Your Partner Is Lying About Cheating?

What should you do if you are sure that your partner is lying about cheating? The first step before you act is to know it is true. Then the second thing to do is NOTHING. Wait and live with it for a time to find out why the person cheated. If you’re inclined to pray, that would be good. But be sure to seek out someone you trust to confide in with the knowledge you have acquired to get a second opinion.

If you and your partner agree to work on saving and healing the relationship, here are some ways to fight fair and use healthy communication when discussing your next steps:

• Agree And Plan A Time To Talk: Do not try to talk if emotions are high. Allow adequate time when you’re neither hungry nor fatigued, and you can be alone without interruption.
• Listen To One Another With Respect: Do not interrupt. Listen carefully. If you have points to cover or issues to discuss in the conversation, make notes to address them at another time. Your focus here needs to be on listening so you can judge their response well.
• Acknowledge Responsibility: No one is perfect, and people will always make mistakes in relationships. Own your mistakes and responsibility that may have led to infidelity. If you can’t come up with anything, give it more thought, seek outside opinions, or talk to a therapist.
• Acknowledge Feelings and Emotions: People tend to fear feelings and emotions. In this situation, you are likely feeling angry, and rightfully so. The emotion of anger is a signal that something is wrong. It’s alright to be angry but don’t turn the sentiment into action and inflict harm or revenge. While at the same time, repressing feelings and emotions create problems in a relationship, so expressing them in words is vital.
• Face The Problem: Talk openly and truthfully. If the relationship began with an understanding that there was an exclusive, monogamous relationship, the faithful partner feels betrayed and disappointed. Identifying the rules and boundaries for the relationship must be addressed with both parties agreeing.
• Forgive Don’t Resent: To forgive is a foundational value in the religious context, and we often hear, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Forgiveness is necessary for being able to move forward after infidelity. One could say that “Being unable to forgive ruins the vessel it is stored in.” If you cannot forgive, it hurts you more as your harbored anger and bitterness continues to grow.
• Plan A Plan: If you and your partner are serious about trying to save the marriage or relationship, then take the time to develop a “Moving Forward Plan.” Plans can be changed and often are. One of your goals might be to explore Couples Counseling in person and through TeleHealth options.

When to Break Up After Infidelity

How do you know what you should do when you’re thinking of beginning or ending an intimate relationship? Seeking advice is an excellent way to help form your opinions, but only you can know what’s best.¹ Trust your instincts and feelings and don’t ignore or dismiss the “gut feelings.”

If a relationship is marked with violence and emotional or physical abuse, do not ignore the danger to your safety. Patterns and habits like this are often impossible to change and usually escalate and worsen over time. If you or your children are not safe, you should leave a toxic relationship sooner rather than later. Also, if the relationship has changed you and you no longer like the person you’ve become, consider getting out.

Therapy Options When Someone Lies About Cheating

Don’t go through this alone. When one is emotional or confused, it’s not a time to make decisions that could be life-changing. You may need to seek professional help from a lawyer or a therapist. If you decide you may need to end the relationship, consider a legal separation first. A final step may be actually to get a divorce.

Some common types of therapy that can help with this issue include:

• Individual Counseling: If you have relationship issues and feel like life is out of control or your partner is against therapy, consider going to therapy alone. Even when seeking couples counseling, a therapist may recommend doing individual work first.
• Marriage & Couples Counseling: It can be more helpful if the partners address their problems individually. For couples counseling to be beneficial, both parties must have the goal of saving the relationship; otherwise, growth and recovery cannot occur.
• TeleHealth or Online Therapy: This can work well for some couples who cannot coordinate schedules to be available during more routine hours. There is more flexibility in meeting times. However, this medium prevents someone from reading body language, which is helpful in communication on these topics. On top of meeting society’s needs for more flexibility, it can also be more affordable.

To find a couples/marriage counselor or find a therapist who can help mend your relationship or manage the emotional trauma from being cheated on, readers can search for options on the choosing therapy online therapist directory.

When Is Therapy Not Helpful?

In essence, therapy is about achieving change to live a better life. It’s challenging to make the changes in ourselves rather than force our partner to change, but the truth is that “the only person you can change is yourself.” Many people enter therapy with a shopping list of things they want to be changed about someone else. It won’t work.

Couples therapy is not about changing circumstances, personalities, or looks for someone else’s desires. One might demand their partner change their hair color, implying, “risk losing my love if you don’t.” What kind of a relationship would that be? If neither party is willing to make changes that will benefit not just themselves but both parties, then they will not reap the benefits of therapy.

Final Thoughts

With today’s technology, there are endless resources on the internet with lists of “signs” that may or may not uncover lying or shed light on cheating. While these lists may be helpful in increasing/decreasing suspicion, they do not produce the answer to the question of lying. Other than being able to catch them in a lie, we can only address further issues that may be contributing to our concerns over infidelity. Included are twelve thoughts on changes in behaviors that might be additional signs of a partner lying and cheating. Ultimately, it will be up to you to determine if those concerns are valid and if you can fix what is broken or call it quits.

“TRUTH BUILDS A BRIDGE OF TRUST, WHEREAS LYING BREAKS IT”  by Eshan Sehgal