Anger management for women can look different than other forms, as it often incorporates a lot more compassion, positive self-talk, and pauses for reflection. While the stigma associated with women experiencing anger can make some feel wrong for being angry, this is not the case. Anger management tools can help you address the underlying causes of your frustration to respond in healthier, more productive ways.
Signs of Anger Issues in Women
Trying to understand the different types of anger and their underlying causes can feel overwhelming and leave you feeling hopeless and alone. You may have pent-up anger caused by trying to brush your feelings under the rug. Or, you may have repressed anger that you’re not even aware of until it spins out of control.
Signs that your anger might be out of control include:
- Violent outbursts
- Consistent increased heart rate
- Shaking
- Frequent arguing
- Making threats
- Frustration with family and friends
- Irritability
- Isolation and withdrawal
- Anxiety
- Depression
Common Causes of Anger in Women
More often than not, anger in women is a secondary emotion to a bigger, more underlying issue or emotion. Anger affects everyone regardless of age or gender. However, women may be more susceptible to anger from problems related to women’s mental health, postpartum rage, and mom burnout. For moms, there can be a battle between mom rage and guilt that leaves them feeling stuck and frustrated. Health-related issues like endometriosis, menopause, or ovarian cancer greatly affect women, yet there is less literature and focus on finding treatment.
An additional factor that contributes to anger issues in women is sexism or society’s vast difference in reacting to men’s display of anger as opposed to a woman’s. Women are also typically more sensitive to internalizing stressors related to work, friendships, relationships, and parenting expectations and responsibilities.
Common contributors to anger issues in women include:1
- Poor communication
- Lack of confidence
- Inability to trust
- Body image and beauty culture
- Trying to live up to high expectations
- Power of authority or discrimination
- Stereotypes placed on women
Impacts of Anger Issues on Women’s Lives
The impact that anger issues have on a woman’s life can contribute to medical issues like weight gain, high blood pressure, and the development of mental health issues. When you feel angry, you experience a spike in adrenaline and cortisol levels, which can contribute to weight gain.2,3 Studies have identified hormonal factors, including menopause, as leading to increased difficulty managing anger in women.4 Additional research recognized that societal expectations for women to control anger and aggression lead to internalization rather than working through feelings of frustration.4
Anger Management for Women: 15 Tips
Exercises that encourage mindfulness, meditation, or movement are great to help manage and release anger. Other techniques such as journaling, writing, or self-care can also be helpful for learning how to deal with frustration and anger management tools for women.
Here are 15 ways that women with anger issues can process and release their anger:
1. Meditate to Get Grounded Again
Meditation for anger is known to have a multitude of benefits and there are many ways you can practice it. Try having an “automatic” reaction by taking a quick deep breath in, short pause, and long exhale. After a trigger, you may have to repeat this type of breathing until you feel your heart rate become more regulated.
2. Use a Guided Meditation to Release Anger
When you’re angry it can feel as if any positive self-talk and self-regulation fly out the window. Having a guided meditation is a great way to not have to think on your own as it offers the tools needed to direct you in releasing the anger. I recommend going online to find one that you can download to be able to play both online and offline.
3. Try Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) is a helpful way to shift you from feeling tense to becoming more relaxed. PMR involves focusing on your body from head to toe, tightening and releasing different muscles along with the use of your breath. This practice is most beneficial to use with your whole body. However, if you can only tighten certain muscles due to time, injury, or environmental factors, you can try tightening and releasing two or three muscle groups, such as your face, hands, and shoulders.
4. Visualize Your Boundaries
Visualization is another form of mindfulness that helps you shift from the focus of your anger to another state of being, allowing you to return to the present more calmly and relaxed. You can try picturing yourself creating a wall of boundaries that protect you. Visualize that the boundaries create distance from you and the things that trigger your anger.
5. Visualize Chaos to Calm
Picture shaking a snow globe and watching the snow swirl around. The snow represents all of the thoughts and feelings that are contributing to your anger. Notice how everything doesn’t look at peace again until all of the snow has settled. Similarly, you won’t feel calm until you are able to tweak, change, or eliminate some of the factors that contribute to your anger. Remind yourself that even if you’re shaken up right now, you’ll soon return back to being undisturbed and peaceful.
6. Visualize a Traffic Light for Emotional Regulation
One of the easiest tools for emotional regulation is the visualization of a traffic light. The primary colors and rules used for a traffic light are the same as the Zones of Regulation.5 Blue can also be used to represent the sick, sad, and unmotivated state of being.
The colors used in the Zones of Regulation include:
- Red zone – Stop: The red zone includes emotions such as anger, panic, or terrified.
- Yellow – Slow down: Yellow represents feelings of worry or frustration, and excitement or silliness.
- Green zone – Optimal: This is where you feel calm, happy, and able to practice effective communication and problem-solving.
7. Move Your Body
Exercising has many mental health benefits as it helps to manage your stress and channel your anger and frustration into a positive outlet. Moving your body is a great way to release any heaviness or stagnant energy out of your system. You can choose to move your body with something that is quick and high-intensity, such as weight lifting or kickboxing, or intentional movement, such as yoga or tai chi.
8. Dance It Out
Dance is another form of movement that can be done at a fast or slow pace. Dance helps get your body moving, aiding you in processing and releasing tense or heavy emotions. It can also be used to challenge your brain, forcing it to focus on something other than what was making you angry. Turn on some music that makes you feel good and gets you on your feet!
9. Walk to Wind Down
Walking away from a high-stress situation completely separates you from an anger trigger. This gives you the opportunity to remove yourself from the situation to ponder and think about how to best respond. Walking, especially outside, helps you to zoom out, take a step back, and breathe. Anything that gets your blood pumping will help clear your mind.
10. Write It Out
Journaling for your mental health includes writing out all of your thoughts that fuel anger. Being able to see everything written down without judgment or filters can genuinely help release your anger. Journaling allows you to see the reasons that you are upset and gives you an opportunity to let go of these things. You can also choose to rip up what you have written or save it as something to look back on to track your growth.
11. Write a Letter to Express Yourself
This isn’t a letter that is intended to be sent, but rather a journaling exercise. Write out all of the things you wish you could say, especially if they could make a situation worse. Many women often become angry or upset because they don’t feel heard or validated. Again, this letter isn’t intended to be sent to the person who has upset you, but it may help you facilitate a conversation in the future.
12. Create a Thought Record to Process
Create a thought record that allows you to analyze the event, the factors that contribute to the event, and the reasons why you are feeling triggered. This can help you discover that it may not actually be anger that you’re experiencing, but rather a more sensitive or intimate emotion like pain, betrayal, or loneliness. Thought records can separate emotions from facts.
13. Practice Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance comes from the teachings of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). The concept is that two opposing statements can coexist as being true at the same time. Radical acceptance helps you let go of bitterness, anger, and resentment, helping you shift toward an acceptance of reality.
14. Notice What’s In Your Control & What’s Not
Noticing what is in your control and what is not teaches you to take a step back. It is easy to wish you could wave a magic wand and change things exactly to your liking, making all of your problems disappear. Unfortunately, life does not work that way, and there are many factors that are out of your hands. Practicing this exercise will help you to hone in on what you can control, such as your reactions, to change the outcome of the situation.
15. Balance Your Basic Needs
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is one of the fundamental teachings of psychology. When you notice difficulty in regulating your emotions, take a look at your basic needs. When was the last time you had a proper, nutritious meal? When did you last drink water? How has your quality of sleep been? Do you feel physically and emotionally safe? A lot of the time, your irrational anger may stem from these commonly overlooked factors. Instead of staying in the storm of anger, try getting some rest, eating something nutritious, and checking in with your emotions.
How a Therapist Can Help
Therapy provides a safe, unbiased place for you to “blow off steam” and share your unfiltered thoughts and feelings. While you may not want to yell at your therapist, you can share how you are really feeling and be honest about the anger that you are experiencing. Finding the right therapist will help ensure that you feel safe as you learn how to manage anger issues and repair the damage of uncontrolled anger. Using an online therapist directory is an easy way to search for individual, group, and couples counselors.
Individual therapists will work with you one-on-one, while a couples counselor will focus on both you and your partner(s). Couples therapy serves as a nonjudgmental place for all parties involved to share their thoughts and opinions. Group therapy is another form of support where you can hear how other people have handled similar situations to yours. It also allows you the opportunity to share your story and give your own insights on what could be helpful for someone else.
Final Thoughts
While learning how to manage your emotions and practice anger management tools can be challenging, doing so will help you maintain and improve your relationships. Remind yourself that anger issues can affect anyone, so be sure to seek help if you feel like your anger is out of control.
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