Experiencing infidelity—whether it’s a physical or emotional affair—is devastating, often leaving long-lasting scars. Many people face intense, lingering mental health challenges, including anxiety, chronic stress, and depression. However, healing is possible. With the right support, such as mental health care, community, and improved communication, it’s possible to recover, find peace, and move forward—whether you decide to stay in the relationship or not.
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Does the Pain of Infidelity Go Away?
The pain that comes with infidelity is inevitable, but people do recover. The healing process is different for both the one who cheated and the betrayed partner. For the unfaithful partner, healing often occurs quickly. However, the other continues to grieve and experience lingering triggers and reminders.
Overcoming the trauma of infidelity may take a long time, and you will experience a roller coaster of emotions. There is no specific time frame for healing to occur, because each situation is unique. It’s possible to learn how to work through an affair, recover, and move on.
Long-Term Effects of Infidelity
Infidelity can have several long-term effects that persist long after the cheating has stopped. The betrayal can lead to significant emotional and psychological consequences, including chronic depression, anxiety, post-infidelity stress disorder, and betrayal trauma. People who experience infidelity often struggle with feelings of abandonment, rejection, deceit, and humiliation, which can profoundly impact their mental health.1 Whether the affair is physical or emotional, considered an online affair or micro-cheating, the repercussions can be life-changing, affecting trust, self-esteem, and even future relationships.
Below are seven long-term effects of infidelity:
1. Brain Changes
Research shows that love and drugs produce similar effects in the brain through the release of dopamine.2 Dopamine is linked to feelings of gratification and pleasure, and can be very addicting. When a person experiences infidelity and feeling rejected, their brain chemistry may be altered–they may even have symptoms similar to that of withdrawal.2
2. Onset of Depression or Anxiety
Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety have been linked to infidelity. A person may also experience relationship anxiety, which often results in a person feeling more insecure about themselves. It can also induce doubt towards one’s partner, and excessive worry that one will be cheated on again.
3. Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder
Research indicates that many people develop trauma after discovering infidelity, and may experience post-infidelity stress disorder (PISD).4 Symptoms of PISD are nearly identical to those of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but also include increased depression and anxiety that stem from paranoia of being betrayed again. Additionally, a person experiences unique changes in their brains which occur when they perceive rejection from a partner.3, 4
Those who are more prone to PISD include:4
- People who experienced physical or sexual abuse as a child
- Exhibit fragile self-esteem
- People who have a dependent personality style
4. Changes in Self-esteem & Self-worth
It is not uncommon for the person betrayed to internalize the infidelity and blame themselves for it. As a result, their self-esteem and self-worth suffers. They start to question their worth in the relationship and wonder where they went wrong. For example, they may think that their partner cheated because something is wrong with them.
5. Lack of Trust in Future Relationships.
It is common for a person who was betrayed to experience trust issues. They associate the pain they experienced with future relationships, making it more difficult to connect with someone new. They might also feel like they cannot trust themselves–they may think, “How did I miss this?.”
6. Feelings of Loss
The relationship or marriage as you knew it, is gone. Even if you choose to stay and work things out, the relationship will never be the same. Grief occurs when we lose something or witness the death of something or someone we love. Cheating is the loss of something real–something that requires grieving.
7. Effects on Children
If a child finds out about a parent’s betrayal, they may side with the parent who was cheated on. Studies indicate that kids who witness infidelity are twice as likely to be unfaithful themselves. Children may also experience trust issues with future romantic partners, as well as imitate infidelity that was modeled to them.5 When this occurs, cheating can become a legacy issue.
Recovering from Infidelity or a Betrayal of Trust?
Individual Therapy – Whether you’re trying to move on or rebuild a relationship, a licensed therapist from BetterHelp can guide you. BetterHelp has over 30,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Visit BetterHelp
Couples & Marriage Counseling – Talkspace offers you and your partner the support and structure you need. It’s private, convenient, and affordable. Talkspace accepts Medicare in some states. The average copay is $15, but many people pay $0. Learn More
OurRelationship (Free Couples Course) – OurRelationship has been proven to help couples improve communication, intimacy, and trust. 94% would recommend it to a friend. Get Started
How to Cope With Long-Term Psychological Effects of Infidelity
Because of the trauma most people experience after infidelity, recovery often feels impossible. But, this is not the case. There are several ways a person can work to recover from infidelity and move forward, either with or without their partner. Research shows that not only is healing possible, but that forgiveness and personal growth are also achievable.6
Strategies such as setting healthy boundaries, journaling, exercising, and practicing emotional self-care are just a few healthy coping mechanisms that can help people feel better.
Below are some tips for coping with the long-term effects of infidelity:
- Try journaling: Journaling has proven to improve a person’s mental health, as it helps a person cope with depression, reduce anxiety, and manage stress. It also provides a place to track day-to-day symptoms so you can identify triggers.7
- Set healthy boundaries: Learning how to set healthy boundaries is essential. These may include creating a “timeout” plan or an agreement about when, how often, and for how long the infidelity is discussed.
- Practice emotional self-care: Practicing emotional self-care includes taking time to connect with one’s emotions and process them in healthy ways. This can be as easy as practicing gratitude, journaling, or practicing meditation.
- Gather your support team: Your loved ones are here to support you, so learn how to lean on them during stressful times.
- Foster honest communication: Now is the time to encourage open communication between you and your partner–not just about the affair, but also any issues in your marriage or relationship. This involves honest and sometimes painful conversations, but these are necessary for growth.
- Spend time together: Spending time with your partner and doing things that you both enjoy is one way to rebuild your relationship. It can also mean sharing new experiences that provide positive interactions and hope for the future.
- Think about what YOU want: Taking the time to really think about what you want is important and can also provide you an opportunity to experience post traumatic growth.
Can Therapy Help You Overcome Long-Term Effects of Infidelity?
There are several therapy options for both individuals and couples to help them overcome the long-term effects of infidelity. The easiest way to find the right therapist is by using an online directory. Therapists typically offer both in-person and telehealth options. An advantage of online therapy is that sessions take place in the comfort of your own home, and you don’t have to worry about commuting to your therapist’s office.
- Individual therapy: An individual therapist provides insight and asks questions to help clients identify their triggers. They can also help a person determine if the relationship is worth saving.
- Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): EFT can help couples heal from traumatic attachment injuries. Therapists show partners how to increase their level of trust in one another, hopefully to the point of true reconciliation.8
- Marriage and couples counseling: Marriage and couples counseling is a form of treatment provides a safe platform for both partners to share their thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Counselors provide strategies to rebuild trust, honesty, and transparency in the relationship.
- Grief counseling: Grief counseling is a form of therapy designed specifically to help you work through the stages of grief when experiencing loss. It helps you process intense emotions that arise after infidelity.
- Relationship coaching: Virtual relationship coaching with Our Relationship offers a 4-6 week program that helps couples strengthen their relationship. CYou can choose to complete the program either self-guided or with a coach.
In My Experience
Frequently Asked Questions
How Long Does the Pain of Infidelity Last?
There isn’t a fixed timeline for healing from the pain of infidelity. Everyone’s journey is unique, and how long it takes can depend on many factors. However, taking steps like seeking mental health support, reaching out to trusted friends or loved ones, and working on communication can be crucial in addressing the aftermath of infidelity—such as feelings of low self-worth, grief, or a lack of trust.
Therapy can provide valuable insights, strengthen connections, and help heal those deep relational wounds.
Can Someone Change After Cheating Multiple Times?
Someone who has cheated multiple times can change their behavior—but it requires real effort and commitment. True change involves gaining insight into past mistakes, making different choices in the present, and working to heal the hurt caused. Individual therapy is key for understanding personal behavior patterns, while couples therapy helps improve communication and rebuild trust. If the betraying partner genuinely wants to repair the relationship, seeking both types of therapy is essential to fostering change and creating a healthier connection.
How Does Infidelity Impact Your Future Relationships?
Infidelity may impact future relationships when the person continues to struggle with a lack of trust in others. They may question “How could I have missed the signs?” and remain in a state of constant hypervigilance. Consequently, they may unconsciously associate the pain of infidelity with the new relationship. Seeking therapy to focus on improving self-insight and communication may limit these impacts on future relationships.
Additional Resources
To help our readers take the next step in their mental health journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy is compensated for marketing by the companies included below.
BetterHelp (Online Therapy) – Whether you’re feeling uneasy in your relationship, trying to rebuild trust, or working on forgiveness – a licensed therapist from BetterHelp can guide you. BetterHelp will ask you about the things you want to work on and what you’re looking for in a therapist. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Visit BetterHelp
OurRitual – Infidelity can shatter your world. OurRitual combines expert-led sessions with science-backed digital exercises to improve your relationship on your terms. OurRitual starts at just $45 per week. Get 20% off your first month with code: choosingtherapy20. Visit OurRitual
Talkspace (Counseling For Overcoming Adultery) – Talkspace offers you and your partner the support and structure you need. It’s private, convenient, and affordable. Talkspace also accepts Medicare in some states. The average copay is $15, but many people pay $0. Get Started
OurRelationship (Free Couples Course) – OurRelationship has been proven to help couples improve communication, intimacy, and trust. 94% would recommend it to a friend. Get Started
Best Online Marriage & Couples Therapy Options
Marriage and couples therapy can be helpful and a worthwhile investment for couples who want to seek help with their relationship. Which online platform will work best for you will depend on what issues you want to work on, what your goals are for your relationship, the cost, and if it’s available in your state.
OurRelationship - Free Relationship Course
- Communication problems / too many arguments
- Emotional distance or lack of love
- Lack of trust or infidelity/cheating
Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.
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Perel, E. (2017). The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. New York, NY: Harper Collins.
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Earp, B. D., Wudarczyk, O. A., Foddy, B., & Savulescu, J. (2017). Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated?. Philosophy,Psychiatry, & Psychology : PPP, 24(1), 77–92. https://doi.org/10.1353/ppp.2017.0011
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Ortman, D. C. (2005). Post infidelity stress disorder. Journal of Psychosocial Nursing & Mental Health Services, 43 (10), 46-54. http://dx.doi.org/10.3928/02793695-20051001-06
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Padmavathi N, Sunitha TS, Jothimani G. Post infidelity stress disorder. Indian Journal of Psychiatric Nursing. 2013;5(1):56. doi:10.4103/2231-1505.261777
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Weiser, D., Weigel, D., Lalaxa, C. (2015). Family Background and Propensity to Engage in Infidelity. Journal of Family Issues, 38, (15).
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Heintzelman, A., Murdock, N. L., Krycak, R. C., & Seay, L. (2014). Recovery from infidelity: Differentiation of self, trauma, forgiveness, and posttraumatic growth among couples in continuing relationships. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 3(1), 13–29. https://doi.org/10.1037/cfp0000016
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University of Rochester Medical Center. (n.d.). Journaling for mental health. Retrieved from https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1
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Johnson, S. (2013). Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships. New York, NY. Little, Brown & Company.
We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.
Author: (No Change)
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Primary Changes: New content added: “How Long Does the Pain of Infidelity Last?”, “Can Someone Change After Cheating Multiple Times?”, and “How Does Infidelity Impact Your Future Relationships?”. New content written by Christina Canuto, LMFT-A and reviewed by Benjamin Troy, MD. Added infidelity worksheets. Fact checked and edited for improved readability and clarity.
Author:Kristin Davin, LMHC
Reviewer:Kristen Fuller, MD
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