The stigma associated with women experiencing anger can make someone feel as if they’re wrong for being angry and spiraling out of control. Anger management for women can look different than what it might entail for other genders, as it often incorporates a lot more compassion and positive self-talk in addition to taking pauses for reflection.
Signs of Anger Issues in Women
Trying to understand the different types of anger and the underlying causes can feel overwhelming and leave you feeling hopeless and alone. You may have pent-up anger caused by trying to brush your feelings under the rug. Or, you may have repressed anger that you’re not even aware of until it spins out of control.
Signs that your anger might be out of control include:
- Violent outbursts
- Consistent increased heart rate
- Shaking
- Frequent arguing
- Making threats
- Frustration with family and friends
- Irritability
- Isolation and withdrawal
- Anxiety
- Depression
Common Causes of Anger in Women
More often than not, anger is a secondary emotion to a bigger, more underlying issue or emotion. Anger affects everyone regardless of age or gender, however women may be more susceptible to anger from issues related to women’s mental health, postpartum rage, and mom burnout. For moms, there can be a battle between mom rage and mom guilt that leaves you feeling stuck and frustrated, maybe even yelling at your kids. Health-related issues like endometriosis, menopause, or ovarian cancer greatly affect women, yet there is less literature and focus on finding treatment.
An additional factor that contributes to anger issues in women is sexism, or society’s vast difference in reacting to men’s display of anger as opposed to a women’s display of anger. Women are also typically more susceptible to internalizing stressors related to work, friendships, relationships, and parenting expectations and responsibilities.
Some common contributors to anger issues in women include:1
- Poor communication
- Lack of confidence
- Inability to trust
- Body image and beauty culture
- Trying to live up to high expectations
- Power of authority or discrimination
- Stereotypes placed on women
Impacts of Anger Issues on Women’s Lives
The impact that anger issues have on a woman’s life can contribute to medical issues like weight gain, high blood pressure, and the development of mental health issues. When you feel angry, you experience a spike in adrenaline and cortisol levels, which can contribute to weight gain.2,3 Studies have identified hormonal factors, including menopause, as having increased difficulty managing anger.4 Aside from hormonal factors, the study also recognized societal pressures on how women are expected to control their anger and aggression, leading to internalization instead of working out their feelings of frustration.4
Anger Management for Women: 15 Tips
Exercises that encourage mindfulness, meditation, or movement are great to help manage and release anger. Other techniques such as journaling, writing, or tending to your basic needs can also be helpful for anger management and learning how to deal with frustration.
Here are 15 ways that women with anger issues can process and release their anger:
1. Meditate to Get Grounded Again
Meditation is known to have a multitude of benefits and there are many ways you can practice it. Try having an “automatic” reaction by taking a quick deep breath in, short pause, and long exhale. After a trigger, you may have to repeat this type of breathing until you feel your heart rate become more regulated.
2. Use a Guided Meditation to Release Anger
When you’re angry it can feel as if any positive self-talk and self-regulation flies out the window. Having a guided meditation to release anger is a great way to not have to think on your own, while having the tools readily available to guide you through the anger. I recommend going online to find one that you can download to be able to play both online and offline.
3. Try Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) is a great way to help you shift from feeling tense to becoming more relaxed. PMR involves focusing on your body from head-to-toe, tightening and releasing different muscles along with the use of your breath. PMR is most beneficial to practice with your whole body, however, if you can only tighten certain muscles due to time, injury, or environmental factors, you can try tightening and releasing 2-3 muscle groups, such as your face, hands, and shoulders.
4. Visualize Your Boundaries
Visualization is another form of mindfulness that helps you shift from the focus of your anger to another state of being, allowing you to return to the present more calm and relaxed. You can try picturing yourself creating a wall of the boundaries that help to protect you. Visualize that the boundaries help to create distance from you and the things that trigger your anger.
5. Visualize Chaos to Calm
Picture shaking a snow globe and watching all of the snow swirl around. The snow represents all of the thoughts and feelings that are contributing to your anger. The snow globe doesn’t look at peace again until all of the snow has settled. Similarly, you won’t really feel calm until you are able to tweak, change, or eliminate some of those factors. Remind yourself that even if you’re feeling shaken up right now, you’ll soon return back to being undisturbed and calm.
6. Visualize a Traffic Light for Emotional Regulation
One of the easiest tools for emotional regulation is the visualization of a traffic light. The primary colors and rules used for a traffic light are the same as the Zones of Regulation.5 Zones of regulation use the colors to represent the emotional state of being:
- Red zone – Stop: Includes emotions like angry, panicked or terrified.
- Yellow – Slow down: Emotions that show worry or frustration, and excitement or silliness.
- Green zone – Optimal: This is where you feel calm, happy and able to practice effective communication and problem solving.
Also, in the zones of regulation, the blue zone represents the more sick, sad, and unmotivated state of being.
7. Move Your Body
Exercising has many benefits, including helping to manage your stress, and it allows you to channel your anger and frustration into something more positive. Moving your body is a great way to move any heaviness or stagnant energy out of your system. You can choose to move your body with something that is quick and high-intensity such as weight lifting or kickboxing, or slow, intentional movement like yoga or tai chi.
8. Dance It Out
Dance is another form of movement that can be done at a fast or slow pace. Dance also helps to move your body to help process and release tense or heavy emotions. Dance is a great way to challenge your brain, forcing it to focus on something other than what was making you angry. Turn on some music that makes you feel good and makes you want to move!
9. Walk to Wind Down
Walking away from a high-stress situation is a great way to manage your anger. Walking gives you the opportunity to remove yourself from the situation that is contributing to your anger. It also allows you to ponder and think about how to react in a way that won’t make the situation worse. Walking, especially outside, helps you to zoom out, take a step back and give you a chance to breathe. Anything that gets your blood pumping will help clear your mind.
10. Write It Out
Journal all of the thoughts that are fueling your anger. Being able to have everything written down without judgment or a filter can really help to release your anger. Journaling can help you see all of the reasons that you are upset and gives you an opportunity to let go of the things that are bothering you. You can also choose to rip up what you have written or save it as something to look back on to track your growth later on.
11. Write a Letter to Express Yourself
This isn’t a letter that is intended to be sent, rather a journaling exercise to help you say all of the things that you either wish you could say, knowing that saying those things aloud would make the situation worse. Most of the time people feel angry or upset because they don’t feel heard or their feelings aren’t being validated. Again, this letter isn’t intended to be sent to the person that has upset you, but it may help you facilitate a conversation in the future.
12. Create a Thought Record to Process
Creating a thought record that helps you analyze the event, the factors that contribute to the event, and the reasons why you are feeling triggered. This can help you discover that it may not actually be anger that you’re experiencing, rather a more sensitive or intimate emotion like pain, betrayal, or loneliness. Thought records help you separate emotions from the facts.
13. Practice Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance comes from the teachings of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). The concept that two opposing statements can coexist as being true at the same time. Radical acceptance helps you let go of the bitterness, anger, and resentment, helping you shift toward an acceptance of reality.
14. Notice What’s In Your Control & What’s Not
Noticing what is in your control and what’s out of your control helps you to take a step back. It is easy to wish you could wave a magic wand and change things exactly to your liking so that all problems could be solved. Unfortunately, life does not work that way, and there are many factors that are out of your control. Practicing this exercise will help you to hone in on what is in your control, such as your reactions, to help change the outcome of the situation.
15. Balance Your Basic Needs
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is one of the fundamental teachings of psychology. When you notice difficulty in regulating your emotions, take a look at your basic needs. When was the last time you had a proper, nutritious meal? When was the last time you drank water? How has your quality of sleep been? Do you feel physically and emotionally safe? A lot of the time you may experience irrational anger because there are other factors at play. Instead of staying in the storm of anger, try getting some rest or eating something nutritious and check in with your emotions after.
How a Therapist Can Help
Therapy is a great way for you to “blow off steam,” and is an unbiased place to share your unfiltered thoughts and feelings. While you may not want to yell at your therapist, you can share how you are really feeling about the situation and be honest about the anger that you are experiencing.
Find a therapist that helps you feel safe and that you feel can help you with anger issues and repairing the damage of uncontrolled anger. Use an online therapist directory to help find individual, group and couples counselors. Individual therapists will help you 1-on-1 with your emotions, while a couples counselor will help you work with your partner(s) and will serve as a safe space for all parties involved to share their thoughts and opinions. Group therapy is another great form of support as it helps you hear how other people have handled similar situations to yours, while allowing you the opportunity to share your story and give your own insights on what could be helpful to someone else.
Final Thoughts
While anger is often a secondary emotion to something greater, being able to learn how to manage your emotions will help you maintain and improve your relationships. Anger issues can affect anyone so be sure to get help if you feel like your anger is out of control.
Anger Management Infographics
