Narcissism is characterized by a lack of empathy for others, an inflated sense of self-importance, an intense need for attention or admiration, and a prevailing quest for control. Individuals exhibiting narcissism or diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder often manipulate or exploit the people around them, so much so that cutting ties or removing oneself from the relationship may be the only healthy solution.
However, there are resources available to help people navigate their relationship with a narcissist whether they choose to extricate themselves or remain involved. Many of these solutions involve managing expectations, establishing boundaries, and maintaining a healthy emotional distance.
The following list of books on narcissism are helpful for anyone who needs guidance in dealing with a narcissist, whether they’re in a romantic, business-based, or familial relationship. Though it is considered uncommon for a high-level narcissist to participate in self-help, there are also resources for anyone who is exhibiting the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and dealing with the consequences of their actions.
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General Books for Dealing With Narcissists
Regardless of where you are interacting with a narcissist, these books may be helpful in learning the issues regarding narcissism and how to deal with and disarm a narcissist in any situation.
1. Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed
If you have a narcissist in your life—whether they’re an acquaintance, coworker, or loved-one—you know that ignoring them is not a viable option. Typically, you need to communicate or cut them off. So, if you’re determined to keep this person in your life, you need to learn new strategies.
Author Wendy Behary uses her experience as a clinician and a scholar to show readers specific ways to tap into their innate strengths—compassion, empathy, and communication—to relate and converse with someone who lacks those very same traits. You’ll learn more about how they experience the world and how to anticipate or avoid certain behaviors. Most importantly, you’ll learn how to set limits and draw the line on unacceptable behaviors.
2. Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry
While there are many types of emotional vampires covered in this book—antisocial, histrionic, narcissists, obsessive-compulsives, and paranoids—clinical psychologist Dr. Al Bernstein excels at showing readers different methods of identifying and distinguishing between them.
Berstein gives you the material you require to cope with narcissists before they drain you of your energy and well-being. Interestingly, he uses real-life examples like news pulled from the latest headlines to help readers deepen their understanding of what narcissists and other emotional vampires look like in action.
3. Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism
Clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss expertly shows readers how to handle someone who can’t understand the give-and-take of a healthy relationship. Moving through what she calls the “seven deadly sins of narcissism,” Hotchkiss covers trademark behaviors, including exploitation, magical thinking, envy, and lack of boundaries.
Going beyond description and definition, Hotchkiss describes why, despite all of these “bad” behaviors, some people are drawn to narcissists, and gives advice for breaking these unhealthy, sometimes insidious, bonds.
4. How to Handle a Narcissist: Understanding and Dealing with a Range of Narcissistic Personalities
This determinedly objective guide describes concrete steps you can take to disengage from damaging narcissistic behavior, which doesn’t necessarily require you to cut ties with the person altogether. Author Theresa Jackson covers the span of the narcissistic scale or spectrum, covering things like gas-lighting, manipulation, and verbal abuse.
Jackson says her ultimate goal in writing How to Handle a Narcissist was to “avoid tapping into the usual stigma and negative rhetoric around narcissists, to provide the reader with greater insight and understanding, without bolstering their anger or pain.”
For Those Dealing With Narcissism in a Relationship
Coping with narcissism in a relationship can be devastating. The following books may be helpful in figuring out the best tools and plans for dealing with a narcissist in this situation.
5. Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, Recover, and Move On
In Narcissistic Lovers, co-authors Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble focus exclusively on individuals with narcissistic personality disorder who don’t wish to change or are incapable of doing so. As such, the goal of this book is to help readers leave the toxic relationship.
Zayn and Dibble write that, “if you find yourself jumping through hoops to please your partner on a daily basis, chances are something is not right.” Drawing on research and interviews with people who have been in similar relationships, they help victims recognize the severity of their situation and offer hope for healing.
6. Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist In Your Life
Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life gives support to anyone in a relationship with a narcissist as well as a plan to free yourself from their high-level narcissistic behavior. Linda Martinez-Lewi writes about regaining peace, balance, and well-being, while combining clinical analysis with the psychological profiles of famous supposed narcissists like Picasso, Frank Lloyd Wright, and Ayn Rand.
As a psychologist, Martinez-Lewi understands how draining a high level narcissist can be, and how liberating it can feel to walk away.
7. The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family
This book uses ongoing metaphorical references to The Wizard of OZ, providing readers with memorable tools they can use to identify a narcissist and heal from the effects of their specific destructive behaviors. Just like the Wizard, many narcissists are people in power, including elected officials, but sometimes they’re much closer to home.
Regardless of the nature of your relationship with a narcissist—spouse, co-worker, friend, or parent —you need to protect yourself from manipulation, exploitation, and deceit. Author Eleanor Payson writes without judgement on a difficult topic, serving up self-help without resentment.
8. The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse
Are you in a relationship with a covert narcissist? Debbie Mirza’s book explores this particularly challenging situation, providing a checklist of behaviors you should look out for if you’re feeling unsure. It also defines the difference between an overt and covert narcissist and the techniques they use to exert control over people in their sphere of influence.
There is also a chapter on healing, and how to proceed if you choose to break free from your current relationship, recognizing that you still have emotional work to do even once they’re gone.
For Those With Narcissistic Parents
If you grew up with narcissistic parents, you may still be dealing with the baggage of what you experienced. Healing from the emotional trauma of having a narcissistic parent is not easy, but here are some books that may be a good starting point.
9. Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self
This book by Elan Golomb is more rooted in memoir than self-help, and while some readers find certain sections to be dated, its ultimate purpose—to make people feel less alone—is completed. She draws on a dark but relatable belief shared by many children of narcissistic parents—that they do not have the right to exist.
Though the personal narrative is by the far the strongest element, Golomb also blends a series of case studies in an effort to expose the mysteries of narcissistic personality disorder. Specifically, she dives into topics such as relationship “reruns,” childhood stress, and how to heal the traumatized self.
10. Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
As it’s title implies, this book looks at the unique relationship between daughters and their narcissistic mothers. Historically, some women have struggled to validate their needs before the needs of others, and this tendency is often made worse if they were brought up by a narcissist.
Author Karyl McBride, a licensed marriage and family therapist, assists readers in their battle to reclaim their lives. Readers may be suffering from feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and fear that leave them unable to form healthy relationships, but McBride’s work shows them how to recognize their trauma, construct a plan to break old patterns, and take back control.
11. Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up’s Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents
Author Nina W. Brown lays out concise definitions of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder to help readers understand the extent of their parents’ issues. It delves into different types of destructive behaviors, and how to recognize the effect they had on you and your ability to form relationships as an adult.
Brown suggests the creation of realistic strategies and a step-by-step approach to resolving conflict and maintaining a relationship with narcissistic parents. It helps you moderate the damaging impact of your uniquely challenging upbringing.
12. The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment
This innovative book suggests that being raised by a narcissist is actually the emotional equivalent to be raised by an alcoholic. It presents a new therapeutic model for treating adults who suffered at the hands of emotional abusive or neglectful parents.
Authors Stephanie Donaldson and Robert Pressman outline a handful of clinical examples to illustrate the best path forward for individuals who never learned how to recognize or meet their own needs. Although it was originally written for psychologists, readers use words like “accessible” and “germaine” to describe its contents.
13. Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect
In this engaging read by psychologist Jonice Webb, readers learn more about what it means to have been raised by narcissistic parents. She writes that if your parents displayed certains kinds of tendencies, then you’re at risk of either developing the same behaviors they modeled or enabling that kind of behavior in your own relationships. Remember though, you are not alone in this struggle.
The world is full of people who have experienced and are still dealing with the effects of emotional neglect in their childhood—people who feel like something is missing. Running on Empty gives clear steps on how to heal from the trauma of your past.
For Those Dealing With a Narcissist in the Workplace
It is important to recognize the key characteristics of a narcissist in the workplace, and these books outline what to watch for, as well as give you a plan for moving forward.
14. Working with the Self-Absorbed: How to Handle Narcissistic Personalities on the Job
Due, in part, to their charisma and charm, many narcissists become business and political leaders. It’s easy to be fooled into complacency at first, but ultimately, they may try to take advantage of you and become extremely difficult to work with. If you’re stuck, you need to establish boundaries as well as a “separate-but-equal” work environment.
Working with the Self-Absorbed covers the “how,” but the “when” is entirely up to you.
15. Narcissism at Work: Personality Disorders of Corporate Leaders
Not only does this book help readers recognize the characteristics of a narcissist in business, management, and politics, it also offers a run-down on specific coping skills. This is a resource for individual employees, human resource managers, organizational leaders, and psychologists.
Author Marie-Line Germain pays close attention to how variables like personal productivity, well-being, and motivation can factor into how toxic work relationships play out and impact the organization as a whole.
For Those Dealing With Narcissism Themselves
If you recognize narcissistic tendencies within yourself, this book may be a helpful tool for learning more about how to cope with narcissism in various scenarios.
16. Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited
This book is written from the perspective of a self-proclaimed narcissist, Sam Vaknin. It’s an interesting, behind-the-scenes look at the so-called “making of a narcissist” that could resonate both with narcissists and the people under their influence.
Vaknin covers a variety of topics and settings where a narcissist might try to exert their manipulative power, including the Church, politics, and the community at large. Whether you know a narcissist or are one, this book aims to teach coping methods that will ultimately protect you and the people around you.
