ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that starts in childhood and, for many, continues into adulthood. Some ADHD symptoms can have a detrimental effect on an individual’s sex life; these include problems sustaining focus and attention, and different reactivity to environmental cues. Fortunately, there are a number of ways to manage ADHD’s impacts on sexual functioning and improve one’s quality of life.
ADHD & Sex: What’s the Connection?
People who suffer from ADHD experience symptoms that often impact different areas of their lives, such as work, school, and in adult ADHD, romantic and sexual partnerships. Interestingly, research has found that people with ADHD have higher sex drives than people without ADHD, but couples with at least one ADHD individual tend to have more instances of sexual issues.1 ADHD symptoms are diverse and can present differently from one person to the next, so there are many theories that explain why ADHD and sex are connected.
When ADHD is not well managed, it can lead to increased conflict, “nagging,” and “parenting” in couples, which often means less sex. The amount of effort each partner feels the other is putting forth to manage the ADHD symptoms, the more sex the couple have.1 ADHD has been correlated with increased instances of sexual trauma in women and higher likelihood of developing sex, porn, and masturbation addictions. People with ADHD tended to be more responsive to environmental cues that were sexual–for example, if they happened to see someone scantily dressed they were more likely to entertain sexual fantasies than people without ADHD.
Some ways ADHD can affect your life include:
- Increased instances of sexual issues (i.e., sexless marriages or relationships)
- Lower levels of confidence in the relationship
- Partner with ADHD may require more visual stimulation
- Medications such as stimulants and antidepressants can affect one’s libido
- The person with ADHD feeling “parented” by their significant other
- Impulsivity may contribute to higher rates of infidelity reported in ADHD relationships
How to Have a Better Sex Life With ADHD
Learning how to optimize your sex life with ADHD is essentially like learning to optimize other aspects of your life when you struggle with this disorder. Understanding that your neurodivergence may make you different from other people can help you find ways to support yourself, explain your needs and challenges to your partner, and safeguard your liabilities. When trying ways to improve your sex life, it may be more important to focus on what to do about the challenges than what exactly causes them.
Below are five ways to have a better sex life with ADHD:
1. Communicate With Your Partner About Your ADHD Symptoms
Communication is the #1 aphrodisiac, so make sure that you are being open and honest about your ADHD and how that may impact your sex life. For example, if you find yourself reacting to environmental cues quite a bit, explain to your partner that this is part of your highly reactive nervous system. Talk about how your partner would like for you to handle these situations and work together to come up with a plan that works for both of you.
2. Experiment With Your Medication
While taking stimulant medication did not help the majority of people with ADHD in their sexual responses, that study looked at averages, not individuals. Experiment with taking your stimulant medication prior to sex and see if it helps you feel more focused and present in the moment. You should talk to your prescriber to discuss any changes in medication you may be interested in.
3. Learn Mindfulness & Meditation
Consider learning mindfulness and meditation if you struggle to stay present during sex.
This intervention has been used very successfully with women with hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), and has also been shown to improve general attention and concentration in people with ADHD.
4. Give Yourself Credit
When your partner is aware of the steps you are taking to manage your ADHD, they feel less resentment and are more sexually responsive. However, since our partners don’t follow us around all day, they are often unaware of the steps we take to manage our symptoms. Give yourself credit–both to yourself and to your partner–about the things you do every day to help mitigate ADHD’s impacts on you and your relationship.
5. Take Care of Your Physical Health
Since ADHD often leads to increased incidence of smoking, substance use, sleep, and obesity, it is correlated with poorer overall physical health. Smoking, obesity, sleep disorders, and substance use can all cause problems with sexual functioning, so make sure you speak to your medical team about the resources available to you.
How to Support Your ADHD Partner
ADHD statistics show that adult ADHD diagnoses are becoming more prevalent, so many people may be struggling in their relationships as a result of the disorder. If you are in a relationship with or are dating someone who has ADHD, the most important thing to keep in mind is that they did not choose to be this way. They have a neurodevelopmental disorder that changed the way that their brain and nervous system developed throughout their lives, often before birth. Try to remember that people with ADHD struggle mightily to function in a world that was not set up for people like them.
That said, be direct about the ways that their disorder is impacting you, and come up with plans that work for both of you. Try to see ADHD as something that the two of you can team up to manage together. Identify ways in which their ADHD impacts your relationship, and try to find practical solutions to these problems. If your partner has not sought treatment for adult ADHD, you may want to recommend that they see a medical or mental health professional to begin the process.
When to Seek Professional Help
If you are having trouble with your sex life as a result of ADHD, it’s important to get help–not only to relieve individual feelings of unhappiness, but also to maintain a healthy relationship. If your intimacy issues revolve more around performance and pleasure, or if you find that your sexual behavior has become compulsive, a professional who can conduct sex therapy may be especially helpful. If you feel like your sexual behavior is bordering on a compulsion or addiction, get help from a support group, like Sex Addicts Anonymous.
If you struggle with issues of communication, emotional intimacy, or trust–for example, if talking openly about sex with is uncomfortable, or if you have tried and the conversations haven’t been productive–marriage & couples counseling can also help out. Whomever you choose, it’s important to make sure that you find a neurodiversity-affirming therapist who understands ADHD and how it can impact your sex life. If you’re wondering how to find the right therapist, you can do so via an online therapist directory.
Final Thoughts
Making an effort to understand how ADHD affects your sex life can help you and your partner be more sexually and emotionally fulfilled. Everyone deserve to have an enjoyable, authentic, comfortable sex life, and with a little help, people with ADHD can claim it. Don’t let your neurodiversity stand in the way of healthy sexual expression.
ADHD & Sex Infographics
