While there is no set of rules for being a better husband, as it will ultimately depend on what the people in the relationship desire and expect from each other, there are basics in relationships that can help build and maintain a healthy partnership. These include being honest with your partner, true to yourself, and communicating your needs and expectations.
Becoming a better husband–and a better version of yourself–begins with assessing your behaviors and being mindful of whether you are being a good partner. Once you feel like you cannot be honest with your partner about your desires, capabilities, and expectations, you may begin to feel disconnected from the relationship, which can lead to you being a less-than-ideal partner. It is important to know that no relationship is perfect, and people should always strive to improve upon their performance as a partner and keep themselves accountable.
Here are 21 tips on how to be a better husband:
1. Actually Listen to Your Partner
Listening is one of the most important parts of a relationship to show your partner that you care. When you make eye contact and be present with your partner, it shows them you are giving them the time and attention they deserve. To demonstrate you are listening, repeat the words they say to validate their feelings. You can say phrases such as, “I hear you saying…”, or “It sounds like you are feeling…”. This can help prevent you from misunderstanding what your partner is saying. If they’re telling a story, make sure you ask questions to show that you care about what they are saying.This helps to make you a better husband by showing your partner that what they have to say matters to you.
2. Learn How to Deal with Conflict in a Healthy Way
While conflict can understandably lead to tension and high emotionality, it is important that you remain respectful during these times and work with your partner to find a solution through healthy communication and compromise.
In order to be a better husband, you should take accountability for your actions and recognize your role in situations. This effort shows your partner that you are willing to find a better way through difficult times. Practicing healthier ways to resolve conflict, such as using “I” statements and validating your partner will make it easier to handle these events as they happen.
3. Try to Keep Intimacy Alive
Regular sex and intimacy can help promote a healthy relationship, so if you are in a sexless marriage and you or your partner no longer have a desire for sex so that you can identify ways to revive your sex life. Keeping intimacy alive allows you and your partner to feel connected in a fun new way. Think about what you each want to incorporate and be open to trying new things together. As long as you both consent to trying something together, you can use this as a way to bring more intimacy into your relationship.
Some things that you can do to keep intimacy alive are:
- Play games that initiate touch and intimacy
- Try new positions
- Watch porn together
- Role-playing
- Using sex toys
Trying new ways to be intimate with each other can enhance positive feelings and improve the intimacy you have together. Sex is an important part of marriage, and engaging in situations like this can help you become a better husband by showing your partner you are open, trusting, and willing to explore with them in a safe environment.
4. Avoid Resentment
Resentment can be incredibly detrimental in a relationship, as it harbors negativity towards your partner and relationship. To avoid resentment, it is important that you and your partner maintain healthy communication and bring problems to the table as they come up. To be a better husband or partner, it is crucial that you resolve issues before you begin to harbor and express an abundance of negative feelings, such as the four horsemen of the (relationship) apocalypse.
5. Spend Quality Time Together
Spending quality time together helps to make you a better husband by increasing your bond and solidifying the foundation of your relationship. Quality time can be any time you and your partner choose to do something you enjoy together. This can be going to the gym, watching a show or movie, doing chores together, or having a date. By creating more moments together, you can avoid feeling alone in your marriage.
6. Focus on the Positive
When you keep your mindset focused on the positive aspects of your relationship, you act more positively towards it. Being more positive makes you a better husband as it typically leads to feelings of gratitude and appreciation. A common way of doing this is writing down positive thoughts and emotions in either a couples journal, compliment jar, post-it notes, or text message.
It is important that you share what you write down with your partner so they can remain aware of your feelings and share in the positivity with you. Maintaining a positive perspective of your partner and relationship may allow you to use more praise and recognize when your partner does something that you like. This helps to make you a better husband as it allows your partner to see that you are being grateful for even the small and simple acts of love.
7. Have Regular “Check-Ins”
If you have ever questioned how your partner feels about you, or if your partner tends to be anxious or insecure about your feelings, you may benefit from regular check-ins to evaluate your behaviors as individuals. Check-ins allow you to each ask each other how the other feels and if they need anything from you.
During a check-in, you can ask things like:
- How am I doing this week to meet your needs and expectations?
- Is there anything you would like from me more this week?
- What can I do to make you feel more connected to me?”
Scheduling regular check-ins helps you to be a better husband by staying self-aware of your role in the relationship and shows your partner you care and want to put in the work to make any necessary changes. It also allows you to be open and honest with your partner about your needs, which is also important.
8. Schedule More Dates
If you are at a place in your relationship where you feel you have become stuck in a routine and think you and your partner would benefit from more time together, start scheduling more dates. This can help you to be a better husband by showing your partner that you value and appreciate the time you spend with them.
You can send little notes or text to your partner asking them to go out with you and plan some alone time together. Unlike quality time, dates should have more effort–maybe it is something only one of you likes, like going to the theater, a concert, a fancy restaurant–and should feel special to you and your partner.
9. Be a Reliable Partner
Having someone you can rely on is important, and being that reliable person is just as important for your relationship. Being reliable means being consistent with good behaviors and following through on your promises, which in turn shows you are stable and trustworthy. Even little acts, such as being more available during the day, can help your partner know that you are there no matter what. Showing your partner you will do what you say makes you a better husband.
10. Be Trustworthy
Trust is one of the most important, foundational aspects of relationships, so being able to trust your partner is especially helpful in building a stronger bond. It is common for people to have trust issues, either from problems in the current relationship or previous trust-related trauma, but it is important to address those right away so that you can build–or rebuild–a more solid foundation. Being open and vulnerable makes you a better husband as this can be a sign that you are trustworthy.
Despite past relationship trauma, including infidelity PTSD, it is important that you also trust your partner and believe your current partner has the best of intentions. Showing, expressing, and practicing open and honest communication are major components of trust on both sides.
11. Work as a Team
Working as a team shows your partner that you have their back even when you may not agree with them. Having a partner that supports you in any challenge helps you feel more secure in your relationship. Working together to compromise makes you a better husband as you show you are able to see your partner’s perspective and consider it in your decision making. It also helps your partner feel more supported and comfortable in the relationship.
12. Be Respectful to Each Other
Treat your partner how you would want to be treated: with respect. This can be difficult in times of conflict, but staying self-aware of your emotions and treating your partner with kindness regardless of any negative feelings in the more difficult situations makes you a better husband.
If you have any stress or anxiety that is being triggered within the relationship, you may be projecting those anxious thoughts or insecurities onto your partner. Stay mindful of how you feel so you can be aware of how you treat your partner.
13. Minimize Your Jealous Thoughts
Feelings of jealousy can be normal in relationships, but minimizing or avoiding any jealous thoughts that arise helps you remain in the present moment of reality. If you have questions, simply asking your partner for clarification can help clear assumptions. When you listen and allow your partner to explain, you reduce the risk of creating your own negative judgements. Identifying the reasons behind your jealous thoughts and working to control them can help you to think clearly and rationally about your relationship.
14. Show Your Vulnerable Side
Sharing intimate details can be scary; however, vulnerability shows that you trust your partner to share your deep thoughts. Being vulnerable frequently with your partner can make you feel more comfortable with them. Once you see that your partner accepts you for you and your vulnerabilities, you become more united. Having a more vulnerable side to you makes you a better husband by showing your partner that you are emotionally available, confident in being genuine, and putting in effort.
15. Take Time to Laugh
Laughter and humor are beneficial to our wellbeing, and being silly and laughing with your partner can help you let down your guard and connect on a deeper level. Laughter can make your partner more attracted to you and can help ease tension. This makes you a better husband by providing a break from negativity and showing that you are dedicated to forming positive memories. If you find yourself in a difficult space with your partner, taking time to laugh can help resolve conflict.
16. Be Patient
Practicing patience in your relationship by making an effort to avoid making hurtful comments or behaviors makes you a better husband. Taking a step back to breathe before you react allows you to think about what you want your partner to understand and form your thoughts in a calmer way, from a place of logic. Engaging in the self-awareness and emotional control required to be patient more often gets you in the habit of slowing down and avoiding negative automatic responses.
17. Have Confidence
Being confident in your relationship and yourself makes you a better husband, as it allows you to embrace and share more openly with your partner. Confidence reflects that you are secure in yourself and your relationship, which also allows your partner to feel more stable and secure in your strong foundation. There are many ways to build confidence, but sharing positive affirmations about yourself and your partner is one way to help you to feel more self-assured.
18. Give Each Other Space
Each person in a relationship should be able to have some personal time to develop themselves individually. While there is a misconception that a good relationship means you spend all your time together, when you have time for yourself, you feel more appreciative for your partner and the time you spend together. If you give your partner that respect of having alone time when they want it, it helps you and your partner to reset and give them a better version of yourself. It is also important to ask your partner for some alone time when you need it. This shows each of you that you are secure in your relationship and trust and value their time and needs.
19. Learn to Compromise
Compromising in a relationship is not always easy and can take practice. It may be helpful to sit and discuss each partner’s expectations at a time when there are no conflicts in the relationship. Then, you can each express what certain situations would look like to each of you and discuss a compromise that fits your needs together. Learning to meet halfway makes you a better husband by being more flexible and showing your partner you are willing to meet their needs.
20. Commit to Putting the Effort In
A relationship is work, and you have to be committed to putting in your effort each day. It is normal to feel off some days and disagree with your partner, but commitment is about making choices to invest in a relationship.1 If you intend to put effort towards your relationship, you can show this by engaging in healthy communication and conflict resolution, praising your partner, and potentially getting outside help, like therapy, if needed.1
21. Create Healthy Boundaries
Creating healthy boundaries in your relationship allows each partner to know what to expect from the other. Setting clear rules and limitations is important, as it sets the boundaries for your personal space and time as well. Setting boundaries can help make you a better husband by giving you guidance for what your partner needs and expects from you.
How Therapy Can Help
Couples therapy can help you to become a better husband by teaching you strategies for how to better communicate what you want in your relationship and clarify expectations, assumptions, and sensitives about you and your partner.2 It is a healthy outlet to identify any behaviors that you may want to change or learn and understand behaviors that may trigger you in relationships. Therapy helps each partner to identify, understand, and examine detrimental or unhelpful patterns in your relationship. 2 You and your partner can use this as an outlet together for relationship self-care.
Some of the benefits of learning how to tell the truth about yourself in therapy include:2
- Appreciation of oneself and another
- Feeling more trusting and trustworthy
- Feeling more secure
- Fewer worries
- Increased mutual respect and cooperation with another person
You may also go to individual therapy if negative patterns have stretched across different relationships. Therapy is a time when you are vulnerable and open up with the help from a professional. You can compare therapy costs online and use an online directory to find a therapist that fits your needs. You can find marriage counselors that provide telehealth options as well.
Final Thoughts
Wanting to be a better husband is great; therefore, your efforts to do so should be genuine. To be a good husband, it is important that you put in the work and become self-aware of your reactions, communication style, and expectations. This will help you be more considerate to your partner, and it will help your partner be more considerate towards you. In order to improve yourself, you have to want to be a better version of yourself and have good intentions for wanting to do so. Remember that there is no perfect person or relationship, but practicing positive behaviors each day will help you to connect and grow closer to one another. If you feel you may need more guidance, seek professional counseling to gain more insight into how you can improve as a husband.
For Further Reading
- Assignment: Turning Towards – Gottman Institute
- About Marriage and Family Therapists -AAMFT
- Couple’s Gratitude Journal
- Mental Health America
- Support Groups -NAMI
- MentalHealth.gov
How to Be a Better Husband Infographics
